avatar
Today is Thursday
September 2, 2010

September 2, 2010

See? I Told You Your Psycho Ex Girlfriend Was Too Fat

by Pat — Categories: Bizarre, Humor, Stupid People, fail — Tags: No Comments

This is Doctor Jacquelyn Kotarac. She was the typical psycho ex girlfriend right up to the end when she tried to stalk her ex boyfriend by sliding down the chimney of his home. She got stuck and slowly died. See? That’s why he wouldn’t give her a key.

From Spreadit here:

Dr. Jacquelyn Kotarac attempted to get into her boyfriend’s home, and ending up dying on her way in , she first used a shovel to attempt the break in, which failed. Not giving up, she got a ladder, and climbed the roof and removing the cap that seals in the chimney. Her plan, seemingly, was to slide down the chimney into the home. Instead, she got stuck on the way down and ended up dying.

The couple had a tumultuous relationship, being an on and off again couple for sometime, which was obviously taking a strain on Kotarac.

“She made an unbelievable error in judgment and nobody understands why, and unfortunately she’s passed away,” Moodie told The Associated Press. “She had her issues – she had her demons – but I never lost my respect for her.”

The body was not found by Moodie, but instead being found by a housesitter a few days after, through a strong stench that was emanating from the fireplace, and some fluids leaking down.

EEEwww at the fluids. Hey, lets all look at the video.

Do you think Moodie’s home owner’s insurance will pay for “crazy bitch stuck in chimney?” I don’t think my own insurance has such a rider. I might have a coverage gap there.

September 1, 2010

MOTY: 20 Year Old Mom of 3 Leaves Kids to Bake in Car Visiting Boyfriend in Lockup

by Pat — Categories: Crime, MOTY — Tags: , , No Comments

Meet Salami. That’s not how you spell her name, but I think its how its pronounced. She’s 20 years old and when she’s not expelling children she spends time trying to woo men in the Orange County Jail. Problem is she tries to date jailed men while her 3 kids bake in the August sun in the jail’s parking lot.

From the Orlando Sentinel here by way of Trench:

An Orlando woman was arrested Sunday after she left her three children in a hot car while visiting her boyfriend at the Orange County Jail.

Psalmai Thompson, 20, was arrested on a count of child neglect.

The Department of Children and Families took custody of Thompson’s children — ages 2 months to 5 years — and placed them in care of a relative.

A judge ruled her children should stay with their paternal great-grandmother.

The children were discovered Sunday morning after a man told an Orange County Corrections employee there were three children in a parked car who were sweating and appeared to be “very hot.” The corrections employee went to the car, which was unlocked, and removed the children. Two rear windows of the car were cracked, the arrest report said.

When deputies arrived, a baby appeared “groggy and sweaty,” the report said. The children were being evaluated by paramedics when Thompson ran out of the visitation center and to the car.

The fire department used a device to measure the temperature inside the car. The lowest reading was 105 degrees, while the highest was 125 degrees. The family has an extensive history with DCF, an agency spokeswoman said.

The great grandmother is now raising the kids. And this Mom was getting knocked up at 14.

Now cue Elvis. Click on the little play button.

More Elvis Presley music on iLike

11 PM Music: The Black Keys – “I Got Mine”

by Pat — Categories: Music — Tags: No Comments

I love these guys.  You just don’t see anyone who’s rocking harder.  Sounds like a blusier version of the White Stripes.

Crazed Hawaiian Eco-Religionist Takes Hostage At Discovery Channel

by Pat — Categories: Crime, Eco-Religion, MySpace, Stupid People, fail, terrorNo Comments

leewhacko, originally uploaded by BelchSpeak.

This is Lee. He is an insane Hawaiian environmental nutbag who fired shots in the lobby of the Discovery Channel Building in Silver Spring Maryland today. He is demanding an end to TLC and Discovery Programming that promotes reproduction and instead demands new TV shows show people how to sterilize themselves and stop growing food.

Kinda funny demands from a fat Hawaiian.

You can see an original protest site he created here at Archive.Org where he talks about getting arrested for protesting at Discovery back in 2008.

And of course this idiot has a MySpace page here.

Lets hope this person becomes “an hero” by the end of the day.

UPDATE!  BOOM, Headshot!  Snipers have taken this idiot down.  I hereby lay claim and salvage any carbon credits this loser has now forfeited.  If he were to have lived 60 years as a normal sane person, I figure I can take his unspent carbon credits-  about 30 years worth- and give them away to my liberal friends for Festivus.

Sissy In Chief

by Pat — Categories: Politics, gay — Tags: , No Comments

Hey, who wants to ride bikes?

