I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Posts tagged halloween
Vampire Incognito
Nov 1st

Vampire Incognito, a photo by BelchSpeak on Flickr.
Cartney had a blast trick-or-treating at his friend’s block party last night. It was a sight to behold as almost two-dozen kids trooped as a gang around the neighborhood swarming surprised residents at their doors.
Trick or Treat: Crowder Teaches Kids About Obama’s Redistribution
Oct 31st
This is awesome. How Steven Crowder managed to keep from getting beat up by these kids is anyone’s guess.
Zombie Swarm Badge Awarded for Hurricane Sandy Checkin
Oct 28th
Looks like Foursquare is running a badge as an award for Halloween season swarms. Kinda creepy that I won it when I checked into a Hurricane. Large weather patterns are featured as a checkin location often enough on Foursquare that it should be its own category. Maybe a Stormchaser badge?
Feds Want to Ban Licorice for Halloween
Oct 31st
I’m the only one in my family that enjoys the black jellybeans and will eat black licorice. Now the FDA is attempting to claim that it is somehow bad for you- courtesy of the Taiwanese Animators.
The Happy Bat
Oct 28th
For over five months, Cartney has been requesting that he be a “Happy Bat” for Halloween. We looked high and low and there were no real bat costumes to be had.
So we improvised.
This is simply a black sweatsuit with a hoodie. The chest is covered with a furry patch, and the wings are from a “naughty nimph” costume with the glittery veins covered with a leather substitute.
The goggles are from a steampunk costume of mine from last year. The bat ears are clipped to the elastic of the goggle bands. And everyone says his costume rocks.
This is Why I Eat at IHOP
Nov 17th
Remember when Denny’s wouldn’t serve black people?
All that has changed now. Actually, Denny’s still doesn’t let black people eat there, but those costumes fooled the hostess.
Awesome Tasteless Costume
Oct 31st
The only problem with a costume like this is it is impossible to eat or drink anything at a party.
But not like he didn’t try.
Super Toddler’s Secret Identity Will Not Be Discovered!
Oct 29th
We have over-decorated our home for a Hallowen Party on Saturday. So to get the most mileage out of our efforts we had our nephews over, the neighbor kids, our friends and their children, and had a great time eating pizza, playing games, and making pumpkin arts and crafts.
This shot was captured as my nephew, his hair dyed black, streaked past in hot pursuit of an Indian, Ironman, two faeries, Dash from the Incredibles and a celtic knight. He was suddenly stopped by a kryptonite cupcake.
How’s This for a BigAss Pumpkin?
Oct 28th
Boy that sure is a mighty fine pumpkin you got there, hoss. But a real redneck knows what he has to do with that gigantic pie-maker. Drop it on a car, of course!
Sears Running Zombie Sales
Oct 28th
Sears is running a viral ad campaign to get people to come into their stores. They do have great hardware departments and have tried to deep themselves separated from K-Mart, which they own. And who doesn’t love zombies?
Want to check out the whole site? Go here.
Tim Burton and Vincent Price in 1982
Oct 20th
I thought Tim Burton was just a crappy director who liked to ruin movies by making them too gothic or stupid. I still can’t forgive him for what he did to Planet of the Apes or to Batman. But he has an awesome artistic eye for stop motion animation and his artwork in printed form is unmistakable. He was goth before it was ever fashionable. And here is a short film about what must be the original Emo Kid. Enjoy.
Beware the HotDog Guy
Sep 29th
As Halloween gets nearer, lots of stores, including my local grocery store is beginning to roll out their Halloween decorations and schwag. My kid is all about Halloween and loves to go to the store so he can push the buttons on the lightup tombstones, blinky-eyed skulls, and especially to push the button of the “hotdog guy.”
The “Hotdog guy” is a severed devil’s head, and when you push the button his eyes light up and lips move and he says things like “Hey! I’m watching you!”
For a while my three year old was terrified until I kissed it square on the mouth and made him laugh. Now he likes to sneak up on the “Hotdog guy” and push his button the moment we walk into the store and again before we leave.
I think Cartney named him Hotdog Guy because his skin is red like a hotdog. And now his favorite Tom and Jerry cartoon is “Heavenly Puss” where Tom gets flattened by a piano, goes to heaven and has to come back to get Jerry to sign a document saying he forgives Tom for all his persecution. It features a devilish bulldog in hell that laughs as he tries to possess Tom’s soul. Cartney requests the cartoon by asking for “Cat and the Hotdog Guy.”
Hotdog guy is certainly more fun to discuss than the Devil and I think I’m going to stick with that from now on.
Not a Pumpkin Rooster
Nov 1st
Cartney went trick-or-treating as Nemo last night. As he walks down the street in this costume, his tail fins swish back and forth and its adorable. One of our neighbors said “So cute! What is he? A Pumpkin rooster?” She obviously had no children of her own. Or knows anyone else with kids either, apparently.
Not everyone was home. Cartney didn’t respond well to this fact. He would knock on a door and if no one answered, he would have a near-meltdown, shouting “Trick or treat! Yeeerrgh!” and then smash his pumpkin full of candy onto the screendoor of the house. Shaking down strangers for candy is serious business to the little fella.
My Lil Monster
Nov 1st
Cartney’s first outing for trick-or-treating went pretty well. He went as a monster and even growled for some of the neighbors.

