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Only top notch used sweaty yoga mats can be given to the Haitians in need.

They are also sending in the band leaders from their gay rights parades to provide mood music.

Thanks San Francisco!

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I have featured Meghan Smith a few times on this blog and even wrote a post about how she uses her Omnichord to make her music. Here she is covering the Pixies’ hit, which appeared in 500 Days of Summer. Oh, and she’s cute too!

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Shoveling Snow, originally uploaded by BelchSpeak.

My back hurts. I’ve been shoveling snow for three days. We had 30+ inches of snow Friday and Saturday. My wife’s grandmother’s condo finally had their roads plowed this morning and I was invited over to take part in a giant snow shovel party as all of the residents attempted to dig out their cars.

I had already spent Saturday evening and most of Sunday digging out my own vehicles and clearing my driveway. My back hates me right now. And we are getting almost 2 more feet tomorrow.

But as a pro-tip did you know you can keep snow from sticking to your snow shovel by spraying PAM non-stick spray on it? This snow was extra sticky, and every shovel full left about 2 pounds of snow sticking to the blade. This put extra stress on my back and was really slowing down the progress. Ten minutes of that and I thought of trying the no-stick spray.

It turns out that this is a known secret of many people who live further north, but we Southerners don’t get enough of this white stuff (until this year) to need this information. I shared this new-found knowledge with a couple of friends who cursed me for not sharing it earlier. Maybe they can give it a try tomorrow.

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Good Ol’ Boy Jack “Haditha” Murtha has bellied up to bar in Hell to do some flaming tequila shots with Teddy and John Kennedy. Turns out he had a gall bladder removed recently and the doctors nicked an intestine. Tsk tsk. He wasn’t always an ass in the House- involved in Abscam and other scandals. Once he had his shins “blowed off by a Japanman’s machine gun” in WW2. For this he earns a spot with better soldiers in Arlington National Cemetery.

HotAir has more details.

Rep. Murtha, whose military decorations included the Bronze Star and two awards of the Purple Heart, was one of the first Vietnam veterans to sit in the House. His district returned him regularly to office, and after 10 years, Rep. Murtha had quietly established himself as a key Capitol Hill player who could woo lawmakers of divergent views to join forces.

The 77-year-old Democrat underwent scheduled laparoscopic surgery to remove his gallbladder at Bethesda Naval Hospital last Thursday but then, after his release, sought care at the Virginia Hospital Center over the weekend.

The congressman’s spokesman declined to say Tuesday what led him to be hospitalized again. But responding to questions Wednesday, he said that Murtha was in stable condition. Two persons said it appeared Murtha’s intestine had been cut inadvertently during the gall bladder removal.

Happy Trails, Congressman.

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Need to shed those holiday and Superbowl pounds? This is the video for you!

As a bonus, you may qualify for the Nancy Pelosi Skin Stretching Cream. Act now!

Thanks to Don for the video!

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Leftists would love nothing more than to have a nation-wide police force that can invade your home, go through your garbage, search your car and dictate what you can and cannot buy. Is this Obama’s idea of “Green jobs?” Also, notice everyone who gets arrested is white?

And is there anyone who wants to buy an Audi now because it puts them on the side of fascistic Eco-religionists?

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In the event of a New Orleans Win, I took the under on the number of stabbings and related celebratory deaths due to riots in the Big Easy. My bet was 16. Jess bet 20. Mary took 18 in an attempt to split our difference. Body count so far? 4. Who Dat gonna kill dem Saints!

And you know they print two runs of t-shirts before each Superbowl game because they want to have the players wearing the winning shirts during post game interviews? Well the losing team usually donates the misprinted shirts to the needy. Guess what the Haitian children who haven’t been eaten by zombies will be wearing tomorrow?

(2 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6)

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Bill Gates gave a BILLION dollars to make sure no white people get scholarships.

