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Posts tagged florida
Cannon-Balling the Downsy Dolphin
May 22nd
Two jackasses in Florida could be facing Federal charges for messing with the downsiest of dolphins, the beloved ass-faced manatee.
From Breitbart here:
Three men could face federal wildlife abuse charges after a video showed a man jumping onto two manatees in a South Florida canal, officials say.
The video, posted on Facebook and YouTube, was recorded a year ago in a Cocoa Beach neighborhood. The Orlando Sentinel reported Tuesday.
A man and two friends are shown in the video luring an adult manatee and a calf close to a dock with fresh water from a hose.
The adult manatee is jumped on by one of the men cannonball-style. The calf is almost hit too. The manatees try to swim away as the men laugh and the diver swims back to the dock.
Federal manatee harassment charges are expected to be filed against the men, say investigators with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service.
Dumbasses. Hope the penalty is expensive.
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Loading ...Blame it On My Mucous Trail BABY!
Apr 15th
Rat-sized, disease-spreading, stucco-chewing giant land snails have invaded Florida. For occasions such as this, I have to repost this awesome song:
From FoxNews here:
South Florida residents are being warned to be on the lookout for one of the world’s most destructive invasive species: the giant African land snail, which can grow as big as a rat.
The huge mollusks were first spotted in Florida in 2011, and their numbers are growing. More than 1,000 are being caught each week in Miami-Dade County and more will continue to emerge from hibernation in the coming weeks.
The snails can gnaw through stucco and plastic, and attack “over 500 known species of plants … pretty much anything that’s in their path and green,” said Denise Feiber, a spokeswoman for the Florida Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services.
In some Caribbean countries, such as Barbados, which are overrun with the creatures, the snails’ shells blow out tires on the highway and turn into hurling projectiles from lawnmower blades, while their slime and excrement coat walls and pavement.
“It becomes a slick mess,” Feiber said
A typical snail can produce about 1,200 eggs a year and the creatures are a particular pest in homes because of their fondness for stucco, devoured for the calcium content they need for their shells.
The snails also carry a parasitic rat lungworm that can cause illness in humans, including a form of meningitis
Snails are hermaphrodites. They have both sex organs, but they do require a mate to procreate. I think you can still trap them with pools of beer, but I don’t know about wasting a 40 of Old English 800 for giant snails- maybe some PBR- which come to think of it, also traps annoying Hipsters. I wonder if Hipsters shrivel when you throw salt on them?
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Orange County Installs Lifts on Ambulances to Haul Fatties
Mar 29th
Why you so fat, Orange County? The number of 600 pound fatties have gone way up, ashad the number of ambulance drivers callin in sick with strained backs. So now ambulances have a lift gate on the back to get those huge diabetic fatties into the hospitals.
@drudge_report Great news………..I’ll be waiting for my ride! twitter.com/jon_addis/stat…
— Jon Addis (@jon_addis) March 29, 2013
From CBS here:
The Orange County Fire and Rescue spends tens of thousands of dollars for an ambulance to transport patients that weigh up to 1,100 pounds.
Central Florida News 13 reports that the ambulance was purchased after emergency responders had to transport at least two dozen patients who weighed more than 500 pounds last year.
“With some of these morbidly obese patients, we have to send more firefighters just to lift and to move the patient. So once they’re in and we get them to the hospital, someone has to be at the hospital to unload them,” one Orange County fire official told News 13. “That’s pulling a lot of resources from emergency calls just to do that.”
The twitter responses to Drudge’s tweet made me LOL.
Finally! “@drudge_report: County installs lift-gate on ambulance to haul obese patients up to 1,100 lbs… drudge.tw/X1KByK”
— Jabba_The_Hutt (@JabbaThe1stHutt) March 29, 2013
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This One Time at Band Camp, We Hazed a Guy to Death
Mar 5th
Robert Champion died of internal bleeding when he was beaten to death on a school bus by his marching band mates in what is reported to be a hazing ritual. The ritual involves walking from the front of the bus to the back and getting punched by all the band members. Hazing was required because marching band is serious bizness you guys.
