A Sacramento man, poorly employed as a wandering Rodeo Clown who terrorizes children at the local tourist traps and city malls, caught two illegal aliens trying to steal his only means of conveyance, a broken down bicycle. So he did what any rodeo clown would do: Pulled a fake gun on them and did a poor impersonation of Clint Eastwood from Dirty Harry.

A smart neighbor who saw the ruckus actually called the cops.  From CBS-13 here with funny video:

Two suspected thieves are under arrest after their alleged burglary was foiled by a professional rodeo clown.

Kevin Powers said he was putting on his costume for his job when two men showed up at his Sacramento home Sunday morning. Wearing his chaps, hat, and makeup, he was startled when one of the men peered inside his kitchen window.

Police said Hector Zavala and Lorenzo Cerecer attempted to steal Powers’ bike, but couldn’t start their getaway vehicle. “I ran back into the house thinking I had to stop those guys,” Powers said.   All he found was his toy revolver.

“I jumped in front of their car, so they wouldn’t pull away,” he said. “I go, ‘This is a .44 Magnum,’ cause I was just joking, you know?”

“I kept going like a Clint Eastwood movie,” he added.

A neighbor witnessed the commotion and called police, who arrived and arrested the two suspects.

Pulling the gun and impersonating Clint Eastwood is the same trick he uses to keep his cellar stocked with the corpses of little kids.

This skit from the Muppet Show is over 30 years old and its still fascinating today. The clay faces are really clever, especially how fast they can mold each other’s faces. But I can’t shake the feeling they are just a couple of sad, mute clowns.

Supposedly this is the first commercial for McDonald’s that ever aired on TV. And boy is that Hamburger Clown creepy.

It seems that the fried looked better back then, but those floopy hamburgers have never changed.

Thanks to SoGood for the link.

Some just take a half million dollars from 90 year-old widows.

Meet Carrie Williams.  This despicable woman stole a half million bucks from a grieving 90 year old widow.  What makes this woman even more intolerable is that she is a clown.  Now she will be making balloon animals for fat Rhonda in the Arizona State Pen.

From the Daily Courier here:

Police arrested Kooki the Clown on five felony charges relating to her allegedly defrauding a 90-year-old woman of more than $500,000.

Carrie L. Williams-Thompson, 48, who portrayed ‘Kooki’ at fairs and city events, also worked as a bereavement counselor.  She met the victim shortly after the victim’s husband died.

“The woman’s husband passed away in 2002. She (Williams-Thompson) gained power of attorney soon after that. The theft hasn’t been going on that long”.

The victim and her bank noticed that Williams-Thompson appeared to be “making unusual use” of the victim’s money. Williams-Thompson used the victim’s money to buy homes, vehicles, a fifth-wheel trailer and more.

California police officers arrested Williams-Thompson in Corona, Calif., where she was performing as Kooki with a California fair. Authorities soon will extradite her back to Arizona, where she will face felony charges of fraud, theft, financial exploitation of a vulnerable adult, forgery and unlawful use of power of attorney.

Clowns behind bars always make me laugh.  Wanna see this clown’s MySpace Page?  Click here.

Thanks to Trench, we know of Alexander Zacarias, a 40 year old illegal alien truck washer, who gets dolled up in clown makeup to go to children’s parties in Hispanic neighborhoods. And his computer is chock full of kiddie porn, some of which involves infants. The funniest thing about this clown will be the look on his face when he’s deported.

From NewsDay here:

A Westbury man who moonlighted as a children’s party clown was arrested on charges of possessing and promoting child pornography. Alexander Zacarias, 40, was arraigned on nine counts of possession of sexual performance of a child. He was held on bail of $400,000 bond or $200,000 cash, and is due back in court Friday.

Zacarias, a Guatemalan national who is undocumented, came to New York several years ago and worked full-time as a truck-washer. In January, state and county police were tracking the online distribution of child pornography and found an IP address that identified Zacarias’ computer.

When police went to his home to arrest him last Tuesday, they confiscated six desktop and laptop computers. Zacarias may have used them to upload and download hundreds of pictures of child pornography, some with infants. Zacarias made “admissions” to police about the pornography.

Zacarias’ side gig came to light when “we were doing a search of the home and we found a pair of clown shoes.” Investigators learned that he sometimes worked as a clown at private children’s birthday parties in Hispanic neighborhoods.

I have a feeling you will find a pair of clown shoes in every pervert’s closet.