From the Gates Millenium Scholars Page here, with thanks to The Right Rant:

Students are eligible to be considered for a GMS scholarship if they
-Are African American, American Indian/Alaska Native, Asian and Pacific Islander American, or Hispanic American

Either this says that white people don’t need scholarships because they are genetically superior, or they just hate white people. Either way, its a racist operation.

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39 Year Old Tammy Clinton got bored of teaching 6th grade so instead she embarked on a career of professional child rapist. When she wasn’t raping her school children she was forcing them to fondle her veiny boobies while she gave the boys heiney rubs.

From WTSP here:

Hillsborough County Sheriff’s deputies arrested 39-year-old Tammy Clinton at the school on Thursday, for not only forcing a 14-year-old student to touch her breasts and fondling his buttocks, but twice enticing him to leave the campus with her so they could commit a sexual act. The most recent attempt was the day of the arrest.

Clinton confessed to the acts after her arrest.

Clinton has been placed on paid suspension. The school district says it will take a vote by the school board to put her on unpaid suspension while the case is investigated.

See what I mean? You can gobble the penises of 14 year olds and keep your job with pay, just not have to show up to work. Even when you confess, its okay for teachers to keep their jobs.

Oh, and I LOL’ed when I saw this girl’s awesome three wolf shirt!

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Actually, I’m not sure what Megan Baumann actually did to get suspended from her Social Studies teaching job at Clinton High School, but as long time readers of this blog know, if she doesn’t get a suspension with pay, it must mean that there is a video tape of her banging the JV football team or something.

From Knoxnews here:

A Clinton High School teacher has been suspended without pay and charged with “improper conduct” by school officials as state authorities confirmed Friday they’ve launched twin investigations targeting a CHS teacher.

Officials declined to comment about specific allegations against Megan Baumann, who was placed on unpaid leave shortly after noon Thursday . Her suspension is until further notice.

District Attorney General Dave Clark asked the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation and the Clinton Police Department to do a joint investigation into allegations against “a female teacher at Clinton High School,” TBI spokeswoman Kristin Helm said Friday.

Baumann, school records show, was hired in August 2008 and is a social studies teacher. Her Facebook page indicates she obtained a master’s degree in secondary education from the University of Tennessee that year.

So Megan Baumann’s plan was to finish High School, party hard through college, spend a small fortune on a teaching degree and then rape High School children. I guess you could call this “mission accomplished!” That Megan Baumann is a whore with no boundaries is apparent. The only question that remains is how many victims did she violate?

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A cross-eyed lesbian woman and former teacher of St. Croix Lutheran High School in Minnesota has been sentenced to 5 months in jail, 10 years probation and a 200 dollar fine for dry-scissoring one of her students in a car while parked at a mall.

From Fox here:

A Kenosha, Wis. woman who was a teacher and basketball coach at St. Croix Lutheran High School in West St. Paul was sentenced Friday to 150 days in jail and 10 years of probation for having a sexual relationship with a 17-year-old girl.

Melissa Diana Koehn, 31, was convicted on Nov. 20, 2009 of fourth-degree criminal sexual conduct for having a sexual relationship with girl. A Dakota County judge stayed the execution of a 36-month sentence, which is an upward departure.

Koehn was also fined $200 as part of the sentence.

Koehn and the teenage girl were found in parked car in Apple Valley, lying on top of each other and kissing in a fully-reclined seat. An Apple Valley police officer was telling the pair to leave the area due to bad weather when they noticed the 17-year-old was wearing a St. Croix Lutheran High School letter jacket. The officer later checked the staff directory at the school and noticed Koehn was listed as a player and coach.

Melissa Koehn tricked the victim’s family into letting her live with them by claiming to be a Christian in need of help and a home. Instead she seduced their daughter. Five months seems a little light to me. I can’t wait to see her sex crimes registry photo.

