I can't believe that came from your mouth!
BabyBelch
Assembly of Avengers
May 20th
My older brother put this together yesterday as the boys were playing after a long week.
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Button Batteries Don’t Taste Like Candy
May 16th
My kid has never been one of those types of kids to put weird or unknown things in his mouth. But many kids wouldn’t think twice about finding out how a small metallic disc tastes- or whether or not it will fit neatly up the nostril. But a new study says that not only are these batteries frequently swallowed, they cause burns as they traverse the gullet.
From the Reg here:
The next time you replace a button battery, do take care to dispose of it thoughtfully lest your kids swallow it and end up subjecting their innards to a damaging electrical current.
65,788 juvenile battery insertion incidents took place across the USA over the period studied.
The mean age for battery-related issues was 3.9 years and 60.2% of kids admitted were boys. The incidents fell into the following categories:
Ingestion – 76.6%
Nasal cavity insertion – 10.2%
Mouth exposure – 7.5%
Ear canal insertion – 5.7%The incidents are no laughing matter, as a swallowed button cell can generate sufficient current to burn a hole in a child’s esophagus, from the inside, without the child displaying any obvious symptoms. Acid can also injure. Even batteries that appear depleted, inasmuch as they can no longer power electrical devices, can inflict these injuries.
Not to mention that many of these batteries contain some chemical elements which can also be toxic. There is even a flow chart here from the Poison Control Center that talks about how these button batteries cause “necrosis” in tissue it touches. Eeks.
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Lincoln in Boise
Apr 30th

Lincoln in Boise Capitol, a photo by BelchSpeak on Flickr.
Boise is a great and beautiful town, and its residents are justifiably proud of their little city. I was snapping photos outside of the Idaho State Capitol and noticed this monument to Lincoln who brought Idaho into the Union as a Territory.
The plaque below is on the side of the pedestal.
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We Make Holes in Teeth!
Apr 25th
My four-year-old boy asked me why he couldn’t eat candy before bedtime. Without really thinking about it, I explained that the Cavity Monsters would eat the sugar off his teeth and put holes in them. This shocked the boy. “Are cavity monsters good guys?” he asked. He is always concerned with the moral alignment of good versus evil and he wanted to be sure he is on the right team. “They are very bad guys,” I explained who stomp around chanting “WE MAKE HOLES IN TEETH! WE MAKE HOLES IN TEETH!” So I had to pull up the cartoons from the late ’70s and explain to him who the Cavity Creeps are.
So Cartney went to bed and brushed his teeth better than ever and when he hung up his tooth brush he declared “Cavity Creeps all dead!”
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Squishin’ Cousins
Apr 22nd
Uncle Rusty had an opportunity to watch all three of his young nephews, and he very quickly had them acting their hearts out for this cute video.
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Melty Face
Apr 17th
I lent my four-year-old my MacBook Air and allowed him to go down his own YouTube content rabbit-hole and I had to intervene when he somehow stumbled on the recommended video of this guy who has a face that looks like its melting off a candle. And when the Doc mentioned the dude’s brain was protruding into his eye socket, Cartney got a tad bit distressed. I had to pause the video and explain about all kinds of birth defects, accidents, and other factors that would make someone look deformed.
Cartney was distressed for a while about this man’s disability until I pointed out how he still managed to marry a beautiful woman, and was still liked by his friends in the gym. Cartney was encouraged by that, but still distinctly worried about the man’s surgical success.
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Disaster is Imminent
Feb 18th

Disaster is Imminent, a photo by BelchSpeak on Flickr.
A Lazy Saturday Night. The boy and I are building towers of terror for unsuspecting Lego employees while I rebuild a laptop I had lying around with Ubuntu.
My son is telling me about the casualties of his tower of terror. Seems that the bodies get dragged to the cemetery by an ambulance where they turn into skeletons and then dirt.
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Monster Jam
Jan 28th

Monster Jam, a photo by BelchSpeak on Flickr.
I took the boy to see Monster Trucks up close and personal at the Verizon Center in DC. It was all fine and fun until the trucks really started revving their engines. The noise was too much and too scary for the lad and we had to leave early without seeing what we actually paid to go see. **SIGH** maybe in a couple of more years….
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Icy Investigations
Jan 6th
Today was really mild in the NOVA area and we had a great opportunity to explore the neighborhood after Cartney’s daycare. We encountered what is turning into a swamp- an area that is no longer properly draining, causing the soccer field to flood pretty badly. Water has slowly receded over the past few days exposing thick sheets of ice laying atop the ground. So we did what boys do when you encounter ice, sticks and mud.
