I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Humor
It makes me laugh
Beating This Meme to Death: Shit IT Security Nerds Say
Feb 10th
I work in IT security and it is a daily chore not to whomp nerd ass with a spare laptop battery. Their pitiful foam larping swords and their nerf guns are no match for three IBM Lenovo batteries ducttaped to the end of an axe handle. This video is a pretty good demonstration why that impulse is so tempting.
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Loading ...Don’t Piss Off Your Gun-Toting Dad Who Works in IT
Feb 9th
A Dad, Tommy Jordan, becomes very disappointed with his daughter after finding a hurtful post on her Facebook wall. Stick with this video to the end. Epic parenting.
Tommy Jordan’s Facebook page is here.
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Hillary is Really Looking Presidential
Feb 8th
What with the wrinkles, jiggly jowls, turkey neck, bad dentures, tight collar, awful hair best covered by a wig- She looks like George Washington! But with Cankles!
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...The Real Halftime in America Commercial
Feb 7th
Thanks to our pal Remy.
People are out of work and they’re hurting.
And they’re wondering where all their money went.
Well, $12.5 billion of it went to Chrysler. In the form of a bailout.
But it’s okay, because Chrysler is all-American.
Though technically 58.5% of Chrysler is owned by an Italian corporation.
And Chrysler manufactures many of it’s vehicles in Canada. And Mexico.
But I guess that doesn’t make for a great commercial.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...TSA Needs Your Help!
Feb 7th
No education required!
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Ah, the Toe Market
Feb 6th
All these little piggies that go to market? That market is WalMart. And they ride around in the Scamp carts and block the normal shoppers. They fill up their basket with Sam’s Brand Pork and Beans.
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Capitalism is Way Better for the Environment Than Progressivism
Feb 5th
How have progressives changed the world? What have they contributed to the betterment of society? Just think about Greenpeace. They’ve been around for a couple dozen years now or longer. Have they been successful or contributed anything lasting to society? As near as I can tell, they are a bunch of hippies that suck money out of well-meaning do-gooders, but they have never actually made or produced anything. It takes Capitalists to save trees.
Thanks to Derek Hunter.
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Not-So-Happy Meal
Feb 5th
A North Carolina Mom learned the hard way what happens when you try to perform a denial of service attack on a McDonald’s Drive Thru by parking your car at the window and refusing to move. You get TASED and your kid goes to foster care.
From the DailyMail here:
Police used a Stun Gun on a woman who had been blocking a McDonald’s drive-thru for more than 20 minutes. Evangeline Lucca, 37, had cut the line and refused to leave before she was served.
Employees, meanwhile, refused to attend to Lucca because she cut the queue.
Lucca bypassed the order screen and the line at the fast food restaurant, instead pulling directly up to the pick-up window Friday afternoon. They told her she had to go around and wait like everybody else did and place her order that way, they weren’t set up at the that window to taker her order.
The woman still refused to move, and police were called after that. Employees told the paper that Lucca often tried to jump the line, but that they finally got sick of it.
When the deputies arrived, they said she was ‘defiant’ to them and was threatening them. Deputies then performed a ‘drive stun’ on her, meaning the device was applied directly to her skin, rather than firing the Taser cartridge.
Her three-year-old daughter was with her and was taken into protective custody.
Stupid woman waited 34 years to have a daughter, she can wait 5 minutes to buy her child a freakin’ Happy Meal. Now she can wait for visitation rights. Actually, I’ve often been tempted to find out what would happen if you blocked a fast food drive-thru lane. Nice to know now that I shouldn’t try that.
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Two News Anchor Women Dreaming About Sausage
Feb 3rd
Nice, firm, sausage. Sausage you can really wrap your mouth around. Tasty, savory sausage.
She just loves to be the judge at a sausage festival.
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Creepy Zombie Bedsheets
Feb 3rd
This looks like a great bedcover for those that need my guest room as a crash pad.
