I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Posts tagged fail
Ah, the US Day of Rage!
Sep 17th
Today was the birthday of the US Constitution, so of course a bunch of leftists decided to celebrate that by “taking back democracy” by camping out in Wall Street in lower Manhattan to mimic the Arab Spring protests. The organizers called it the US Day of Rage.
A bunch of conservatives flocked to Twitter to point and laugh at the juvenile antics of the protesters. I tossed in a bunch of snark myself thanks to Jess and her stream of discontent:
Between the Day of Rage and the AttackWatch silliness, the left has provided quite a few laughs for me this week.
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Awesome Tattoos Really Help Women Get Married
Apr 4th
Girls, are you pushing 30 and still can’t get that man of your dreams? Just get a better tattoo! Its just what all the guys are into- painted chick skin! Especially if you do it up right with a classy tattoo of a peacock feather…
Uh.. waitaminnit! That’s not a peackock feather!
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Obama Failed With Civilian Trials of Gitmo Detainees
Nov 18th
Obama and Attorney General Eric Holder are the big losers with the trial of Ahmed Ghailani in New York. Instead of trying Ghailani in a military tribunal as the war criminal he is, Obama had to extend constitutional rights to a foreign terrorist. Despite confessing to murdering hundreds of people, key testimony and evidence was withheld at the trial because Ghailani was interrogated by intelligence agents.
HotAir’s Ed Morrisey says its time for Eric Holder to resign. I agree. He says here:
Holder should hand in his resignation before he makes the same mistake with the other terrorists our military and intelligence assets risked their lives to keep off the battlefield forever. His continued presence insults their work, insults Congress, and insults our desire for justice for 9/11, the USS Cole bombing, the two embassy bombings, and the other terrorist attacks and plots we’ve managed to stop through a forward strategy on the war on terror. If a resignation is not forthcoming, the Senate and House Judiciary committees should start hearings to determine why Holder remains in this position.
Liberals love it when the guilty go free and unpunished. Watch as they celebrate a slap on the wrist for a known terrorist.
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Welcome to Lake Fail. Here’s Your Halo
Oct 4th
Some GPSes are so out of date that entire lakes might be where it says a road should be. Some dumbasses from Senegal discovered this sad fact the hard way.
From Gizmodo here:
the device guided two men into a rural road that ended abruptly, causing the car to drop into an artificial lake, killing one of them.
According to Spanish newspaper El Mundo, a 37-yo Senegalese man died when his car fell into a lake near the town of Capilla, Badajoz. According to his companion—who survived the accident—the driver was following the GPS directions when the car fell into the water, sinking in just a few minutes.
Apparently, it was a very dark night in a bad rural road. The man was a foreigner who didn’t know the area. When he saw the end of the road, it was too late. He didn’t have time to stop the car.
Good thing that GPS came along after the Susan Smith case. That van full of kids could have been blamed on Hertz’s “EverLost” GPS system.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Some Eco-Nuts Never Learn
Sep 14th
Alexander Alcantare is the epitome of a south Florida nutbag. He claims he was bitten by a tiger in the Congo and he lost most of his right arm below the elbow when he burned it off on an electric fence while trying to rescue some baby birds. Now he tried to rescue a 7 foot alligator that had an arrow in its head (that’s normal for Florida). He wrestled the gator one handed with the expected results.
He was fined for keeping a raccoon and was fined for having the alligator which will now have to be destroyed because it bit him. See the full story here.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Infomercial Actors Fail at Everything
Apr 22nd
They can’t crack eggs. They can’t operate a simple blanket or glass of tea. Ironing board? No clue how to use it. Eyebrow tweezers? Baffling! Can’t open jars, chop nuts, find the car keys or remember WTF they wanted to go to a grocery store once they get there. Most of them can’t even shovel food into their gaping maws of a face without getting it on their clothes. Take all their failing ways and dump a Beatles Tune atop it and you get this awesome video.
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Darrell Dunafon And His Shocking Thrill-Seeking
Dec 6th
Darrell Dunafon was a dumbass. He was an adrenaline junkie always looking for the next big thrill. What could be more thrilling than illegally breaking onto private property in the middle of the night to scale a 400 foot cellphone tower? Maybe jumping off?
Probably not as thrilling as getting your chute tangled in those high-tension high-voltage powerlines. Shocker, he’s dead.
From Suntimes here:
A Tucson man has died after parachuting from a cell phone tower at night and hitting high-voltage power lines.