I also took the opportunity to teach Cartney about not walking on ice covered bogs, and how to recognize the sound of thin cracking ice.
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Mortality Questions
Dec 10th
Cartney has recently realized that his life on this Earth is limited. As parents, Jess and I don’t know what influences led him to this natural conclusion- maybe it was all the talk about skeletons back at Halloween time, or maybe it was something he saw on TV. But in the past few days he has been pestering us to take him to go see “Where all the dead people live and turn to skeletons.” And, “I want to walk and touch the ‘skeleton garden.’”
As parents, Jess and I have tried to be somewhat honest about the subject of death with Cartney. I for one, remember when I was a little older than he was, staying up late at night worrying about death- whether or not it would hurt- and having been raised in a Baptist church, I thought the idea of seeing Jesus everyday in a church-type of setting forever and ever was the most dreary and boring notion ever, and hoped God wouldn’t strike me dead on the spot for thinking such thoughts!
We have told Cartney that after you are old, you die, get buried in the ground, and your body turns to a skeleton. He had an idea that was what happened, and we were only affirming his suspicions. Yet he was insisting that we take him to a ‘skeleton garden’ for some reason- I suppose so he could investigate and explore what such a place was like.
And yeah, it was weird- we ate 7-11 hotdogs, listened to the Muppet Movie soundtrack on the iPhone, and drove to the cemetery in Herndon, VA, the region’s oldest and largest “skeleton garden.” And as soon as I turned to enter the cemetery, Cartney shouted from the backseat, “Don’t go in there Dad! Its a scary place!”
But we were committed. Visiting the cemetery was likely the only thing that was going to get Cartney to shutup about dying and turning into a skeleton, so we told him it was a quiet, peaceful place, and we found a place to pull over and made the kid get out and touch the gravestones. We read him some of the names and pointed out that whole families were buried together. We even showed him the motorcycle headstone, as pictured. He found the grave of a 29 year old father that had recently passed. One of the departed’s children had stopped by and left a Toy Story Woody toy on the headstone- Cartney’s instinct was to pick it up, but he understood to leave it undisturbed when we explained what it was doing there.
It was a chilly afternoon, and Cartney complained that the cemetery was “creeping him out.” So we went back to the car and meandered through the access roads on the way out. We paused for a moment next to a section of the hillside with small headstones with lambs on them- representing dozens of stillborn and infant deaths. One headstone was for a 6 year old girl, and it was inscribed with the words “Meemaw’s Little Angel.” It reminded Jess and I of how blessed we are to have a strong, healthy kid.
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Frank is the Undisputed Ruler of Jumanji
Nov 27th
The following is a much-delayed and heartfelt thanks to Sabra for a gift that continues to play a large role in the lives of our family:

Sorry its been so long wince we chatted or wrote, but I thought I’d update you on the Blue Camel you so kindly sent our son, Cartney.
The camel has now been named Frank. Cartney, who is now 4 and a half, bestowed this name upon the camel without any prompting from us. In fact, I am unaware of any stories or other social references that he encountered that would inspire him to name his blue camel Frank, but there it is.
And Frank is the boss of all of Cartney’s other stuffed animals, and a larger menagerie is difficult to encounter elsewhere. Giant sea turtles, large giraffes, sea lions, tigers, lions, and all other animals must pay homage to the boss, Frank.
Several weeks ago, we decided to substitute bedtime stories with “stuffed animal theater”- something we use to inspire and instruct Cartney in morals, instruction, and to preserve storytelling as an art in our family. This worked out great for a few weeks- we told the story of the big bad wolf and the three pigs, Goldilocks, Hansel and Gretyl and many other typical folklore stories- play acted by his stuffed animal citizens, but each time, Cartney insisted that Frank play a major role.
Thus, Frank ends up defeating the Big Bad Wolf; Frank shows the lost German kids the shortcut away from the Evil Witch’s house, and Frank beats up the giant before he has the chance to climb down the beanstalk and meet his expected demise at the hands of Jack.
Recently the bedtime routine has devolved to a strict enactment of “Bedtime stories about my animals with Jumanji!” which means we have to roll lego dice (its always Frank’s turn to roll) and pretend Frank, Alan (a squid), Judy (a pig) and Peter (a bat), all get sucked into the Jumanji game to run around and find new adventures in the jungle of Cartney’s imagination. (I blame Robin Williams for this!) The one constant is that Frank is always there, taking charge, defeating evil, and restoring the freedom of his trapped cohorts.