His wife, who used to be the nanny for his kids when he was married to his ex, is suing Robin Williams for divorce. According to Best Week Ever here,

After 19 years of what must have been unfathomable torture, Robin Williams’ wife has finally filed for divorce.

The divorce papers are full of references to “Mr. Happy”

And according to this article here in the Daily Mail, his wife, Marsha Garces Williams was also responsible for foisting the horrific movie Patch Adams upon society, which only fueled my hatred for clowns.

Robin Williams’ comic appeal has waned at the box office over the years and, it appears, at home too.

Marsha Garces Williams, his producer wife of almost 19 years, has filed for divorce citing irreconcilable differences.

The two met when Garces Williams worked as a nanny for Williams’ son Zachary, whom he had with his previous wife, Valerie Valardi.

Robin and Garces Williams also have two children together, daughter Zelda, 18, and son Cody, 16.

Garces was a producer on a number of her husband’s projects, including Jakob the Liar, Patch Adams, and Mrs. Doubtfire.

So Mrs. Doubtfire was based on the idea that a nanny could save a broken family? Who’da thunk it? Robin Williams hasn’t made a funny movie since The Best of Times. Even Williams’ voiceover work is horrible. I’m still pissed at Robin Williams for ruining Robots and Alladin.

This is a disturbing video and will easily cover many of the major phobias.  Are you in a gang of clowns that are looking to terrorize a nursing home in the name of Jesus?  This video is for you.

Notes from the video:
When you “launch out into the unknown,” first try torturing the elderly.  They are old and can’t outrun your shenanigans. They are vulnerable and lonely and helpless to stop you when you leap at them from behind brick columns.  Jesus hated clowns.  It was written in Mark Chapter 19 that between scourging and crowning of thorns, the Lord was tormented by Pharisees in big red shoes.  Believe it or not, there are rules for clowns when visiting nursing homes.  Never call ahead and approach the elderly in gangs of eight clowns or more for maximum terror.

If getting old and being shoved in a nursing home didn’t suck enough,  now you are a clown magnet too.

I have written many times how clowns creep me out.  I have been known to leave a building when I see a clown come inside, and sometimes I wonder if strangling a clown would be considered justifiable homicide.  But thats just me…  and about a million or so other people too.

But I have never been bothered by Santa.  But I can certainly understand how seeing the bearded chubby holiday elf could affect some people with the same feelings I have for clowns.  Especially when you look at photos of kids being traumatized in shopping malls by sitting on Santa’s lap. 

Below are 12 hilarious photos I found courtesy of the Sun Sentinel here, by way of Fark. 

But I don’t wanna sit on your lap!

But Mama, We’re Jewish!  Why do you do this to me?

It is about time for my wife and I to decide when or if we will get our son’s picture taken with Santa. After seeing these images, I’m not too sure if we should put him through that.

Was revealed today by Empire Magazine.

All this hype for weeks about Heath Ledger’s insane look in the upcoming movie the Dark Knight, and finally I realize I’ve seen this guy somewhere before.

Sigh.

I love it when clowns do something funny.

In this instance, Klutzo the Clown, who was in jail because he is a dirty kid-touching clown (is that redundant?), got feisty with a guard. The guard whipped out his taser and pumped 50k volts through him. When he twitched and died, it was the funniest shtick he ever did as a clown.

Here is the late Klutzo the Kiddie-Fondling Clown with his widow of Clowndom, Smilee.

Klutzo was fond of saying, “You can have a balloon animal if you touch my wee wee.”

From BND.com here with thanks to the great Steve Huff at the True Crime Weblog here:

Authorities say a former minister, police officer and clown who was accused of child sex crimes died after a Taser was used to subdue him in jail.

Carlock began having problems after a correctional officer Tased him during a struggle. Carlock was arrested last month on charges of sex tourism and possession of child pornography.

He had several jobs involving contact with kids, including performing as “Klutzo the Clown.”

I originally wrote about this disgusting man here and noted how his clown wife filed for clown divorce. I guess someone will have to conduct the clown burial now. Somehow I imagine a clown funeral involves a sandbox and someone in a giant cat suit. Its always hard getting that coffin door shut because his giant feet keeps the lid from closing.

There were always too many parents watching when Klutzo the Clown, aka Paul Carlock, would go to parties and church functions and make stupid balloon animals for the kids he desperately wanted to fondle. So he went overseas to the Phillipines as a “clown missionary” to fondle orphan kids and photograph them nude to feed his insidious kiddie porn addiction.