Bush had to live down being a cheerleader in college. It was the only girly thing he did in sports. Everything Obama tries, other than basketball, he looks like a ninny.

August 31, 2010

Moonbats Want to Turn Poor People into Dung Beetles

by Pat — Categories: Eco-Religion, Politics, fail — Tags: , No Comments

More proof that liberals are obsessed with their own poop and pee? Now they want to force poor people to collect their poop, roll it to a collection station, and exchange it for batteries to power their boom boxes. I swear I’m not making this up.

The idea is called “X-Runner” by Noa Lerner, an Israeli moonbat. She wrongly asserts that the lack of toilets is the cause of poverty. Its the communism and failed leftist governments that cause poverty which strips its citizenry of the ability to buy toilets and the inability of the government to create proper sanitation.

She wants to force the brown colored people of the world to wheel their shit downtown in order to sell it to a fictitious entity or corporation that will convert the shit to energy, presumably by the use of unicorn semen and that wonderful time turner device from the Harry Potter movie.

At What Point Do You Install the Stripper Pole?

by Pat — Categories: Cyber, Humor, Stupid People, failNo Comments

Face it, Dad. Your daughter is dumb. Do you spend extra time and money in tutoring on the outside hope that she will be able to keep from getting knocked up long enough to enter junior college? Or do you go the easy route and just install the 30 dollar stripper pole from the Billiards and Barstools store? This Dad took the easy route.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Face it girls. Your Dad is dumb. First he gets you a web camera after you innocently told him that its the new way to chat with friends. Sure you use it to camwhore yourself on Chat Roulette. And what’s with the stripper pole Dad bought? Couldn’t he at least use some anchor bolts instead of drywall screws to affix it to the ceiling?

August 30, 2010

Obama Cabinet Member Thinks Its Time for Reeducation

by Pat — Categories: Politics, fail — Tags: No Comments

Kathleen Sebelius, the Health and Human Services Secretary for Obama is upset because the American People have deciphered the code of what Obamacare means- more taxes. She is so upset that she is determined to spend more tax dollars to launch a campaign of “reeducation” to clear up the misunderstanding people have that disagree with the policies. Where would she hold these “training sessions?” At a Day Spa? Nah, that would be too expensive. Maybe a nice campground. Yeah, that’s the ticket!

From ABCNews here:

With a number of polls showing a sustained level of opposition to the Democrats’ health care reform efforts more than five months after passage, Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius said the Obama administration has “a lot of reeducation to do” heading into the midterms.

“Unfortunately, there still is a great deal of confusion about what is in [the reform law] and what isn’t,” Sebelius told ABC News Radio in an interview Monday.

Sebelius said “misinformation given on a 24/7 basis” has led to the enduring opposition nearly six months after the lengthy debate ended in Congress. “So, we have a lot of reeducation to do,” Sebelius said.

The administration is particularly concerned about the views of senior citizens – who “have been a target of a lot of the misinformation,” according to the health secretary.

Cant we as citizens see how brilliant our leadership is? If we would only let them reshape our society! These elite rich white people know what’s best for the rest of us!

Leftists Invent Urinal/Sink Combo

by Pat — Categories: Eco-Religion, Stupid People, fail — Tags: No Comments

I have said it before, and I will say it again. Eco-worshipping whackjobs are self-loathingcopromaniacs who are obsessed with their own bodily waste, buttholes and vaginas. I have documented previously how they want everyone to drink their own urine, and to restrict everyone to one piece of toilet paper, want to flush the toilet only once per week, and even reusing tampons.  They even want to ban flushing toilets altogether.   They even made a battery that requires you to pee into it to power it, getting urine all over your fingers.  These freaks think that two-ply toilet paper is more damaging to the environment than driving Hummers.  Instead of using MaxiPads, they insist you use these reusable eco-pads.  Also, they want to buy your used dildos for ten bucks as part of a perverted recycling program.  They even want you to wash your hands in the urinalto save water.  The Japanese, the precious givers of the Kyoto Treaty on Global Warming are forcing passengers to empty their bladders before flying to use less fuel.  They created a car that will run on, yes, your poop.  Now they want you to flush your pee with water from your sink because they think water goes into another dimension when it goes down the drain.

From YankoDesign here by way of Moonbattery:

I’m not a man so I really don’t know how comfortable you guys are going to be with this thought…peeing and washing hands in the same urinal stand!

Liberals have been brainwashed to think that their very body fluids pollute the environment. The eco-religionist left has more guilt associated with it than any other religion.