From WTSP here:
It was supposed to be the show-stopping performance of a lifetime by Florida A & M University’s Marching 100 in Orlando at the Florida Classic. But before it was all over, 26-year-old drum major Robert Champion was dead of internal bleeding.
Champion collapsed in November 2011 following what prosecutors say was a savage beating during a hazing ritual. It happened on a bus parked in a hotel parking lot after Florida A & M played Bethune-Cookman in their annual rivalry game.
On Monday, 12 band members were charged with manslaughter in the case. Ten band members were charged last May with third-degree felony hazing for Champion’s death.
Champion loved the band so much that his parents thought it was a fitting tribute to have them marched at his funeral. Friends and fellow band members say he loved playing the clarinet, loved being a drum major, and loved being a Rattler.
Obama should put a stop to assault trombones. Seriously, if it would save just one life, he has the duty to try.
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Pot Zombie Attacks Florida Family
Jan 23rd
Another pot zombie was recently captured by the cops. At least no one was seriously hurt, unless you count the pot zombie himself, who was tazed by the cops. Greg Bruni got high on something, crawled atop the roof of a neighbor, attacked him, jerked off in front of him, rubbed his naked body on the clothes in the bedroom, and barely avoided getting shot by the homeowner.
From DailyMail here:
A Florida homeowner’s desperate 911 call reveals the moment a naked home invader broke into his family’s home before pleasuring himself on the floor and defecating throughout the house.
‘He dropped off my roof and ran right into my house!’ the terrified owner told police dispatch in North Fort Myers. ‘I don’t know who the Hell he is – he’s naked and he’s running in my damn house!’
Gregory Matthew Bruni, 21, of Venice was Tasered into submission by police on Monday night after he stormed the home after first dropping onto the homeowner from its rooftop. Bruni allegedly next ran inside the home where the victim left his wife before pulling a 72-inch television off the wall, breaking it on the living room floor. Bruni then allegedly grabbed a wet/dry vacuum cleaner and emptied its liquid contents on the floor. Officers say he later sucked it up in his mouth.
At this moment the husband told his wife to grab a gun from a back room. When she returned she fired three shots from a .38 caliber revolver at Bruni but missed, hitting a wall instead. Possibly reacting to the shots, Bruni fell to the ground of their living room but began pleasuring himself instead of cowering.
Police say Bruni destroyed a TV and defecated in two areas of the home before they were able to apprehend him
Bruni next ran into the victim’s son’s bedroom according to the victim where he started rubbing his face into articles of clothing he found.
The homeowner then grabbed a shotgun from the master bedroom and used it to hold Bruni until police arrived.
He tried to escape police several times prompting officers to use a Taser on him to get him under control.
He was taken to Lee Memorial Hospital where doctors were unable to immediately identify ‘what Bruni was on,’
Even money says its bath salts again. The homeowner should have shot him with his shotgun.
(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Messing With the Tarpon is a South Florida Tradition
Jan 14th
Tarpons are huge. They congregate around any fishing dock waiting for anglers to come back and clean their fish. Guts, heads and other undesirable parts of the catch are carved off and tossed into the waters to allow the tarpons and occasional pelican to fight for the scraps. Some can grow as big as six feet, and if they jump under a dock while you are standing on it, they can sometimes knock you off your feet. Here’s Billy playing with the tarpon the way rednecks do it.
Note how after the tarpon first latches on, Billy hooks his other arm through the gill slit using himself as a human gaff hook to pull the animal onto the dock. And yes, those things have teeth, and it looks like Billy was already bleeding before he caught this huge beast.
(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...