Here is Klutzo the Kiddie-Fondling Clown with his soon-to-be ex wife of Clowndom, Smilee.

Klutzo says, “You can have a balloon animal if you touch my wee wee.”

Klutzo Carlock was busted when he tried to come back to America from his orphan kid-touching field trip. Inspectors at the airport reviewed his digital camera photos and his laptop and saw the kiddie porn and software he was trying to use to hide his crimes.

During their investigation, they also found out that Carlock had enrolled himself in the Big Brother Big Sister program of Springfield and had given child pornography on a homemade DVD to a 6 year old. That is one funny clown!

The Smoking Gun has all the details here. The creepy homepage of this orphan-toucher, which includes little handprints as a background image is here. And in this article, the funniest thing about this clown is revealed when he announces in court that his clown wife filed for clown divorce.

Carlock told investigators that his children are grown and said in court Tuesday that his wife had filed for divorce earlier that day. Sangamon County court records verified that she did.

Maybe Klutzo can spend some time in PMITA prison trying to make balloon animals for the inmates. In prison, everyone loves a clown!

I was wondering when Marcel Marceau would finally be funny. He died.

Here is Marcel Marceau doing something that most assuredly is not funny.

From G&B here:

Marcel Marceau, the world’s only famous mime, is to be buried in an imaginary coffin so he can perform his best-known illusion — the man trapped in an invisible box — for all eternity, sources close to the Marceau family revealed after the entertainer’s death at age 84 today.

Ah, mimes. Combine a fear of clowns with a fear of swishy Frenchmen.

I have documented on this site my pure disdain and hatred for all things clown. Below is a video making its rounds from National Geographic that documents odd phobias, and the fear of clowns specifically, called caulrophobia. One poor woman is subjected to the terror of some stupid dope dressed in a clownsuit who calls himself “Mr. Giggles.”

I think the video below would be much more hilarious if the woman charged forward and stabbed the clown 40 times with a letter opener.

One interesting fact about clowns is that all of the frilly loose polyester of their nightmarish garb renders the typical clown extremely flammable, especially when combined with high-speed car wrecks involving jumbo jets.

And this woman is probably very familiar with Mr. Giggles’ online profile featured here in Bebo. OMG!

I got my new Arctic Monkeys CD, Favourite Worst Nightmare, from Amazon.com today. You can get yours too by clicking the photo below.

And check out their hit single, Fluorescent Adolescent below. Warning! There are clowns in the video triumphing over common men, so its quite disturbing.

The Daily Press is running a story about Spunky the Drug Smuggling Clown, who is boo-hooing in sad-clown makeup about the fact that no one wants to hire a clown who was busted smuggling drugs into a prison to give them to a convicted criminal.

Spunky the Pot Junky Clown

From the DP here:

Troubled clown hopes for second chance

Manuela Markham is afraid she will never get to clown around again.

Markham, the Suffolk resident whose alter ego is Spunky the Clown, was arrested May 6 for attempting to smuggle marijuana to an inmate at the Greensville Correctional Center.

Earlier this month, a local TV station picked up on the story, and since then the story has made the rounds online and by email. Markham, 35, who has no prior arrest record, says her lapse in judgement has ruined her life and cost her the only business she has ever known.

“I’ve been clowning for 18 years,” she said by phone this morning. “It’s all I’ve ever done since I was a teenager. People thought I was a wonderful clown. I won awards. And now everybody’s abandoned me. I don’t own a business anymore,” she said. “People won’t hire me. I have nothing.”

Markham said her clients have canceled performances. She has taken down the Web site for her Bubblehead Entertainment company.

Markham said she agreed to carry the drugs because she needed money.

She says no one will hire her as a clown, the only job she’s done since she started out working at a Six Flags park in New Jersey. “I feel like this is it, like my clown career is over,” she said. “Nobody wants me. I miss it so much, and this is something I just can’t get over.”

Don’t you just feel so sorry for this idiot who never had a job tougher than putting on some makeup and hideous outfits?

Aww Spunky, don’t be a sad clown. Maybe you can get 29 other unemployed clowns and pile them all into a Mini Cooper and go to the unemployment office together. Once you are there you can all pile out at the same time! Everyone laughs at that one. Especially if you all wear impossibly huge red shoes. Inside the unemployment office, you can honk bicycle horns at the dour clerks until they give you some money. They need cheering up more than most office workers.

