I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Dr. Jones
Do not talk about fight club. Oops.
Homepage: http://www.belch.com
Posts by Dr. Jones
Indians Still Trying to Rip Off the White Man
Jun 5th
Have you seen these laughably outrageous commercials on late night TV for quick cash loans from a “Native American” bank? They offer $5000 for 117% interest over 84 months. You pay back $40,000 for a $5000 loan.
And just in case you aren’t sure the bitch is ripping you off like a true Injun would, she is wearing a turquoise necklace and has a rattail in her hair.
Talk about your trail of tears, you’ll be crying all the way to the bankruptcy lawyer’s office.
Who knew Indians had any equity to lend against? I got out of repaying my loan by sending in some old blankets left over from an 1870′s outbreak of some kind. Suddenly they all quit calling.
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Knows Who’s Convinced of the Zombie Apocolypse? Blacks in Miami
Jun 4th
Black people in Miami are terrified now of zombies due to the recent spate of cannibalism reports in the region and around the country. How this crazy white dude in the video below didn’t end up in the ER is beyond me.
And it also occurs to me that if you are a neighborhood watchman wishing to keep hoodie-wearing-skittles-munchers out of your gated community, try some zombie makeup. It might work.
Thanks to:
Zombie Prank In Miami Almost Goes Horribly Wrong bit.ly/M4TCBj #tcot
— Patrick Dollard (@PatDollard) June 4, 2012
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Casey Anthony is Selling a New Product
Jun 4th
Everyone thought Casey Anthony hauled ass from Florida and disappeared after she was found not guilty of killing her daughter, but not so! She’s been super busy creating and marketing this brand new parenting aide, and she even made this awesome late night TV commercial about it!
She’s not satisfied with just one product. Soon she will release her own brand of duct tape featuring a Care Bears print!
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Dead Kitty Chopper to Catch Flying Mice
Jun 4th
One of the more inventive uses for a dead cat is to convert it into a flying machine like Dutch artist Bart Jansen. The cat, named Orville Wright, has a fitting afterlife suitable for his namesake.
The full story is at the Daily Mail here along with a crummy video that really doesn’t show Orville doing much more than getting off the ground.
I have a cat here that I’d love to convert into a flying machine for Father’s Day. Yeah, I’m lookin’ at you Rogue!
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Richard Dawson Kisses the World Goodbye
Jun 3rd
Richard Dawson was famous for his role on Hogan’s Heroes but he was really the man who made the Family Feud an internationally renowned game show. But sometimes you’d get confused whether you were watching the Feud or the Kissing Game.
Richard Dawson, ‘Family Feud’ host and ‘Hogan’s Heroes’ star, dies at 79 – @ABC abcn.ws/KsYtNv
— Breaking News (@BreakingNews) June 3, 2012
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Pakistan is Waging a War on Women with Acid and Lopping Off Noses
Jun 2nd
Pakistan is just as depraved as Afghanistan. Women there are routinely disfigured with acid and having their noses cut off because Islam is a misogynistic barbaric religion that treats women as second class citizens.
From the DailyMail here:
After six years of abuse after marrying at age 13, Allah Rakhi was walking out of her marriage when her husband struck again. Snatching a knife, he sliced off her nose. ‘You’re no longer beautiful!’ he shouted.
He then slashed at her foot – brutal punishment for leaving the house without his permission. ‘A woman is only a woman inside the home, outside she’s a whore!’ he yelled at Rakhi as she lay bleeding on the dusty street just outside her home.
That was 32 years ago.The pics above from left to right are captioned:
Acid attack survivor: Naziran Bibi, 25, shows a picture of herself before the attack, at the Acid Survivors Foundation (ASF), in Islamabad, Pakistan. Naziran, who was treated badly by her second husband and his first wife, was attacked in 2008, by an unknown person while she was sleeping
Victim: Pakistani acid attack survivor, Naila Farhat, 22, was attacked in 2003 by her teacher’s friend, after her parents refused his marriage proposal. She holds a photo of herself before the attack
Survivor: Acid attack survivor, Shamma Maqsood, 24, holds a picture of herself before the vicious assault. Shamma was attacked by her husband on March 20, 2012, following an argument about him being jobless
The fuck??! They have an Acid Survivors Foundation??!! Pakistani men have no problems finding jars of acid that they can use to throw on a woman? And it happens with such frequency that they have gigantic support groups of disfigured women with mangled faces??
When we get out of Afghanistan, we ought to just roll our gear one country to the west. More on Islamic wars on women here and here.
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CDC Denies Zombie Outbreak
Jun 2nd
The Center for Disease Control of the US Government now denies that the recent spate of deadly cannibal attacks are in fact zombies risen from the grave or recently infected from other zombie bites.
From the DailyMail here:
U.S. government says zombies are NOT real: Feds forced to deny existence of the undead after spate of bizarre flesh-munching attacks
Following several disturbing incidents involving cannibalism that have set the Internet aflutter with rumours of an impending ‘Zombie Apocalypse,’ the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has released a statement on Friday, saying that there is no cause to fear the walking dead.
‘CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms), agency spokesman David Daigle told the Huffington Post.
