I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Clowns
Crisis Management Under the Big Top
Feb 7th
I saw the motorcycle accident below on Fox News and it looked pretty bad. I found the whole video on YouTube and found quite a few surprises. First of all, the rider is going to be okay. Broke several bones, but he will survive. But check out the ringmaster who takes control of a bad situation, keeps the crowds calm and pulls the decision to close the circus.
Oh, and the redneck who shouts “He’s fuckin’ dead!” with all those kids around? Total asshat.
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Loading ...There is no Better Clown Beater Than Batman
Sep 20th
All clowns deserve a beating that can only be delivered by the Dark Knight.
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Oh Boy a Clown Is Suing Me!
Aug 25th
I love a good Internet LOLsuit.
From Steve Triola, an asshat who paints his face so the children he plays with can’t pick him out in a lineup:
Dr. Jones
I talked to my lawyer today and he is going forward with my case. He has called his contacts in the DC area, we think your operating somewhere out there. Also have contacted a lawyer that specializes in Internet crimes. I see you will not let me respond to your comments on your website. So I’m telling you now I want that video of me off of your site now! My lawyer is also going to be sending you an e-mail telling you to take it off. You have cost me thousands of dollars and destroyed my reputation. Before you slandered me I had worked on such shows in Hollywood as “Seventh Heaven and Ally McBeal. I did a pilot called channel surfing. Was on the dating game, the gong show and had small parts in several independent films. The LA times ran a story on me. The Long Beach Press Telegram and several other newspapers around the LA area. I have performed for several huge corporations. Been to hundred of children’s parties. I was one of the most popular clowns in the LA area. But that all changed when you made the claim that the clown in Illinois had moved to LA. to be near kids and now that you with your genius detective work have found him, he will have to change his name. You never even bothered to check and see if I was the same person that was arrested in Illinois.
You ran an article about Downtown The Clown being arrested for having position of child pornography then put a video of me under the article. Not only that! You said, “I was a douche bag and was annoying kids. Those kids at that party loved me. That’s why their parents put the video on YouTube. Did you even watch the video. Did you do any kind of back ground check on me what so ever. You knew nothing about me. What kind of education I have, what schools I attended, where I grew up. Where I had performed, who I had performed for. If I had any kind of criminal record at all. You did none of that, yet you decided to attack me. To destroy everything I worked so hard for over the last sixteen years. Then you call the home of those children a ghetto. Just because their African American and don’t have the kind of money you have. What is wrong with you?
You can hide and hide all you want. But you will be found and brought to justice. A jury is going to love this case. You picked the wrong person to mess with. This is not going away. You will be hearing from my attorney, I can promise you that.
Stephen Triola
Wow, that email brightened my evening. Lets see if there are any other videos of Downtown the Clown who is threatening to sue me for falsely outing him as a child molesting clown.
Here is one that I am also is pretty sure is not Downtown the Clown who was convicted of looking at Child Porn, but they are indeed clowns just like Stevie “McSuing Clown-o-lator” Triola, so everyone should use caution when putting kids around evil clowns with big teeth and stupid noses.
Oh no, is that going to get me sued again? Clowns. Its what’s cancelling Ally McBeal.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Scary and Hilarious Clown Commercial for Walmart
May 17th
Thanks to my buddy Robb again who thought of me when he saw this commercial
Screaming clowns is a sure way to instill a lifelong fear of clowns. But knowing a clown was injured to cause the screaming, to me, is just slap nuts funny.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Scary Clown Boy
May 2nd
While working from home and I was treated to a Face Paint modeling session. Cartney popped downstairs to show me his clown face. Jess saw the horrified look on my face and burst out in tearful laughter. She kept urging the boy to hug me and I was flat out refusing.
I didn’t know if he was getting ready to burst forth with angry ICP rap or look for a sewer to crawl into to terrify other unsuspecting victims ala Stephen King’s IT.
I like the tiger face much better.
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Carousel Makers Get Internet Memes
Apr 18th
How else would you explain someone designing a spinny car that is essentially a giant clown bent over spreading to show the gaping hole of doom? They should paint the cabin of the car high gloss magenta. Thanks to Danny at FMLFTW. And if you don’t know what a goatse is, google away, but remember, bring your eye bleach.
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Mexican Drug Cartel Thinning the Clown Herds
Jan 6th
A couple of clowns were captured and tortured then murdered by the Mexican Druglords, probably because those clowns were acting funny.
A slow start fellas, let’s pick up the pace, shall we?