And maybe, just maybe, they can get you a job. You can even deliver newspapers, or wash cars at the local car wash. I just hope they don’t do a background check and find out you used to dress like a clown smuggle drugs!

I love bad clowns. I love dead clowns more, but bad ones make me laugh. A stupid clown from Suffolk, VA tried to visit some sad sack in the state lockup. To smuggle in some fine cannabis. No word on whether or not it was in an animal balloon.

The drug sniffing dogs at the jail alerted authorities to this evil creature smuggling the dope. Word has it that when clowns go to prison they have to paint their faces from happy clowns to sad clowns.

Spunky the Pot Junky Clown

From the Daily Press here:

A Suffolk woman who works as a clown at children’s parties was arrested last month and charged with trying to smuggle marijuana to a prison inmate.

Manuela Markham, who operates Bubblehead Entertainment and performs as Spunky the Clown, was arrested on May 6 when police say she tried to sneak marijuana to an unnamed inmate at the Greensville Correctional Center.

Prison security guards suspected Markham was carrying drugs because of “previous information received through recorded telephone conversations” between Markham and the inmate. When she arrived to visit the inmate around noon on May 6, Rose said, the guards’ drug-sniffing dogs detected marijuana.

She is charged with possession of drugs with intent to distribute to an inmate, a Class 4 felony.

I think they were really concerned about people going to their website over this. They deleted all of their pictures. I guess they didn’t count on Google cache! Hey boys and girls, hiring dope smoking clowns is bad.

Finally! A Clown Act that I can really cheer for. No more throwing confetti from buckets. No more cramming clowns in a tiny compact car. No stupid red noses, balloon animals and floppy shoes.

Two clowns in a circus in Columbia were shot dead in front of a crowd of fifty circus-goers. Its about time that creepy clowns finally did something funny. From Reuters here:

BOGOTA (Reuters) - Two clowns were shot and killed by an unidentified gunman during their performance at a traveling circus in the eastern Colombian town of Cucuta, police said Wednesday.

The gunman burst into the Circo del Sol de Cali Monday night and shot the clowns in front of an audience of 20 to 50 people, local police chief Jose Humberto Henao told Reuters. One of the clowns was killed instantly and the second died the next day in hospital.

“The clowns came out to give their show and then this guy came out shooting them,” one audience member told local television. “It was terrible.”

I’m not afraid of clowns. Clowns are just bad people who are not funny. Go here for like-minded people.

Kenny the Clown wants to be the mayor of Alameda. Instead of giving the mayor a gavel to preside over town council meetings, he can use a honking bulb horn.

Gads I hate clowns. But I think it would be funny if Kenny wins the election. Here is his stupid website.

From the AP here:

ALAMEDA, Calif. - A real clown is running for mayor of Alameda, and even his sister won’t vote for him.

Kenneth Kahn, 41, a professional joker known as “Kenny the Clown,” admits he’s running a long-shot campaign for City Hall’s top spot. Kahn has not previously run for an elected position and has never sat on a public board.

“People ask me, ‘Do we really want to elect a clown for mayor of the city?’” he said. “I say, ‘That’s an excellent question.’”

Kahn’s mother, Barbara, said her son doesn’t have a chance, and Sylvia Kahn, a teacher, said her brother’s candidacy is a “mockery of our system.”

Even a clown’s own family hates him. Clowns are only funny when their stupid over-sized shoes are too big to close the coffin lid on them.

I have mentioned before that I hate clowns. I don’t really know where this hatred originated- I think sometime around the age of 12 or so- but I began to realize that clowns aren’t funny. They are creepy and menacing. The only time that clowns would be funny is if a big batch of clowns were attacked by ninjas. Or pirates. Or the ATF storming the “clown compound” with flame throwers.

But in this case, a clown was performing some wierd circus stunt, and there was a fall from a good height, followed by a crushing cage. Children were there to witness this final un-funny clown act.

From the AP here:

Kids Watch As Clown Is Crushed to Death

DUBLIN, Ireland (AP) — A hot-air balloon caught fire during a circus stunt, killing a clown acrobat as dozens of children watched, police said Tuesday.

The accident happened Monday night as the Royal Russian Circus was performing in Scariff, County Clare, a village in western Ireland. About 100 people were in the audience, most of them children. Police said the clown was a 26-year-old man from Belarus but didn’t release his name.

Witnesses said the man, dressed in a clown outfit, was hanging from a cage suspended by ropes and a hot-air balloon inside the canvas tent. When the balloon exploded in flames, the cage fell on top of the man.