I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Archive for January, 2011
Disgusting Belly Buttons
Jan 31st
I have a problem with navels- well, not actually- I have a problem with things that exist in navels. Like dangly jewelry surrounded by a mat of hair. And my own belly button is a festering pool of I dunno what- it could be a taco pizza in a lint and hair frappe, but I wouldn’t know because I don’t put my finger in there.
I do know that I sometimes get an itch down in my bellybutton so I pour a little hydrogen peroxide down there and flush out all the nasties. And according to a study by NCState, there are tons of different bacteria down there. Seriously NCState, this is what you study?
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The Moonbat Terror Toothbrush
Jan 31st
Leftists are chronically trying to sacrifice personal hygiene to save the planet. The latest attempt involves using an Islamic toothbrush, the Miswak, the tooth-decay promoting stick of terror used by those foul-breathed followers of Muhammad.
From the DailyWhat here:
The “Miswak,” a teeth cleaning twig used throughout the Muslim world in lieu of modern toothbrush models, gets updated packaging for Western markets courtesy of School of Visual Arts student Leen Sadder.
Traditionally, the Miswak’s bark is chewed off to expose the brush-like fibers underneath, but for commercial purposes, Sadder opted to include a lid that doubles as a tip-trimmer.
Sadder promotes “THIS” as a “biodegradable alternative to the Western teeth cleansing routine.”
God save us from Muslims and Moonbats. Is the plastic ring around the top biodegradable? That plastic tube should hold a few buckshot to double as suicide packs for little muslim kids.
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10 PM Music: CAKE – “Federal Funding”
Jan 30th
One of CAKE’s better songs off their latest album, “Showroom of Compassion.” CAKE has always been pretty staunchly leftwing, but even they are obviously against the continued expansion of government handouts over the objections of citizens. This doesn’t put them in the same side of the aisle of the Tea Party, but on government spending, they are in agreement.
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Chattanooga Choo Choo
Jan 30th
Pardon me, boy, is that the Chattanooga Choo Choo on track 29?
I’m in Chattanooga TN for a quick business trip. I’ll post more later when I get a chance.
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Generation Y Women Losing Cooking Skillz
Jan 30th
My wife is a fantastic chef. And she’s generation Y. But she definitely is critical of many of her peers in her age group who can’t seem to navigate their way around a jar of peanut butter.
From News.Com.Au here:
Gender roles now being forgotten
Life too fast and busy for DIY skills
Generation Y less able than others
BASIC “female” skills are becoming endangered with fewer young women able to iron a shirt, cook a roast chicken or hem a skirt.Just as more modern men are unable to complete traditional male tasks, new research shows Generation Y women can’t do the chores their mothers and grandmothers did daily.
Only 51 per cent of women aged under 30 can cook a roast compared with 82 per cent of baby boomers.
Baking lamingtons is a dying art with 20 per cent of Gen Y capable of whipping up the Aussie classic, down from 45 per cent for previous generations.
Traditional skills outside the kitchen are falling by the wayside with Gen Y women woefully behind their older counterparts, the study by McCrindle Research found. Only 23 per cent can grow a plant from a cutting when 78 per cent of older women say this is a breeze.
Driving manual cars is also on the decline with just 40 per cent of women under 30 possessing this skill compared to 71 per cent of older women.
I had to look up a “lamington.” Its a square piece of sponge cake. Yeah, that seems pretty easy to do. I keep hearing lots of complaints about Generation Y from my own generation- that they are too into video games, don’t have the go-getter attitude at work. Are these fair criticisms?
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Midnight Music: Ludo – “Save Our City”
Jan 29th
Ludo is one of my favorite bands and they combine brilliant lyrics with a rock-operatic vibe. In this song, which can only be described as the anthem of the Zombie Apocalypse, Ludo presents a dim, doomed story of the last holdout of mankind as the zombie hoards make their final push. Musically, the song is great, but the geek in me who loves zombie lore squees.