Pinal County sheriff’s Lt. Tamatha Villar says 23-year-old Darrell Dunafon and two friends broke into a cell tower site about 30 miles south of Phoenix on Friday night and were parachuting off the approximately 400-foot-tall antennae.
Dunafon’s parachute became tangled in nearby 12,000-volt power lines and he was shocked with a live wire.
Villar says the two friends called for help, and rescue crews turned off the power and cut Dunafon down.
I wonder if the workers who cut this dumbass down got paid overtime for being woken in the middle of the night?
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(9 votes, average: 2.67 out of 6) Loading ...Pedophile Blames Child Pornography Downloads on his Cat
Aug 7th
File this under “Yeah, Right.” Keith Griffin of Jensen Beach Florida was busted by the cops with over 1,000 images of child porn on his computer. He claimed that he sometimes left the room and his cat would step on the keyboard, which is how the images got onto his computer.
The story is here at SunSentinel. Story was from Drudge.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Always More Than One Solution to a Problem
Jun 5th
Awesome backup procedure for idiots. How does one go about “discovering” a fire? Is this a similar process used by Prometheus?
see more Fail Blog
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Welcome to Costco!
Apr 7th
So if this is her first name, what is her nickname?
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...What the Hippies Are Drinking
Jan 15th
Crisp and refreshing, this beverage tastes like moldy pine needles and dirty bong water.
Work has been busy, dinner is cooking, baby sitter is on the way over and if I’m really lucky, there might be an open lane at the bowling alley for a midweek date night. Blogging is light, so take a gander at the archives.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Jimmy Carter Makes Crappy Shacks
Jan 4th
Drudge has a story today about how many of the houses built by Habitat for Humanity and Jimmy Carter, along with Hollywood celebs like Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp and Christian Bale are falling down around their occupants. What is the cause? The fact that amateurs can’t build houses, or is it the poor ungrateful louts who live in them? Either way, the Habitat for Humanity program is a failure.
From the TimesOnline here:
RESIDENTS of a model housing estate bankrolled by Hollywood celebrities and hand-built by Jimmy Carter, the former US president, are complaining that it is falling apart. Fairway Oaks was built on northern Florida wasteland by 10,000 volunteers, including Carter, in a record 17-day “blitz” organised by the charity Habitat for Humanity.
Eight years later it is better known for cockroaches, mildew and mysterious skin rashes.
A forthcoming legal battle over Fairway Oaks threatens the reputation of a charity envied for the calibre of its celebrity supporters, who range from Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt to Colin Firth, Christian Bale and Helena Bonham Carter.
The case could challenge the bedrock philosophy behind Habitat for Humanity, claiming that using volunteers, rather than professional builders, is causing as many problems as it solves.
One man pulled up his floorboards to find rubbish 5ft deep under his kitchen. Other complaints include cracking walls and rotting door frames that let in rats and ants. Many residents have complained of mildew and mysterious skin rashes.
This is simply what happens when you give valuable to people who did nothing to earn them. They don’t take care of the homes and before you know it, the house becomes a rundown crapshack. Add this to the dozens of rundown crapshacks around it, and you got yourself a real nice ghetto there, which basically makes Democrats slumlords. Which is fine, as long as they toe the line by staying out of the rich Democrat areas and vote Democrat on election day.
Somehow I get the feeling that taxpayers will bail out these failures- either by paying for new homes or paying off steep mortgages these fools took out on their crappy free homes. Michelle Malkin has more.
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Old Ass Wiccan Proclaims US Will Invade Mexico
Jan 4th
All wiccans are just too stupid to follow the rules of a real religion, and too poor to join a cult. They are also desperate for attention, which is why this old fool who lives in the mountains of Mexico sent out a press release saying his tarot cards predict that the US will move their troops from Iraq to Mexico.
From the AP here:
Mexico’s self-proclaimed “Grand Warlock” says the United States will pull troops out of Iraq in 2009 and send them to the border with Mexico in an attempt to expand its territory.
The prediction from Antonio Vazquez comes with a word of warning though: his record of projecting the future is spotty at best.
Vazquez has been making predictions since 1980 on events ranging from international events to the private lives of celebrities, based on his reading of tarot cards.
Vazquez erroneously predicted last year that oil prices would be stable and that Cuba’s Fidel Castro and singer Britney Spears would die. This year, he says Spears will continue to triumph.
If this moron is wrong so often why did they run his picture in the paper? Oh yeah, so everyone can make fun of the elderly idiot. Like all witches, he should just be burned at the stake. If he’s a real psychic warlock, he will be able to sense the approaching mob and will fly away on his magic broom cackling “Blessed be!”