It was from etsy here, but already sold out.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Unemployed Again
Jan 31st
It was the first day on my new job and I was all excited to get to drive the bobcat. That cackling is from Stuart, my so-called pal and trainer.
Thats twice this month that I’ve lost a sweet gig- the last job was a radar screen polisher for the Costa Concordia. But its okay that I’m back on unemployment. I’m sure Obama and his army of 99%ers will get me a new job any day now.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Stuff Liberals Say
Jan 31st
This should be the final video in the sh*t people say series, and its pretty hilarious.
Thanks to 6MeatBuffet.
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Storage Wars Turn Grim: Granny Bones Up for Auction
Jan 30th
Someone just couldn’t stand to get rid of Granny after her death so they stuck her coffin in a storage locker. Her rotted bones weren’t found until some jackass ran up the bids and stuck an unsuspecting buyer with something grim.
Dave Hester Declares: "Yuuuup!!"
From WTSP here by way of DuckDuckGrayDuck:
Law enforcement in Clearwater found Bunch’s skeletal remains on Thursday inside a coffin nestled in a storage unit. Turns out the body may have been packed in there for 16 years, since shortly after Bunch died in 1994.
Before the discovery of the body, everything in the unit was going to be auctioned off because Fancher’s mother, who owned it, couldn’t afford to pay for it. The family also couldn’t afford to transport the grandmother to her final resting place in Alabama.
“[After she died], she was in a covered trailer parked by the side of the house for two or three weeks,” Fancher says.
In 2010, law enforcement in Pinellas County deemed the home where Fancher lives uninhabitable. Nearly a dozen cats were seized.
So what we have here are three TV shows mashed together: Bones, Storage Wars and Hoarders. Am I leaving a TV show out?
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DC Female Cops Taze Retarded OWSer
Jan 29th
A video this awesome doesn’t come around often. Two female cops put the TASER beat down on a drugged up liberal bum who is camping illegally in McPherson Square in downtown DC. The dreaded-haired dope smoker is wearing an awesome Commie Red tshirt that declares “He Loves It In The Ass.” And that is exactly where the cops tased this fool.
In case you missed his tshirt, you’re welcome for the snip below:
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Cheerful Dad Blindsided by Terabithia
Jan 27th
The movie Bridge to Terabithia is supposed to be a kids movie featuring fantastic creatures and monsters created by childhood imagination. The special effects aren’t that special and the acting is not really up to Disney standards, but it should keep your child still for a couple of hours.
You just have to stop watching the movie when the little girl gets murdered, raped by a biker gang, and the body eaten by badgers. Yeah, the movie ends that badly. Fortunately, for my family, we saw the movie without the boy, and we were stunned with WTFness. @Exjon on Twitter must not have read any of the spoiler alerts and watched the movie with his two young daughters. He tweeted (read from bottom up)
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Taiwanese Animators Say Demi Moore is a Skinny Drugged Up Old Sow
Jan 27th
Or something like that.
Yahoo here says that Demi Moore was smoking salvia or something when she needed hospitalization. Boy this longest running episode of Punk’d just keeps delivering!
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Finally! A Matt Damon Movie I’d Pay to See
Jan 24th
Zoos are for beginners. Wanna cage the ultimate animal? Ditch the zebras and monkeys and get yourself a jail!
Now I’m gonna sit around daydreaming of what I would do if I owned my very own jail. Could it be true? Could you really buy your very own jail? That would be awesome, especially on Shiv Wednesdays!
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These Guys Wipe Their Ass With Your Privacy
Jan 24th
This sounds a little bit like my own privacy and legal statement.
The makers of the Firefox plugin “Screenshot Pimp” are telling you the truth about putting your privacy in their hands:
Privacy Policy
We firmly believe that privacy is unimportant and meaningless to you. If it were not, you probably would not have a Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn account: and you certainly wouldn’t ever use a search engine like Google. If you’re one of those tin-foil-hat crazies that actually cares about privacy: stop using our services and get a life.
