I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Archive for May, 2009
Epic Remix of “Total Eclipse of the Heart”
May 30th
Thanks to HotAir for this hilarious clip. There is one reference to the book “Lord of the Flies” in this video and a backup vocalist sings “I hated that book!” That part made me spit Diet Coke. I had recently attempted to read that book and failed to finish it because I hated it so much. Enjoy.
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Loading ...At a Clown Funeral, Is the Casket Like a Clown Car?
May 30th
Clowns are pictured below finally doing something funny. Burying another clown. How they got the casket to shut on those stupid oversized shoes is anyone’s guess. Thanks to Fark for the link.
Who died? Some clown I suppose.
Ever since the recession hit, freakin’ hobo clowns are everywhere.
As if cemeteries weren’t spooky enough. Note the bunny ears.
Nothing comforts the bereaved at Granpa’s funeral like a clown posse posing with you for pictures and giving you the bunny ears.
Do you think the stupid oversized shoes make carrying dead clowns more difficult or is it just part of the fun of having dead clowns around?
There are twenty more photos of this clown’s funeral here. I noted that they buried him right next to a war hero. Can you put a clause in your will that you don’t want to spend eternity buried next to a freakin’ clown? Or a mime?
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Wikipedia Bans Church of Scientology
May 29th
In a true LOL move, Wikipedia admins had a big powwow and decided that, effective immediately, everyone from the Church of Scientology should be crushed by the ban hammer. This is the first time that the do-it-yourself-encyclopedia has ever banished an entire IP range for abuse, proselytizing and pushing its own agenda.
Battlefield Wikipedia soon to be next Co$ novel?
From the Register here:
In an unprecedented effort to crack down on self-serving edits, the Wikipedia supreme court has banned contributions from all IP addresses owned or operated by the Church of Scientology and its associates.
Closing out the longest-running court case in Wikiland history, the site’s Arbitration Committee voted 10 to 0 (with one abstention) in favor of the move, which takes effect immediately.
The eighth most popular site on the web, Wikipedia bills itself as “the free encyclopedia anyone can edit.” Administrators frequently ban individual Wikifiddlers for their individual Wikisins. And the site’s UK press officer/resident goth once silenced an entire Utah mountain in a bizarre attempt to protect a sockpuppeting ex-BusinessWeek reporter. But according to multiple administrators speaking with The Reg, the muzzling of Scientology IPs marks the first time Wikipedia has officially barred edits from such a high-profile organization for allegedly pushing its own agenda on the site.
According to evidence turned up by admins in this long-running Wikiland court case, multiple editors have been “openly editing [Scientology-related articles] from Church of Scientology equipment and apparently coordinating their activities.”
So the Co$ is now out of the wiki-editing business, at least from certain IP ranges. So now I suppose the steps to becoming a Scientologist involves purging thetans with an e-meter, coughing up all your dough and finally, promoting Scientology on Wikipedia. Dumbest religion ever. Thanks to Robb for the story!
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Stupid Hollywood Whore Thinks Chaka Khan is Turkey’s Neighboring Country
May 28th
Sharon Stone is keeping busy with her quest to piss off everyone in the world. She formerly claimed that the Chinese deserved to die in an earthquake and now she claims that Azerbaijan, a country next to Turkey, is properly pronounced “Chaka Khan.”
From Starpulse here:
Sharon Stone flapped her way through a speech at the recent opening of a luxurious resort in Turkey – stunning the crowd with her admission she had never heard of the country’s fierce ally Azerbaijan.
The Basic Instinct actress was paid a staggering $1.5 million just to emcee at the launch of the Mardan Palace in Antalya – Europe’s most expensive luxury resort – on Saturday.
Stars including Mariah Carey, Tom Jones and Paris Hilton were all paid the same fee to show their faces at the bash.
