The Missus and I are having difficulties keeping the toddler out of the kitty condo. He loves to climb up in there and just hang out and watch Elmo and play king of the hill with the kitties. I just know the nylon and plastic construction won’t last long now Cartney is using it as a tree fort, so I thought I’d snap a shot of it for posterity.

Okay, one more Sesame Street Post since I was checking out the videos anyways. Here is an awesomely cute song that Feist sang yesterday with monsters, penguins and chickens. I think I like this version better.

Blah blah, same routine every day, but I caught 5 minutes of Sesame Street this morning while I was enjoying a tasty biscuit. My son is an Elmo-a-holic and he will tolerate lots of shenanigans on Sesame Street while he waits for Elmo’s World to come on. Some of those shenanigans today came in the shape of Mr. Doogie Howser himself, Neil Patrick Harris, who was wearing fairy wings and dancing and giving everyone magical shoes! Click the image to see the video over at YouTube.

At first I thought this was preposterous, but after thinking about it he was acting just like someone who was overjoyed to finally be on Sesame Street, having grown up watching it. And I had no idea he could sing.

Before the baby came along, my wife and I would have discussions about movies along the lines of, “The guy who plays Elvis in True Romance? That was Val Kilmer, but you never see his face.”

After the baby, the discussions aren’t the same. The horrible movie Popeye with Robin Williams was on HBO the other day and my wife excitedly said, “No Way! That’s Mister Noodle!”

I don’t have this problem with our kid yet, but I know its coming soon. So in the interest of being prepared, here is the list of the ten most common items kids shove up their noses. Thanks to Neatorama for the link.

1. Crayons
2. Beads
3. French fries
4. Fingers
5. Marbles
6. Spaghetti
7. Tissue
8. Cheerios
9. Small toys
10. Beans and peas

And to know what to do for most of these items, you have to check out the original article at BabyZone.

Even though Dr. Jana had warned her son about the painful practice of getting things stuck up one’s nose, and at age five he was “old enough to know better,” his curiosity bested him. Luckily, she pressed lightly on the non-plugged side of his nose, had him blow gently out the other nostril, and out flew the bead—a common cure and often the best first attempt when facing this issue. If this method fails, call your doctor, suggests the National Institutes of Health.

Yeah, we don’t have too many beads lying around our house.

Well, the Missus and I have made it through the first year with Cartney. He celebrates the big 1-Year today. His family made the journey down to the Outer Banks to share in the big day, and even as we inflate balloons and frost the cake, the little boy still has no idea what the big hubbub is all about.

And this party is going to be All Elmo, All the Time. So far Elmo is about the only thing that really captures Cartney’s attention. One of the highlights of the Elmo-fest is Cartney’s new Tickle Me Elmo XTREME. It shakes and rolls on the floor with laughter and has secret maneuvers depending on the buttons you press. Below is Elmo getting the hiccups.

Its almost party time so I have to sign off. I’m also slow smoking a Boston Butt on the grill today, and then its time for the beach.

Golden Tee Golf is one of the few video games that I would compare to a real sport- along the same lines that bowling or darts is a sport. Before I was married, I dropped a lot of coin on GTG games, chickenwings and pitchers of yummy beer. I even won season tickets to the Washington Redskins one year in a Golden Tee Golf competition.

Its just nice to see that the desire to play the game is genetic. I’m going to have to help Cartney on his swing. He seems to have a wicked slice.

We went out to dinner last night with my father-in-law and he paid, which made it twice as yummy. It was a family steakhouse; the type where you throw peanut shells on the floor, and it was pretty packed for the dinner rush.

As is our custom, we brought along our Chicco Hippo Grip high chair. Its really lightweight and portable and fits on any table. We prefer to bring our own chair because we fully believe that every other child is dripping with goo, and we prefer not to let our kid touch the goo left behind in restaurant high chairs. Or if you prefer, think of us just keeping our baby’s goo to himself.

Anyways, this portable high chair draws lots of comments from wait staff and other moms whenever we use it in a restaurant, which is pretty often. Usually the comments are along the lines of “Oh, how clever!” Or “I wish I had one of those when my Johnny was a baby.”

A homely pimply-faced geeky waiter walked by our table with drinks loaded on a tray and paused and looked at Cartney in his seat and declared, “Wow, I’ve never seen one of those before!”

Without missing a beat, Jess said, “Its called a BABY. If you can find a girlfriend, maybe she’ll make you one.”

The waiter was stunned and shambled away. I was quite stunned, but also quite proud. I told her that comment was blogworthy.

That’s what happens when her steak comes out well done instead of medium rare like she ordered it.