We agree with Mark Zuckerberg when he pithily opined “The age of Privacy is Over.”
Our privacy policy is a reflection of this conviction. Therefore, to satisfy the absurd privacy requirements of various legal entities (and so you understand exactly where you stand with us) we are pleased to present our privacy policy:
1. We are the company that cares about your privacy. Specifically, while most other companies are concerned with protecting your privacy, we care about profiteering and violating it when expedient or useful.
2. You may think of using any of our programs or services as the privacy equivalent of living in a webcam fitted glass house under the unblinking eye of Big Brother: you have no privacy with us. If we can use any of your details to legally make a profit, we probably will.
3. We will track and log everything we can about all the dirty (and clean) things you do and like with cookies, GPS, secure connections and or whatever technology exists today or becomes available at any time in the future.
4. By using any of our services, you grant us permission to surgically implant a tracking microchip of our choosing in your body and sell all collected information to the highest bidder . . . and to all other bidders. You also agree to regular updates and reinstalls of said device entirely at our discretion for up to 50 years after the end of your natural life.
5. If the opportunity arises to sell or otherwise use this or any information, data or meta data about you or your world, we will jump at that opportunity like a pitbull on a fresh steak
6. Please email us to tell us some of your secrets. We may, at our sole discretion (or lack thereof), broadcast, reveal, sell, manipulate, or otherwise use these secrets, or any information we collect to our benefit whenever, wherever, and however we choose.
7. We are right now looking at you through your webcam. Do you always move your lips like that when you read? We also recorded what you were doing last week and are sending the video to (you know who). If the prior statements are not true, it’s because in addition to everything else, we reserve the right to lie to you, and you agree to believe us and hold us harmless for any and all such lies. Furthermore, if we are not recording everything you’re doing through your webcam, it’s either because we haven’t figured out how, you’re just not that interesting, or both.
8. We are serious about all of the above. So don’t go trying to sue us later with some nonsense like “I thought that was all satire.” All your privacy are belong to us. We mean it.
9. Cookies: We like chocolate chip cookies. You agree to furnish any employee or associate of our company with fresh chocolate chip cookies upon request. That’s the price of using our programs and or services (in addition to any other price we come up with).
10. Spam. You agree that nothing we do with the access and information you grant to us shall be called Spam: even if it is. We prefer the term “bacon”, because . .. mmmmmmmm bacon.
Best privacy policy evah! Thanks to Brian Krebs.
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Father of the Year John Edwards Has Deadly Heart Condition
Jan 14th
I saw this headline over at CNN and thought, that can’t be right?
Source: John Edwards has life-threatening heart condition
John Edwards, who cheated on his cancer-stricken wife has a heart??!
From CNN here:
A federal judge disclosed Friday that former presidential candidate John Edwards has a life-threatening heart condition. Edwards had sought a delay in his criminal corruption trial, scheduled to begin this month.
Judge Catherine Eagles said she has been in contact with Edwards’ cardiologist, who recommended a postponement, saying Edwards is scheduled to undergo surgery next month.
Edwards is charged with six felony and misdemeanor counts related to donations to and payments from his failed 2008 presidential campaign. He is accused of conspiracy, issuing false statements and violating campaign contribution laws. He denies any wrongdoing.
Edwards’ wife, Elizabeth, died of cancer in December 2010. The couple had separated that year, shortly after Edwards admitted that he had fathered a daughter with Rielle Hunter, who was hired to make documentary videos for his campaign for the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination.
Yeah, the first time you hear that Edwards is a Democrat is way down in paragraph 11, which is surprising, since usually the liberal press fails to mention party affiliation at all when the crook is a Democrat. But I hope Johnny gets better. Should be a fun trial.
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Star Wars 5-O
Jan 12th
Saw this yesterday and thought it was awesome. Book ‘em 3PO!
And the original for comparison:
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