But despite the hefty pay check, Stone failed to impress her Turkish hosts by mis-pronouncing neighboring country Azerbaijan – and she left them baffled by shouting out the name of soul diva Chaka Khan instead.
She shouted out to the crowd while tying to read from an autocue, “Azerbaijan? What is that? I can’t pronounce this! Chaka Khan! Chaka Khan!”
In case anyone has forgotten, this stupid whore, whose only claim to fame was showing her hairy hatchett gash in a bad movie, who recently lost custody of her son Roan for injecting botox into his feet to cure his childish foot odor problem, and who accosted a young girl in a store to teach her how to give blow jobs, was recently fired from her gig promoting fashion in China for saying the Chinese deserved the earthquake in May that killed 70,000 Chinese. Won’t someone please stop her?
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Wow! A Chinese Citizen Wins a Censorship Case
May 28th
A critic of the Chinese government and blogger, Hu Xingdou, sued his Internet Service Provider because they shut down his website because they claimed he was hosting illegal content. The judge in Beijing said Hu should have been given the chance to censor himself and awarded him 200 bucks in damages.
From the FT here by way of Threat Chaos:
A Beijing judge has ruled that an internet hosting company was wrong to close a prominent government critic’s website over illegal content, in the first case won by a victim of internet censorship in a Chinese court. Hu Xingdou, an economics professor who regularly discusses topics ranging from corruption to police brutality on his webpage, sued Beijing Xin Net in April after the hosting company sent him an e-mail saying the site contained “illegal” content and had been shut down.
In a verdict issued on May 20, the Daxing district court said the company had failed to provide proof for its claim and to prove that it asked Mr Hu to change the incriminated content before closing the site, as required in their contract.
As demanded by Mr Hu, the court ordered Xin Net to return the $201 fee he had paid for two years of services. The verdict did not discuss the issue of free speech.
The verdict raises the pressure on internet service providers as they get stuck between the authority of the censors and the law.
In China, various bodies including the Communist party’s propaganda department, the police and different ministries and other government institutions on all administrative levels monitor and censor online content. However, they rarely block websites or blogs themselves but rather make hosts do this for them. This is sometimes done through outright orders, and in other cases through self-censorship by internet companies.
Steinnon takes this opportunity to call on Yahoo! and Google to stop helping China censor its citizens. I don’t think the verdict will reach quite that far, but I also hope that the search providers will stop providing logfiles to Chinese authorities without first trying to contact its users. Yahoo! put one blogger in jail for 10 years by blindly cooperating with the Communist overlords there. See a previous article here where Microsoft shut down a blog. Rather than beat up high tech companies for kowtowing to the Chinese, I view their entrance into the Chinese market as something that will eventually help them win their freedom.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Watch Gillette Target a New Market
May 28th
Gillette makes razors, and now, they make really goofy YouTube videos showing dudes how to mow the lawn. You know, Napalm the Jungle. Stop trying to Save the Brazilian Rainforest. Polishing the Rich Corinthian Leather. Evicting the Puerto Ricans. Don’t know what I mean? Just watch:
Not to be outdone, Schick has a commercial for women which is just a shorthair’s width more classy.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Intel Rockstars Make Geeks Swoon
May 28th
Behold this goofy video of an actor portraying Ajay Bhatt getting a cup of coffee and all of the geeky people at Intel swooning. I’m not sure why they couldn’t use the real Ajay. I’m guessing its because the actor had more hair. And how hilarious is it that the freeze-frame YouTube uses as the background image for the video shows a chick touching another woman’s breast? (Boobies!)
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Reason 436 to HomeSchool: Teacher Won’t Travel Across the State to Molest Your Kid
May 27th
Meet Jessica Wishnask. Her booking photo makes her look like a corpse, but she’s not dead, simply exhausted from driving across the state and molesting 15 year old boys.
From WECT here:
A Pitt County school teacher resigned after being arrested in Wilmington over the weekend.
