I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Humor
It makes me laugh
Taste the Tears: Progressives Lose Wisconsin; Declare Death of Democracy
Jun 5th
This is what a Democrat male looks like. Weeps openly on camera and hysterical rather than logical.
Seriously, this effete person needs to get the sand out of his vagina. This is what Democracy looks like, except for the bullshit recall movement in the first place. You know who else is behind the Wisconsin victory of Scott Walker? Eric Cartman. I also just heard Scott Walker say he is going to invite all of the lawmakers to the governor’s mansion for a cookout. Hope he serves the Democrats some chili.
Scott Tenorman Must Die
Get More: SOUTH
PARKmore…
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Midgets Pissed that Tall People Were Cast for Snow White Movie
Jun 5th
A prominent midget group is hopping mad over being left out of the casting call for the roles of dwarves in the new Snow White and the Huntsman movie. And to add insult to injury, the limbs of the normal sized actors were distorted by CGI, as well as their heads made to look larger.
From TMZ here:
The producers of “Snow White and the Huntsman” passed over able-bodied little people to fill the iconic roles of Snow White’s dwarfs — casting big people instead — and a prominent little people organization is pissed.
A rep for “Little People of America” tells TMZ, “This means both casting people with dwarfism as characters that were specifically written to be played by little people … and other roles that would be open to people of short stature.”
In case you didn’t know — the dwarfs in the new movie are played by normal-sized actors, whose limbs were either digitally shrunk, or whose faces were digitally transplanted onto little people’s bodies.
Seriously, they couldn’t get any midget actors? They all ain’t wrestling, ya know. Maybe midgets freak Kristen Stewart out.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Knows Who’s Convinced of the Zombie Apocolypse? Blacks in Miami
Jun 4th
Black people in Miami are terrified now of zombies due to the recent spate of cannibalism reports in the region and around the country. How this crazy white dude in the video below didn’t end up in the ER is beyond me.
And it also occurs to me that if you are a neighborhood watchman wishing to keep hoodie-wearing-skittles-munchers out of your gated community, try some zombie makeup. It might work.
Thanks to:
Zombie Prank In Miami Almost Goes Horribly Wrong bit.ly/M4TCBj #tcot
— Patrick Dollard (@PatDollard) June 4, 2012
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Casey Anthony is Selling a New Product
Jun 4th
Everyone thought Casey Anthony hauled ass from Florida and disappeared after she was found not guilty of killing her daughter, but not so! She’s been super busy creating and marketing this brand new parenting aide, and she even made this awesome late night TV commercial about it!
She’s not satisfied with just one product. Soon she will release her own brand of duct tape featuring a Care Bears print!
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Dead Kitty Chopper to Catch Flying Mice
Jun 4th
One of the more inventive uses for a dead cat is to convert it into a flying machine like Dutch artist Bart Jansen. The cat, named Orville Wright, has a fitting afterlife suitable for his namesake.
The full story is at the Daily Mail here along with a crummy video that really doesn’t show Orville doing much more than getting off the ground.
I have a cat here that I’d love to convert into a flying machine for Father’s Day. Yeah, I’m lookin’ at you Rogue!
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Richard Dawson Kisses the World Goodbye
Jun 3rd
Richard Dawson was famous for his role on Hogan’s Heroes but he was really the man who made the Family Feud an internationally renowned game show. But sometimes you’d get confused whether you were watching the Feud or the Kissing Game.
Richard Dawson, ‘Family Feud’ host and ‘Hogan’s Heroes’ star, dies at 79 – @ABC abcn.ws/KsYtNv
— Breaking News (@BreakingNews) June 3, 2012
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...CDC Denies Zombie Outbreak
Jun 2nd
The Center for Disease Control of the US Government now denies that the recent spate of deadly cannibal attacks are in fact zombies risen from the grave or recently infected from other zombie bites.
