I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Archive for July, 2010
Video Narrative of My Trip to England
Jul 30th
I keep getting dozens of emails asking how my trip to England was this past week. I keep writing that it was chilly. I only saw the sun twice and how they grow crops over here with no sunlight is anyone’s guess. I chalk it up to an overproductive fairy dust mine. Nothing better summarizes how I spent my time in the UK more than this travelogue video below:
I’ve never met Lee Titts. I am a huge fan of his brother Moe.
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Loading ...Male Cheerleading is NOT Gay
Jul 30th
Whoever said cheerleading was gay should take it back. Heck, George W Bush was a male cheerleader, and even HE didn’t have the moves this guy does. This cheerleading team has a strong base!
I’ve watched it a few times now and I don’t know whether its so funny because this dude is so into it, or because those skinny bitches around him really don’t seem to be giving it all they got.
I can hear it now:
“Lisa, seriously, I don’t know why we have to have Ricky on our cheer squad!”
I know, Shiela! What the hell is Title 9, and why won’t Ricky eat it like he eats everything else?”
“Did you see him try the splits last week Lisa? With all that energy, you’d think he’d lose some weight. I’m so little I can feel his gravitational pull when he gets too close!”
C’mon ladies, show some chunky spirit like this fella! Thanks to Tosh.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Darth Frederickson
Jul 30th
Pixar posted this on twitter.
Favorite quote: You don’t know the POWER of extra-strength poly-grip!
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Projecting the Mongrel
Jul 29th
Obama went on the View today and declared that black people are “mongrels.” This from the half-white top democrat of the country.
President Obama waded into the national race debate in an unlikely setting and with an unusual choice of words: telling daytime talk show hosts that African-Americans are “sort of a mongrel people.”
When asked about his background, which includes a black father and white mother, Obama said of African-Americans: “We are sort of a mongrel people.”
“I mean we’re all kinds of mixed up,” Obama said. “That’s actually true of white people as well, but we just know more about it.”
So although Obama was the only person of mixed race on the show, he declared that all blacks were “mongrels.” White folks too, but Obama and “team black” know more about that than white folk.
I think the only person sensitive about his skin color is Obama. Is he projecting his feelings calling an entire race of people half-breeds? Good God, this man needs a teleprompter at all times.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...The Boom Boom Sticker
Jul 29th
I had never been this close to one of these before and seeing the stickers on it made me laugh.
Yes, it is an awesome air-ram intake rocket engine with wings and the profile of the device helps make it undetectable by radar. But see the stickers on it? Sorry I couldn’t get a closer shot with my phone-
That white patch is plastic covering the downward facing radar, and the two adjacent yellow triangles have a wireless symbol on it- the little antenna and the three emanating rings. The top sticker is what made me laugh. It points to the front of the device and just shows a starburst, like a fireworks symbol. I guess that’s where they put the boom boom.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Midnight (GMT) Music: Dolly Parton, White Stripes, and Mindy Smith – “Jolene”
Jul 28th
A fantastic song by three great artists. Dolly still does it best.
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MySpace Rapist in Falls Church
Jul 28th
Meet Rony N. Herrera Deleon. I’m sure he’s legal in this country because American citizens routinely take jobs as pampleteers for a cleaning service. At the age of 27. No need to deport this one. Anyways, this man convinced a 17 year old girl on MySpace that he loved her and when she finally agreed to go out with him, he got all stabby with her in an Annandale townhouse.
From the Wapo here by way of Trench at MyCrimespace:
A Fairfax County man has been arrested after picking up a 17-year-old girl he met on MySpace, taking her to a townhouse in Annandale and then stabbing and raping her.
The incident occurred Saturday morning, and police learned of it after the girl had escaped from the man and called for help.
She had become friends with a man on the social networking site MySpace, and that they had planned to go to Tysons Corner for a meal and a movie. The man picked the girl up at her residence in Fairfax County around 11 a.m. Before they went to Tysons, the man told the girl, he had to stop at his “aunt’s house.”
The girl went inside with the man and the attack began. After being sexually molested, the man produced a folding knife and stabbed her numerous times. He then dragged her to a bathroom, then to some stairs and raped her as she tried to fight him off. She said the man tried to clean up the blood she had spilled around the townhouse during the struggle.
On Monday, police arrested Rony N. Herrera Deleon, 27, who lives in the 6700 block of Barrett Road in the Falls Church area. Herrera was hanging cleaning business brochures on front doors when he was picked up.