Sometimes my wife is in no mood for interacting with other people. (Who am I kidding about the “sometimes part?) But when she takes the baby to the grocery store to pick up something for dinner, she laments that the baby’s cuteness is sometimes a curse because old ladies want to pinch his cheeks or hold his hands. She claims that aging childless women will follow her around cooing and talking baby talk to Cartney. “Is oo out wif Mama shopping? Oo likey the shopping cart?”

Hey lady, you smell like Bensen and Hedges Menthol and cheap Zinfandel.

Jess just wants to shout, “Yes, he is obviously shopping with Mama and he likes the shopping cart! Now go get your romance novel, ice cream and gallon of wine and leave us alone!” Are we a match, or what?

Ever have one of those cosmic moments when everything in the world seems suddenly aligned?  You find yourself in your “happy place?”  That happened to me tonight.  I was eating hot wings (my favorite food) and drinking beer (my favorite beverage) with my wife (my favorite woman) at my favorite restaurant.  The baby had just finished eating his food and wanted up from the table, and after he was put on his 9 month old feet, he ran straight over to the Golden Tee Golf machine (my favorite game), slapped it, and squealed with glee.

My wife laughed and said “He’s your kid all right.”  I think the tear was because I didn’t have a camera handy.

I got home late last night and helped put a cranky baby to bed. My wife and I then went to sit on the front porch of our townhouse to enjoy the first warm evening of the season. Rogue, the tiny fraidy cat, came out to nibble shoots of grass and keep us company.

Also keeping us company from the corner of the garage was what I thought at first to be the neighbor’s cat. Then I saw the white striped tail. That was no kitty. “No sudden moves!” I urged my wife in a hushed, yet firm tone.

“Oh my god! I’ll grab the cat!” she declared, scooping up Rogue suddenly and rushing inside.

Luckily the skunk went back around the corner without uncorking her defenses. I need to have a discussion about what constitutes “sudden moves” with my wife.

At first I wasn’t too sure I was going to like the new version of Wordpress that was released over the weekend. The Dashboard publishing interface was changed quite a bit, including the colors and layouts of the dashboard features. But the more I look, the more I like. There are even new features to add multimedia like videos and music.

As always, there were also security updates, including a password strength meter, so if you operate a blog, get to upgrading. Its quick and painless.

The USDA released figures on the estimated cost of raising a baby born in 2007. Anyone know where I can get a Quarter Million bucks? Maybe I should start a paypal donation.

From Reuters here:

Middle-income families can expect to spend $204,060 on feeding, housing and schooling a child born in 2007 until his or her 18th birthday, the U.S. government reported on Monday.

Factoring in inflation, the grand total for middle-income families comes to $269,040, USDA said. Total costs also include transportation, health care, and other necessities.

Child-rearing costs have soared since USDA began conducting its annual study in 1960, and can vary dramatically according to a family’s income.

We just got back from a long weekend in Hampton Roads visiting family.  The baby would have had a much happier easter if it weren’t for the pesky teeth that he is cutting and making him unhappy.

I start a new job tomorrow so it will take some adjustments in my schedule to keep up with the blog.  Blogging will be light as I get settled into the new duties.

We took the baby to see Horton Hears a Who yesterday afternoon while I was enjoying my St. Patrick’s Day away from the job I’m getting ready to quit. The baby did pretty good for the most part. We found out that he can gnaw of Twizzlers and watch about half of a movie before completely twitching out.

The movie was pretty good as far as animation and sound goes. The part where all of Whoville has to get together and generate lots of noises to prove they exist was the most awesome moment in the movie. For a kid’s movie, it sure was loud. Look for this to be the newest Demo clip for Best Buy’s surround sound test room.

I was puzzled about what exactly the theme of the movie ultimately is. You see, Horton believes life exists on a tiny speck and the rest of the community is determined to silence his heretical views. Is it a statement about evolution versus creationism? Science versus the church? Or is it the simple truth that retarded elephants that have auditory hallucinations are sometimes right?

Anyways, the guy who holds the World’s Record for the longest ear hair looks just like the mayor of Whoville. Yuk.

From Cracked here:

Radhakant Bajpai of Naya Ganj, Uttar Pradesh, India, was “blessed” with extraordinarily long hair sprouting from the center of his outer ears. The record actually specifies the hair originates from the “middle of the pinna”, meaning that GBR has had to maintain separate records for the longest hairs from multiple regions of the ear. Radhakant’s ear hair/tendrils measure an incredible 13.2 cm (about 5.25 inches) at its longest point, though it is slightly shorter when pulled back into pigtails.

Ever notice that new moms don’t hang out at clubs with you anymore? They seem forgetful or absent-minded when the baby’s not around? USA Today calls it “Momnesia.”

