I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Archive for August, 2009
Ryan Jenkins of Megan Wants a Millionaire Hanged Himself
Aug 23rd
VH-1 has provided lots of entertainment over the past few years with their reality shows. Surreal Life was one of my favorites, and I did watch two seasons of Rock of Love.
But these reality shows began to attract some seedy attention whores who were solely interested in having their 15 minutes of fame. Flavor of Love and I Love New York contestants were a parade of scumbags and sluts that made paternity test takers on Maury look like upstanding citizens.
One of these reality show players, Ryan Jenkins, who was on the “Megan Wants a Millionaire” show, parlayed his 15 minutes of fame into a quickee wedding in Vegas to a party-girl Jasmine Fiore. When that marriage soured, Jenkins divorced and then murdered Fiore. He cut off her fingertips and knocked out all of her teeth thinking that no one would be able to identify the body. Then he dumped the mutilated corpse into a dumpster in the Los Angeles area and fled. The Royal Mounties found Ryan Jenkins dead in a remote hotel in Canada, where he had hung himself.
From FoxNews here:
A reality show contestant wanted for murder in the gruesome death and mutilation of his ex-wife was found dead Sunday of suicide after hanging himself in a secluded Canadian motel.
The real estate developer and investor was wanted in California on first-degree murder charges after the mutilated body of his ex-wife Jasmine Fiore was found in a trash bin in Buena Park, about 20 miles southeast of Los Angeles. Fiore’s teeth had been pulled out and her fingers cut off, apparently to impede her identification. Investigators used the serial numbers on her breast implants to identify her.
Jenkins’ body was found in The Thunderbird Motel on an isolated road on the outskirts of Hope, B.C. at the entrance to the western province’s mountainous interior.
Jenkins was recently a contestant on VH1 reality show “Megan Wants a Millionaire,” in which wealthy young men tried to win over a materialistic blonde. The network canceled the show Friday.
It was nice of Jenkins to save everyone the time and expense of a ridiculous media circus-type of a trial. But out of curiosity, do you think that Jenkins was unaware that his exwife had breast implants? If he was mutilating the body, why didn’t he take the implants? Several TV shows feature forensic scientists identifying the dead bodies due to breast implant serial numbers.
VH-1 already canceled the Millionaire show and will probably not air the other series Ryan Jenkins was in- I Love Money 3, which I read that Jenkins actually wins the grand prize. Or perhaps, now that Ryan is dead will VH-1 play the vulture and air the series anyways and make loads of cash from this sad, sick crime?
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Loading ...This is What Best Friends Do to Your Kid
Aug 23rd
This is one of those “genie in the bottle” sort of situations. If your kid doesn’t know what chocolate milk tastes like, you don’t ever have to worry about him throwing a fit begging for it- At least not until he learns of its existence. But leave the kid with dear friends, and this is what you get- they let the chocolate milk genie out of the bottle! We will just tell him he can only have chocolate milk when he stays with them.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...2 PM Music: Cage the Elephant – “Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked”
Aug 22nd
This is a great song that combines a rap rhythm with a driving blues guitar and outstanding lyrics. Check it out:
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Old Ass Hippies
Aug 22nd
This is a picture of “Grandpa Woodstock” and his wife, “Queen Estar” taken during the 40th anniversary of Woodstock. Now you know what the long term effects of pot smoking are: Full Mr. Tumnus Goat’s beards on women, and attempted peace signs are now deformed snakebite signs.
Here is the newsflash that must be said to the aging ’60′s Hipsters- Get over it. It was just a stupid concert. Bonnaroo has better lineups of talent and no one is under the delusion that attending a concert will somehow change the world.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...British TV to Make Muslim Hero Series
Aug 21st
Remember those Muslim comic books called the 99? British TV wants to create a TV series about it so it can spread Islamic values. Like no carbombing on Fridays, and beating women for showing their faces.
From the Telegraph here:
The world’s first Muslim cartoon superheroes have taken the Arab world by storm, and now they are headed for British television screens. Named the 99, as each possesses one of Allah’s 99 attributes, the characters include a burka-clad woman named Batina the Hidden and a Saudi Arabian Hulk-type man named Jabbar the Powerful.
They have proved a hit from Morocco to Indonesia and were recently named as one of the top 20 trends sweeping the world by Forbes magazine.
Now they are being brought to British television by Endemol, the production company behind Big Brother, with a mission to instill Islamic values in children across all faiths.
