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Belch.Com
Stuff about Belch.Com and General Admin stuff
Monster Jam
Jan 28th

Monster Jam, a photo by BelchSpeak on Flickr.
I took the boy to see Monster Trucks up close and personal at the Verizon Center in DC. It was all fine and fun until the trucks really started revving their engines. The noise was too much and too scary for the lad and we had to leave early without seeing what we actually paid to go see. **SIGH** maybe in a couple of more years….
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Spirit of Detroit Statue
Jan 19th

Spirit of Detroit, a photo by kaszeta on Flickr.
This statue is one of the few cool things to look at in Detroit in addition to some fantastic gothic architecture. The statue is supposed to symbolize a relationship with God, but it looks like a huge blue guy is going to crush a tiny family with a painful spikey ball.
Leave it to Detroit to evoke images of being all stabby.
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N00b Intertubes Manual
Jan 18th

N00b Intertubes Manual, a photo by BelchSpeak on Flickr.
If you are new to the Interwebs, Welcome! I think I have found just the merchandise for you!
First is this handy handbook that you can use to write down all of your usernames and passwords for your favorite online locations, and you can carry it everywhere with you!
Also, you can get the NEW EDITION of the Texting Dictionary of Acronyms so you can finally decipher what all those cool kids are writing in the chatrooms. Nice, right?
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Detroit River and Belle Island
Jan 17th

Detroit River and Belle Island, a photo by BelchSpeak on Flickr.
It seems like the prettiest thing in Detroit is looking across the river at Canada.
This was taken from an observation deck at the Detroit Renaissance Center. The day was mostly overcast and often you couldn’t see below the cloudline, but the river was a deep aqua color despite the cruddy weather.
And back during prohibition, bootleggers would drive across the frozen lake to deliver hooch!
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MotorCity Downtown
Jan 15th

MotorCity Downtown, a photo by BelchSpeak on Flickr.
Looks like I will be freezing my butt off most of this week in Detroit. Here is a shot from the downtown area. Blogging may be sporadic this week, so feel free to peruse the volumes of archives on the site.
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Cracker Barrel Worried About an All-White Image?
Jan 10th
I like Cracker Barrel. The food isn’t always the best, but if you travel often on the road, you can always count on consistent, home-cooking style of food, and the place is a great restaurant to bring a large family. Our family sometimes goes out of our way to eat at a Cracker Barrel, and the nearest one to us is in Manassas. We even have a Cracker Barrel Christmas Tree Ornament, and we get stocking stuffers, candy, and other goodies from the Country Store. Hell, if I had room for a good rocking chair, I’d get one from them. But I think the food chain worries that they don’t seem to appeal so much to minorities. I tweeted this morning:
The sign I spoke of is this one below:
You know, some stores have had quite a few problems with the way they handle minorities- Denny’s for instance, who have paid class action lawsuits because they treated blacks disrespectfully. Now blacks throw chairs at their restaurants, so I guess they fixed whatever problem they had, but that’s a different story in a post here. But I could see a sign like that at a Denny’s, and in fact, I think they have something similar on their menu in fine print.
So why would Cracker Barrel need a sign like this? Perhaps it is because they hang signs of Octoroon women who weren’t allowed to vote?
This is a photo I took in a Williamsburg Cracker Barrel of a popular tobacco label, but an Octoroon is a one-eighth black person. So why couldn’t this woman vote? Because she’s a woman and it is the year 1890, and she’s stuck on a tobacco label, that’s why.
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Bizarre Changes in My Hometown
Jan 8th
I moved away from Hampton Roads years ago and only visit occasionally to see family. Parts of Hampton are still quite charming, and even an improvement over what I left behind when I moved away- The new Peninsula Town Center, for instance, is a wonderful replacement for the decrepit Coliseum Mall, and revitalized downtown Hampton and the Queen Street strip is a welcome new addition, and the Saturday Night street parties in the summer are a big incentive to get me to come home to visit. Yet for every improvement, there are also bizarre declinations as well. Take the case of the old Ryan’s Grill and Buffet on Todd’s Lane.
Now this former restaurant has closed. Out of business. But they are still cooking stuff in this building, because now its called the Berceuse Funeral & Cremation center. A “berceuse” is a type of music in 6/8 time similar to a lullaby, and while I suppose that is a fine name for someone taking an eternal dirtnap, it is still shocking to see a corner lot former restaurant that is now a crematorium. And this is a residential neighborhood too; a bit on the low-income urban side (black), but a residential neighborhood nonetheless.
I have seen many funeral homes, and they come in all shapes and sizes. I’ve seen converted Victorian mansions as a funeral home, solemn brickfront buildings, and even a converted schoolhouse- but I have yet to see a funeral home that uses a cruddy buffet-style restaurant until now. And being Hampton, it is both saddening and unsurprising.
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1940′s HorseManing
Jan 7th