Reason 149 to Homeschool: Rapist Teacher Won’t Fake Teenage Sleepovers
Nov 15th
Meet Danielle Reed. She’s not too pretty, and after spending a small fortune on a college degree to become a teacher, she went back to high school to fulfill her dreams of being wanted by any boy in High School. She seduced a child and told the child’s parents that she had her own teenage son at home and couldn’t they please have a sleepover? The only problem is that Danielle is only 23 and still covered in acne. Oh, and the kid blabbed about the sexual encounters, so now Danielle is in jail.
From the DailyMail here:
A high school English teacher has been charged after she had sex with a male student, authorities said.
Danielle Reed, 23, allegedly made up a teenager called ‘Josh’ and told her victim’s mother that she was bringing him to her home so the boys could have a sleepover.Reed, who taught at Atlantic Coast High School in Jacksonville, Florida was arrested on November 9 after the boy finally revealed to his mother what had happened.
The relationship reportedly ended in June after four months. Reed’s victim is believed to be a minor, aged between 12 and 18.
The teacher is believed to have driven to her student’s house to pick up the boy, where his mother allowed him to go.Gossip about the alleged affair spread around the high school via Facebook and Twitter on Friday.
Reed, who lives alone with her dog, was charged with sexual battery and bond set at $150,006.
#In9thGrade Ms. Nash’s Student teacher Ms. Reed hoe ass! Lmfaoo she use to flirt with @joebrohernandez !! #lifemade
— D. (@Uhhdarriiann) November 13, 2012
Trampy lady. Way to ruin your life so early! Enjoy registering as a sex offender.
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Florida Implements Race-Based Learning Requirements; Proclaims Blacks Stupidest Race
Oct 13th
I’m completely floored by what the Florida State Board of Education has done. They have implemented a race-based requirements for learning, setting higher expectations for Asians and Whites and very low expectations for Hispanics and Blacks. And in their liberal-minded racist outlook, they think they are being realistic and “ambitious.”
From CBS here:
The Florida State Board of Education passed a plan that sets goals for students in math and reading based upon their race.
On Tuesday, the board passed a revised strategic plan that says that by 2018, it wants 90 percent of Asian students, 88 percent of white students, 81 percent of Hispanics and 74 percent of black students to be reading at or above grade level. For math, the goals are 92 percent of Asian kids to be proficient, whites at 86 percent, Hispanics at 80 percent and blacks at 74 percent. It also measures by other groupings, such as poverty and disabilities.
The plan has infuriated many community activists in Palm Beach County and across the state.
“To expect less from one demographic and more from another is just a little off-base,” Juan Lopez, magnet coordinator at John F. Kennedy Middle School in Riviera Beach.
But the Florida Department of Education said the goals recognize that not every group is starting from the same point and are meant to be ambitious but realistic.
But Palm Beach County School Board vice-chairwoman Debra Robinson isn’t buying the rationale.
“I’m somewhere between complete and utter disgust and anger and disappointment with humanity,” Robinson told the Post. She said she has been receiving complaints from upset black and Hispanic parents since the state board took its action this week.
Ah, liberals, setting low expectations for blacks again. Remember when Democrats required blacks to pass a reading test to vote? Now they don’t even expect them to learn to read at all. They lower the bar and require less from blacks from an educational standpoint and they have the balls to call themselves compassionate. They are proclaiming that not all men are created equal because of the color of their skin. Where is the NAACP? Where is the ACLU?
UPDATE: The Florida Department of Education is majority white and majority REPUBLICAN, which makes me even more disgusted. I’d expect this of Democrats- not from Republicans.
(2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 6) Loading ...Making Daddy Proud
Aug 15th
Parenting is tough- but you at least have to try. When you refuse to even try, this is what happens:
What a good little decision maker! And WTF is up with Palm Beach? A freakin’ LOVE PSYCHIC? Sheesh.