The CDC decided to weigh in on the zombie question in earnest following a vicious attack that happened in Miami on Saturday, when Rudy Eugene, aged 31, was shot and killed by police while devouring the face of a homeless man.
On Tuesday, Alexander Kinyua, a 21-year-old student from Maryland, admitted to murdering his roommate, Kujoe Bonsafo Agyei-Kodie, and then eating his heart and parts of his brain.
Law enforcement officials are on the hunt for Luka Rocco Magnotta, a porn actor who killed and dismembered Jun Lin, a Chinese man believed to be his lover, and then raped and ate flesh from the corpse.
The recent instances of cannibalism have driven ‘Zombie Apocalypse’ up to the No. 2 spot on Google’s list of trending search terms
A man in Sweden who allegedly cut off and ate his wife’s lips, followed by a story out of New York where a man chewed the ear off another man at a Staten Island restaurant.
It also has been reported that in New Jersey, a man stabbed himself multiple times in front of police and then threw pieces of his skin and intestines at them.
Just remember. Be silent. Remove the head. And practice your cardio.
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New Green Lantern’s Power Ring is Worn on Something Brown
Jun 1st
Weeks of speculation over which DC character was going to come out of the closet as a rump-ranging friend of Dorothy has been answered. Its the Green Lantern! Holla!
From the NYPost here:
One of DC Comics oldest heroes is super-coming out.
The original Green Lantern – a DC Comics mainstay for the past 70 years – will be revealed to be a gay man in next week’s issue of “Earth 2.”The Emerald Guardian’s sexuality was rebooted along with the rest of his fictional universe as part of DC’s “New 52″ initiative aimed at rejuvenating their characters.
Robinson, a British writer who lives in San Francisco with his wife, is no stranger to gay characters
“He’s a type-A personality who doesn’t hide in the shadows,” Robinson said.
“I hope he’s a positive figure. If there’s some kind of kid out there who’s reading the comic and who’s worried about the person he is, maybe it will give him a positive sense of who he is. Or maybe a different kid will read it and decide I don’t need to bully some kind of kid in school,” Robinson said.
While a gay wedding in Archie Comics earlier this year and impending same-sex nuptials in a Marvel X-Men comic have recieved a small amount of backlash from angry parents, Robinson said he’s not worried about that because “that kind of negativity is stupid and outmoded. We should be preaching love and tolerance,” he said.
Ya think the series is going to generate dollars, which is really the only thing comic book writers should be concerned about? If so, good for them. If not, will DC stoop to calling its readers “homophobic” for not buying it which is what liberals tend to do? Will DC have to beg for Federal subsidies to keep the book going when no one wants to buy it? And WTF would you want to buy a comic book about “love and tolerance?” Give me the Hulk smashing anyday.
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Romney Supporters Turn Tables on Obama Team
Jun 1st
The right sat around for years while leftists like Code Pink tried to make citizens arrests against Bush Officials. Occupy Wall Street is an organized leftist mob. Well the right showed that it can act like a mob too, and it really rattles leftists who aren’t used to tasting their own medicine.
Solyyyyyndraaa! Solyyyyyndraaa! Solyyyyyndraaa! Solyyyyyndraaa!
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Even the Taiwanese Laugh at Bloomberg
Jun 1st
I’m a huge fan of the Big Gulp. Loads of people love a Venti coffee at Starbucks. Both will be banned if Bloomberg gets his way to convert the city of New York into a Nanny State. It is telling to note that the animators deliberately showed Bloomberg using weapons to enforce his ban, which is what will be needed to enforce the ban should sellers ignore any fines.
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Nihilist Girls Love Crime and Starbucks
May 31st
Saw this on Reddit and it led to two unbelievable YouTube videos. Stefanie Woods is well on her way to a fabulous career in stripping. First up- she and her friend brag about ripping off a girl scout’s table. Then Stef goes to jail for kidnapping and armed robbery.
And Stefanie Woods is back in the news for violating her probation.
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I Want a Roller Skating Baboon!
May 31st
The UK’s Sun newsrag has their panties in a twist over a North Korean circus act in which monkeys and bears rollerskate to the applause of Norkie soldiers.
From the Sun here:
“There’s nothing funny about tearing primates away from their protective mothers shortly after birth and forcing them to perform silly tricks. These highly social animals suffer from debilitating loneliness and depression when isolated from other monkeys. Many retaliate and are known to bite people and attempt to escape at any given chance.
“Many bear cubs taken from the wild die before the training begins because of the stress of capture, the gruelling transportation conditions, starvation, dehydration and rough handling. The ones who survive have the tops of their muzzles pierced with hot needles and a rope threaded through the holes — they are then forced to stand on their hind legs and perform under threat of punishment.
Whatever dudes. Those animals don’t look like they are hungry or mistreated, and those baboons can really skate!
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Anodizing Metals
May 29th
Those Macbook cases? Anodized Aluminum. Bill Hammack explains how and why that rough surface on a Mac is a good thing.