From Fox here:
Two street clowns were found dead in southeastern Mexico along with messages allegedly from a drug gang accusing them of working as army informers.
The clowns were found in bright costumes and makeup on a roadside Sunday in the city of Villahermosa, bearing signs of torture and a message accusing them of being army informers.
You know clowns make a pilgrimage every year in Mexico? Its like the swallows returning to Capistrano, but with red noses, huge clown feet, and the streets littered with frightened children and rape victims.
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Stranded Travelers Now Must Also Endure Clowns
Dec 20th
I barely got out of Eurpoe last week before too much of the region was crippled by the snow. Thousands of other travelers weren’t as lucky. Many are stuck in snow-bound terminals and still don’t know when they will get home. They have to sleep on the airport floors with little good food, no showers and now, they also have to endure clowns hired by the government as their entertainment.
As if this travel nightmare weren’t bad enough, from Fox here:
With travelers stranded by hundreds of flight cancellations, Germany’s busiest airport has hired clowns to help them and their children pass the hours.
“Four clowns are performing in the terminal halls,” the spokeswoman for Frankfurt’s international airport said. “We came up with the idea for the kids, who are finding the delays particularly trying,” she added.
The clowns, dressed in brightly colored costumes and some parading on stilts, started working at the weekend, when heavy snowfall led to hundreds of flights being scrapped amid chaos in the European air traffic network. Fights broke out at the airport among stressed-out holiday travelers late Friday, according to press reports, leading police to send in reinforcements.
More reinforcements mean more clowns. Of course you would find clowns at airports. Humorless, soulless people who like to touch kids? Clowns and TSA employees have lots in common, right?
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As a Surprise to No One, Honker the Clown Busted for Kiddie Porn
Dec 9th
There is no such thing as a good clown. Except for dead, dying or dismembered ones. As further proof, meet Honker the Clown. Not only did he use balloon animals to lure children into his lair of kiddie porn, he also used to be a scout leader.
From Cnews here:
A booming trade in child pornography images swapped over the Internet led to the arrests of an Ontario clown, a York University professor and a defrocked Anglican priest.
Det. Paul Krawczyk told QMI Agency some men who make videos and take photos of boys and girls “aren’t interested in them” as their personal sexual targets.
“They’ll sexually abuse them to trade the images for those they like,” the eight-year veteran child exploitation unit investigator said after announcing arrests of 57 men on 218 charges.
Randy “Honker the Clown” Miller, 40, a Beaver leader with Scouts Canada for its youngest members in and around Napanee, Ont., a town of 15,000 residents just west of Kingston, Ont. who also entertained children in his clown costume by making animal balloons. He was charged in October with two counts of making child pornography available, two counts of possessing child pornography plus sexual assault.
An old joke goes, “How does a clown make a child cry twice? He wipes the bloody knife on his teddy bear.”
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Robbed by a Clown While On the Crapper? Yes, Thanks Ohio
Nov 22nd
A woman was on the potty when a guy wearing a clown mask and wielding a knife robbed her. She knew something was up when the bathroom smelled funny.
From the UPI here:
An Ohio woman was surprised by a knife-wielding robber in a clown mask while sitting on her toilet.
Cory Buckley, 20, allegedly broke into the Akron home of Jacqueline Cutright, 70, through a basement window Saturday.
Cutright said the clown robber stole her car and escaped with $28 and about $1,000 worth of costume jewelry.
Buckley fled in Cutright’s Ford Escort after 2 hours of ransacking her home. But he crashed the car, crawled out a window and allegedly confessed to officers.
The funny thing about the car crash is 17 clowns got out of the car.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...The Swatter
Nov 5th
This is the fourth comic book we’ve picked up at Chick-Fil-A for the boy. This one has a cow superhero that has a freakishly long tail that he uses as a whip to attack the evil clowns of Circus Burger. On this page, the owner of the burger joint, disappointed that his usual thug-like staff of party clowns were handily (hoofily?) defeated by Swatter, sends tougher rodeo clowns to deal with the caped bovine.
Not to give anything away, but Swatter wins the day by the end of the book. And of course, he admonishes a crowd gathered at a circus to “Eat More Chickin”
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Clown Works for the DC Government, Molests Children
Sep 14th
Fat 50 year old kid touching clowns deserve government contracts according to the Washington DC government.
From MyFoxDC here:
Kids around D.C. know him as Fonzie the Clown. To law enforcement, he is Alphonso Pittman. And for at least the fourth time, Pittman has been charged with a sex offense.