However, despite being called the 99, there will never be a full cast of 99 superheroes since it is forbidden to depict all Allah’s attributes.
Wow, yet another incredibly stupid rule of Islam. I have a handpainted canvas of all of Allah’s attributes together, and shockingly, there is a 100th attribute that shows Allah eating a ham and bacon sandwich with one hand and stroking Buddha’s engorged 3-inch penis with the other.
Thanks to Mary for the article. Want to see the strengths and weaknesses of these Islamic terrorists superheroes? Click here.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Kitty Mask
Aug 21st
I think Mama is already getting excited about Halloween. She went shopping at Michael’s and couldn’t resist picking up the kitty mask. The only thing cuter than this? It’s when Cartney meows while wearing it.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...How Bob the Builder Handles Union Thugs
Aug 21st
Barack Obama stole Bob the Builder’s rallying cry to use as his Campaign Theme. Every time a crowd shouted “Yes We Can!”, Bob the Builder’s trademarked catch phrase dropped just a little bit in value. And now that the Union Thugs are helping to push socialized medicine, Bob the Builder, Spud and Rollie are fed up. Check it out, courtesy of Robot Chicken:
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Liberal Scottish Administration Frees Terrorist
Aug 20th
This is why terrorists attack us. No one is serious about deterring terrorism. The leftist government of Scotland freed the convicted terrorist who destroyed Pan Am Flight 103 because he had butt cancer. Somehow setting terrorists free is supposed to convince the world of Scotland’s humanity, which oddly, was never in doubt. But their sanity sure is now.
From the Telegraph here:
Hours after the Scottish National Party administration in Edinburgh announced its decision to free him, Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi, the only man convicted of the 1988 atrocity, flew home to a hero’s welcome in Tripoli.
Barack Obama will pay price for bomber’s release Megrahi, a former Libyan intelligence agent, has terminal prostate cancer and has less than three months to live. Kenny MacAskill, the Scottish justice minister, said freeing him showed Scotland’s “humanity.”
Of course this scumbag went home to Libya with a hero’s welcome. Hey, I wonder who will croak of cancer first? This terrorist or Ted Kennedy?
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Obama Kills Off the Last Indian
Aug 20th
President Obama takes yet another step in doing the hard work that prior white Presidents just wouldn’t do. At a White House Press Conference, Obama snapped the neck of Medicine Man Joe, the last Big Chief of the Crow tribe.
As the elderly Native American laid dead at his feet, President Obama read this statement from the teleprompter:
“Now that all of the Indians are extinct, America can finally begin to heal the wounds of Imperialism by removing the names of Indian Tribes and Indian-Related mascots from America’s sports teams. This is an important step toward restoring our standing in the eyes of the International Community.”
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Heard of Cash for Clunkers? Here Comes Dollars for Dildos
Aug 19th
I have said it before, and I will say it again. Eco-worshipping whackjobs are self-loathing copromaniacs who are obsessed with their own bodily waste, buttholes and vaginas. I have documented previously how they want everyone to drink their own urine, and to restrict everyone to one piece of toilet paper, want to flush the toilet only once per week, and even reusing tampons. They even want to ban flushing toilets altogether. They even made a battery that requires you to pee into it to power it, getting urine all over your fingers. These freaks think that two-ply toilet paper is more damaging to the environment than driving Hummers. And instead of using MaxiPads, they insist you use these reusable eco-pads. And now they want you to mail in your dirty used dildos for a 10 dollar coupon.
From InventorSpot here:
To recycle the sex toys drop it in the mail. Please clean them first. Yes, they can be used sex toys. They can also be unused. They can even be broken sex toys. When the toys arrive at the Dreamscapes Recycling location the toys are clean and disassemble into parts. The parts are then sent to select recycling facilities. Every part of each sex toy is recycled and/or disposed of responsibly: the batteries, the hard (no pun intended) plastics, the rubber, the silicone, the metal, the motor and any e-waste.
Dreamscapes rewards everyone for recycling their sex toys too. “For every package of toys* you send in to be recycled, you will receive a $10 gift card.
So who is behind this disgusting greeing effort?
This guy, David Kowalsky, who runs a blog telling women how to find their G-Spots and to keep their ladybits tight by doing kegels and how to do fisting. He kindly tells women that:
Fisting can be extremely pleasurable and usually you can get your whole hand inside you or your partner’s pussy and for those who are into large penetration, nothing quite compares and is a bigger turn-on than the feeling of a whole hand inside of you.
Dude.
