I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Archive for February, 2009
Exterminating Rats with Creedocide
Feb 28th
I caught this episode of Demetri Martin last night on the TiVo. My wife saw this new show and knew I’d love it so she recorded the first couple of episodes. This dude is funny. I love how he exterminates rats.
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Loading ...Magic Bacon Button
Feb 28th
This is the way I felt this morning, the first since being back from Jordan. My wife cooked up a half-pound of the stuff just for me. MMmmmmm.
Thanks to Chris for the pic!
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Jordan Trip Update: Coming Home
Feb 27th
I am in the lounge at Heathrow right now enjoying a cold beverage and waiting for my connecting flight back to the States. Just about 10 more hours and I will finally be home. (YAY!) In the mean time, check out these photos of breakers hitting the beach by Sean Davey who has dedicated himself to taking the perfect photos of the surf. Click on the picture below to see the rest of the photos.
(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Eco-Religionists Think Two-Ply Toilet Paper Worse Than Driving Hummers
Feb 27th
I have said it before, and I will say it again. Eco-worshipping whackjobs are self-loathing copromaniacs who are obsessed with their own bodily waste. I have documented previously how they want to restrict everyone to one piece of toilet paper, want to flush the toilet only once per week, and even reusing tampons. They even want to ban flushing toilets altogether. They even made a battery that requires you to pee into it to power it, getting urine all over your fingers. And now the latest pile of crap (pun intended) to come from environmentalists is this idiotic piece in the Guardian about how Americans are cutting down Virgin Forests so we can wipe our asses. And it is somehow worse than driving all of our Hummers.
From the Guardian:
The tenderness of the delicate American buttock is causing more environmental devastation than the country’s love of gas-guzzling cars, fast food or McMansions, according to green campaigners. At fault, they say, is the US public’s insistence on extra-soft, quilted and multi-ply products when they use the bathroom.
“This is a product that we use for less than three seconds and the ecological consequences of manufacturing it from trees is enormous,” said Allen Hershkowitz, a senior scientist at the Natural Resources Defence Council.
“Future generations are going to look at the way we make toilet paper as one of the greatest excesses of our age. Making toilet paper from virgin wood is a lot worse than driving Hummers in terms of global warming pollution.” Making toilet paper has a significant impact because of chemicals used in pulp manufacture and cutting down forests.
More than 98% of the toilet roll sold in America comes from virgin forests, said Hershkowitz. In Europe and Latin America, up to 40% of toilet paper comes from recycled products.
“I really do think it is overwhelmingly an American phenomenom,” said Hershkowitz. “People just don’t understand that softness equals ecological destruction.”
I don’t think Hershkowitz understands how forestry works. We cut down trees for lots of things- firewood, paper products, building materials, and yes, soft 2-ply asswipe. But what this fool fails to realize is that these “virgin forests” are replanted as soon as they are harvested. We have more forests in the US today than we had when the pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock. And trees are completely renewable and sustainable. Aren’t those the holy-grail buzzwords that eco-religionists like to bandy about? Other countries have to rely on recycled products much more because they simply suck at managing their forests. In the US, we are experts on it.
(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Teenager Fired for Complaining About Job on Facebook
Feb 26th
Kimberley Swann was fired for posting on her Facebook Page that her job was boring. I guess, in a way, she was also fired for being so stupid in not realizing that her boss gets “the internets” at the office too.
From the DailyMail here:
Like many teenagers, Kimberley Swann was underwhelmed by the menial tasks she was given in her new job. But while other 16-year-olds might have confided in friends and family about the filing, stapling and hole-punching, she decided to let off steam by posting comments on the social networking website Facebook.
Three weeks later, the words ‘first day at work. omg (oh my God)!! So dull!!’ came back to haunt her when her boss discovered them as he surfed the net. Another posting two days later complained, ‘ all i do is shred holepunch n scan paper!!! omg!‘, while another fortnight of apparent misery produced the moan, ‘im so totally bord!!!’
Miss Swann was called into Stephen Ivell’s office and fired on the spot before being marched from the premises in Clacton-on-Sea, Essex. Yesterday, she said she was shocked at her treatment as her comments had been on a personal site and not intended to be seen by outsiders - least of all her employer.
