I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Rogue Kitty
Dead Kitty Chopper to Catch Flying Mice
Jun 4th
One of the more inventive uses for a dead cat is to convert it into a flying machine like Dutch artist Bart Jansen. The cat, named Orville Wright, has a fitting afterlife suitable for his namesake.
The full story is at the Daily Mail here along with a crummy video that really doesn’t show Orville doing much more than getting off the ground.
I have a cat here that I’d love to convert into a flying machine for Father’s Day. Yeah, I’m lookin’ at you Rogue!
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Loading ...Allergic to Cat People
Jun 9th
I’m thinking that maybe, online dating is not going to work out for this lady. She should just bypass the whole dating scene altogether and just buy some sweaters, maybe a shopping cart, get some Harlequin Romance novels, a box of Chardonnay, several cubic meters of kitty litter, and settle right into an early spinsterhood.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Cats Love the iPad Too
May 22nd
There is a Friskies HTML5 game that the cats just love. They paw at the kibbles or the goldfish for long moments.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Don’t Bring a Knife to a Cat Fight
May 9th
How pathetic are modern men when they can’t even defeat a housecat in a fair fight? And worse, while losing the fight, the man pulls a knife and the kitty still wins.
From YourHouston here:
A Cleveland man was attacked by a housecat Friday afternoon and the man’s injuries are so severe that he had to be taken by air ambulance to Memorial Hermann Hospital in Houston.
At some point during the attack, the man and the cat reportedly were injured by a knife the man was holding.
I have a tiny cat that lives in my home that is pure evil with razor sharp claws. I show it no affection in return for her not slicing my calves open from knee to ankle. But if I ever was forced into a showdown, I’m pretty sure I could dominate that pussy.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Basement Window Pit of Doom
Feb 21st
I lost the good cat last week. I have a good cat and a bad cat. One gets petted. The other one barfs on my carpet and is denied any affection at all from me. If I had lost the bad cat I wouldn’t bother looking out of my basement window under my deck for the little furry bitch, but I really like the good cat, so I found myself on a stepstool with my head out the underdeck window in the window well calling for my cat at 2 AM.
I saw a femur bone and was surprised, but was sorta spooked when I saw this small skull sitting atop the rocks in the galvanized steel window well under my deck. The window well is about 3 feet deep and I have seen raccoons climb in and back out of it. Anyone know what kind of critter would have a skull like this? Its about six inches or more in length.
Oh, and the good cat came back. She’s just fine. And the bad cat still hasn’t run away yet, dammit. Which reminds me I should buy stock in the makers of Resolve carpet cleaner.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...I’ve Got the Stinkbug Plague
May 24th
My father in law has been complaining about the annoying stinkbug invasion and how he is constantly flushing the flying nickel-sized critters. Me too. I just flushed three of them in the past hour. Then I see this article that they all seem to be coming from New Jersey. Figures, right?
From NJ here:
First discovered in Allentown, Pa., in 1996, the nickle-sized bugs have invaded New Jersey and spread across the Eastern seaboard, annoying homeowners and creating havoc for farmers. With no natural enemies, they are increasing in numbers and no formal defense has been found to combat them.About two centimeters long with blue metallic spots and white antennae, the stink bugs seek shelter indoors in the fall. Dormant in winter, they become a nuisance in the spring. They are slow moving and noisy in flight, get caught in lamp shades and blinds and they flutter around ceilings, all in an effort to get outside.
Homeowners have learned the hard way how to handle them. Blunt force is not recommended, since crushing the bugs’ abdominal scent glands causes the stink. A better defense is to plug in the vacuum.
My cats know not to mess with them, but they usually disable them to leave them crippled on the ground until my kid points them out with the alarmed cry of “BUG!” At first it was once a week then a few times. Now its a few times per day. I’m just glad to hear that they are harmless- I was dreadfully afraid they would eat comic books or DVD’s.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...If the Cat Won’t Eat the PopRocks- Force Feed It!
Apr 13th
Since I got my new computer, I’ve been restoring some old backups and I came across some photos and videos of me and Jess giving Cartney poprocks when he was about 14 months old. He didn’t like it and he whined about it on video, which is what I was going for. But the cat Trinket seemed very curious about the flavorful sizzling candy. Check it out.