From the DailyMail here:
U.S. government says zombies are NOT real: Feds forced to deny existence of the undead after spate of bizarre flesh-munching attacks
Following several disturbing incidents involving cannibalism that have set the Internet aflutter with rumours of an impending ‘Zombie Apocalypse,’ the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has released a statement on Friday, saying that there is no cause to fear the walking dead.
‘CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms), agency spokesman David Daigle told the Huffington Post.
The CDC decided to weigh in on the zombie question in earnest following a vicious attack that happened in Miami on Saturday, when Rudy Eugene, aged 31, was shot and killed by police while devouring the face of a homeless man.
On Tuesday, Alexander Kinyua, a 21-year-old student from Maryland, admitted to murdering his roommate, Kujoe Bonsafo Agyei-Kodie, and then eating his heart and parts of his brain.
Law enforcement officials are on the hunt for Luka Rocco Magnotta, a porn actor who killed and dismembered Jun Lin, a Chinese man believed to be his lover, and then raped and ate flesh from the corpse.
The recent instances of cannibalism have driven ‘Zombie Apocalypse’ up to the No. 2 spot on Google’s list of trending search terms
A man in Sweden who allegedly cut off and ate his wife’s lips, followed by a story out of New York where a man chewed the ear off another man at a Staten Island restaurant.
It also has been reported that in New Jersey, a man stabbed himself multiple times in front of police and then threw pieces of his skin and intestines at them.
Just remember. Be silent. Remove the head. And practice your cardio.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Romney Supporters Turn Tables on Obama Team
Jun 1st
The right sat around for years while leftists like Code Pink tried to make citizens arrests against Bush Officials. Occupy Wall Street is an organized leftist mob. Well the right showed that it can act like a mob too, and it really rattles leftists who aren’t used to tasting their own medicine.
Solyyyyyndraaa! Solyyyyyndraaa! Solyyyyyndraaa! Solyyyyyndraaa!
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Even the Taiwanese Laugh at Bloomberg
Jun 1st
I’m a huge fan of the Big Gulp. Loads of people love a Venti coffee at Starbucks. Both will be banned if Bloomberg gets his way to convert the city of New York into a Nanny State. It is telling to note that the animators deliberately showed Bloomberg using weapons to enforce his ban, which is what will be needed to enforce the ban should sellers ignore any fines.
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...I Want a Roller Skating Baboon!
May 31st
The UK’s Sun newsrag has their panties in a twist over a North Korean circus act in which monkeys and bears rollerskate to the applause of Norkie soldiers.
From the Sun here:
“There’s nothing funny about tearing primates away from their protective mothers shortly after birth and forcing them to perform silly tricks. These highly social animals suffer from debilitating loneliness and depression when isolated from other monkeys. Many retaliate and are known to bite people and attempt to escape at any given chance.
“Many bear cubs taken from the wild die before the training begins because of the stress of capture, the gruelling transportation conditions, starvation, dehydration and rough handling. The ones who survive have the tops of their muzzles pierced with hot needles and a rope threaded through the holes — they are then forced to stand on their hind legs and perform under threat of punishment.
Whatever dudes. Those animals don’t look like they are hungry or mistreated, and those baboons can really skate!
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Noble Gases Are So Emo
May 29th
If chemistry was like a really awkward party, this is what you’d see:
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Zoey Ripple Shot in the Hip for Drunken Home Invasion
May 25th
While I’ve been out here in Denver, this story leads the top of the hour news radio cycles- Zoey Ripple, a 21 year old college sorority drunk chick stumbled into a home blitzed on jaeger bombs and got herself shot by the homeowner.
Of course, news casters kept hoping that the homeowners would be charged with a crime for defending themselves, but Zoey is facing charges now. From 850 KOA here:
The Boulder District Attorney’s office says an intoxicated female intruder shot by a Boulder homeowner will be charged with felony criminal tresspassing. Zoey Ripple,21, was shot in the hip. She reportedly had a blood alcohol level above .20
According to the homeowners, they continued to shout to warn the intruder to leave. The male homeowner shouted that he had a gun and would use it if the intruder did not leave immediately. The intruder continued walking through the bedroom, toward the couple. The couple could see a light that the intruder was carrying as the intruder continued toward the bed.