Herrera was charged with abduction, malicious wounding, rape and inanimate object sexual penetration. He was being held in the Fairfax County jail Tuesday without bond.
If he was working for a cleaning service, let this be a reminder to do background checks on people before you let them in your home to do work.
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This Reproductive Jewelry is Faux Silver
Jul 28th
Just what you need to give as a gift for that couple that is trying to conceive- Earrings that look like gigantic sperm and tiny fallopian tubes.
As Parenting magazine says,
Is that a sperm on your lapel? We know that when you’re TTC, it’s pretty much all you can think about, but do you have to make everyone else think about it too?
Follow this link for the whole slideshow of failtastic parenting items.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Bears Can’t Drive Toyotas
Jul 27th
A bear crashed a Toyota after breaking into it to steal its pickanick basket containing one peanut butter and jelly sammich. It knocked the car into neutral and went careening downhill, leaning on the horn, before crashing into the woods below, where the bear obviously realized how freakin’ awesome that whole experience was!
From the DenverPost here:
17-year-old son Ben, who usually drives the car, had left a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and a deodorant in the car, which is probably what attracted the bear, according to officials who talked to Story.
Early in the morning a black bear opened an unlocked car door. After he got in, the door closed behind him, Story said.
The Storys believe that as the bear shuffled around the car looking for a way out, he bumped into the gear shift and put the automatic transmission into neutral, sending the car rolling 125 feet back down a hill. It hit a few trees before coming to a stop in some brush.
The 2008 Toyota Corolla is being called a total loss, Story said. The interior is ripped up, the dashboard was torn out, the windshield is broken, and the airbags went off, he said.
“It was a big bear, full grown. It took up both front seats in the car,” Story said. The insurance company will cover the damage.
Reminds me of one of my favorite FarSide cartoons:
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Looks Like NYC Subways Still Need Bernie Goetz
Jul 27th
Bernie, won’t you please help make the subways safe from hip hop riff raff?
Only in NYC? Promise you’ll stay there? Do they still have the emergency brake cable on the subway cars? That would be awesome to see the cartwheeling dancers go sliding up the aisle. Thanks to Tosh.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Finally a Condom for No One’s Pleasure
Jul 27th
Trojan introduced a new line of condoms that are guaranteed to satisfy no one and to prevent intimacy.
From the Onion here:
Contraceptive manufacturer Trojan unveiled its new line of “No One’s Pleasure” condoms Wednesday, the first prophylactic specifically designed to intensify sexual dissatisfaction among bitter and resentful couples.
“We’ve always offered consumers a choice when it comes to protection, and we wanted to give emotionally distant partners an option that suits their lack of intimacy,” said Jim Daniels, vice president of marketing at Trojan. “That’s why we’ve developed the only condoms clinically proven to exploit performance anxiety, heighten discomfort levels, and prolong the petty arguments that allow couples to bicker needlessly all night long.”
According to a Trojan press release, No One’s Pleasure condoms feature a quarter-inch-thick layer of non-lubricated latex with a unique abrasive texture that creates a variety of stinging sensations “for both him and her.”
Trojan confirmed that No One’s Pleasure condoms will be available in “Frigid Touch,” “Extremely Oversensitive,” and “Ultra-Chafe: Super Dry,” and will cost $20 for a three-pack, a price researchers found perfect for instigating squabbles over who has to pay.
At least if you go for only 30 seconds she’ll finally thank you.
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(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 6) Loading ...Single Mom Training the Next Generation Single Mom
Jul 26th
Skanky hos don’t just grow themselves you know. And who knew they made fishnet stockings for toddlers?
Or as they said in the comments on Failblog, shouldn’t they be called “Minnow Stockings?”
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(3 votes, average: 4.00 out of 6) Loading ...Georgia School Wants to Expel Christian Because She Won’t Endorse Gay Agenda
Jul 26th
Jen Keeton was ordered by the Faculty of Augusta State University to drop her Christian beliefs and undergo “remediation” which included her attending a gay pride parade and book reports on gay literature because she voiced her beliefs that homosexual acts were acts of choice and not involuntary acts.
From WND here by way of Moonbattery:
A lawsuit against Augusta State University in Georgia alleges school officials essentially gave a graduate student in counseling the choice of giving up her Christian beliefs or being expelled from the graduate program.
School officials Mary Jane Anderson-Wiley, Paulette Schenck and Richard Deaner demanded student Jen Keeton, 24, go through a “remediation” program after she asserted homosexuality is a behavioral choice, not a “state of being” as a professor said, according to the complaint.