So for those of you that think this would be a good idea, go ahead and give your home address to this kinky dude who would love to fist meet you.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Linden Winery Still Making Top Chardonnay
Aug 19th
The Washington Post decided to hold their own version of “Judgement of Paris,” the famous 1976 taste test that put California Wines on the map. They based BottleShock on this tasting. Now WaPo has pitted Virginia Wines against some of the best California and French Wines. Virginia didn’t come in first. But they came in third and fourth.
From the WaPo here:
Where California was in the 1970s — underappreciated for its quality — Virginia is today. So when we decided to hold our own Judgment of Washington, it wasn’t just to see whether the United States would best France today. It was to see whether local wines might surprise the judges now as much as Napa Valley bottles did more than three decades ago.
When the scores were totaled and the wines unveiled, a California wine narrowly edged out a French rival for the top spot in each category. But Virginia was nipping at their heels.
In third and fourth place came two Virginia chardonnays: Linden Vineyards 2006 Hardscrabble and the Michael Shaps 2007. Fewer than 1.25 points separated the first four chardonnays, two of them from Virginia. The judges were unanimous in thinking the Shaps was from Burgundy. The Linden was mistaken for French by three of the judges, while the others suspected the West Coast.
What conclusions can we draw from our exercise? That U.S. wines are the equal of the French is no longer the surprise it was in 1976. We cannot ignore that wines produced within a two-hour drive of Washington stood toe-to-toe with highly touted competitors from California and France.
I do like the Linden wines. In fact, both of the wines that won in this competition topped the list of wines by Travel and Leisure magazine. I wrote about that here in 2007. But atop the next mountain over from Linden is Fox Meadow Vineyards, which I may be partial to since I have had so much of their wine with friends over the past few years. But I think its even better. Thanks to Mary for the tip on this article!
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Reason 502 to HomeSchool: Mr. Fleming Always the Shoo-In for Class Flirt
Aug 19th
School is starting again soon, so get ready for a rash of blog posts about horned up teachers who rape their students. In the meantime, this pic from Cracked is so funny its sad:
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...FU N00b!
Aug 19th
This is both hilarious and shamelessly stolen from [GAS]. Check it out-
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Dude, Forest Fires Harsh Smokey’s Buzz
Aug 18th
Bigfoot country is going up in smoke. I traveled through this part of the country last year when I was at my last job and was saddened to hear how hundreds of homes had to be evacuated in that area due to forest fires. Now Fox News is reporting that some California wildfires further south were due to pot farmers who let their cooking fire get out of control. I just wrote last month about how the illegal pot farms were poisoning the California forests.
From Fox here:
Investigators said Tuesday they believe marijuana growers with possible ties to Mexican drug cartels caused an 88,650-acre wildfire in northern Santa Barbara County, and there are many more pot farms hidden in remote areas around the nation.
“No pun intended, it’s a growing problem,” U.S. Forest Service Special Agent Russ Arthur said.
Arthur said an unspecified “cooking device” left at an encampment by suspected drug traffickers sparked the blaze on Aug. 8 that has scorched more than 137 square miles of brush and timber and briefly threatened two dozen ranches and homes.
About 30,000 marijuana plants and an AK-47 assault rifle were found near the origin of the blaze in a remote canyon in Los Padres National Forest.
Mexican drug cartels huh? You mean that people who cross the border illegally commit other crimes too? I thought they were all here to pick lettuce?
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Animal Loving Elderly Couple Eaten by Wild Dogs
Aug 18th
First they came for the old lady. When the old man went looking for his missing wife, the wild dogs got him too.
This story is macabre. Police came up with this lineup of suspects:
From the AP here:
A shredded piece of shirt, some strands of hair and bloodstained dirt are all that remain along the rural stretch of road where authorities believe a pack of wild dogs fatally mauled an elderly couple.
Sherry Schweder, a 65-year-old animal lover, was taking an evening stroll, perhaps looking for one of her own dogs that had been missing for about a month when she was attacked. Preliminary autopsy results showed she died from animal bites.
Her husband, Lothar Schweder, 77, a retired professor, had gone out in search of her in his car and came across his wife’s body. There were signs of a scuffle, several shoe prints and what appeared to be paw prints in the mud. He tried to pull out his cell phone before he succumbed to the attack, Madison County Coroner James Mathews said. Autopsy results show Lothar Schweder also died of injuries from multiple animal bites.
A group of Jehovah’s Witnesses walking in the same area discovered the bodies Saturday morning and called police. Four days later, a faint unpleasant smell still hung in the air.