Billy and Graham Green from the Salvation Army Camp practise a little deceit, Collaroy Beach, ca. 1940 / photographer unknown, a photo by State Library of New South Wales collection on Flickr.
Horsemaning is one of those Internet memes from last year- a photo that looks like someone took off their head- ala Headless Horseman.
The meme ranked right up there with planking, owling, and other silly photographic stunts. While playing around on Flickr, I saw this Horsemaning from the 40′s.
Its not as new as people believe is it?
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Catch Up on Reading
Jan 6th
I’ve got some reading I need to catch up on. Thinking about hitting the Stephenson’s Readme first.
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BelchSpeak’s Best of 2011
Dec 31st
Another year winds to a close, and its time for the best of 2011. First up are statistics from visitors to the site and the top posts that draw visits.

Top stories of 2011
Best of the best:
Best weekend! Why we eat turkey.
Mobs and Protests:
2011 is the Year of the Mob, both Online and off. Egypt takes itself offline. Mob Mentality. London aflame. OccupyWallStreet.
Travel:
I went to Chatanooga. And Pensacola. Hotlanta. Hartford. London. Disney World. Australian Wine Region. Fitzroy Falls National Park in Australia. The Pacific Coast and Wine Region. Palo Alto. Midland, Michigan. Key West and South Florida. Tennessee, ya’ll. Wichita. Jamestown Settlement. And more London. New York and New Jersey. Earthquake in San Francisco.
Justice Files:
Kristen Petersen, Byron Sonne’s ex-wife has charges dropped. Byron Sonne catches new charges. The Duke Lacrosse bitch kills someone. Bin Laden gunned down. James Ray convicted of manslaughter. Rodney King can’t stay sober. Casey Anthony walks free. Byron Sonne trial gets underway. Ray gets a 2-year sentence.
I get threats:
Internet LOLsuit over an Oktoberfest pic. And don’t forget some clown tried to sue me too. Some RIAA/MPAA lawyers in India threaten me with a LOlsuit.
Worst Way to Die:
Hit by a train. Tiger food. Chopped up for magic potions. Getting drunk at the W and plummeting to your death. Alcohol Poisoning and being Amy Winehouse. Falling into a hotdog grinder! Being a cat owned by a stoner hippie. Murdered by a fat vampire. Death by Cantaloupe! iCancer.
Moonbats on Parade:
Jared Lee Loughner gunned down a Congresswoman. John Edwards gets engaged after wife’s burial. Earth Day Hippies in Santa Cruz. Porn Star and her baby. ATTACKWatch!
Really Stupid People:
Congressman Lee and his Craigslist photo shoot. Charlie Sheen. Schwarzenegger Screwed his maid. Anthony Weiner quits after twitter photos to girls. Crazy art attacker!
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Ice at the Gaylord
Dec 30th
The family took a few hours to remember why the National Harbor is always a disappointment by plunking down a hundred bucks to go see some ice carved by Chicoms and setup in a frigid tent outside the Gaylord hotel.
The line was long, the attraction was poorly managed and ultimately really not worth the price of admission.
Next we tried to have lunch at a Mexican restaurant which also winded up being a letdown. At least we got to enjoy some time with our friends.
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Needles
Dec 29th
We DeChristmasfied the house today and we were left with this huge pile of needles from one Epic-sized Xmas tree.
I remarked to Jess that this is one silly tradition, and she told me that we have the Pagans to thank for this.
We spent a fair amount of time running the vacuum and now the whole house is infused with the aroma of fresh pine, so I guess we have Oreck to thank for that nice fresh smell.
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Family Night Fun
Dec 19th
We got to eat out at Cheeburger Cheeburger, pick up our “Roast Beast,” a gorgeous boneless ribeye roast for Christmas Dinner, and then we went exploring for Christmas Lights of Tacky Houses in Fairfax County, as outlined on a website Jess found here. And that’s how we stumbled on this house, which has a coordinated lightshow broadcast over an unused band of FM radio.
The narrow lane was packed for the Rocky Run Christmas Lights Show, so we only stayed for about 5 minutes, but we intend to go back for an extended viewing. And I’ll be packing egg nog.
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Tea Time
Dec 18th
One of the annual treats in our home is the Tea Time for my father-in-law’s birthday, featuring scones, cookies, roast beef and cucumber sandwiches, clotted cream, lemon curd, and of course, a couple of varieties of tasty teas.
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Same Content, New Server
Dec 15th
There wasn’t any new content yesterday on the site because I spent the day migrating all of the content for this blog and the belch.com primary site to a new hosting provider. I had been with my old provider, OLM.net for about 14 years. They had the site shared on a common server with dozens of other domains, which is not all that unusual for hosting environments. But when they refused to upgrade the current server’s PHP version to support the new versions of WordPress, I made up my mind to find a new provider.