(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6)

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Black history month- the month where you appreciate the color of the skin of some people and ignore the content of their character- is celebrated by the wonderful company of NBC by putting collard greens, black eyed peas and fried chicken on the menu. Even rabid lesbian Wanda Sykes is offended:

Next week it will be chiterlings and pigs feet! Oh, and don’t forget skrimps!

Now cue the little diversity boy:

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Ah pet owners.  Some of them are just off their rocker, and too stupid to know that their dangerous animals will turn on them.  A doctor in Slovenia spent 4 years fighting to keep his three pet bullmastiffs from getting put down because they were vicious and had attacked other people.  Well they finally got put down by cops after they ate their stupid owner.

From Reuters here:

A Slovenian who saved his three dogs from being put down for attacking humans was himself mauled to death by them.

Four years ago, the three bullmastiffs attacked and seriously injured a passer-by outside their owner’s house. They spent years in custody pending legal hearings, but when one of them attacked a dog handler, authorities ordered them to be put down.

Their owner, a doctor, succeeded last June in his legal appeals to get the dogs back, sparking a national controversy. The dogs attacked the man in his garden Tuesday, killing him before the police arrived. All three dogs were put down following the attack. 

Be careful what you wish for. On the flip side, I met a cyber-analyst at a client site who told a story about how he made his girlfriend take her two cats to the animal shelter because they wouldn’t stop pissing on his carpet. “She cried all night,” he explained, adding that the no-kill shelter was full, so it was off to the gallows with those cats.

I laughed later on and proclaimed him my personal hero when he asked a fellow co-worker to set him up on a date with his sister’s friend. I said, “So you get your girlfriend to ditch her cats to a kill shelter and then later plan on ditching your girlfriend too? Wow!”

Everyone else was convinced that after getting rid of the cats he would either have to marry her or check his car for bombs.

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James Ray Attracted Steel Bracelets, originally uploaded by BelchSpeak.

Greg sent me this awesome photo. He wrote:

James Ray doin’ the perp walk.    Sadly 3 manslaughter charges might not bring much hard time.  It will be the wrongful death lawsuits that hopefully bankrupt him

He should have thought more positively.

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Where Older Women Hang, originally uploaded by BelchSpeak.

Another blizzard is getting ready to hit Northern Va and I had to cut my trip short and get home before it hits. I spotted this fine St Louis night club on the way to the airport.

Didn’t spot any cougars but “meow!”

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Tis the tax season. Of course I’ve been working on my own tax returns and, judging by the massive amounts of personal information leakage I’ve been seeing, everyone else is working on their taxes too.

At NetWitness I use full network packet capture and session Analytics and reconstruction to look for security violations. I am currently seeing a huge spike in email attachments that contain the keyword of “tax.” Upon examination I see that hundreds of people are going to work and checking on the status of their income tax returns. And when they find they get a refund or when the government accepts their return, they happily download their tax forms fro turbotax.com or H&R block and then do the unthinkable: They email their tax forms from their work email to their cloud email account. And guys like me can see these documents, right down to the document watermarks.

Remember, you can retrieve these docs at home if you want them by logging in from home via a secure connection with your tax preparer’s server. If you email the docs to gmail, it goes out as clear text. Google can read it and probably guys like me at your office can too. Just stop it. I don’t want to see yours and your spouse’s social security numbers and how many jobs it takes to scrape up the tax payments you owe. And I really don’t want to see the pittance you received on your 1099 from your weak-ass savings accounts. But hackers do. Please stop making their jobs easy.

(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6)

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Looks like James Ray will be doing time for bringing about the deaths of his moonbat followers. I wonder if he was charged with manslaughter because he “attracted” the charges?

From the AP here with thanks to commenter Marilee:

Authorities have charged motivational speaker James Arthur Ray with three counts of manslaughter for deaths that happened after a sweat lodge ceremony he led in northern Arizona last year.

Ray was arrested Wednesday afternoon at his attorney’s office in Prescott on an indictment and was to be booked into the Yavapai County jail in Camp Verde, sheriff’s officials said. His bond is set at $5 million.