The husband and wife told police the intruder would not acknowledge their demands to leave. At that point, the husband fired one shot toward the light, and heard what sounded like something falling onto floor. When the husband turned on the light, they saw an unknown female intruder on the floor with a gunshot wound to her hip. The couple called 911. The female intruder was taken to the hospital for treatment. Her injuries do not appear to be life threatening.
So CU is a party school eh? Good for those residents. I guess Zoey was using her cellphone as a light and that provided a nice target.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Teeth Shattered by a Golf Ball
May 23rd
I can’t think of many more things that are as painful as this story- except maybe if the lady had actually fallen off her bike too.
From The Tennessean here:
An errant golf ball from the 14th hole on Murfreesboro’s Indian Hills Golf Course knocked a motorcyclist’s teeth out as she and her husband rode blissfully along South Church Street.
A man teeing off at the 14th hooked his shot, watched the ball disappear and then heard screams. He followed the scream to find a woman clutching her bloody mouth.
Her husband told police that they were riding their motorcycles when he saw the ball bounce across the road and near her motorcycle. There, it careened into her face. She was able to avoid wrecking her bike, but the ball knocked out “several” teeth.
You just can’t hear anyone yell “fore!” when you are riding your Hog.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Facebook Song is Worst Since Symantec Song
May 22nd
This facebook song has all the makings of a horrible Corporate song: Ugly chicks, bad rap lyrics and a mulleted guitar player. And WTF is up with the modem noises mixed into the music?!!
Enjoy:
And you can tell they were all singing this song prior to the huge losses their IPO endured. Wanna hear the worst corporate song evah? Click here for the Symantec song.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Eventually, You’ll Get a Beat Down at McDonald’s Drive-Thru
May 22nd
Okay, the story here is not that another white woman was the victim of a racial attack- perhaps she was, but evidence doesn’t prove that- but the bigger story is that this woman went thru the same drive thru off Martin Luther King Drive for 5 years without an incident. I say her reckoning was DUE.
Nothing good happens off MLK drive.
Thanks to:
Wait, she’s gone to the same McDonald’s drive thru everyday for the past 5 years?Talk about burying the lede tinyurl.com/burkfsj
— Andy Lancaster (@andylancaster) May 22, 2012
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Pakistan Blocks Twitter Over Everyone Draw Muhammad Day
May 20th
Oh those freedom-loving Pakis! Today, May 20, is the third annual “Everybody Draw Muhammad Day.” In order to prevent all of Pakistan’s future terrorists from self-detonating all at once, Pakistan blocked Twitter for the entire country. I predict that the Taliban will take over their crappy excuse for a government any time now.
From the NYTimes here:
The Pakistani government blocked access to the social networking service Twitter for much of Sunday, after publicly holding Twitter responsible for promoting what it described as a blasphemous cartoon contest taking place on Facebook, officials said.
The restoration of Twitter service late in the evening was as sudden as its suspension earlier in the day.
The shutdowns began around midday Sunday, in a rolling ban that almost immediately brought a huge public outcry on other social media.
The government had been in talks with Twitter to remove “objectionable” material but that there had been no results. Facebook had agreed to allay the concerns of the Pakistani government.
It remained unclear — and unlikely — that Twitter had agreed to the demands of the Pakistani government before access was restored, at roughly 10 p.m. Sunday.
This is the Draw Muhammad Twitter Search link. This is the Facebook page. Go take a peek and see what freedom looks like.
Draw Muhammad today. #Muhammad twitpic.com/9ncrjb
— Eating Babies (@EatABaby) May 20, 2012
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Assembly of Avengers
May 20th
My older brother put this together yesterday as the boys were playing after a long week.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Pixar’s Lucky Lounge
May 19th
This is an awesome story about creative people converting a crawlspace into something legendary.
