I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Archive for September, 2011
Obama Says America Has Gone Soft
Sep 30th
I think he’s right. Our President used to ride mountain bikes. Now he rides girl bikes with a sissy helmet.
The real reason America is going “soft?” Check out the boner killer in chief:
(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6)
Loading ...Longest Episode of Punk’d Finally Comes to an End
Sep 30th
According to our favorite Taiwanese Animators.
I love the cougar attack.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...I Love Guys on Buffalos Who Give Indians What Fer
Sep 29th
Adam Savage from MythBusters tweeted this awesome video.
I would watch this as a TV show over any other reality series. Get right on that, CBS.
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World Breathes Sigh of Relief as Chavez Dies of Cancer
Sep 29th
Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez died today as a result of a his inability to fight off cancer. The notorious leftist thug left his country in financial ruins and the world is a happier place.
Well, that is the story that will hopefully be announced around the world as soon as Chavez’s rotted guts finish being consumed by cancer. He was rushed to the hospital with kidney failure. Such good news almost makes me feel like going out to 7-11 to buy some Citgo gas. Maybe when he’s dead I’ll celebrate with a tankful. thanks to Ed of RightRant for the tip!
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The Boston Redsox Tasty Meltdown
Sep 29th
Im not a huge baseball fan. I’m a fan of pubs, however. They play baseball on the TVs in pubs, and baseball fans go there to watch the game and drink beer. As a huge fan of pubs, the only thing more annoying than a die-hard Yankees fan is a Redsox fan. Hearing that they completely choked and even lost to the Baltimore Orioles makes me want to taste the tears of sorrow of every Redsox fan, but I won’t because those fans are stupid, talk funny, and probably have blood-borne illnesses, so keep those tears away from me, thankyouverymuch.
Twitter has been a hoot today too as everyone is either crying or laughing at the BoSox collapse. Dennis Leary hilariously tweeted:
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Fatty Idiot Vampire in Florida
Sep 29th
Meet Stephanie Pistey. This fat idiot thinks she is part vampire and part werewolf. She is going to rot in jail for the rest of her life because she murdered an ex-boyfriend and drank his blood. She is happy with her life behind bars because she gets to watch reruns of Twilight on the prison TV. And she must be team Edward because the boy she killed was named Jacob.
From the MailOnline here:
A Florida teen at the centre of a gruesome murder case has revealed her possible bloodlust brought on by the fact she’s a vampire and werewolf.
Stephanie Pistey, 18, is charged with accessory to murder in the death of 16-year-old Jacob Hendershot. Hendershot was missing for weeks before his naked body was discovered in a storm drain in the town of Parker last month.
Cops said he was killed by Miss Pistey’s fiancé and others after she claimed Hendershot raped her.
Cracking a smile, she said: ‘I know this is going to be crazy. But I believe I’m a vampire – part vampire and part werewolf, so it’s not really a cult, it’s more just like my personality.’
On August 20, days after changing her relationship status to ‘engaged,’ she posted: ‘Yea were merryied and hes going to die hes the one that killed jacob hendershot well i let him i wanted the blood.’
She claimed her account had been hacked.
This fat Florida bitch is so white trash she was even arrested wearing a wolf tshirt. I kid you not.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...New Golden Tee is Here!
Sep 28th
Monday was Golden Tee Ship Day. Upgrades to the Golden Tee platform was shipped to distributors and owners across the country. This photo from the GoldenTee blog shows what shipping day looks like at the GTG warehouse.
And yesterday some games were upgraded in my neighborhood. And this shot below, while not spectacular, is my first hole-out on the new courses.
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Best New Kids’ Games: CSI
Sep 26th
I used to only play tag, hide and seek and on special occasion, Red Rover. Now all the cool kids are playing a special game called “CSI” and the winner gets to have big sis’ room.
From NYDailyNews here:
An 11-year-old girl in Indiana accidentally shot her 14-year-old sister in the head with a shotgun while “playing CSI,” authorities said Sunday.
The incident occurred Saturday morning while the two siblings were home alone, according to the Logansport Pharos-Tribune. The older sibling survived and is hospitalized, but her condition was not released.
The pellets from the “20-gauge shotgun” passed through a door jam before striking the 14-year-old. This likely caused the injuries to be less severe.
Just like in CSI, the game involves lying to the investigators until the forensics teams sends the kids to live with foster parents.
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Vick Keeps Getting Banged Up
Sep 26th
First he got a concussion and now he has a severely bruised hand. And the Eagles keep losing, which is always a good thing. When asked for a comment, one of Vick’s former pets had this to say:
And Vick is whining that the refs aren’t treating him like other quarterbacks, allowing him to take late hits without penalizing the defense. LOL
From PhillyBurbs here:
Michael Vick repeatedly blamed the officials for continuing to allow opposing defenders to hit him late.
Vick also repeatedly insisted he doesn’t blame the officials for the broken right hand that happened on what he said was a late hit in the third quarter of Sunday’s 29-16 loss to the Giants at Lincoln Financial Field.
Hope Philly is getting all their millions dollars money worth from Vick’s contract. Couldn’t happen to a nicer city. When I heard that his hand was broken, I tweeted:
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Pepper Spraying Hippie Chicks
Sep 25th
This is awesome. Apparently the day of rage continues (who knew?) and a bunch of hippie chicks allowed their cycles to synch up during a march on to find a better tampon or something. The only solution is to round them up and cover up the smell of patchouli oil with cayenne pepper spray.