And did I mention that Frank has the ability of knock out his opponents with projectile camel farts? Yep, its true. And of course, this unique ability is bestowed upon the dimunitive Frank the Blue Camel by Cartney, and it is usually the knock-out weapon employed at the last minute to save his stuffed animal friends. And the deployment of the ultimate stinky weapon is always met with raucous laughter! Now instead of bedtime stories that induce slumber, most stories tend to rile up the child for more than an hour before he finds his way to sleep- with Frank at his side.
I hope you understand that when I tell you that Frank is a bit of a thorn in the side of Cartney’s Mom and me; it is only because this ubiquitous character foils our attempts to impart our morals to the stories that we tell, and he thus creates a challenge to our story-telling abilities. It is now no longer a telling of how to rescue Peter and Judy from Jumanji- it is a nightly game on “How do we outsmart Frank and teach the boy something?”
Anyways, I just wanted to drop you a note of deep thanks from our family for the wonderful additon of Frank to Cartney’s stuffed animal zoo and let you know that his animals have a definitive pecking order that starts with that blue camel that you so thoughtfully shipped to him a few short years ago. Because of this, we think of you often and hope that your family is doing well, and wish you all the happiness you can endure. Have a Merry Christmas Sabra!
Sabra has a blog here. She is recently back from the sands of Saudi.
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Thanks for the Gift
Nov 24th
My father-in-law’s girlfriend went to China for a business trip and she brought our son back this wonderful gift:
I think for Christmas I will repay the thoughtfulness by giving her a lice-infected hairbrush from the orphanage down the street.
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Painting a Toy Car
Nov 12th
Before bedtime, Cartney wanted to tackle an art project. He had picked up a wooden toy car at an art show and was asking if he could paint it blue, add eyes and a mouth, and paint the wheels.
Of course, as a bonus, he gets to use Mom’s art supplies.
And this artist desk sure has seen a lot of miles since it was installed.
And here is the finished product!
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The Happy Bat
Oct 28th
For over five months, Cartney has been requesting that he be a “Happy Bat” for Halloween. We looked high and low and there were no real bat costumes to be had.
So we improvised.
This is simply a black sweatsuit with a hoodie. The chest is covered with a furry patch, and the wings are from a “naughty nimph” costume with the glittery veins covered with a leather substitute.
The goggles are from a steampunk costume of mine from last year. The bat ears are clipped to the elastic of the goggle bands. And everyone says his costume rocks.
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Hitchcock’s Angry Birds
Oct 27th
Saw this over at Threadless, and it was pretty awesome. Didn’t get the tshirt, however.
I realized the other day when I picked up my kid from Pre-K that the most popular animated characters in the world in the eyes of a 4 year old is the Angry Birds. I had on an Angry Birds t-shirt and all of the kids in my kid’s class squealed when they saw it and had to tell me they loved the game on their Dad’s iPad and iPhones.
So I did what any responsible adult would do in a similar situation: I took credit for creating the game. Yep. Now all the kids in the school think Cartney is awesome because his Dad made Angry Birds. Little kids are so stupid.
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Turn Your Kids’ Bizarre Drawings into Awesome Plushies
Oct 26th
My kid is beginning to show some promise as an artist. Maybe soon we can ship off one of his drawings to Child’s own Studio and get a plushie made from the concept art.
Check out their site here.
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Alpaca Kisses at the Reston Zoo
Sep 24th
This young alpaca has been hand fed since birth and she is very friendly. Unlike the goats and sheep in the barnyard area of the Reston Zoo, this alpaca doesn’t want to eat the feed pellets. It just wants affection.
And is it soft? This critter is a fluffy pillow with feet.
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Hole in One on Alpine Run’s 18th
Jul 29th
Arguably the most difficult hole in all of 2011 Golden Tee is the 18th. I had a wind behind me, steep slope down, with water on all sides. For one of the fewest times, I managed to keep it on the green. And miraculously, I cupped it.
My wife and son had just walked into the Buffalo Wing Factory to meet me for dinner, and my four year old had pulled up a chair to watch over my shoulder as I played the last hole. I embarrassed by wife by shouting in the near-empty restaurant “Get in the hole!!!” And Cartney thought this was a fantastic shot too and yelled “Get in the hole” during the replay.
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Garbage Truck, Shirley Temple, and REO Speedwagon
Jul 28th
At the Hard Rock in Hollywood FL is REO Speedwagon’s Dave Amato’s guitar encased within a coffee table on a common area. My boy is busy driving a toy garbage truck over it and sucking down a Shirley Temple.
I reckon ol Dave’s ax didn’t merit a more prominent placement in the casino?
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Cartney and the Lorikeets at Butterfly World
Jul 27th
I have a couple of friends that are terrified at the thought of birds crawling all over them. Cartney shows no such fear. Well, maybe he did get a little freaked when one got on his head.
And no one got pooped on, which is awesome.
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