We Created the TSA to Protect Us From Terrorists on Planes. Who Can we Get to Protect Us From the TSA?

by Pat — Categories: Politics, RoP, Stupid People, Travel, fail, terror — Tags: , No Comments

As I’ve said before, I will say again. TSA employees are retards. They will stop a white boy named Patrick from taking screwdriver bits and 4 ounces of deodorant on a flight because “Lawdy! That’s some precision gubment training!” they give to the former welfare recipients who staff the XRAY machines. But Muslims named “Ahmed Mohamed Nasser al Soofi”, and “Hezem al Murisi?” Who carry gigantic wads of cash sewn into their clothing and a bundle of cellphones taped to a bottle of Pepto Bismol? Oh go right ahead, Sir and “As-Salam Alaikum” to you!

From ABCnews here:

The men were identified as Ahmed Mohamed Nasser al Soofi, of Detroit, MI, and Hezem al Murisi. A neighbor of al Soofi told ABC News he is from Yemen. The two were allowed to board the flight at O’Hare airport last night despite security concerns surrounding one of them.

The men were identified as Ahmed Mohamed Nasser al Soofi, of Detroit, MI, and Hezem al Murisi. A neighbor of al Soofi told ABC News he is from Yemen.

You didn’t seriously believe for a second that their names would be Steve and Jerry, did you?

Airport security screeners in Birmingham, Alabama first stopped al Soofi and referred him to additional screening because of what officials said was his “bulky clothing.”

In addition, officials said, al Soofi was found to be carrying $7,000 in cash and a check of his luggage found a cell phone taped to a Pepto-Bismol bottle, three cell phones taped together, several watches taped together, a box cutter and three large knives. Officials said there was no indication of explosives and he and his luggage were cleared for the flight from Birmingham to Chicago O’Hare.

Birmingham is a small town with small town folks working the screening. It has long been suspected that TSA practices are much weaker at small airports, as anyone who travels extensively would notice.

Once in Chicago, al Soofi checked his luggage on a flight to Washington’s Dulles airport for connections on flights to Dubai and then Yemen, even though he did not board the flight himself.

Instead al Soofi was joined by the second man, Al Murisi, and boarded the United flight from Chicago to Amsterdam.

When Customs and Border officials learned al Soofi was not on the flight from Dulles to Dubai, the plane was ordered to return to the gate so his luggage could be removed. Officials said additional screening found no evidence of explosives.

The two men were detained by Dutch authorities when the United flight landed in Amsterdam.

As Allapundit at HotAir put it, this was an obvious dry run meant to test how many red flags a Muslim could get away with while still being allowed to board an international flight. And it looks like the attempt was to see if you could send a remote control bomb away on one flight while you were heading overseas on another.

And I can tell you this- it wasn’t TSA that stopped him, but the US-VISIT database run by Customs who noticed the unusual travel pattern.

More and More Elderly Using Facebook

by Pat — Categories: Cyber, Humor — Tags: No Comments

I heard on the news that the largest growth of new users of social networking apps like Twitter and Facebook is occuring with people over the age of 60. Remember how something that was cool stopped being cool when your Mom and Dad started doing it? Well what happens when your grandparents get involved?

August 29, 2010

11 PM Music: Robert Plant – “Angel Dance”

by Pat — Categories: Music — Tags: , No Comments

Robert Plant may look like he’s getting really old, but his voice sounds amazingly spry in this excellent cover of Los Lobos.

5 PM Music: Maxence Cyrin – “Where is My Mind? (Pixies Cover)

by Pat — Categories: Movies, Music — Tags: , No Comments

A classical pianist plays the Pixies iconic song over scenes to an old silent movie starring “The mysterious Lady” (1928) with the great Greta Garbo.

August 28, 2010

Cartney Playing in the Firetruck Water

by Pat — Categories: Belch.ComNo Comments


Cartney Playing in the Firetruck Water, originally uploaded by BelchSpeak.

The family went to downtown DC this morning to show our support for the Restoring Honor Rally. We ran late and ended up missing Sarah Palin’s speech. She was the only part I really wanted to see. I think she is the most powerful conservative political force in America today and wanted to hear what she had to say. Pity I missed her.

While it was still cool to see so many other Americans dedicated to conservatism gathering together to show real hope for a better future, I have to admit that there were very few parts of Glenn Beck’s speechifying that I thought was inspiring. And those parts were mostly attributed to Lincoln and our founding fathers. Beck used the platform to borderline proselytize to the crowd, and frankly, it was boring. Hey, he admonished everyone to speak the truth, and the truth was- it was pretty boring.

On the way back to the Metro stop in Foggy Bottom we passed a firetruck that was kind enough to provide cooling water for the crowd. We stripped the shirt and shoes off the boy and let him cool off a while.