The remediation program was to include “sensitivity training” on homosexual issues, additional outside study on literature promoting homosexuality and the plan that she attend a “gay pride parade” and report on it.
The lawsuit asserted the school cannot violate the Constitution by demanding that a person’s beliefs be changed.
University “faculty have promised to expel Miss Keeton from the graduate Counselor Education program, not because of poor academic showing or demonstrated deficiencies in clinical performance, but simply because she has communicated both inside and outside the classroom that she holds to Christian ethical convictions on matters of human sexuality and gender identity,” the law firm explained.
This is a clear case of discrimination based on religion. I agree with the student’s premise, but not on religious grounds. Homosexuality is a choice. It is not genetics, nor is it a preposterous “state of being.” For those that argue that it is genetic, well, now that the human genome has been mapped (and no one can find the gene), ask yourself if women should be allowed to perform genetic based testing so they can abort gay babies? Maybe only then you can find a liberal arguing against a woman’s right to abort a fetus.
Humans are the only animals that are capable of controlling their sexual urges. To say that homosexuals can’t control their own urges is putting them on a lower evolutionary pedestal with animals like dogs or monkeys. Democrats and liberals love to do just that, however. They argue that “fags gobble cock and pack fudge because they are animals. They really can’t help themselves. Just keep voting Democrat.”
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Girdle-Faced Meth Addict Robs McDonalds
Jul 26th
Sharon Lain, who lost her job at McDonalds as a manager most likely because she was stealing from the till, had been on hard times. She was living in a condemned house, smoking meth and spending what money she could find on drugs and casino games. At the end of her rope, she slapped a pair of Spanx on her head and tried to rob her old workplace.
From Reuters here:
An unemployed woman who said she was desperate for money has been arrested on charges she robbed an Oklahoma McDonald’s with a white stretch girdle wrapped around her face as a makeshift mask.
51-year-old Sharon Lain of Midwest City admitted to being the underwear-masked bandit who made off with the contents of a cash drawer from the fast-food restaurant around 3 a.m. Tuesday.
Several tips led police to a condemned home on Wednesday night where Lain was found living. Police found the underwear – a white stretch girdle known as ‘spanx’ - along with illegal drugs, including methamphetamine.
Police said Lain was a former night shift manager at McDonald’s but was fired about a month ago. Lain told investigators she needed money and suffered from a gambling problem.
She is being charged with second-degree burglary, possession of a controlled dangerous substance, possession of paraphernalia and illegal trespass.
I guess all that meth amde her skinny enough that she didn’t need the spanx on her fat ass, so she stuck it on her head instead.
This guy approves:
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Obama Traded Terrorist for BP Oil Rights
Jul 25th
Remember all those liberals protesting the Iraq war because they swore the US was invading strictly because they had oil? their favorite chant was “No blood for oil!” Bush didn’t invade for oil rights, otherwise we’d be able to fill our SUV’s for 5 bucks. But Obama worked closely with the Scottish administration to free the Lockerbie terrorist Abdel Baset al-Megrahi so BP could gain Libyan oil rights in the Libyan seas.
You remember BP right, the same bastards who have dumped all that oil in the Gulf? From the Australian here:
THE US government secretly advised Scottish ministers it would be “far preferable” to free the Lockerbie bomber than jail him in Libya.
The Obama administration considered compassionate release more palatable than locking up Abdel Baset al-Megrahi in a Libyan prison.
The US wanted Megrahi to remain imprisoned in view of the nature of the crime. Megrahi’s doctors thought he could live for another decade.
The note added: “Nevertheless, if Scottish authorities come to the conclusion that Megrahi must be released from Scottish custody, the US position is that conditional release on compassionate grounds would be a far preferable alternative to prisoner transfer, which we strongly oppose.”
It should be noted that with Tony Hayward quitting, Obama will be left holding the Gulf Spill bag. So you libs out there, this is how you trade blood for oil. Blood from Americans and Europeans slain in the air in a terrorist act, and oil that coats the wildlife and fisheries of the gulf. BP is Obama’s largest contributor. So how about them chants for no blood for oil? Where are you leftist, peace symbol carrying clowns now?
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Hey Tony Hayward, So Long and Thanks for all the Dead Fish
Jul 25th
The Beeb is reporting that Tony Hayward, the stonewalling head of BP, who is still waiting for the full reports on the Gulf Spill to come in to form an opinion for its cause, has decided to quit.