He had to be carried from house to house, mostly because I didn’t have the patience to allow him to collect sticks and pine cones from off the sidewalk. But once at the next house, he would climb the porch stairs and knock on the doors, and then act shy when the neighbors put candy in his plastic pumpkin. He wouldn’t say “trick or treat” but as I explained to everyone, he was new at this.
Happy Halloween! Our Pumpkins
Oct 31st
My wife and her friend Susan spooned out the goo inside these pumpkins and carved this great Halloween message. We are looking forward to dressing the toddler up tonight for his first try at Trick-or-treating. This will either go very well or very poorly. I’ll update later.

Maryland Revises Its Sex Offender Banners
Oct 30th
After being ridiculed in the national media for issuing Jack-o-Lantern banners with “No Candy” written across it to thousands of sex offenders, Maryland department of corrections are allowing their perverts to put out signs without the kid-friendly pumpkin face. And they deny they were bowing to any pressure.

From MyfoxDC here:
Maryland probation and parole officials have made a slight change to the sign that child sex offenders will be required to display on their doors on Halloween.
Signs sent to 1,200 offenders earlier this month show an orange pumpkin and the words “No candy at this residence.” Now the state is giving the offenders the option of displaying a sign with the same words but without a pumpkin.
Correctional services spokesman Rick Binetti says the change is not an admission that the original sign doesn’t work. He adds that jokes that aired recently on late-night television programs didn’t drive the decision to remove the pumpkin image.
Maryland sex offenders who do stay home on Halloween and (fail to) post one sign or the other could be charged with a violation of parole.
I think the state should make the perverts post signs all year round.
Annoying Witch Casts a Stalking Spell
Oct 24th
Rusty Lee Freeman, also known as the Reverend Rapid Cabot Freeman, is a fat middleaged dork who likes to pretend he is a high priest of a fake religion and also likes to pretend to be an American Indian. He hosts a train-wreck of a show on cable access. Currently he is hurling charges of discrimination at the town of Sprague, Connecticut, because the town won’t let him use its public library to perform witch spells on Halloween. It seems he lacks the brains, cash, and residency to be allowed a permit.
Here is Rusty, trying to phreak out the mundanes. He practices magick with a “k” because that way there is more ph3ar!
As it turns out, all his bitching in public earned him a trip to the jail on charges that he stalked a woman he used to work with. And its not his first stalking charge. The guy collects restraining orders as if they were Harry Potter trading cards. From TheDay.Com here:
The real name of the Witch of Baltic is Rusty. And as to his witch credentials, well, there is some question of that. But Rusty Lee Freeman, aka the Rev. Rapid Cabot Freeman, has been arrested for stalking a Norwich teacher.
Freeman was claiming he was a victim of religious discrimination in Sprague. The first selectman, he said, had thwarted his plans to perform a demonstration of witchcraft for kids and their parents in that town’s public library on Halloween.
But no sooner had the story appeared in The Day than Norwich police, who’d been seeking him on a warrant since July, arrested and charged him with second-degree harassment of Kelly Hajduk.
Hajduk said Wednesday that Freeman had pursued and harassed her, beginning in 2002, and had ignored a cease-and-desist order sent to him by her lawyer. Finally, on July 12, she went to the police.
Hajduk and Freeman became acquainted, Hajduk said, when each of them was doing a show on public access television. Her show was “Concert Connections”; his was “The Witching Hour.” They became friends, she said, until he wanted to take it further. “The bottom line was he was just asked to leave me alone, and he didn’t,” she said. In fact, she said, Freeman became hostile and threatening.