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Stupid Teen Trips Face; Thinks He’s in Inception; Shoots Self in Head
Jul 7th
What is up with the kids taking psycho-reactive drugs? Can’t they just swipe a beer from the fridge? Steve Tilbury, below, subscribed to Obama’s policy of total absorption and nearly choomed himself to death. He ate some mushrooms and drank a mushroom tea and then had a severe psychotic episode. To cure his waking nightmare he shot himself in the head like he was in the movie Inception thinking it would wake him from his hallucinations.
From CBS here:
a teenager shot himself in the head to wake up from a magic-mushroom induced nightmare. Steve Tilbury consumed several mushrooms, then drank a tea made from them, while with friends in his home.
He fell asleep not long after his friends left. But when he awoke from his nap, he thought he was still stuck in his nightmare.
The confused teen then buried a .22-caliber bullet into his forehead. He miraculously survived, but still felt as though he was in a living dream. Tilbury tried to clean his blood off the floor, before going outside and happening upon a stranger, who took him to Florida Hospital Deland.
So Stevie here not only can’t make a good cup of tea he also has shitty aim.
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Thorin Montgomery Played Russian Roulette and Won
Jul 2nd
Ah, the big winner. Some idiotic teenager named Thorin Montgomery took himself out of the genepool in spectacular and hilarious fashion by putting bullets in a revolver and playing Russian Roulette. He went first and instantly won, leaving his friends who were with him aghast and probably amused.
From WTSP here:
A Largo teen has died from his injuries after shooting himself while playing Russian Roulette. 17-year-old Thorin Montgomery and three teenaged friends were on the back porch of his house along 111th Way North in Largo Friday night, playing with a .38 caliber revolver.
Thorin was the first of his friends to have a turn when the gun fired, shooting him in the head. He was airlifted to Bayfront Medical Center where he later died.
A neighbor says he’s surprised to hear the teens were playing such a dangerous game. “I’m shocked to find out they’re stupid enough to play that game,” said the neighbor. “Kids nowadays, with them playing with guns the way they do, there’s no reason for that.”
The only thing that would have made this more hilarious is if his friends kept right on playing.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Backyard Bear Battle
Jun 27th
Saw this over at Breitbart. Two big-ass bears slapping at each other seems kinda terrifying.
Just have to be brave.
(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Nihilist Girls Love Crime and Starbucks
May 31st
Saw this on Reddit and it led to two unbelievable YouTube videos. Stefanie Woods is well on her way to a fabulous career in stripping. First up- she and her friend brag about ripping off a girl scout’s table. Then Stef goes to jail for kidnapping and armed robbery.
And Stefanie Woods is back in the news for violating her probation.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Democrat Congresswoman Corrine Brown Steams Her Floppy Wig
Mar 31st
I gotta admit, I watch Fox News because I love the anchors and I like fair News Reporting. But Democrats famously flock to CNN because of the softball political questions from what they assume to be a friendly news staff. But if CNN starts setting up racist Congresswomen like this more often, I might have to watch more CNN. We’ll see. Anyways, here is Corrine Brown, Democrat from Florida, going on a tirade when she is framed as being a racist who only cares about black victims.
Where does one purchase a floopy wig like that? And below is a followup where Corrine Brown decries “bullshit” gotcha reporters.
If white people are sick, blacks have pneumonia, huh? Sounds racist to me. As a reminder to Floridians, this racist cretin is up for election this year. So do us a solid and send her packing okay?
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Reason 622 to HomeSchool: “Diversity” Teacher Won’t Fellate Your 12 Year Old
Mar 6th
Meet Ethel Anderson. She is a language teacher and won the “diversity educator” of the year award for presumably being non-white and female. She felt so good about the award it made her cock-hungry for little boys.
From the DailyMail here:
A ‘teacher of the year’ who was arrested last week for having a sexual relationship with a 12-year-old boy, was secretly recorded admitting the sexual acts they performed on each other.
Ethel Anderson, 29, who is married with a four-year-old child, performed oral sex on the young boy at her Florida home when she was tutoring him.