Jess hadn’t seen this video either since it was taken and she actually squealed in horror watching herself grab her favorite cat and ty to shove pop rocks down its throat! But do a youtube search for cats and poprocks. This is hardly a unique phenomena. And no Trinkets were hurt during the filming of this stunt.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Just What I Suspected
Feb 25th
Slow night for blogging. But FINALLY I know how my cat’s brain works thanks to this handy map.
Thanks to Miss Celania!
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(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 6) Loading ...They Wear the Cone of Shame!
Nov 16th
If I had my druthers, my cats would wear these all the time.
see more Epic Fails
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Suicidal Hoarders With OMFG Hungry Kitty
Sep 9th
I saw this article linked from FARK that details a person living in filthy conditions as a hoarder. The EMS thought there was a dead body in the house, so they used an ax to chop into the home and when they found a smelly Chinese dude screaming at them from beneath a pile of trash, they hauled the garbage to the dump and the hoarder to a mental hospital. Which reminded me of the awful Hoarders episode that deals with crazy cat ladies and the disgusting suicidal gay kid. Click the image below to enjoy the fact that you are NOT these people.
From NYDailyNews here:
The awful stench coming from a Queens apartment on Monday was so bad that cops thought they would find a body inside.
But when firefighters busted down the the door, they found tenant Ming Li Sung was very much alive – and living with rotting garbage piled floor to ceiling.
“When they started trying to clear away some of the trash to get in, he popped up inside, yelling, ‘Get out! Get out!’” said Ray West, who lives across the hall.
The apartment looked like a landfill, with trash jammed top to bottom and pressing up against the flat’s front door and rear window.
A broken fan, an old watering can and scores of sodden plastic grocery bags stuffed with wet garbage could be seen among the detritus.
When an FDNY haz-mat team arrived to start excavating the garbage, an army of cockroaches poured out into the second-floor hallway, West said.
“The police were throwing up,” West said.
Sung, 69, was taken to Elmhurst Hospital Center for psychiatric evaluation, police said. He does not face any charges.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Ow, Where’s the Bactine?
Jun 29th
Sometimes when my wife is out of the house I like the teach the cats survival skills. Tonight’s lesson was how to survive a zombie attack. With arms outstretched and making loud sounds crossed between a moan and a meow, I was lumbering after both cats to test to see how they respond to a confrontation with a member of the undead. The cats both bristled their fur, and Rogue in particular let her tail get all poofy. Cartney laughed as the cats ran away looking a bit spooked. He even moaned a bit and chased Trinket out of the room.
But the lesson in zombie survival was quickly turned into a lesson for me that cats still have claws and aren’t afraid to use them on the undead. Especially when you corner them, shout “brains!” and try to pick them up.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...The Kitty Ate My Laptop Cord
Apr 27th
Trinket, the polydactyl candle-lovin’ kitty chewed up my laptop cord, severing the power cable. I guess you can scratch off one of her 9 lives.
This IBM cord is riddled with teeth marks and has exposed wiring.
I took the old chewed cable, which is for an IBM T61, and cut off the connector that fits into the laptop and spliced it onto an old Dell laptop cord that I had lying around left over from an old laptop. Both had a 20 volt output, so it should work.
My new Frankenstein cord.
The electrical tape is gawdawful ugly, but it delivers juice to my IBM laptop, and its charging back up to full now at a pretty good rate. The cat better leave this one alone because I’m all out of spare laptop power cords.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Close Encounter of the Stinky Kind
Apr 11th
I got home late last night and helped put a cranky baby to bed. My wife and I then went to sit on the front porch of our townhouse to enjoy the first warm evening of the season. Rogue, the tiny fraidy cat, came out to nibble shoots of grass and keep us company.
Also keeping us company from the corner of the garage was what I thought at first to be the neighbor’s cat. Then I saw the white striped tail. That was no kitty. “No sudden moves!” I urged my wife in a hushed, yet firm tone.
“Oh my god! I’ll grab the cat!” she declared, scooping up Rogue suddenly and rushing inside.
Luckily the skunk went back around the corner without uncorking her defenses. I need to have a discussion about what constitutes “sudden moves” with my wife.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Cartney and the Kitties
Dec 27th
So its Christmas Morning, and Cartney is pretty tired from having spent so much time opening gifts and playing with his new toys. So he grabbed the kittys’ feather stick. The stick has a cork on the end to prevent him from putting his or the kittys’ eyes out. And it makes a nice thumper to use to smack the kitties.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...I Can Has Candle Flame?