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Faux-Cohantas Elizabeth Warren Wrote an Injun Cookbook
May 17th
If any conservative pretended to be an Indian, used those claims to get a job, preferential treatment, or make a profit by writing a racist cookbook called “Pow Wow Chow” that person would have to retire from politics in shame. Not so with Democrat Elizabeth Warren. She is not hounded out of politics by Democrats for claiming falsely to be 1/32nd Cherokee, who, by the way, never had “pow wows.”
Just in case the fine folks at All Things Cherokee have no sense of humor, my Pow Wow Chow review. twitpic.com/9m0aft
— Cuffé (@CuffyMeh) May 17, 2012
From the Boston Herald here:
Elizabeth Warren was touting her claim of Cherokee heritage as early as 1984, according to a cookbook titled “Pow Wow Chow” edited by her cousin that includes Warren’s recipes for a savory crab omelet and spicy barbecued beans.
The cookbook, edited by Warren’s cousin Candy Rowsey, is a compilation of “special recipes passed down through the Five Tribes families,” according to the introduction in a copy obtained by the Herald.
Warren, who has been under fire for claiming Indian lineage despite a lack of documentation, is identified as “Elizabeth Warren, Cherokee” under each of five recipes she contributes in the cookbook, published in 1984 by the Five Civilized Tribes Museum located in Muskogee. Warren is not listed as an official member of the Cherokee tribe and she has been unable thus far to document her claim of any Native American heritage.
She offered a recipe on herbed tomatoes, touting them as a “great accompaniment to a plain meat and potatoes meal!” She also included a crab with tomato mayonnaise dressing dish and a Mexican oatmeal soup that included oats, onions, tomatoes and chicken broth.
“The soup sounds weird, but everyone who tries it, loves it!” Warren wrote.
Those recipes sound craptastic! Not only is she a fake injun, she is a fake cook too.
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The Last Gasp of the Potato Rock
May 17th
When we were growing up my Mom used to keep 20 lb sacks of potatoes in the garage for use in cooking. One of her favorite recipes (and my least favorite) was a Sunday Roast which required several peeled potatoes and a pot roast.
While digging out in the neighboring vacant lots, my brothers and I encountered a rounded river rock that looked surprisingly like an Idaho Potato. It had dirt caked in all the right places, felt similar to the touch and had the same mass of a typical potato, so we did what any other kid would do- we put that rock in Mom’s potato sack and just waited for Sunday Roast.
Sunday came ’round and Mom was surprised when all three of her boys watched her try to peel potatoes, each with a grin on their face. Out came the potato-rock and we watched as Mom sparked the peeler against the hard surface of the rock and we each burst out with howling laughter. “Very funny boys!” she scolded and tossed the rock into the trash.
We pulled that rock out of the trash and put that rock right back in the potato sack. This trick went on for years. Mom even tried to hurl the rock over the fence into a vacant lot, but we hunted that rock down and stuck it back in her potato sack again. If the rock got too clean looking, we would grind it into the dirt to simulate standard potato grit. The damn rock even looked like it had eyes. Mom even became accustomed to thumping each of her potatoes with a spoon to test for density, screeching at us each time she encountered that accursed potato-rock.
When Mom died yesterday morning at 2:30 AM, my other two brothers were sharing a bedside vigil. They watched as her breathing quickened, became more shallow, and gasped to a halt. This breathing pattern was a radical change from the rhythmic comatose gasps she had been taking for about 8 hours prior. They waited several minutes, coming to grips with her passing- holding her hands and telling her they loved her, and that it was okay to let go.
After ten minutes of prayer and silence, and my brothers still holding her hands, Mom suddenly gasped out a loud soprano moan- simply some built-up pressure still remaining within her lungs. My kid brother almost sharted himself at the sudden outburst. My older brother jumped too. And when their adrenaline subsided, my older brother turned to my younger brother and said, “That was for the potato rock!”
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