According to the Wilmington Police Department, 27-year-old Jessica Bailey Wishnask of Leland was arrested and charged with indecent liberties with a minor.
Police say a patrol officer spotted a suspicious vehicle. As he approached the car, the officer found Wishnask in “intimate contact” with a 15-year-old boy.
Wishnask was an 8th grade language arts teacher at Pactolus Elementary School. Wishnask began teaching in Pitt County February 2 and resigned Monday, May 25 after her arrest.
Prior to her Pitt Conty teaching job, Wishnack was a 7th grade language arts teacher at Williston Middle School and was suspended in October and November of 2008 and resigned Dec. 31, 2008 for personal reasons. She moved out of a home in Leland, leaving her young daughter, shortly after she resigned and moved to Greenville NC, 135 miles away. She and her husband are in the middle of a separation.
I wonder if Wishnack’s husband is divorcing her because she is a disgusting child molester? No word as yet on who the 15 year old is, but I’m betting he is a former student of hers. She is out on bail right now and recently logged into her MySpace profile here, which has a non-zombie photo of her. She changed her mood to “smart.” I think not.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Whatever Happened to Googley-Eyed Blind Guys Wearing Sunglasses?
May 27th
You gotta hand it to our forefathers. They weren’t slaves to stupid political correctness, and were bold enough to make society a better place in spite of how others thought of them. Take googley-eyed blind guys for instance. Our forefathers had the common sense to make these people wear dark sunglasses. They took blind people aside and said to them, “Look, I know these sunglasses won’t help you out at all. But it would help out the rest of us immensely if we didn’t have to look at your eyeballs rolling around in their sockets. It’s distracting as hell. Thanks for your cooperation.”
Case in point is Michael Piccerello in this Nationwide commercial:
By the time you get to the end of the commercial and see his eyeballs roll around in two different directions, you forgot what the hell he was selling! Yeah, the director told him to bring his guide dog so people could figure out that he was blind, but dammit, a white cane and dark sunglasses could have done the same thing.
Another case in point is Ryan Seacrest trying to give Scott MacIntyre a high five during the last American Idol auditions. Had MacIntryre been wearing dark glasses, Seacrest may not have made this faux-pas. Well, he might have because Seacrest is overworked and a bit of a doofus, but it sure would have helped.
And before everyone jumps on me for being insensitive to the blind, just stop it. Its not like they can read this anyhow.
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(2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 6) Loading ...Midnight Music: Oasis- “Lord Don’t Slow Me Down”
May 26th
To me, Oasis is a summertime band. Maybe that’s because I almost wore out one of their CD’s when I went on a trip to the beach. But the weather is warmer, summer is approaching and I am planning a beach trip. So here is a music video that shows them behind the scenes.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Lunch Lady Suspended For Not Forcing Kids to Eat Veggie Burgers
May 26th
Kathleen Cunningham, most likely the hero lunch lady Adam Sandler sang about, was suspended from her job because she allowed children to substitute a bagel and cream cheese for a disgusting veggie burger. Apparently, there is a strict no substitutions policy for school lunches.
From Boston.Com here:
A food services manager at a Newton elementary school said she was suspended this week for feeding students other items after they refused to eat the day’s veggie burgers for lunch.
Kathleen Cunningham said she was suspended when Angier Elementary School received veggie burgers instead of the grilled cheese sandwiches that were on the menu.
When about seven or eight students refused to eat the veggie burgers, she said, she let them choose other lunch items, including a bagel lunch or a breakfast lunch. “Morally, can I let a kid go without a lunch when he’s telling me he’s not going to eat?” Cunningham said. “No, I’m not going to do that.”
Michael Cronin, chief of operations for the school district, would not comment on Cunningham’s case, saying the school system does not discuss personnel matters. He said the food ordering system is intended to give parents — rather than school employees — decision-making power of what children eat.
Cunningham showed a Globe reporter a copy of a memo she received from Cronin.