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Urinal Sign in the Panhandle
Jan 29th
I’m back in town for a good weekend with the family before I head back out on the road. I snapped this photo in the men’s room of AJ’s Seafood and Oyster Bar in Destin. Being January, it made for a really quiet dining experience without the tourists, and being Destin, the food, while good, was overpriced.
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Fantastic Rap Song Aimed at Horrible Moms
Jan 28th
So, you’re young, couldn’t keep your knees together, didn’t bother to use birth control and abortion wasn’t an option. What now? If there was only some place you could dump your baby? Thank God this group was there with this awful rap song.
Yes, I do think safe havens are good alternatives to the horrifying option of dumping or murdering a newborn. But if someone wanted to make a rap song about abstinence or using birth control wouldn’t that be a bit more heartwarming? Hey, how about a rap song about not being a stupid teenage whore?
And hey, the Boston setting- The dark stage- The bad singing and bad rhyming- Where have I seen something like that before? Oh yeah, when I was 6 watching the Zoom kids!
Anyone else remember the Zoom kids? Am I the only one who is constantly reminded of Zoom kids when I see someone wearing a striped rugby shirt?
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Diddy Sued for a Trillion Dollars for Knocking Twin Towers
Jan 28th
Some crazy people like Jared Loughner pick up a gun to make the crazy stop. Others go to court. Case in point is a woman named Valerie Joyce Wilson Turks, who is seeking a restraining order against P Diddy for date-raping her 24 years ago, and is also seeking billions of dollars in back child support and for knocking down the twin towers.
From HipHopWired here, and yes, it is a favorite online news site for me, why do you ask?
Diddy Sued For $900 Billion
Diddy has been hit with a $900 billion lawsuit by Valerie Joyce Wilson Turks.In the suit Turks accuses Diddy, his girlfriend Kim Porter and L.A. beating victim Rodney King of being responsible for the 9/11 collapse of the Twin Towers.
Radar Online obtained a copy of the suit that reads,
[Diddy] went through Kim Porter and Rodney King and knocked down the WTC and then they all came and knocked my children down…Set me up to be on disability and disabled my baby. he put my baby in a wheelchair.”
“Plus I won a lot of money at the casino in Mississippi and Sean P. Diddy Combs has my chip to my money. I heard he gave it to Gwen Allen to hold but she can not cash it in…I want my chip please help me. it’s well worth over 100 zillions of dollars, and my hospital keys. They put me and my baby in the hospital and broke my baby 2 legs and sexual assaulted my children and crushed us.”
Someone should get a big butterfly net for Ms. Turks before she does something to hurt someone.
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Egypt Withdraws its BGP Peering- Blackholes Self From Internet
Jan 28th
Back when I worked for Homeland Security, I learned a shocking reality of how the Internet really works. The Internet is not about DDoS attacks, vulnerabilities or hackers. Its all about the Autonomous System Number Owners- ASN’s and their cowboy owners who control which networks get to stay on the Internet and who doesn’t.
You see, if someone sets up a large network full of criminal organizations, who set malware traps to commit crimes, its not the US, European or laughably, the United Nations that puts a stop to the criminal activity- Its the ASN owners, who usually each know each other professionally and personally, who put a stop to the criminal activity by simply refusing to route traffic to the offensive ASN’s. You see, no traffic flows across the internet without the permission of these elite cyber security professionals. You get wildly out of line and you get “de-peered.” No one will route your IP address ranges to you.
For the first time in the history of the Internet, a country has de-peered themselves and their ASN’s from the rest of the Internet. Banks, shopping, email, standard communications, and the entire national economy of Egypt is now blackholed to the rest of the world.
From Renesys here, by way of Brian Krebs:
in an action unprecedented in Internet history, the Egyptian government appears to have ordered service providers to shut down all international connections to the Internet. Every Egyptian provider, every business, bank, Internet cafe, website, school, embassy, and government office that relied on the big four Egyptian ISPs for their Internet connectivity is now cut off from the rest of the world.