I’d love to set my ringtone to be the voice of a wailing hippie chick.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Alpaca Kisses at the Reston Zoo
Sep 24th
This young alpaca has been hand fed since birth and she is very friendly. Unlike the goats and sheep in the barnyard area of the Reston Zoo, this alpaca doesn’t want to eat the feed pellets. It just wants affection.
And is it soft? This critter is a fluffy pillow with feet.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Africa is Hell on Earth: Kenyan Firefighters are teh Fail
Sep 23rd
Meanwhile, back in Obama’s hometown of “Kiddie Kiddie Kiambu Kenya,” his kinsmen struggle to put out a three story apartment fire. The first firetruck didn’t have enough water. The second firetruck pumped a little water and then the firetruck just burst into flames.
Dang, I can’t help but hear the theme to the Three Stooges while I watch this.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Final HoleOut on Golden Tee 2011
Sep 23rd
The New Golden Tee 2012 courses ship on Monday, so this is likely my last great shot of the 2011 season. This is my second shot on Alpine Run’s 5th Hole par 5. I had a great lie after a long slice and was looking at 330 yards to the pin. I used my driver with some forward roll and crushed it.
This was the best shot in an otherwise lackluster game, but my longest hole out in quite a while.
(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...The Taiwanese Say: Jesse Jackson Craved Gay Sex From Staffer
Sep 22nd
Now I know why Jesse Jackson calls his professional “shakedown” outfit “Rainbow Push.” A Rainbow Push is how you evacuate a bloody inseminated stools- just ask any bottom. But push too hard, you wind up with a pink sock. Maybe that’s how victims of Jesse Jackson’s racial shakedown operations feel?
That staffer sure doesn’t seem to be asking for very much. He should up his claim to at least 10 million bucks.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Jamey Rodemeyer Confirms: It Only Gets Better With Suicide
Sep 22nd
Jamey Rodemeyer became an hero last Monday, killing himself in front of his house because, despite participating in the hilarious “It Gets Better Project,” Jamey thought the only way his life could get better is to become wormfood. So he commited a public hate crime and killed a gay boy on his parents’ front lawn.
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I don’t know who this Lady Gaga fella is, but I might go out and get one of his records if whiny kids are killing themselves over it.
Jamey Rodemeyer had plenty of support in his life- Both parents were around but working, and Jamey was seeing a psychologist as well as a social worker and had apparently had suicidal tendencies since 5th grade.
From Today.com here:
Suicide and bullying, however, seemed to remain at the forefront of Jamey’s mind and in his writing, and and on Sept. 8 he posted online about Suicide Prevention Week (Sept. 4-10). “No one in my school cares about preventing suicide, while you’re the ones calling me [gay slur] and tearing me down.”
“I always say how bullied I am, but no one listens,” he wrote the following day. “What do I have to do so people will listen to me?”
Both his family and friends were aware of Jamey’s suicidal thoughts for some time, his mother told the Buffalo News. “He was totally against bullying,” she said. “He has had issues since fifth grade. He had suicidal tendencies back then.” She says her son was in the care of both a therapist and a social worker.
So a mentally ill child who had been attempting or thinking about suicide since 5th grade is suddenly dead because of intolerant people? Puh-Leeeze. Jamey was probably sexually assaulted and simply never told anyone who it was, blaming himself for the assault. And the social workers and therapists probably thought he was just a confused gay kid rather than a victim of a violent act. Maybe Lady Gaga will dedicate a song to the dead kid. Then it will get better, right?
To Moms and Dads out there who have a kid getting on the Internet, writing about suicide and being gay, how about taking internet access away from the kid? How about staying at home instead of working so your distraught kid has someone to talk to in the afternoon instead of offing himself on the front lawn? Just an idea.
(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Troy Davis Was Executed: Let’s Dance in the Streets!
Sep 22nd
At least Georgia knows how to put down cop killers. Yet Mumia still, somehow, inexplicably, lives. In the mean time, let’s dance!
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...1 AM Music: Army Navy – “Ode To Janice Melt”
Sep 21st
A great song, catchy tune and a really bizarre video featuring a love affair between a dude and his right hand. Look for Big Bang’s Simon Helber to make a cameo!
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Butterfly Friend
Sep 21st
I’m still catching up with personal photos from this past week. Thought I’d share this one. The family went out apple picking and then stopped by a winery in the Virginia Appalachians this past weekend. Naked Mountain Winery was spectacular, and a good time was had by all.
Cartney encountered a lacewing moth and there were several photos taken that highlighted his sense of youthful wonder and snotty collar (school just started for him), and he really enjoyed the visit from his butterfly buddy. I don’t think the little insect survived his encounter, however.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Busted Toe
Sep 21st
My wonderful wife has only a couple of minor flaws. The worst of these is that she doesn’t have complete knowledge of where her outlines are. The second is that she would rather be barefoot than wear sensible shoes. The combination of these two flaws sometimes leads to catastrophic results.
Thus she somehow tried to punt our steel framed porch swing.
Anyone else think I might have to take this little piggy off with a carving knife?
(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...