I don’t have facebook. I have this nifty blog site instead. But I’m pretty sure that there is a button somewhere to click to make your profile private. Miss Swann should give it a try. And speaking of Miss Swan,
She doesn’t keep her Facebook private either. She is often quoted as saying, “I tell you evateeeeeng!” Thanks to Fark for the story and the jokes.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...You Are Spoiled and So Am I
Feb 26th
We do live in a very remarkable age. Even in my lifetime there have been such huge leaps of technological innovation that it amazes me how far we have come in such a short time. But we are also raising a new generation of adults that are spoiled ninnies who should be grateful for being born when the did to enjoy the luxuries in life. Louis C K has more here on Conan:
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Jordan Trip Update: Are We Done Yet?
Feb 26th
My fellow-travelers and I keep joking that it’s Groundhog Day because we keep living the same day over and over again. Same crappy hotel, same scalding hot shower, same smoke alarm going off every morning, same table for breakfast, same surly waiter and same crappy scrambled eggs and fake beef bacon. Followed by the same van ride through crazed Jordanian traffic to the same destination.
We did manage to get out of our own crappy hotel and go to one of the nicer ones nearby for drinks and dinner. Its the LeMeridian and it has a Starbucks, which was cool, but I don’t drink coffee from that company anyways. But its the only Starbucks you have to go through a Metal Detector to get to.
One more full day here, then I’m packing my bags to get the hell out of this place.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...BMX Bicycling Fail: How to “Bunny-Hop” a Crackhead
Feb 25th
Anyone over the age of 15 that rides a BMX bike and actively attempts to do any type of stunt automatically FAILS. It’s not cool. Its pretty gay too when you do it in front of all of your boy friends who take pictures of you and talk about what kind of fun you are having; meanwhile even pimply-faced D&D kids are making out with GIRLS. However, if you somehow manage to cave in the skull of a crackhead, well, its suddenly cool again. And yeah, even I want photos of that.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Obama Knows How to Give a Pep Talk
Feb 25th
It sounds just like the Mom in this comic strip, Diversity Lane by Zack Rawsthorne.
No wonder the stock are circling the drain. Hope and Change must be the Drano of capitalism.
(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Japanese Scientists Say ManMade Global Warming is a Myth
Feb 25th
One Japanese scientist even went as far to say that anyone who believed in computer models of the climate may as well believe in Astrology. Humorously enough, most leftists who believe in this global warming garbage also go around asking each other what their sign is, so now I understand the correlation between the two.
From the Reg here:
Japanese scientists have made a dramatic break with the UN and Western-backed hypothesis of climate change. Three of the five researchers disagree with the UN’s IPCC view that recent warming is primarily the consequence of man-made industrial emissions of greenhouse gases.
One of the five contributors compares computer climate modelling to ancient astrology. Others castigate the paucity of the US ground temperature data set used to support the hypothesis, and declare that the unambiguous warming trend from the mid-part of the 20th Century has ceased.
Three of the five leading scientists contend that recent climate change is driven by natural cycles, not human industrial activity, as political activists argue.
Kanya Kusano is Program Director and Group Leader for the Earth Simulator at the Japan Agency for Marine-Earth Science & Technology (JAMSTEC). “[The IPCC's] conclusion that from now on atmospheric temperatures are likely to show a continuous, monotonous increase, should be perceived as an unprovable hypothesis,” he writes.
Shunichi Akasofu, head of the International Arctic Research Center in Alaska, has expressed criticism of the theory before. Akasofu uses historical data to challenge the claim that very recent temperatures represent an anomaly:
“We should be cautious, IPCC’s theory that atmospheric temperature has risen since 2000 in correspondence with CO2 is nothing but a hypothesis. Before anyone noticed, this hypothesis has been substituted for truth… The opinion that great disaster will really happen must be broken.”
The belief that mankind is destroying the earth is, as I have said before, a basic tenet of a new religious movement among liberals and atheists. It is not founded in science, but faith, and any and all decisions made on the basis of that faith is therefore a bad decision. And when government does it, it is tantamount to an endorsement of a religion by the government, violating the principals of seperation of church and state.
(2 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...12:30 AM Music: Modest Mouse – Invisible
Feb 24th
My iPod’s Genius feature keeps picking Modest Mouse songs on my playlist and the band’s sound is realling beginning to grow on me. Here is their latest, Invisible, featuring someone that is really good at hackey-sack. Enjoy.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Reason 796 to HomeSchool: Teacher Won’t Kidnap Your Son for 5-State Weeklong Rape Spree
Feb 24th
Meet Lisa Lavoie. This trollish young woman spent a few years trying to get a teaching degree just so she could rape a 15 year-old as soon as some school system was foolish enough to hire her.