At 22:34 UTC (00:34am local time), Renesys observed the virtually simultaneous withdrawal of all routes to Egyptian networks in the Internet’s global routing table. Approximately 3,500 individual BGP routes were withdrawn, leaving no valid paths by which the rest of the world could continue to exchange Internet traffic with Egypt’s service providers. Virtually all of Egypt’s Internet addresses are now unreachable, worldwide.
What happens when you disconnect a modern economy and 80,000,000 people from the Internet? What will happen tomorrow, on the streets and in the credit markets? This has never happened before, and the unknowns are piling up.
In the meantime, citizens are still standing strong against a crackdown against them by a government which seems to be increasingly hostile against them.
I didn’t know what was going on, but Joe Biden said that Hosni Mubarak, the man in charge for 30 years in Egypt is not a dictator, which pretty much means he is… so I’m with the Egyptian people on this one.
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Will You Be My Star Trek Girl?
Jan 27th
Finally, I have a volunteer! I do have a problem with the 4 pips on the collar. Clearly she couldn’t rise above the rank of ensign much less wear Captain’s pips. Autotune this girl in the shower with her TOS-dressed friends and lets start this 24th century party.
Favorite line? “Like tribbles, we’ll cuddle day and night.” Set your phaser to stun, point at your head, and hit play.
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Kristen Peterson Has TATP Explosives Charges Dropped
Jan 26th
Kristen Peterson, who lives in a million dollar home purchased for her by her rich father, was cleared of charges that she conspired with her long-time boyfriend who would never marry her, Byron Sonne, to plant TATP explosives to disrupt the G20 meetings in Toronto last year.
Byron meanwhile, was due in court today to face those charges alone.
From the Globe and Mail here:
Kristen Peterson, a Toronto-based visual artist, has been cleared of charges that she possessed explosives and dangerous weapons along with her computer-programmer husband in connection with last summer’s G20 summit.
Ms. Peterson was arrested at the Forest Hill home she shares with (common-law) husband Byron Sonne last June, just days after Mr. Sonne was arrested in connection with what police allege were plans for an ambitious attack leading up to the G20 summit weekend.
Both were charged with collecting ingredients to make triacetone triperoxide, a powerful explosive more commonly associated with terrorist bombings, and possessing weapons for a dangerous purpose.
Mr. Sonne, who remains in custody and whose preliminary hearings start this week, is accused of mischief and two rare charges of intimidating members of the justice system.
Ms. Peterson is now back in the couple’s Elderwood Drive home in Toronto’s treed Forest Hill neighbourhood, a house for which her father paid the million-dollar mortgage several years ago.
Wow, a rich Daddy and no real job- I mean, how much does creating visual art pay? Nothing, last I checked. She just shacks up with a guy who once threatened to blow up his high school. They call it a common law marriage, but Byron never took her to an altar. If Byron manages to avoid jail for buying TATP ingredients over the internet and then bragging about it, will he be allowed back into the house her parents paid for? See previous Kristen Peterson post here.
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Internet LOLsuit Update
Jan 26th
Remember Daniela Jennifer Korhammer, who hired a lwyer to attempt to scrub the Internet of a photo of her drinking beer at Oktoberfest?

Her lawyer, Dr. Hans-Peter Philipp Anlauf has sent me a followup now that his deadline for demanding that I remove the photo has expired. You can read the original LOLsuit threat here. His tone is a bit softened now that he realizes he exposed his client’s name. He wrote:
Dear Pat,
I just visited your website and found the text of my email to you concerning the Oktoberfest pic published for everyone to see.
Please take the text and your comments off your website. Neither my client nor me intended to threaten you.
We just asked you to remove the pic from your website as my Client Never agreed that the foto was taken and/ or published – nothing more, nothing less.
In your legal notice you say among other things below ‘copyright notice’: ‘If i made a mistake i will rectify it at once.’ My email definitely was not ment to be a ‘bullying tactic’ as you name it. It is matter of factly a normal situation that people mandate lawyers in such matters.