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(2 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Driving the FailMobile
Dec 5th
This is a hilarious video of a person trying to drive the station wagon into the gated driveway.
I’m sure those scratches will buff right out. Thanks to Tuffer!
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Why Must We Be Tortured At Airports?
Dec 4th
High parking fees. Long waits for shuttles to the terminal. Surly baggage handlers and ridiculous fees for checked bags. Long lines for tickets and even longer lines for security screening. Smelly socks and smellier TSA agents with xray scanners and magnetic wands. All of it is torture if you are traveling by air. Now the newest torture at airports?
Open Mike Karaoke! Hooray, just what we needed to listen to while standing in those long lines or being felt up by ignorant TSA agents! From the Chron here:
Karaoke has landed at George Bush Intercontinental Airport, just in time for the holiday season. Now you can clear security, step up to the microphone and belt out your travel frustrations by singing.
For the first time, the Houston Airport System is adding karaoke to its menu of holiday music entertainment. The first session is this afternoon, behind security between Terminals D and E.
For the past two years, aviation officials have invited choirs and bands from local high schools and churches to perform at Bush and Hobby airports during December. But the karaoke booths will be a new experiment.
Oh the humanity.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Reason 70 to HomeSchool: You Will Understand the Grading System
Dec 4th
The school system in Grand Rapids, Michigan has a 51% Graduation rate as of 2007. That’s lower than Detroit, whose students often don’t graduate because they get shot and stabbed. And I guess the typewriters at the Grand Rapids school that make the report cards wore out the “F” key. Now failing students will be given an “H” instead. “F is for Fail. H is for Hurr”
From WoodTV here:
When high school students in Grand Rapids Public Schools fail a class this fall, they won’t get an “F” or an “E” — they’ll get an “H.”
“An ‘H’ is a failing grade,” said district spokesman John Helmholdt. But that new failing grade comes with second chance — students who get an “H” will be able to re-take the class or the part of it they failed the next semester.
Principals discussed the plans with teachers before Thanksgiving, administrators said. The district will offer Saturday school, after school or online opportunities to retake the failed course.
Superintendent Bernard Taylor said he district didn’t want to give students a “life failure,” because of a failed class at age 14, 15 or 16 — an age at which he says most people don’t have their lives together.
Sounds to me that Bernie Taylor is having one of those “life failures” right now. When half of the kids are flunking or dropping out, I don’t believe that coming to school on a Saturday is going to fix anything.
Usually I’m pretty tough on teachers on this blog- but that’s because they keep raping the kids. But in this case, the teachers are being forced to give up their weekends to help these idiot children?
A lot of people are saying that this is a good idea because it gives parents a chance to notice that their kids are failing, and offers them a last chance to get the subject mastered for a passing grade. To those people, I ask this: What the hell are progress reports and report cards for, if not to tell parents their kids are flunking??
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Now I Don’t Want Pancakes
Nov 3rd
I think maple syrup is a national treasure. But not when its mined like this.
It is always hard to get that last drop off of there, isn’t it, Vermont?
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...A Survival Story
Oct 29th
Your father was a veteran of the long and brutal Iran/Iraq war, but managed to bring you into the world. For years you toiled to make a meager living and you somehow managed to avoid Saddam Hussein’s rape and torture centers. Some of your extended family weren’t as fortunate. They were jailed and simply never heard from again. You barely missed the conscription age when Saddam marched his forces into Kuwait, so you did not have to fight in the first Gulf War. You stayed at home and didn’t visit your Kurdish relatives on the day that Saddam launched a gas attack against them in retaliation for their insurgency against his government. You had to flee years later when the US forces invaded in 2003 and had to move frequently to avoid violence from terrorists and insurgent forces. Finally, when peace returned to your Baghdad suburb, you could celebrate a wedding with your friends and family and your toddler child.
And then you forgot to engage the safety.
The guy wasn’t even drunk. I don’t understand cultures where its okay to fire guns into the air in celebration. If the guy gets out of the hospital alive, he should enroll his kid in firearm safety classes. Thanks to Tuffer for the link!
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Fabulous Products From China
Oct 27th
Penguin Icons. Stars, hearts, bubbles and little flowers in soft pastels of pink, blue and green. Oh, the box cutters are cute too.
The worst thing? That’s lead paint and it chips. 
Maybe its an Emo Girl training kit for 8 year olds.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Definition of a Monumental Fail
Aug 26th
This monumental erection gets too close to the power lines. I never thought I would blog those words. Heh. Click on the video to see what I mean. Thanks to Neatorama.
Anyone want to hire a crane operator?
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