From the USAToday here:

Scientists agree. While researchers say they can’t explain all the ways motherhood affects a woman’s memory, they agree there’s a pattern.

Many moms feel mentally foggy in the days after delivery. And they notice that the details of labor and delivery, which are scenes one might expect to be seared into a woman’s consciousness, began to slowly slip away.

Few parents enjoy feeling so scatterbrained, says neuropsychiatrist Louann Brizendine, author of The Female Brain. And momnesia can be dangerous, such as when moms forget to fasten the straps in an infant’s car seat. Yet momnesia may give modern mothers an evolutionary advantage, Brizendine says.

“It turns you into someone who serves that little infant, to keep it alive no matter what,” says Brizendine, founder of the Women’s and Teen Girls’ Mood and Hormone Clinic at the University of California in San Francisco. “Other parts of your brain that are usually on high alert are sort of taken offline.”

Women may be reluctant to talk about their memory problems for fear of being judged poorly at work, especially because returning to a demanding job puts even more stress on the brain, Brizendine says.

Speaking as someone who has lived around a new Mom, I have seen this to a certain extent in my wife, but only so far as the memories of the trials of childbirth slipping away. The rest of this article goes on to suggest that new Moms are chronically forgetful, zombie-like creatures that just provide boobage to the babies. That has not been my observation at all. Maybe its because of the help I provide at night with feedings or maybe its because she didn’t return to work after delivery, but she runs a tight ship around the house and doesn’t seem to suffer this curse of forgetfulness.

But there is a simple explanation for the phenomena- the female mind rewires itself to deal with new priorities and new responsibilities.

A clueless moonbat mom in Austin was profiled as an eco-warrior because she uses cloth diapers instead of disposable diapers. Because it won’t hurt the environment, despite the fact that she has to wash them twice, using electricity to run the washer and the drier.

From Keyetv.com here:

Cloth diapers may sound old school, but actually they’re making a comeback, especially here in Austin, where the green movement is going strong.

I have seen quite a few green movements too, if you know what I mean. That’s why I use disposable diapers.

Berdina Madden’s daughter wears cloth diapers, but when she first heard about them, she had her doubts. “In the old days, you have this image of women changing disgusting diapers and bleaching them,” she said.

Today, there’s no bleaching involved, cloth diapers can be cleaned in the washing machine. Madden likes the fact that she’s not putting disposable diapers in the landfill.

But what about the water used to wash the diapers? Cloth diapers require two washes: first a pre-wash in cold water and then a second wash in hot.

What also works for her is the gas she saves from not having to make frequent trips to the store for diapers.

Berdina must be the only woman who buys her diapers one at a time at the grocery store. Seriously, this is a stupid excuse. She has to go shopping anyways, so why not pick up diapers when she gets her tofu? And if she stays at home and has all her stuff delivered, she can order diapers too.

Disposable Diapers went from plastic to paper years ago at the insistence of moonbat environmentalists. They are made from renewable resources and they break down easily in the landfills. Even the UK government says that there is no difference between the environmental impact of cloth or disposable diapers today.

So if you eliminate all of the stupid excuses Berdina made for using cloth diapers, it really comes down to what is most important to all environmentalists: Their poop. Eco-warriors are obsessed with their own poop for some bizarre reason.

I have no problem with wanting to use cloth diapers. Just don’t tell me you are doing it for Mother Earth.

I don’t know of any other babies that have their own stuffed blue camel. Many thanks to BT in Saudi Arabia for her kindness for sending a cute stuffed blue camel for Cartney to add to his growing menagerie of stuffed critters.

BT has a fascinating blog called “Stilettos in the Sand” here where she writes about her experiences as a fashionable western woman living among the denizens of the giant sandbox known as Saudi Arabia, and the cultural shocks she faces on a regular basis. Check it out!

As I had blogged previously, I’m not germaphobic. But I think its hilarious to see people who are germaphobic get all tweaky over touching things they perceive as gross- like the door handle to the bathroom at work, elevator buttons or shopping carts. At the grocery store by my house there are two stations to disinfect shopping cart handles.

These cart handles have what on it???!

And if you read this article at LJWorld here, you may need to buy a case of Purell.

55 percent of handles on grocery carts were contaminated with bodily fluids (such as urine and saliva), and 21 percent showed traces of blood.

My infant son loves to chew on shopping cart handles. That explains the saliva. I’m not sure, but I would guess that the blood and urine comes from the latenight hobo shopping cart races that are all the rage these days.

Cartney was watching the “Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels” marathon.

Now I should teach him to make devil horns with his baby fingers.