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Noble Gases Are So Emo
May 29th
If chemistry was like a really awkward party, this is what you’d see:
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Flame On! New Advanced Stuxnet-Type Worm Infects Middle East
May 29th
Who’s up for more Stuxnet-style cyber attacks against Persia? Me, that’s who.
From FoxNews here:
Computer malware described as “the most sophisticated cyber weapon yet unleashed” has been uncovered in computers in the Middle East and may have infected machines in Europe, according to reports from antivirus researchers and software makers in Russia, Hungary and Ireland.
The malware, dubbed Worm.Win32.Flame, is unusual in its complexity, size and the multitude of ways it has of harvesting information from an infected computer including keyboard, screen, microphone, storage devices, network, Wi-Fi, Bluetooth, USB and system processes.
The malware is called “Flame” by Kaspersky Labs, but also known as sKyWIper by the Hungarian Laboratory of Cryptography and System Security (CrySyS Lab). Both Kaspersky Labs and CrySyS Lab said it was likely the malware was developed by a government-sponsored entity.
Although the virus has just been detected, there was evidence that it may have been in operation for at least two years.
Vitaly Kamluk, chief malware expert for Kaspersky Labs, said there were many pointers to it being a weapon, not the least of which was how highly-targeted it was. According to their investigations, only 382 infections have been reported, 189 of which were in Iran, and the malware targeted individuals rather than organizations.
Kamluk said the malware was most likely introduced by a USB stick or other removable drive. Once injected, the malware would contact one of the many command and control servers around the world and download additional modules as needed.
Whee! I haven’t seen the code snippets, but McAfee’s blog lists its capabilities here.
Skywiper is a modular, extendable and updateable threat. It is capable, but not limited to the following key espionage functions:
- Scanning network resources
- Stealing information as specified
- Communicate to C&C Servers over SSH and HTTPS protocols
- Detect the presence of over 100 security products (AV, Anti-Spyware, FW, etc)
- Both kernel and user mode logic is used
- Complex internal functionality utilizing Windows APC calls and and threads start manipulation, and code injections to key processes
- It loads as part of Winlogon.exe then injects to Explorer and Services
- Conceals its present as ~ named temp files, just like Stuxnet and Duqu
- Capable of attacking new systems over USB Flash Memory and local network (slowly spreads)
- Creates screen captures
- Records voice conversations
- Runs on Windows XP, Windows Vista and Windows 7 systems
- Contains known exploits, such as the Print Spooler and lnk exploit found in Stuxnet
- Uses SQLite Database to store collected information
- Uses custom DB for attack modules (This is very unusual, but shows the modularity and extendibility of the malware)
- Often located on nearby systems: a local network for both C&C and target infection cases
- Utilizes PE encrypted resources
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The Choomer in Chief
May 29th
Even the whacky Taiwanese animators are making fun of Obama’s drug taking past.
And remember that Zombie story I blogged a couple of days ago? Turns out they had been smoking “bath salts” or some derivative of LSD. A drug that turns its users to zombies? Gadzooks!
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Heroes Everywhere
May 28th
Col. Kurt Schlichter delivers a wonderful Memorial Day Speech.
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Miami Cops Shoot Zombie
May 27th
Either the cops put down a zombie while it was dining on brains, or two gay guys had a wild night of partying.
From the MiamiHerald here:
One man was shot to death by Miami police, and another man is fighting for his life after he was attacked, and his face half eaten, by a naked man.
A road ranger saw a naked man chewing on another man’s face and shouted on his loud speaker for him to back away.
The officer approached and, seeing what was happening, ordered the naked man to back away. When he continued the assault, the officer shot him. The attacker failed to stop after being shot, forcing the officer to continue firing. Witnesses said they heard at least a half dozen shots.
The other man was transported to the hospital with critical injuries. Their identities were not released.
Dude, they should put that other guy down too. Its only a matter of time before he turns and starts eating doctors and nurses at the hospital. Luckily this is only a localized zombie outbreak.
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Stupid Hollywood Whore is Racist Against Pinays
May 27th
Good ol’ Sharon Stone is back in the news. No, she’s not injecting botox into her kids’ feet again or blaming earthquakes on karma. She is being sued by a former nanny for racist comments.
More of this story is here from GMA:
The Filipina former nanny of Sharon Stone’s three children has filed charges against the Hollywood actress for dismissing her from work unfairly and insulting her Filipino heritage and religion.
Erlinda Elemen claimed that Stone told her not to talk to her children for they might catch her Filipino accent.
Elemen had been working for Stone since 2006. In 2008, she was promoted as a live-in nanny.
In her harassment lawsuit, Elemen said that Stone also forbade her to read the Bible in her home while criticizing her frequent visits to the church. “Stone made comments which equated being Filipino with being stupid.”
Elemen was fired last year after Stone learned from her accountant that the nanny was receiving overtime pay whenever she worked on holidays or traveled to care for her three children. Elemen did not give the overtime pay back, claiming it was required by state and federal labor laws.
So not only is Sharon Stone racist and mean, she is also a cheapskate and violates employment laws. If only she could get herself a nice slave to tend her plantation!
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Sunday Morning Music: Ludo – “Too Tired to Wink”
May 27th
These guys rock and also like to pretend to be zombies on stage.
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