The Oct. 8 sweat lodge ceremony was intended to be the highlight of Ray’s five-day “Spiritual Warrior” event at a retreat he rented just outside Sedona. He told participants, who paid more than $9,000 each to attend, that it would be one of the most intense experiences of their lives.

About halfway through the two-hour ceremony, some began feeling ill, vomiting and collapsing inside the 415-square-foot structure. Despite that, Ray urged participants to push past their physical weaknesses and chided those who wanted to leave, authorities and participants have said.

Two people — Kirby Brown, 38, of Westtown, N.Y., and James Shore, 40, of Milwaukee — passed out inside the sweat lodge and died that night at a hospital. Liz Neuman, 49, of Prior Lake, Minn., slipped into a coma and died a week later. Eighteen others were hospitalized.

When you roast people in an Arizona oven you attract jailtime.

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I still don’t fully understand how carbon trading works in Europe. I think they tax all industries based on what eco-religionists think is a pollutant- carbon dioxide which is a non-toxic, odorless, invisible gas. And they give that money to people who don’t work for a living. Whatever they do, it is very simple to shut it down. You just spearphish the customer base.

From the Copenhagen Post here:

Virus laden emails direct registry’s users to a fake website. All trading suspended until damage ascertained

The Danish CO2 quota register has been shut down since Tuesday after a spate of virus infected false emails were sent to registry users.

The Danish Energy Agency (DEA), charged with maintaining the registry, indicated that the closure has affected some 375 energy companies, together with 1200 private customers who speculate on CO2 quota trading in Denmark.

In cooperation with the EU and UN, the DEA has suspended all trading on the register until the eventual damage of the harmful emails is determined.

The viral attack did not involve the hacking of the register’s website directly, but instead targeted the users of the register, sending them an email virus purporting to originate from the DEA.

The agency is currently trying to determine how many registry customers have been affected and has warned more than 1500 users about the virus. In addition, the DEA has ordered the company hosting the fake website to remove it from the internet.

So the hackers were stealing credentials because this must be a lucrative market. Plus you could fudge how much taxes you owe if you managed to steal a critical account. It seems like cap and trade is important to keep in place, but not really critical to keep it up and running in the face of a simple phishing attack. I wonder if you can shut down other government services as easily?

McAffee’s blog says the hackers have spearphished more sites and more markets are taking themselves offline out of some type of fear. I applaud these efforts because the wind generated by my clapping hands powers a pinwheel that turns tiny turbines that generate green energy.

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Via HotAir, this awesome review by the second most powerful man in the world plus an avid and enthusiastic Aspergers sufferer! Go Joe!

By the way, I loved Hurt Locker. Its also up for best picture along with Avatar. But Hurt Locker was not anti-white and anti-American, so that means that Avatar is a shoe-in for the Best Picture at the Oscars.

(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6)

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If humans eventually cease to be, will snakes evolve thumbs so they can light their Bic lighters? Whoa, you say, how can you have Bic lighters without humans to make them? Because the Bic factories will be run by otters. They have to do something with their webbed fingers after the clams are all gone due to salt-resistent slugs that eat all of them.

From the Metro here:

You don’t want to deny Po the pit viper his regular morning cigarette – he’s guaranteed to throw a hissy fit.

That’s because the three-year-old reptile from Taipei in Taiwan has become hooked on nicotine, thanks to his owner Sho Lau’s 20-a-day habit.

‘He is very tame and one day when I threw a cigarette butt away he went for it and seemed to enjoy having it in his mouth,’ said 33-year-old Lau. ‘One thing led to another and before long he was having one cigarette in the morning and another at night.’

‘He gets very agitated if I don’t have any to spare,’ he added.

It won’t last long. Snakes will get hooked on tobacco in California, but the state will ban cigarettes and then legalize pot, but the snakes are too sophisticated to use dope.