From the BEEB here:
BP’s chief executive Tony Hayward has been negotiating the terms of his exit, with a formal announcement likely within 24 hours, the BBC has learned.
Mr Hayward has been widely criticised over the Gulf of Mexico oil spill.
BBC business editor Robert Peston said it was likely he would be replaced by his US colleague Bob Dudley, now in charge of the clean-up operation.
Mr Hayward has been with the company for 28 years.
He has also been rapped by US congressmen for not taking responsibility for the disaster at its Macondo oil well, which killed 11 people.
He was also taken to task for attending a sailing event in June by those, including the White House, who felt he should have been dealing with the leak.
The man expected to replace him, Bob Dudley, took over the day-to-day operations in the Gulf of Mexico last month.
I don’t fault Tony for taking a cruise on his yacht. But it was clear from the hearings that he was in charge of a company that took disastrous shortcuts in their drilling processes that led to the deaths of their men and the poisoning of the Gulf. Meanwhile, Obama has taken much more vacations and has done even worse to manage the spill. Can Hayward take Obama with him when he leaves?
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Meanwhile in London
Jul 24th
On the way to the airport my kid began to refer to the aircraft as “Cartney’s planes” and “Cartney’s airport.” i told him it was okay for now to say he owned expensive equipment so long as he disavows ownership come tax time
Going to London tonight for work next week. So while many of my friends a colleagues will be at Black Hat in Vegas, I will have the pleasure of enjoying a week in England.
So blogging will be sporadic. In the mean time enjoy some archival goodness.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...6 PM Music: Johnny Cash – “Aint No Grave”
Jul 24th
An art project that allows contributors to redraw frames from a great Johnny Cash video exists over here at thejohnnycashproject.com. Check it out and contribute! This is the video from that project.
Thanks to Steph for the link!
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Hipster Vegan Arsonist Captured
Jul 24th
Look at this stupid vegan hipster arsonist. Walter Bond went by the name of “Lone wolf” and was burning down restaurants and businesses that he deemed to be making animals suffer.
From TSG here:
An animal rights activist who has the word “Vegan” tattooed on his throat was arrested last night and charged with arson for burning down a Colorado factory that sells a variety of sheepskin products. Walter Bond, 34, is also suspected of torching a leather factory in Utah and a restaurant serving foie gras and other wild game. Bond, pictured in the below mug shot, is a member of Animal Liberation Front, which has published communiques on its web site about the arson attacks (which are credited to an ALF member known as “Lone Wolf”). Bond yesterday admitted to the arsons in a recorded meeting with a confidential informant. Bond explained he “used the nickname ‘Lone Wolf’ and these businesses all represented animals wolves typically hunt.” After Bond’s arrest, agents searched his backpack and found “propaganda literature titled, “The Declaration of War–Killing People to Save the Animals and the Environment–Strike a Match Light a Fuse We’ve Only Have the Earth to Lose.” If convicted of the April 2010 arson at the Sheepskin Factory in Glendale, Colorado, Bond faces a maximum of 20 years in prison.
This domestic terrorist needs to be convicted of destroying the other businesses too and sentenced to life behind bars. I hope they force him to eat cheeseburgers in jail. And as far as “lone wolf” goes I’m certain Bond is just like this guy:
The Hangover – One Man Wolf Pack Speech
Uploaded by BruceFan. – Watch more comedy videos and sitcoms.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Kate Gosselin Takes Her Brood to Camp With Sarah Palin
Jul 23rd
In what is sure to shape up to be the WonderMom collision of the century, Kate took her kids to Alaska to go camping with Sarah Palin. I hope they wrap Mady in salmon strips and let the bears chase her.
From InTouch here:
Kate and her brood have traveled to Alaska with cameras in tow to meet up with the northern state’s most famous resident, Sarah Palin. “Sarah, Kate and the kids will go camping,” a source says, adding that Sarah’s father, a retired science teacher, and brother, a third-grade educator, will conduct a hands-on natural history lesson for 9-year-old twins Mady and Cara, and 6-year-old sextuplets Aaden, Joel, Collin, Leah, Hannah and Alexis. A mother of a big family herself, former vice presidential candidate Sarah is thrilled about the upcoming visit. “She’s excited because it will be fun and educational for the children. Sarah will even teach Kate how to avoid bears!”
Gadzooks. And there is another Palin/Gosselin collision here in Times Square:
Thanks to HotAir for the story.
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