Anderson admitted performing sex acts on the victim and allowed him to fondle her.
Fifth grade language teacher, Ethel Anderson, 29, who is married with a young child, was hired to tutor a 12-year-old boy. Instead she had a sexual relationship with him.
Anderson faces three counts of lewd battery and two counts of lewd and lascivious molestation. She was released on Saturday on $50,000 bail.
The boy’s mother contacted the Hillsborough Sheriff’s Office after she discovered ‘inappropriate’ text messages from Anderson to her son.When police interviewed the boy, he was able to describe the teacher’s home in detail and also distinguishing stretch marks on her abdomen.
The 29-year-old was a teacher at Mango elementary where she was named diversity educator of the year for 2011. She has now been suspended from her job.
Anderson’s husband, Michael, 30, said he was shocked by his wife’s arrest.
Stretchmarks gave the pedophile away? Crappy teacher, and worse wife and mother. Hey, how many priests have molested young boys? What percentage of that is the number of teachers who have molested their kids over the past decade? I’m beginning to think that all teachers should have to register as a sex offender so we can keep them 100 yards away from any schools.
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Reason 855 to HomeSchool: Teacher Won’t Bang Your Kid in the Car
Mar 1st
Meet the latest failure in education, Stephanie Cobb. She preyed on a 16 year old boy and spent hours on the cellphone with him and sent thousands of texts to him. One day the victim started feeling suicidal because of the sexual abuse and the cops stepped in.
From the DailyMail here:
Stephanie Cobb, from Volusia County, Florida, was arrested yesterday and charged with unlawful sexual activity with a minor.
The 26-year-old resigned in December after she made a 911 call to report that a friend was sending her suicidal text messages. The anonymous call was traced to Cobb’s cell phone. She had given police the 16-year-old’s name, address and phone number, though when deputies went to the boy’s home he denied feeling suicidal.
Family members told investigators he was in a relationship and that he was ‘in over his head’.
When the teen was interviewed by police, he admitted they were in a relationship, that they had sex inside her car and said they were in love.
Phone records showed that the pair had traded more than 12,000 text messages and talked on the phone more than 500 times over four months.
Cobb was listed in his phone under ‘My Precious Angel’.
Stupid whore went to school to get a teaching degree and has already ruined her life and career before she even put a dent in her student loan payments. Hey whores, stick to stripping. Don’t get a teaching degree.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Idiot Florida Boys Die Car Surfing
Feb 6th
The tragedy of the youthful feeling of invulnerability. Lots of boys do really stupid stuff when they are young. I was no different. Somehow, despite my own foolish best efforts, I made it to my twenties a learned to chill out and stop taking stupid risks. Carlos Velazco and Hunter Perez, both 18, are dead because they stood on top of a SUV speeding 70 MPH down a Florida dirtroad.
Teen avoids jail time for fatal crash: MyFoxORLANDO.com
From the Mail here:
A court has seen a dramatic video revealing the final moments of two teenagers who died while ‘car surfing’ before the SUV overturned and burst into flames. Carlos Velazco and Hunter Perez, both 18, were clinging to the side of their 19-year-old friend Joshua Ritter’s speeding car in DeBary, Florida.
One teenager is heard saying on the video: ‘If I died, remember this is Carlos’s idea.’ Another voice on the tape says: ‘This is insane.’ Moments before their car overturned one of the teens his heard screaming: ’Whoa, Stop.’ The footage then goes blank.
Joshua Ritter, 19, was sentenced to one year of house arrest and five years’ probation.
Tosh doesn’t do web redemptions for dead idiots, at least not yet. At least they died while car surfing and not grocery cart surfing.
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Storage Wars Turn Grim: Granny Bones Up for Auction
Jan 30th
Someone just couldn’t stand to get rid of Granny after her death so they stuck her coffin in a storage locker. Her rotted bones weren’t found until some jackass ran up the bids and stuck an unsuspecting buyer with something grim.