It was the same group of medium-sized, mixed-breed dogs Sherry Schweder worried about, wondering if anyone was taking care of them as she saw them wander around.
The feral dogs didn’t belong to anyone. The dogs were aggressive toward authorities who rounded them up using traps and tranquilizers. At one point, a group of them cornered two people against a vehicle. By Tuesday evening, 11 dogs and 5 puppies had been taken to the Madison-Oglethorpe animal shelter, where the staff was beginning court-ordered euthanizations. The shelter has been asked to look for homes for the Schweders’ 20 cats and seven dogs.
Know why the Schweders were eaten? They stank of kitty odor! The author of the story wrote about how the attack scene smelled?? Dude!
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(1 votes, average: 1.00 out of 6) Loading ...No Duh: 40 Percent of Tweets Just “Babble”
Aug 18th
Saw this on Drudge- Someone analyzed a bunch of twitter posts and as a shock to no one, they found that 41 Percent of Tweets are useless babble such as “I like potatoes.”
From Breitbart:
Forty percent of the messages on Twitter are “pointless babble” along the lines of “I am eating a sandwich now,” according to a study conducted by a US market research firm.
Pear Analytics, based in San Antonio, Texas, said that it randomly sampled 2,000 messages from the public stream of Twitter and separated them into six categories.The categories were: news, spam, self-promotion, pointless babble, conversational and pass-along value. Pear said “pointless babble” accounted for 811 “tweets” or 40.55 percent of the total number of messages sampled.
Conversational messages — defined by Pear as tweets that go back and forth between users or try to engage followers in conversation — accounted for 751 messages or 37.55 percent. Tweets with “pass-along value” — messages that are being “re-tweeted” or passed on by users to their followers — accounted for 174 messages or 8.70 percent. Self-promotion by companies was next with 117 tweets or 5.85 percent, followed by spam with 75 tweets or 3.75 percent.
I wonder if the same can be said for Facebook posts? Myspace comments?
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(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 6) Loading ...Heartland, Hannaford and TJ Maxx Hacks All Related
Aug 17th
Brian Krebs at the Washington Post busts this story wide open, saying that the most massive hacks of the past three years, each of which I have covered here, here and here, were all perpetrated by the same attackers.
One person, an informer in the case, is behind bars already. The other players seem to be Russian mobsters. Good luck with that extradition, DOJ.
From the WaPo here:
A federal grand jury has indicted three people on charges of hacking into the files of the credit and debit card processing giant Heartland Payment Systems last year in what the Justice Department is calling the largest identity-theft case ever prosecuted.
The same three people were involved in a string of high-profile data breaches from October 2006 to May 2008, including intrusions at grocery chain Hannaford Brothers and 7-Eleven. In total, the suspects stole data on more than 130 million credit and debit cards from Heartland alone.
One of the accused, a 28-year-old former Secret Service informant named Albert Gonzalez of Miami, was indicted last year for his alleged role in several other major data breaches, including ones at T.J. Maxx, Barnes & Noble, BJ’s Wholesale Club, Boston Market, DSW, Forever 21, Office Max and Sports Authority.
Authorities say hackers in the United States, Russia and Eastern Europe worked together to target known security weaknesses in computer systems. The indictments do not name the other two alleged hackers, describing them only as “Hacker 1″ and “Hacker 2″ and saying they are from Russia.
Those Russian hackers may as well be Thing1 and Thing2 from Cat in the Hat. They will never see a trial. Its not like we routinely extradite criminals from Russia. Hell, we seem to be having trouble getting the world’s dumbest hacker to stand trial here.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Rosie Update
Aug 17th
Its been a while since we checked in on the bloated hateball known as Rosie O’Donnell. According to the Enquirer, she is leaving her gay relationship with Kelli Carpenter. Also, she is on tour with Cyndi Lauper, where she called Elisabeth Hasselbeck a twat.
From the Enquirer here:
Rosie O’Donnell and long time lover have split up. Kelli, 42, moved out of their home months ago, and now lives with the couple’s youngest daughter in a luxury high-rise Manhattan condo that she bought in her own name.
Rosie, 47, is “despondent” over the breakup and is living with the couple’s three adopted children at their longtime residence in Nyack, N.Y.
The couple worked out a temporary custody arrangement for their children and are already divvying up their finances.
Kelli has felt suffocated in the relationship for a long time. She loves Rosie, but she can no longer cope with her unpredictable mood swings and deep depressions.