The document says: “Notwithstanding that you have been repeatedly counseled regarding workplace standards and been given reminders regarding adherence to the food service program’s policies, you continue to refuse to implement food service policies and procedures. Furthermore, you have given no assurance that you intend to follow the procedures in the future.”
The missive says Cunningham will face further discipline if she continues to flout policy, up to and including dismissal. She acknowledged she has been reprimanded for failing to follow the school’s policy on meal substitutions in the past. Asked if she would continue to violate the policy in the future, Cunningham said: “I can’t allow the child to go without a meal. If they come to me and tell me they’re hungry, I have to make sure they’re fed.”
Of course, as I have documented numerous times, a teacher can anally rape a kindergartner, post the video up on YouTube, and keep his job while on paid leave for his crime. But refuse to shove a disgusting veggie burger down a tot’s throat? That’s a firing!
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...The Jon and Kate Trainwreck
May 26th
Ten million people tuned in last night to watch Jon show up to his first family event in weeks only to have Kate nag him that he was shaking the Pinata incorrectly. Hey Jon, you shake it like you should shake your shrew of a wife- until her teeth rattle!
Us Weekly points to a blog written by Kate’s sister-in-law that says a lot of it was staged. Perhaps so, but the tension sure felt real. Next week Kate looks like she is taking Mady to a much needed day spa. Perhaps if she leaves that little brat there the rest of the family may finally know peace.
And even if the Gosselins do get a divorce, I think they will keep making shows. As my pal Dan put it, next season it will be Jon plus Four and Kate plus Four, or Kate plus 8 and Jon Every Other Weekend, or as he is really hoping, Jon Plus Eight and Kate’s a Bitch.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Reason 13 to HomeSchool: Albino Fugly Crackhead Stripper Won’t Give Kids Crack, Pot, Booze and a Free Gangbang
May 26th
Meet Abbie Swogger. She is the next in a very long line of special education teachers who gets sexually aroused by children. This albino cracked-out former stripper threw a crack, beer and pot party for her 15-year-old son, several other high school kids and she even sprinkled in some runaway girls into the mix. For an encore, she tried to gangbang everyone in the room. That’s when the cops caught her. Now she is going to jail for three years followed by 36 years of probation.
From Pittsburgh channel here:
A former Highlands High School teacher’s aide, who threw an out-of-control party for teenagers at a New Kensington hotel room, has struck a plea deal with Allegheny County prosecutors. Under the terms, Swogger will go to prison for the next three to six years and serve a total of 36 years of probation.
Swogger threw a party and provided alcohol and drugs to minors at the Clarion Hotel in February 2008. She was also having sex with a 15-year-old boy and a 17-year-old boy in Natrona Heights, and stripping for teens and adult males in another home in Natrona Heights.
Police went to Swogger’s hotel room after being told that two female runaways may be there, and when they approached the door, they heard noise and music and a male voice yelling, “Bout time baby, you sexy.” Officers found empty and half-full cans of beer throughout the room, along with baggies of crack cocaine on a ledge above a door near a closet. Drug paraphernalia and a digital scale were in plain view.
Swogger was charged with involuntary sexual deviate intercourse, indecent assault, endangering the welfare of children, corruption of minors, furnishing liquor to minors, unlawful contact with minors and possession with intent to deliver.
But wait, there’s more! Check out some of the trial details of this crackwhore’s antics:
A 17-year-old boy testified yesterday that he carried on a months-long sexual relationship with a former teacher’s aide more than twice his age who regularly paid for beer and marijuana.
At one point after a 15-year-old boy testified about Swogger giving him oral sex, she mouthed the words to her son, “Don’t believe everything he says.” The 15-year-old is the 17-year-old’s brother.
Police arrested Ms. Swogger in February after she stayed overnight at the Clarion Hotel in New Kensington with several male and female juveniles. In the room, police found crack cocaine, the odor of marijuana, beer and used condoms. The 17-year-old said Ms. Swogger furnished $500 for the crack, which she planned to sell.