Dave Hester Declares: "Yuuuup!!"
From WTSP here by way of DuckDuckGrayDuck:
Law enforcement in Clearwater found Bunch’s skeletal remains on Thursday inside a coffin nestled in a storage unit. Turns out the body may have been packed in there for 16 years, since shortly after Bunch died in 1994.
Before the discovery of the body, everything in the unit was going to be auctioned off because Fancher’s mother, who owned it, couldn’t afford to pay for it. The family also couldn’t afford to transport the grandmother to her final resting place in Alabama.
“[After she died], she was in a covered trailer parked by the side of the house for two or three weeks,” Fancher says.
In 2010, law enforcement in Pinellas County deemed the home where Fancher lives uninhabitable. Nearly a dozen cats were seized.
So what we have here are three TV shows mashed together: Bones, Storage Wars and Hoarders. Am I leaving a TV show out?
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Reason 128 to HomeSchool: Idiot Principal Too Stupid to Understand Sexual Assault
Nov 22nd
A really, really stupid woman named Margaret Ann Haring, Principal of Orange River Elementary School, called the cops on a girl who smooched a boy during PE class, accusing the child of a sexual assault. The cops responded and left without arresting the supposed sex offender.
From the SmokingGun here:
A sheriff’s deputy was dispatched last week to a Florida elementary school after a girl kissed a boy during a physical education class.
School brass actually reported the impromptu buss as a possible sex crime, according to the Lee County Sheriff’s Office.
The assistant principal of Orange River Elementary School called in the cops after a teacher spotted the smooch Wednesday at the Fort Myers school. In fact, Margaret Ann Haring, 56, initially called child welfare officials, who directed her to contact the sheriff.
The kiss apparently occurred after two girls debated over whom the boy liked more. That’s when one of the girls “went over and kissed” the boy. The redacted sheriff’s report notes that Haring “stated there were no new allegations of sexual abuse as far as she knew.”
Deputies do not appear to be further probing the preteen kiss.
This is what happens with all liberals and their stupid zero tolerances policies. A zero tolerance policy allows a libtard to abdicate all common sense because they are frightened to use the judgement that God game them to discern between right and wrong. I hope Margaret Haring is fired- if she can’t make simple decisions about what is and is not a sex crime, she has no ability to make more critical decisions when it comes to the welfare of children under her care.
Lee County Public Schools have experienced real sexual misconduct in the past- of course, it was on the part of the teachers. Two were busted having sex in classrooms.
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Fatty Idiot Vampire in Florida
Sep 29th
Meet Stephanie Pistey. This fat idiot thinks she is part vampire and part werewolf. She is going to rot in jail for the rest of her life because she murdered an ex-boyfriend and drank his blood. She is happy with her life behind bars because she gets to watch reruns of Twilight on the prison TV. And she must be team Edward because the boy she killed was named Jacob.
From the MailOnline here:
A Florida teen at the centre of a gruesome murder case has revealed her possible bloodlust brought on by the fact she’s a vampire and werewolf.
Stephanie Pistey, 18, is charged with accessory to murder in the death of 16-year-old Jacob Hendershot. Hendershot was missing for weeks before his naked body was discovered in a storm drain in the town of Parker last month.
Cops said he was killed by Miss Pistey’s fiancé and others after she claimed Hendershot raped her.
Cracking a smile, she said: ‘I know this is going to be crazy. But I believe I’m a vampire – part vampire and part werewolf, so it’s not really a cult, it’s more just like my personality.’
On August 20, days after changing her relationship status to ‘engaged,’ she posted: ‘Yea were merryied and hes going to die hes the one that killed jacob hendershot well i let him i wanted the blood.’
She claimed her account had been hacked.
This fat Florida bitch is so white trash she was even arrested wearing a wolf tshirt. I kid you not.
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