Nov 4th
Our cat Trinket is an amazing and frustrating animal. First of all, she is polydactyl, which means she has extra digits on her paws, like Hemmingway’s cats in Key West. She uses these extra digits to her advantage to drag her favorite toys all over the house, and to tip over every can of liquid she encounters. We can’t leave any soda cans or beer bottles or wine glasses anywhere unattended or it gets tipped. Did I mention we had new carpet installed before we adopted her?
Also, the cat is absolutely fearless. Not even the vacuum cleaner bothers her. Hot stove tops fascinate the cat, and candles are just something else to toy with. She recently burned off most of her whiskers by playing with a candle. I prove this with this ridiculous video below. Watch as the kitten singes her foot-fur on the candle before snuffing it with her paw.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...History of LOLCats
Nov 2nd
I think LOLcats are kinda funny. And cute. But nowhere as cute or funny as my wife thinks they are. She laughs hysterically at any picture of a cat doing anything remotely silly or funny. Sites like Icanhascheezburger.com and stuffonmycat.com are her go-to places on the internet.
A picture like this below puts her in stitches for ten minutes!
But LOLcats have been around long before the internets was invented. Click the video below to see.
http://view.break.com/392548 – Watch more free videos
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Kitty Wanna Bottle?
Sep 10th
Trinket the cat loves water. Its often a problem. We have to keep the toilet lids closed so she won’t play in the water and she likes to soak in the sink with the dirty dishes.
Below is a video of us soaking her with water squirted from a baby bottle.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Lulz Cats
Jul 30th
My wife discovered this website last night and laughed so hard and for so long I thought she was going to make herself sick.
So this video is for her. Remember the Dramatic Prairie Dog? Well, here’s Dramatic Prairie Cat.
Thanks to Neatorama for the pointer to the Youtube vid.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Oscar the “Soul Reaver” Nursing Home Cat
Jul 26th
A doctor at a nursing home had an article published in the New England Journal of Medicine documenting a phenomena whereby Oscar the Cat sucks the souls out of his patients.
Sensing weakness, the furry feline pounces and then feasts upon the soul of the sick elderly, like the dementors in the Harry Potter films. And then it simply walks away to hack up a furball or lick its butt.
From the AP here:
Oscar the cat seems to have an uncanny knack for predicting when nursing home patients are going to die, by curling up next to them during their final hours. His accuracy, observed in 25 cases, has led the staff to call family members once he has chosen someone. It usually means they have less than four hours to live.
The 2-year-old feline was adopted as a kitten and grew up in a third-floor dementia unit at the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center.After about six months, the staff noticed Oscar would make his own rounds, just like the doctors and nurses. He’d sniff and observe patients, then sit beside people who would wind up dying in a few hours.
Oscar seems to take his work seriously and is generally aloof. Oscar recently received a wall plaque publicly commending his “compassionate hospice care.”
Seriously, why anyone would want a four-footed grim reaper is beyond me. I say put this animal down before it kills again!
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...What is Your Cat’s Day Job?
Jun 6th
We went out to dinner with a vegetarian friend of my wife’s today. She works part time as a dog walker, and one of her customers recommended an amazing veterinarian who paracticed holistic medicine.
She went on to detail how this doggie quack diagnosed and proposed to treat her sick cat. Part of the diagnosis was a series of questions and answers about the cat’s homelife- its likes, dislikes, sleeping schedule, eating habits, and really odd personality questions. One of the questions was “If your cat had a human career, what job would he have?”
This kittten would be a professional stalker. Or maybe an astronaut. Like crazed stalker Lisa Nowak!
This sham of a vet prescribed several herbs based on the stress of the type of job she thought the cat would hold in life. Our friend paid this quack his fee and never went back.
But it got me thinking about what my cats would be if they had a career.
Considering they fight often with each other, but in a cute way, they would be wrestlers. Or gang members. One’s a Blood and the other is a Crip. But since they are mostly non-violent, its more like the Sharks versus the Jets from West Side Story.
Individually, I would guess serial killer for the older cat, Rogue. She always looks at me funny and tries to trip me when I walk downstairs. The kitten is a stalker. She sneaks up on me and watches me when I take a shower. And sometimes when I take a nap and roll over she is there, just looking at me. And she reads my emails when Im not at home.
What would your cat be if it was allowed to get a real job?
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