Ms. Swogger, a former exotic dancer, was a special-education aide at Highlands Senior High School. She resigned in February after police uncovered the hotel party as they searched for two runaway girls.
The girls ended up at the hotel with Ms. Swogger after they ran into the 15-year-old. One girl testified that Ms. Swogger stroked her thigh. “She said that she was bisexual and her goal was to get us all high and to have sex with us,” the girl said.
If this dangerous predator was a man, he would never see the light of day again. But since this is a woman, she gets to walk out of prison in just a few years. Click here for a list of other sex-crazed special education teachers.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Old School Rolling Thunder
May 25th
Tens of Thousands of Motorcyclists from around the country converged on DC this past weekend to participate in Rolling Thunder. Here is a photo from Shorpy that commemorates another motorcycling event in the Nation’s Capitol.
From the original WaPo article in 1937, courtesy of Shorpy here:
Washington Post, Sep 11, 1937
D.C.’s Lone Girl Motorcyclist Stormed Loudly to Get Permit
Sally Robinson – She Weighs Only 88 Pounds – Had to ‘Buffalo’ Stalwart Policeman but Finally Won His Praise – and License.
By dint of stamping her foot Sally Robinson, of 2120 H street northwest, has become the only girl in Washington licensed to ride a motorcycle.
Miss Robinson – all 88 pounds of her – has been operating motorcycles on and off since 1928, but last spring she decided she wanted a permit. The policeman assigned to officiate at her examination had different ideas, however. Although the District has no law against women motorcyclists, this examiner apparently thought it should have.
“First he said I was too little, then he said I was too young,” Miss Robinson declaimed yesterday, malice toward all policeman shining in her eyes.” She is 27, years old and 4 feet 11 inches tall, and didn’t see what either factor had to do with her sitting behind the handlebars of a motorcycle.
“I passed the written examination all right – passed it twice, in fact. The first time I got 80 on it, but that wasn’t good enough for him so I went down again and got 92, when that didn’t satisfy him, I got my lawyer.
“Well, that cop looked from me to the lawyer, and from the lawyer to me, and then he said I could take my road test,” she continued. Her difficulties had not ended, however. Thinking all was well, she said goodbye to her lawyer and started out for the road test.
Then the policeman announced he would not ride with her in the sidecar of the machine he provided for the test – he said he was afraid to.
But when the test was over, the examiner announced, “Lady, you handle it as well as a man could. Your balance is swell and you know the machine. But I didn’t see you kick it over so I can’t give you the permit.”
That was when Miss Robinson started “cussing him out.” “I called him such names – well, I was ashamed of myself. But it worked, and I have the permit.”
Miss Robinson uses the smallest type of machine built, but at that it weighs 325 pounds, nearly four times as much as she does. Despite the fact, it occasionally falls on her, she insists she would rather ride that machine than eat when she’s hungry. As for automobiles, she has no use for them whatsoever.
What an awesome story! She went on to become the first woman ever allowed into the Capitolians, a local motorcycle club.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...My Kid Had a Great Memorial Day Weekend
May 25th
I was going through some iPhone pix I took over the past few days and realized Cartney had a packed and fun weekend. He got to take off his shirt and run through the fountains at Reston Town Center.
Next he got to eat barbecue and go with his PopPop to Milwaukee Custard in Herndon. He has discovered cake ice cream cones and loves to eat them all up.
On Sunday he got to visit his cousin Tristan, which was dressed in the same outfit. They ran around for a few hours playing and fighting over toys.
And this morning he got to ride the little train at the mall.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Drunken Clown Smashes Clown Car
May 24th
A woman in her 50′s was arrested for drunkenly smashing her car into a parked vehicle when she was on her way to do evil clown things to children. When the cops arrested her she had a blood alcohol content of .252!