But moving servers is a pain in the ass, and it was not something I was looking forward to. But thanks to Dot5Hosting, I was able to get it all done very easily and painlessly. For anyone that stumbles onto this post that is in the same predicament of needing to move a WordPress self hosted blog to another provider, here is the basic steps:
Backup the old content. I use a WordPress plugin to backup the SQL database and download the .gz file to my local PC, but you can also use the PHPMyAdmin web GUI to back up all of your DB tables. But the SQL is not the entire content- you also need all of your web directories downloaded from the old site- essentially make a complete local backup of the old website’s HTML filesystem.
Once you are sure you have everything, go to your new provider and sign up. Dot5 allowed me to transfer my DNS from the old provider to my new one (I also had to make a modification to my own DNS records with my name provider to point to the new hosting company). Then upload your directory structure to the new server, including the old blog directories and all of its associated wordpress files. Note that the new databases for WordPress were not yet created.
After the files are transferred over, use the control panel of the new provider and have the scripts create fresh WordPress databases and installations in the target directories where you have the restored content. It will prompt you to acknowledge that there is already content in those directories. Go ahead and allow it to overwrite those files and create the new blogs.
Once the new blogs are created, log in to WordPress as admin and change your passwords as needed. Next use the PHPMyAdmin to restore the backed up copies of your old site’s SQL to the new site. I ran into a problem with the Web GUI for this since my backup file was larger than it could natively ingest. The error was You didn’t enter any data to import! As it turned out, all I had to do was zip the .sql file and re-upload it and it imported just fine.
One final glitch I experienced is that my Windows 7 machine didn’t seem to recognize that the DNS had already changed, which was odd. My phone had been updated to retrieve mail from the new site almost immediately after I switched my DNS, and my other PC’s also recognized the new site. I suspected that Windows 7 handles DNS caching a bit differently. I had to run the command ipconfig /flushdns at the command prompt as a local admin to flush the DNS and I was able to see the new site instead of the old one.
Most of the time spent migrating was simply transferring files. But a great hosting provider will make it easy to help you migrate your content by providing a simple interface to manage your DNS, your SQL DBs, your WordPress installations, and your file transfers.
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Mortality Questions
Dec 10th
Cartney has recently realized that his life on this Earth is limited. As parents, Jess and I don’t know what influences led him to this natural conclusion- maybe it was all the talk about skeletons back at Halloween time, or maybe it was something he saw on TV. But in the past few days he has been pestering us to take him to go see “Where all the dead people live and turn to skeletons.” And, “I want to walk and touch the ‘skeleton garden.’”
As parents, Jess and I have tried to be somewhat honest about the subject of death with Cartney. I for one, remember when I was a little older than he was, staying up late at night worrying about death- whether or not it would hurt- and having been raised in a Baptist church, I thought the idea of seeing Jesus everyday in a church-type of setting forever and ever was the most dreary and boring notion ever, and hoped God wouldn’t strike me dead on the spot for thinking such thoughts!
We have told Cartney that after you are old, you die, get buried in the ground, and your body turns to a skeleton. He had an idea that was what happened, and we were only affirming his suspicions. Yet he was insisting that we take him to a ‘skeleton garden’ for some reason- I suppose so he could investigate and explore what such a place was like.
And yeah, it was weird- we ate 7-11 hotdogs, listened to the Muppet Movie soundtrack on the iPhone, and drove to the cemetery in Herndon, VA, the region’s oldest and largest “skeleton garden.” And as soon as I turned to enter the cemetery, Cartney shouted from the backseat, “Don’t go in there Dad! Its a scary place!”
But we were committed. Visiting the cemetery was likely the only thing that was going to get Cartney to shutup about dying and turning into a skeleton, so we told him it was a quiet, peaceful place, and we found a place to pull over and made the kid get out and touch the gravestones. We read him some of the names and pointed out that whole families were buried together. We even showed him the motorcycle headstone, as pictured. He found the grave of a 29 year old father that had recently passed. One of the departed’s children had stopped by and left a Toy Story Woody toy on the headstone- Cartney’s instinct was to pick it up, but he understood to leave it undisturbed when we explained what it was doing there.
It was a chilly afternoon, and Cartney complained that the cemetery was “creeping him out.” So we went back to the car and meandered through the access roads on the way out. We paused for a moment next to a section of the hillside with small headstones with lambs on them- representing dozens of stillborn and infant deaths. One headstone was for a 6 year old girl, and it was inscribed with the words “Meemaw’s Little Angel.” It reminded Jess and I of how blessed we are to have a strong, healthy kid.
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Rainy Evacuation
Dec 7th
This is the second time in as many years that my hotel has had to be evacuated due to a fire.
I’m in Satan’s Taint, New Jersey where it is pouring down freezing rain. The evacuation alarm went off at 11:00 PM, and I grabbed my tech and headed down the hotel stairwell that emptied into a cold wet parking lot. I did smell smoke but the firemen searched the building and gave the all clear.
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Search Terms Now Being Encrypted By Google
Dec 2nd
The Web referrer logs of Belch.Com are now showing these typical stats below:
This is a result of Google encrypting their search terms for signed-in users, and it will have a lasting effect on all kinds of web services that rely on using search keywords and terms to understand what kinds of topics and content are driving traffic to a site. Google does this by providing the search results as normal to a logged-in user, but they replace the normal referrer line in the web request to a server with the “encrypted_search_terms” phrase. And yes, it violates the RFC for web referrals, but honestly, I’m surprised it took this long for this change to become a reality.
Google’s blog post here talks about this change. And you know, you can actually use this referrer term against them by using your website’s .htaccess file, a text based access control list, to redirect inbound connections with that referrer line to a specific site on your website, perhaps one with a known high clickrate for ads.
And I LOLed that everyone is searching for Anderson Cooper being gay. Gads, everyone knows he is, he should just come out of the closet already.
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Frank is the Undisputed Ruler of Jumanji
Nov 27th
The following is a much-delayed and heartfelt thanks to Sabra for a gift that continues to play a large role in the lives of our family:

Sorry its been so long wince we chatted or wrote, but I thought I’d update you on the Blue Camel you so kindly sent our son, Cartney.
The camel has now been named Frank. Cartney, who is now 4 and a half, bestowed this name upon the camel without any prompting from us. In fact, I am unaware of any stories or other social references that he encountered that would inspire him to name his blue camel Frank, but there it is.
And Frank is the boss of all of Cartney’s other stuffed animals, and a larger menagerie is difficult to encounter elsewhere. Giant sea turtles, large giraffes, sea lions, tigers, lions, and all other animals must pay homage to the boss, Frank.
Several weeks ago, we decided to substitute bedtime stories with “stuffed animal theater”- something we use to inspire and instruct Cartney in morals, instruction, and to preserve storytelling as an art in our family. This worked out great for a few weeks- we told the story of the big bad wolf and the three pigs, Goldilocks, Hansel and Gretyl and many other typical folklore stories- play acted by his stuffed animal citizens, but each time, Cartney insisted that Frank play a major role.
Thus, Frank ends up defeating the Big Bad Wolf; Frank shows the lost German kids the shortcut away from the Evil Witch’s house, and Frank beats up the giant before he has the chance to climb down the beanstalk and meet his expected demise at the hands of Jack.
Recently the bedtime routine has devolved to a strict enactment of “Bedtime stories about my animals with Jumanji!” which means we have to roll lego dice (its always Frank’s turn to roll) and pretend Frank, Alan (a squid), Judy (a pig) and Peter (a bat), all get sucked into the Jumanji game to run around and find new adventures in the jungle of Cartney’s imagination. (I blame Robin Williams for this!) The one constant is that Frank is always there, taking charge, defeating evil, and restoring the freedom of his trapped cohorts.
And did I mention that Frank has the ability of knock out his opponents with projectile camel farts? Yep, its true. And of course, this unique ability is bestowed upon the dimunitive Frank the Blue Camel by Cartney, and it is usually the knock-out weapon employed at the last minute to save his stuffed animal friends. And the deployment of the ultimate stinky weapon is always met with raucous laughter! Now instead of bedtime stories that induce slumber, most stories tend to rile up the child for more than an hour before he finds his way to sleep- with Frank at his side.
I hope you understand that when I tell you that Frank is a bit of a thorn in the side of Cartney’s Mom and me; it is only because this ubiquitous character foils our attempts to impart our morals to the stories that we tell, and he thus creates a challenge to our story-telling abilities. It is now no longer a telling of how to rescue Peter and Judy from Jumanji- it is a nightly game on “How do we outsmart Frank and teach the boy something?”
Anyways, I just wanted to drop you a note of deep thanks from our family for the wonderful additon of Frank to Cartney’s stuffed animal zoo and let you know that his animals have a definitive pecking order that starts with that blue camel that you so thoughtfully shipped to him a few short years ago. Because of this, we think of you often and hope that your family is doing well, and wish you all the happiness you can endure. Have a Merry Christmas Sabra!
Sabra has a blog here. She is recently back from the sands of Saudi.
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It Might Stay That Way
Nov 20th
Cartney somehow figured out how to make his eyes go all googley. I actually caught myself admonishing him that if he’s not careful it might stay that way- like Michelle Obama’s go-funny eye.
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