New court documents say the victim is a 14-year-old girl. She accuses Pittman of assaulting her inside his business on Kennedy Street in Northwest.
The teenager says this past June, Pittman “placed both his hands up the front of her dress.” Pittman reached in his pocket, got out some money and asked the 14-year-old, “How much you worth?”
He has been in jail since August 21.
I thought his trick was to go to children’s parties and say “Heeeyyyy! Sit on it!”
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Clown Rape is Both Scarier and Funnier than Regular Rape
Jul 9th
Aye Carumba! Some Mexican clown was busted for molesting his step daughter.
From TSG here:
A Mexican street clown–arrested in full face paint–was booked Wednedsday on a sexual assault charge. Pedro Artega Velazquez, 53, was juggling on a Juarez street corner when collared by cops in connection with the alleged assault of his teenage stepdaughter.
It’s bad enough having a stepdad. Worse I suppose that you Mom married a freakin’ clown. Worse still that when he motorboats your boobies he gets his stupid pink facepaint on your good bra.
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Limited Edition Childhood Nightmare Plates
Jun 25th
I need this plate to help round out my series of creepy dishes. I already have the Elvis in his Casket dish, the Wet Sack of Kittens Dish but this one would be treasured, and only 20 dollars. This guy is so lucky to have found it on sale!
I mean, what clown would have painted this? And what clowns would buy this? No normal person would paint nor buy it right?
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Baloney and a RenFair Jester.
Apr 15th
I don’t know what kind of RenFaire these people have, but I’m thinkin’ I wont go now that you see how they make their renfaire food.
What ever happened to Steak on a Stake? Mince Pies? WTF is Jester Foot Baloney Sammich??! No thanks!
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Democrat NY State Senator Has a Problem with Saggy Britches
Mar 31st
Nice to know that State politicians get paid to produce racist filled propaganda and then use it to tell black people to pull up their damn pants.
You know that comic book called “All Negro Comics” was produced in 1947 by a black man. And it had some great content inside that was, and still is, not offensive- instead it portrays black detectives, African adventures, and a positive message to kids and young adults about avoiding crime. But because it contains the word “negro” on the cover it is fodder for race-baiters, and in this video there is a solid implication that white people had created the comic with the intent to be racist.
That said, I don’t quite agree with the campaign to end saggy pants. If it weren’t for the saggy pants, I wouldn’t know how to identify when I have driven into a bad part of town and need to lock my car doors.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...4 PM Music: Rad Omen – “Rad Anthem”
Jan 15th
I argued with myself for a while about which page I should post this to- this one or my main page since this video is about fast food mascots on a drug-fueled binge, or here because I like to feature music, but I really don’t like the song that much. So I am putting this on both blogs! Enjoy, but this video is rated R, so if you’re a kid, go away! Thanks to So Good for the video!
RAD OMEN – “Rad Anthem” from Nicholaus Goossen on Vimeo.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...I Hate Circus Deer
Oct 8th
My stance on clowns is well documented. But any forest critters who go over to the unfunny dark side of big shoes and bright red noses must be exterminated.
From KCUATV.com here:
A Sioux City man found a dead deer on his porch, dressed in a clown costume complete with makeup.
Mitch Miller woke up to go to work just like any other day, little did he know, it wouldn’t turn out the way he expected. “Got dressed, thought it was a normal day, walked out the door and looked to my right and we have this couch sitting here we were trying to get rid of and I see a dead deer that is laying there dressed like a clown.” Says Mitch.
The clown deer committed suicide after being banished from the forest. He was caught by other deer exposing himself during a fawn birthday party.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...The Big Mac and the Mythical Creatures Venn Diagram
Aug 29th
I ran across this on Fark, and thought it was a great diagram of how people came up with horrifying mythical creatures. Noticeably absent are the dragon class of creatures, but the three dog rings overlapping to create the Cerberus more than makes up for this deficiency. Here it is below, but click the image to see the full size.
But you know its time to get off the Internet when you encounter one mythical creature so terrifying that if you ponder its origin, you may be up all night. Beware…
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...10:30 PM Music: Pink – “Funhouse”
Jun 30th
I mentioned earlier that angry chick lyrics are just the best. Pink is one of those female rockers that do these types of lyrics justice. She has the style, the voice and the attitude to make songs like Funhouse one of the best all-time female rock anthems. And I love the phrase in the song that “this use to be a funhouse, but now its full of evil clowns.” Wow, gotta love a song about evil clowns.
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