From WTOV here:
Patricia Ingalls is the clown who Wheeling Police arrested for drunken driving late Friday after she left the scene of an accident.
Ingalls said that she’s sorry that the children she went to entertain witnessed her get taken into custody.
“I’m not allowed to drink in costume and I should have never went because I was too upset,” said Ingalls.
Ingalls was arrested and charged with driving under the influence and fleeing the scene of an accident after she arrived at an event to entertain children. She said she drank before getting to the kids — but after the crash.
She blew a .252 blood alcohol content, more than triple the legal limit during the Breathalyzer test while being arrested.
Ingalls has been a clown for 17 years now, but she said she disappointed the children as she was led away in a police cruiser in handcuffs. “They were all hanging on me and saying, ‘Don’t take the clown,” said Ingalls.
To really appreciate the whackiness of this old ugly ass clown’s quote, you have to hear it for yourselves. She sounded like she smokes a carton of unfiltered camels per day and bleated out “Oh Gawd, don’t take the clown!” at the end of the video clip on the website.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...When Fine Art Meets Gilligan
May 24th
Isabel Samaras from San Francisco mixes pop art into classic art. You can check out her work on her website here. Here are two pieces I really like:
“The Birth of Ginger”
“The 3 Magi”
Thanks to Neatorama for the link!
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Margaret Thomas’ Cool Garden and Tumble-Down Barn
May 23rd
One of Fairfax County’s real treasures is Margaret Thomas’ Garden. I wrote about it a couple of years ago on this post here. We stopped by today to check out all of her beautiful blooming irises, roses and peonies.
One of the original homes on Lawyers Road, this house along with her garden has become a county and national cultural landscape landmark.
This barn is still in use to house containers and gardening materials. It is a favorite subject of painters and photographers in the area.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...I Refuse to Buy a Government Motors Car Unless It Has a Sweet Spoiler
May 22nd
I wish this video was a real joke instead of what may be a prophetic telling of things to come. All I know is I’m glad I got one of the last great cars from Chevy.
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Hottest T-Shirt on Amazon
May 22nd
My wife made the very keen observation to me the other day while watching Cops on TV that everyone who wears a wolf T-Shirt or Sweatshirt is a complete moron, drug-addled simpleton or general loser. But judging by the glowing reviews at Amazon, this T-Shirt below bestows upon the wearer superhuman strength, irresistible charisma and charm and the ability to sexually arouse others!
And its no wonder it is so powerful a totem to its believers. Check out how its manufactured! From the forums discussing the shirt:
Three Wolf Moon (3WM) shirts are born in one day’s time. The cotton from our shirts is grown in the US and harvested by dragonflies who fly it south to be sewn in Mexico by the finest of craftswomyn zombies during Dia de los Muertos . The woven shirts are delivered to us saddled to the backs of Pegacorns (Unicorn-Pegasus Hybrids). After each shirt is hand dyed by monks using sixteenth century blackberry merlot (which gives the shirts their unique red-black tint) eagles come and whisk them into the sky, then fly them to the ocean and drag them through the waves giving each shirt it’s unique salt-mottled look. Drying while flying back to our tree top shop in South Western, NH they are dropped into the full moonlit woods.
Then the magic happens…. The forest goes silent and wolves from every corner of the earth descend at once in harmonious joy upon Mount Monadnock, NH. The magnificent Mother Moon brightens to the point of blinding any human that looks upon her and imprints herself on each shirt, next 3 wolves choose which shirt they wish to merge their likeness with. A deafening howling cacophony roar of wolves which would instantly kill any human caught in the sound waves occurs, after which the transference is complete. When dawn breaks we send the monks to collect the shirts one by one wrapping each in the shroud of turin blessing each with a turin kiss from Jesus. After which they are hand rolled in a U.S. Flag and set upon our shelves waiting to be ordered.
Thanks to the Technically Incorrect blog for finding this along with the awesome customer reviews.
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