From TheBostonChannel here:
State police in West Virginia arrested Lisa Lavoie, 24, of Ludlow, Mass., shortly before midnight in Morgantown, W.Va. after she was located at a Super 8 motel where she was found intoxicated. She was transferred to a medical facility and placed under arrest.
Lavoie is being held on child enticement charges, which may include statutory rape. She is expected to be in court later Tuesday for a hearing to extradict her to Massachusettes.
The 15-year-old male student was with her and was expected to be returned to his family as soon as possible. Sullivan described him as a “good kid,” and a well-liked athlete who did not have any problems at home.
Federal and local law enforcement officials launched a search for the 24-year-old teacher from the Maurice A. Donahue Elementary School on Monday after they received several leads that she had left the area with the 8th-grade student.
On Feb. 13, the boy’s parents asked the school about the teacher’s interest in their son and the nature of their relationship. The boy was reported missing Feb. 16.
This was Lavoie’s first teaching job.
Right out of the chute from community college classes for a teacher’s degree and this whoreish hag stuffs a child up her vagina. And to think she has barely begun to repay her student loans! hahaha!
(3 votes, average: 4.33 out of 6) Loading ...Obama Laughs At Your Stock Portfolios
Feb 24th
Stocks keep sliding. Can’t you feel the hope? I hope you have some change left in your pockets.
But at least we finally got our first half-black President. That’s worth half of your 401K, right?
(1 votes, average: 2.00 out of 6) Loading ...Layoffs at Hasbro
Feb 23rd
You know that times are tough all over right now with the mere 2 percent rise in unemployment. Lots of companies are forecasting their sales and realizing that they need to layoff staff now in order to avoid any shortfalls later. This is what happened at Hasbro. They fired the guy who edits the “scrabble word of the day” on their website.
You would think that with more people at home they would play more board games, so why the layoffs? Thanks to Fark for the story.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...My iPhone Talks Smack to Blackberries
Feb 23rd
I am constantly having to keep my iPhone on mute because it gets all uppity around older technologies and it gets embarrassing sometimes. Just like in this video below, stolen shamelessly from [GAS].
Beard of Bees. LOL
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Bolivian Witch Doctors Sacrifice Llamas
Feb 21st
I have written previously about the uneducated foolish people of Bolivia who cling to witchcraft as part of their “cultural heritage.” Last we saw them, they were making Llama-jerky from aborted fetuses of Llamas. Now they sacrifice llamas in spent mines in hopes that none of their foolish companions and coworkers who still work the mines die in their fruitless effort to find any remaining silver.
From Reuters here:
In a Bolivian Carnival tradition, dozens of howling-drunk miners cut the hearts from four trussed-up llamas in a dark mine tunnel lit by a bonfire, accompanied by the deafening blare of a brass band.
“It’s good luck,” proclaimed Quechua Indian witch doctor Jose Morales, holding up a beating llama heart while miners streaked blood on their faces to ward off hazards in the Itos mine above the central Bolivian town of Oruro. “All four hearts were beating when they came out; that means the year will go really well. It’s a very good sign,” miner Isaac Meneses said with relief. Sacrifices to appease “Uncle,” the capricious spirit who owns the silver, tin and zinc deposits in the Bolivian Andes are a key ingredient to Carnival celebrations this week.
Oruro was long ago abandoned by big mining companies but low-budget groups of laid-off miners still work the mostly depleted mines in the hills that rise above the parade route. They earn up to $300 a month, decent money in Bolivia, but the drilling and dynamite are dangerous and three miners have died in the Itos mine since 2001. That’s why they gather every year during Carnival to spill llama blood down the shafts.
“Sure I feel bad for the llama, but better he dies than us. If we don’t feed Uncle, he’ll eat us. We’re spilling the blood so we don’t have accidents,” said miner Jaime Robles, 51, a big wad of coca leaves stuffed in his cheek.
Risking your life in an abandoned silver mine? Complete idiots. Maybe their hero President Evo Morales would invest in some mining safety equipment? Or much more sensibly, close the mine and use science and geology to find an alternative resource to tap? Surely that would be a better plan than ritual sacrifice? And where is PETA on this?
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Requiem for Socks
Feb 21st
Socks the Cat, the former pet of President and Mrs. Clinton, was found dead today in an alley behind a crack house. Years of substance abuse and backalley sexual favors finally took its toll on the small feline, who for a moment in 1993, was the most famous cat in the World.
Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy
Sock’s sad demise, coupled with the apparent suicide of Buddy, the Clinton’s Black Labrador Retriever, who threw himself under a moving car in 2002, raise serious questions about the ability of the former President and First lady to properly care for an animal. Other pet mishaps have been reported in the past. In 1997, after a long trip abroad, then President Clinton returned to the White House to find his aquarium of Angelfish powered off, with his fish floating on top belly up. This was blamed on inattentive White House Staff. President Clinton claimed that Mrs. Clinton “went nuts” and “fired a few employees.” Finally, upon learning of Sock’s demise, the former President was quoted, “I guess I need to go find a parakeet and watch Hillary starve it.”
(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Reason 120 to HomeSchool: Fat Lonely Beach Blonde Biker Chicks Won’t Rape Your Son
Feb 21st
Meet Angel Simmons Lindle. She lies about her age on her profiles on 3 of 4 separate MySpace profiles and probably lies about her age and weight on Match.Com too. She loves Nascar, especially Dale Jr.; she loves to ride crotch rocket motorbikes to get that vibration working real good against her loins, and she desperately wants a young stud to tame her wild heart. So when everyone on the Internets took a look at her and said “Me No Want!!!” she just wooed one of her 14 year old students instead.
From IndexJournal here:
A 37-year-old Edgewood 7th grade Middle School teacher was arrested after authorities said she had sex with a then-14-year-old male student on multiple occasions. Arrested was Angel Simmons Lindle, 37, of Donalds, charged with seven counts of criminal sexual conduct with a child.
Ninety Six School District 52 Superintendent Dan Powell said Lindle has been suspended pending the outcome of the charges against her.
Sheriff Tony Davis discussed Lindle’s arrest Friday night. “We started our investigation early Friday morning, checking a number of things. We obtained a search warrant and went to the suspect’s residence and gathered a few items there. The victim, who was 14 at the time but is 15 now, told us of numerous incidents between he and the suspect.”
Davis said the investigation is ongoing and additional charges might even be forthcoming from another county.
I think she may have confessed during the interview with police. And like all teachers, she was merely told not to show up to school, but she will still collect a full salary.
Anyone else think she looks like Beth from Dawg the Bounty Hunter? Before her arrest, she posted this “boo-hoo, poor me” missive to her Facebook page according to Greenwood Today here:
Earlier today Lindle posted a message on her Facebook page stating “Angel is good-bye to everyone.” She posted a similar message around 1:00am this morning saying “Angel is very sad. Everything is over for her and I really mean everything all because of a lie. If anyone that had any sense heard it they would know it was not true.”
(3 votes, average: 4.33 out of 6) Loading ...Jordan Trip Update: Petra
Feb 21st
Petra is about an hour and a half south of Amman, and it turned out that we had perfect weather for the trip. The sky was mostly sunny and it was about 55 degrees. We spent four or five hours exploring the ancient rose-colored city carved into the sandstone cliff faces. The city was created in part because of the ability of the Nabateans, the pre-islamic civilization of the area, to capture water and channel it into cisterns for sale to trade caravans. Over time, it became the city’s primary resource, allowing the city to become home to over 20,000 residents and craftsmen.
This is the most familiar landmark in Petra due to it being used as the entrance to the temple where the Holy Grail was kept in Indiana Jones. It is actually called “the Treasury” although I don’t think it was used for banking or finance. Inside are some dark rooms about 20 feet deep.
Sadly, current generations don’t appreciate the antiquity of the ancient city. Many have carved their names into the pillars of the Treasury.
Hundreds of caves, used for both housing and burial were scattered throughout the region, even in places not frequented by regular tourists. The interior rooms may be as small as a half-bath in a modern home or as big as a living room. Steps were carved everywhere for ease of access to higher tiers.
This amphitheater was built by the Nabateans in the first century AD to reflect the trends of Roman theater building. It seated about 7000 at capacity, and guessing that those were for men only, it would put a max population of the area at about 20,000 including women and children and various slaves.
This is a very large royal tomb, which centuries later served as a Byzantine church. From the top level you can hop across to other tombs on the cliff face.
There are the ruins of a very large temple in Petra, and the road the visitors are walking upon was original marble from the first century. This was also the location of the Nymphaeum, a large grotto and the destination of the collections of water from dams, canals and slurries.
(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Jordan Trip Update: Someone Read Me a Bedtime Story
Feb 20th
I ate something two days ago and its still killing me. I think I may have eaten some veggies that weren’t washed in clean water or something- I don’t know. And this might be a little TMI, but will someone read me this book? And hopefully it has a happy ending?
I am getting better, however. I made it all the way out to Petra and back today and didn’t have to deploy my backup underwear. Pictures soon. (of Petra!) I gotta run.
(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...