I am sorry in case you felt you were being bullied and ask you to be so kind as to remove the pic, the letter and your comments.
We did not accuse you of international crime, as you say, my Client just feels uncomfortable with the pic on your website. This fact applies to other websites as well. I hope you can understand her better now and me, too.
Please remove the pic and the text.
Yours sincerely
H.-P. Anlauf
Von meinem iPhone gesendet
The answer to removing the photo and the text would therefore be a “No.” And if Dr. Anlauf makes some kind of living ripping women off for legal services to attempt to scrub photos off of websites by sending silly emails to webmasters, then this should serve as an example of his success rate.
UPDATE!
A Google search for both Dr. Anlauf and Daniela Korhammer now lists me as the second most authoritative link on the subject.
Also, check out the real photo of Daniela, who is dumb enough to hire a lawyer to delete an internet photo of herself-
Yeesh! She doesn’t have a fourhead- she has a fivehead.
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Reason 15 to HomeSchool- Jabba the Slut Won’t Scissor Your 13 Year Old Daughter
Jan 26th
Every Dad’s nightmare is to find our your wildly underage daughter is sexually active. It is a new depth of hell to discover that she’s sexually active with a teacher that resembles a hairy Mexican Beachball.
From WOAI here:
A Northside Independent School District middle school teacher is behind bars, after molesting a student.
Nora Martinez was arrested Monday night. The 30-year-old is charged with indecency with a child and improper relationship between an educator and student. She’s been an 8th grade math teacher at Stevenson Middle School for 7 years. The victim is not her student but did attend the school.
The 13-year-old girl’s father reportedly found out about the alleged relationship through text messages sent to the child from Martinez. News 4 WOAI has learned the two text messages that popped up on the teen’s cell phone were “I love doing that you baby” and “you are an awesome girlfriend.”
We’re told the teen’s parent saw the text messages and then contacted the school.
In the video above, you hear that the teacher resigned her job of 8 years because she knew she was guilty and confessed to investigators that she was having sex with the little girl.
Its enough to melt your face just to look at the buffalo.
It should be noted that the story was originally reported here and it didn’t mention that the child was the same sex. Neither article bothered to mention that the bitch confessed. The news wanted to pretend it was a beast-said-she-said story but glossed over all the important parts such as the confession and getting busted by the parents.
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No Ramen for Chicago
Jan 25th
I don’t know what all is going on in the news, but some guy with soup for hair isn’t allowed to be mayor for Chicago. How is that fair?
I hear he is going to take it to the supreme court because starving college kids have no one else to vote for.
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Aye Carumba! Tortillas Now With Real Latin Flavor
Jan 24th
Some dumbass dropped his cellphone into the tortilla mixer at the tortilla plant in Brooklyn. Instead of just letting it go, he tried to retrieve it. He fell in and turned himself into a burrito.
From the Post here:
Juan Baten, a 22-year-old Brooklyn worker, was killed early this morning after tumbling into a mixer at a tortilla factory, police said.
The freak accident happened at Tortilleria Chinantla in Williamsburg at 2:30 a.m. when Baten tried to retrieve an item after dropping it inside the waist-high machine.
Investigators believe the turbine mixer instantly sucked Baten in and broke his neck.
Instant tamale.
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Adam Carolla on Poo Patrol
Jan 24th
Someone had to say it. Who better than Adam?
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Hole in One on Timber Bay
Jan 24th
I had a pretty good round in Pensacola tonight, including this shot for an ace on Timber Bay. It wasn’t a long distance, but it was my first ace in a long time.
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Longest Drive Competition
Jan 24th
I was out in the Saville Row area of Pensacola tonight and encountered this awesome photo of someone driving a ball off the lowered platform of what must be a C-130. The caption of Longest Drive is on the photo.
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Pensacola Bound
Jan 23rd
Well, I’m not taking the train. I’ve been there before and a scan of flickr is full of images similar to this. I’ll be out there most of the week and blogging may be light.
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