Anyone would feel suffocated sleeping next to an angry beached Orca. How angry and bitter is Rosie? According to Fox, she called Elisabeth Hasselbeck a Twat.
Rosie O’Donnell can’t seem to stop talking about her ugly departure from “The View,” and the famous feud she had with co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck.
An eyewitness tells FOX411 exclusively that the former “The View” co-host slammed her former show and called her former co-host a vulgarism that starts with a “t” and rhymes with “swat,” just four days before Hasselbeck gave birth to her third child.
It all happened on August 5 during a stand-up routine as part of O’Donnell’s “Girls’ Night Out Tour” with singer Cyndi Lauper. First, Rosie cracked jokes about “The View,” illiciting roars of laughter from the audience at the St. George Theatre in Staten Island, N.Y.
Isn’t she nice?
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...The Tarot Cards Say This Gay Man is Going to Hell
Aug 17th
Meet Jamie Cohen. When he isn’t cuddling with his gay boyfriend in Los Angeles, he is out on the Boardwalk of Ocean City pretending to be Robocop on an Unicorn, passing out fliers to people making them “reaffirm their commitment to the gays” because a Palm Reader said he was gay and going to hell.
Cohen spent his entire week’s vacation being butthurt because he didn’t like his tarot card reading. After having campaigned across gay-friendly Los Angeles for proposition 8, he naturally comes to the Boardwalk to do the same thing. From the PressofAtlanticCity here:
OCEAN CITY – A Tarot reading on the city’s Boardwalk turned ugly this week after a fortuneteller told a gay client he was going to hell. The reading led to a loud public argument, a police investigation and an anti-discrimination petition circulating among Boardwalk merchants.
Jamie Cohen, 22, of Los Angeles, is in Ocean City this week for an annual family reunion. On Sunday, he accompanied his grandmother on her annual summer visit to Cora’s Readings on the 10th Street Boardwalk. June Mitchell, the daughter of the store’s owner, greeted Cohen and began a half-deck Tarot reading.
Almost immediately, the conversation got off on the wrong foot, Cohen said. “She said, ‘Your parents don’t accept you for who you are,’” he said. “I said, ‘No, they accept me.’ She told me they were lying.” Mitchell said the cards did not bode well for his love life, either. When Mitchell informed him he was full of negative energy, Cohen said he had heard enough. He stormed out of the store without paying the $20 fee.
Cohen accidentally left his phone under his chair. When he went back to retrieve it, he said he got into a shouting match with Mitchell, who ordered him out of the store and, in front of a crowd, called him a faggot.
“I just wanted to go home to Los Angeles after that. I wanted to crawl up in a ball with my boyfriend and not move,” Cohen said.
Mitchell, a born-again Christian, said her religious doctrine opposes homosexuality. She conceded this same doctrine does not exactly condone Tarot reading, a skill she inherited from her mother.
Mitchell said Cohen shouted at her, “I have a right to be gay!” “I said, ‘But you’re going to hell. God does not forgive people who are gay,’” Mitchell said. “All I asked him was if his family was OK with him coming out so young.”
Cohen circulated a petition and collected 154 signatures from Boardwalk merchants disavowing discrimination against gay people. He tried to present the petition to City Hall, but officials there told him it was a private dispute, he said.
City Hall told Cohen to shove that petition up his big gay ass.
So the Tarot Card reader knew this guy was gay? How? She must be psychic! Then Cohen stole the service by refusing to pay for the reading and spent the rest of his vacation shaking down every other merchant on the boardwalk to force them to affirm in writing that it was okay for Cohen to be gay and choose to cuddle with dudes in Los Angeles.
Sheesh Jamie go be gay back home and quit pestering people out here. No one cares about you, and contrary to your personal beliefs, the world doesn’t revolve around you and your sexual proclivities.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Laptop Thieves Disturbed by Victim’s Content
Aug 16th
A British man was busted for being a pedophile after his laptop was stolen in a robbery. The thieves checked the content, found photos and videos of child abuse, and turned the laptop over to the police.
From WeInterrupt.Com here:
Richard Coverdale, 24, of North Yorkshire in the United Kingdom was sentenced to three-and-a-half years jail after burglars discovered images and videos of child abuse on his laptop and turned it over to police.
Coverdale’s laptop was stolen during a burglary on August 19, 2008. However, on examining the contents of the laptop’s hard disk, the thieves discovered pornographic images that were disturbing enough that they felt compelled to turn it over to authorities.
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