We also got the best hotdogs in the Nation’s Capital, from a hotdog truck outside of George Washington University. Everyone we met was super nice, polite and kind, and it made for a pretty good way to waste a Saturday morning.

August 27, 2010

There Are No Ghosts, and if There Were, They Wouldn’t Ride Trains

by Pat — Categories: Humor, Stupid People, fail — Tags: , , , No Comments

A dumbass in North Carolina took a bunch of buddies onto a train trestle around 3 AM in order to see a “ghost train.” A train had crashed on the spot back at the end of the 1800′s and Christopher Kaiser hoped to see the ghost of the train. Oh, he saw a train all right.

From WISTV here;

A man who was with about a dozen people who were looking for a legendary “ghost train” in Iredell County was hit by a locomotive and killed early Friday morning. The incident happened on a train trestle at 2:45 a.m. by an eastbound train consisting of three locomotives and no freight cars.

Christopher Kaiser, 29, died at the scene and two more people were injured. Kaiser’s body was found below the trestle down a steep incline.

The sheriff said the incident coincided with the anniversary of a train wreck that occurred at the same location in 1891.

The train operators tried to stop the locomotives and warn the people on the trestle. Most of the people on the trestle started running east and away from the train. All of the victims were able to clear the trestle except for the fatal victim who was struck by a locomotive.

Chris Kaiser was as bad at running as he was at finding ghosts. I’ll bet he was fat, so its lucky he has so many friends that can help hoist that coffin when it comes time to be pallbearers.

You Can’t Patch This Hole

by Pat — Categories: Crime, Cyber, Humor, Stupid People, You're Fired! — Tags: , , No Comments

Drunk admin opens fire onto his company’s server and then blames it on mystery assailant.

From the SLTrib here:

A Salt Lake City mortgage company employee got drunk, opened fired on his firm’s computer server with a .45-caliber automatic, and then told police someone had stolen his gun and caused the damage.

Joshua Lee Campbell, 23, called police late on Aug. 12, claiming a man had stolen his gun and fired into the $100,000 computer server owned by RANLife Home Loans, located at 268 W. 400 South.

However, Campbell had been drinking that night at the Twilight Concert in Pioneer Park with a co-worker and had returned to his office afterward and shot the server.

Campbell told police he had been “mugged, assaulted with his own firearm and drugged” by a mystery assailant.

Everyone has one of those days I guess, but shooting a server? Everyone knows you don’t shoot it, you take it to a secluded field and deal with it like normal people:

Office Space Printer from Shang Xiao on Vimeo.

The Boob Apron is a Bad Idea

by Pat — Categories: Distractions, Humor — Tags: , , 1 Comment

Patton Oswalt tweeted this link to a hilarious parody of a product seen on TV. Bad language warning, so headphones if you are at the office.

August 26, 2010

Would Time Travelers Exist?

by Pat — Categories: Bizarre, Cyber, HumorNo Comments

If it were possible to travel through time, then there must be time travelers among us. And they would therefore appear during times of monumental and historical events. For instance, if you wanted to set out to capture a time traveler, wouldn’t you set a trap for one in or around the World Trade Center on 9/11? Or maybe during the initiation phase of the Hadron Collider?

From CNET here:

A would-be saboteur arrested today at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland made the bizarre claim that he was from the future. Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world.

The LHC successfully collided particles at record force earlier this week, a milestone Mr Cole was attempting to disrupt by stopping supplies of Mountain Dew to the experiment’s vending machines.

Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin. “Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I’m here to stop it ever happening.”

Mr Cole was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled, but not that bothered.

Scary. I also have a theory that crop circles are caused by time travelers because those areas are long-time documented as being devoid of concrete buildings that would be very bad to re-emerge into during a time jump.

10 PM Music: Trevor Shand Featuring Dr Drew- “Our Favorite Show Glee”

by Pat — Categories: Distractions, Humor, Music — Tags: , No Comments

This is for all you “Gleeks” out there. This video is completely full of inside jokes and references to a TV show that I can’t watch due to the fact I possess standard testerone levels. My wife had to explain to me that Dr. Drew could be mistaken for Ryan Murphy.

August 25, 2010

Midnight Music: Grace Potter and the Nocturnals – “White Rabbit”

by Pat — Categories: Music — Tags: No Comments

Potter’s version of the Jefferson Airplane song was featured on the Alice in Wonderland soundtrack. I love the acoustic version of this.

© 2010 BelchSpeak All rights reserved - Wallow theme by TwoBeers Crew - Powered by WordPress - Have fun!