Freeman told police that he continued to call Hajduk because “I was trying to get her to testify in my divorce from my ex-wife, Alicia.” Alicia Lyon Folberth and Freeman were divorced in August, and Folberth has a restraining order against him. Folberth has written a 20-page letter, which she posted on the Internet, alleging that Freeman abused her, which he denies.
Freeman’s divorce, he said, was over his adherence to “the Cabot tradition” of witchcraft, propagated by the Witch of Salem, Laurie Cabot. ”I’m an honest guy that went through a bad divorce,” he said. “But the reason I divorced her in the first place is that she wanted me to renounce the Cabot tradition.”
The divorce led to his demotion from an honorary third-degree to a second-degree priest of witchcraft within the Cabot organization, he said. ”I’ve been a victim of the American system forever,” Freeman said. “The only person that’s harassing anybody is my ex-wife is harassing me.”
Aww, the poor put-upon pagan. It seems that the Rev. Rapid is the victim of a spelling and grammar hex according to his rambling posts on his myspace pages here and here. He mentions, in all his creepy, run-on-sentence way, how he was into Kelly Hajduk:
now in the name of clearing the air forever and leaving behind my side of the my story there was a woman named kelly lu my little rock n’ roller that my heart loved more than both my wives but she was to blind to see what she had in the palm of her hand and i wish her joy as well and i hope that someday she understands how much i did love her and if she is reading this now i hope she understands that we came to an end of her own device and I will never be ashamed of the fact i loved her and even though it meant getting my heart broke twice by the same girl im glad i looked for her when i came home at least i got the answers i needed as a man to move on with my life .i hope one day she has the guts to admit to what we had. because love is never wrong.I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU MY LITTLE ROCK N’ ROLLER!
Practitioners of Wicca are nothing more than 14 year old girls emotionally and spiritually, and are too poor and stupid to join a better cult or religion. Seriously, Wicca is just Satanism with Downs Syndrome. Blessed Be!
Maryland Sex Offenders and Surprised Paper Pumpkin Signs
Oct 15th
Sex offenders in the state of Maryland, the most liberal state in all the land, have to display paper signs on their homes this Halloween warning kids not to come trick or treating. The signs seem to be unnecessary. The universal sign to keep kids away is to not turn on the porch light. But now that daylight savings has been moved to the first week in November, kids will be trick-or-treating in the daylight, so maybe the pumpkin sign is helpful after all.

But did they have to make the jack-o-lantern picture look like a surprised and sad six year old screaming “Noooo!!!”
From the Washtimes here:
The Scarlet Letter for Maryland sex offenders this Halloween will be a bright orange pumpkin.
That is the symbol on a sign they are required to post on their doors with a warning, in capital letters, to trick-or-treaters: “No candy at this residence.”
The paper signs began arriving last week in the mailboxes of the roughly 1,200 violent and child-sex offenders across the state with a letter explaining how they are to comport themselves on Oct. 31.
“Halloween provides a rare opportunity for you to demonstrate to your neighbors that you are making a sincere effort to change the direction of your life,” the letter states.
So Maryland says the mark of a good sex offender is saving money on Halloween candy. Why not just make signs that say “Sex Offender Lives Here.”?? How can the pumpkin sign be okay and the latter sign not? If I lived in a neighborhood with a sex offender, I wouldn’t care about any attempts by the perv at being contrite on children’s holidays. I just want to know where the perverts live.

















