I can't believe that came from your mouth!
fail
Oprah Fired Rosie
Mar 17th
For five months, Oprah Winfree has been trying to make a go of having her own cable channel. For some reason, she hired the poisonous hostile liberal Rosie O’Donnell to gab for an hour or so a day. Ratings on Oprah’s dismal channel were even worse when Rosie was on the air so she had to go.
From Deadline here:
O’Donnell’s daytime talk show on OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network got the ax after five low-rated months on the air.
OWN went for broke with the launch of The Rosie Show, whose October premiere, along with that of Oprah’s Lifeclass, were broadcast on five Discovery networks. The struggling and money-losing OWN spent some $10 million to market the two shows, whose debut was touted as an unofficial OWN relaunch. That $10 million went where the previous $250 million+ in investment from Discovery went — down the drain. After an OK start with 500,000 viewers tuning in to the premiere, Rosie quickly lost more than half of that to average under 200,000 viewers for most of its run
Nothing makes me giggle more than liberals wasting millions of dollars on other liberals.
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Making Viral Videos Makes Jason Russell Jerk It in Public
Mar 17th
The Kony 2012 video went viral last week. I couldn’t get past the first five minutes due to all of the liberal feel good “empowerment” music and holier than thou attitudes. Kony was a leader in an African war? Well who isn’t nowadays? I immediately suspected that this was a liberal smear job- and that liberals were rooting for an African version of Che Guevara. I tweeted about it:
@trenchreynolds if only liberals made a slick viral video about the WM3 like the one they made about Kony?Or Mumia?
— Dr. Jones (@BelchSpeak) March 13, 2012
And it turns out that my suspicions might have been right. Jason Russell, the brains behind the Invisible Children viral video targeting Kony was so overcome by his sudden fame that he was rocking out with his cock out in San Diego.
From the DailyMail here:
The director of the ‘Kony 2012′ viral video has been arrested for allegedly being drunk and masturbating in public.
Jason Russell, co-founder of the charity Invisible Children, was hospitalised after being found behaving strangely on the streets of San Diego. He was arrested yesterday morning following reports that he was seen vandalising cars and running through traffic wearing just his underwear.
Mr Russell, 33, was calm and co-operative when apprehended by police, according to NBC San Diego, but seemed to be under the influence of alcohol. Although he was not charged with a crime, officials decided that he should be committed to hospital for medical treatment following the incident.
Africa is hell on earth, and we don’t benefit one bit by having white liberals trying to crowd-source a lynching of a black man.
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Aye Carumba! Pinto Beans Now With Real Latin Flavor
Mar 16th
An old Mexican dude was buried alive under several tons of pinto beans. They even had to get inmates from a nearby jail to help dig out the corpse.
From the DailyMail here:
A 56-year-old man was killed when he was buried under a 20-foot mound of pinto beans at a warehouse in eastern Colorado where he worked, police said.
Raymond Segura Jr. was working inside an 80-ft by 160-ft storage silo where beans are sent in bulk via conveyor belt. But it remains unclear how he ended up buried under the massive pile of legumes.
‘We moved several tons of beans to get to him,’ the local sheriff said in a telephone interview.
Dozens of rescue workers and even four inmates from the county jail spent an hour digging through a mound of the legumes to get to the trapped worker.
However, Mr Segura was dead when crews reached him.
What a way to go. Almost as bad as falling into a tortilla press. And this is not the first deadly pile of legumes we have mentioned on this site.
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Occupy Wall Street Now a Video Game
Mar 10th
Lame-0-rang. A bunch of dope-smoking hippies came up with a poorly coded video game based on Occupy Wall Street. How hard would it be to win a game where the players smash a few windows, refuse to bathe and sit in tents? The gameplay is actually even worse than that.
From RT here by way of Twitchy:
Programmers in Oakland, California have unveiled a video games inspired by the Occupy Wall Street movement.
The gameplay appears quite simple, but without two players cooperating together, a goal is impossible to accomplish. Maneuvering two sets of controls, gamers move characters through a series of switches one at a time to ascend a tower all the way to the top. When the clock ticks down, players then have to parachute down and, as Wired explains, “occupies” a switch and, thus, saves their score.
“Someone who’s maybe not super good at video games might only get to an early switch, but they’ll still stay behind and hold that switch and help all future players to still be contributing something that’s significant.”
So are they selling the game or giving it away for free? The jobless Occupiers, who are mostly vacationing back in their parents’ basements, might have to ask Mom and Dad for the iTunes cash to download it onto their iPads.
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Why So Hairy?
Mar 9th
The joy of pending parenthood is wonderful and some couples simply want others to share in their joy. But if you are going to take off your shirt for a photo featuring an intimate kiss of the ginormous baby bump, you might want to consider getting your back shaved first.
This was discovered at an undisclosed location.
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Reason 253 to HomeSchool: Students Wont Swap Porn Vids of Slut Teacher
Mar 8th
I think its safe for Rush to call Stacie Halas, a 31-year-old science teacher at Richard B. Haydock Intermediate School in Oxnard, CA a slut, because she is.
She is also a criminal under the new California law that demands that Porn actresses use condoms.
From the SmokingGun here:
A California middle school teacher has been placed on leave after administrators learned from students that the educator appears in porn videos available online.
Stacie Halas, a 31-year-old science teacher at Richard B. Haydock Intermediate School in Oxnard, was removed from the classroom Monday, three days after pupils reported spotting her in a series of X-rated clips.
In a letter sent yesterday to Haydock parents, school brass noted that they are “asking teachers to discourage the children from searching for and/or visiting these inappropriate sites.”
Halas can be seen in some of the videos engaging in a wide variety of sexual activity with a partner portraying a delivery man for “Big Sausage Pizza.” Instead of accepting a tip from Halas, the delivery man opens the pizza box and–surprise!–offers her a tip of his own (as seen in one of the below photos).
Oldest porn story in the book. I’m not sure which industry has helped the other more- porn or pizza? Anyways, no one’s kids should be taught by such a disgusting gutterslut. I wonder if Sandra Fluke has been in any online porn? Any volunteers want to scour the interwebs to find that video?
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Attention Seeking Fat Slob Begs for Help on YouTube
Mar 4th
Meet humongous fattie Robert Gibbs. Only 23 years old and he weighs close to 800 pounds. He has bed sores because he’s too big and fat to even get up and move. Somehow he managed to get his fat-assed fingers on a laptop to upload a pathetic video begging to be on TV’s Dr. Phil Show, the Biggest Loser or other reality show. Seems like his appetite for attention is second only to his appetite for big macs.
From CBS here:
A 700-pound Livermore man’s plea for help to lose weight has become a viral sensation on YouTube in less than 24 hours. Robert Gibbs, who turned 23 on Friday, said he is a prisoner in his own body.
“I spend most of my days right here, watching TV.” Gibbs said from his couch. “I have to slide forward to get off this couch. I’m just trapped, and there’s no way out.”
On Thursday, something clicked for the Livermore man who has struggled with his weight since the age of four. He has also been hospitalized twice. As Gibbs was stuck in bed, he recorded the video.
Someone in his trailer is feeding this fat miserable slob. That person needs to stop bringing the slop buckets and Gibbs needs some serious mental health counselling in addition to a common sense diet. It reminds me of watching My 600 Pound life the other day on the freakshow network TLC. I tweeted during the show as did others, laughing at these ginormous fatties.
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Ben & Jerry’s Newest Flavor: Avian Flu
Mar 3rd
I was out with the family today at the Dulles Mall and noticed a sparrow had somehow managed to trap itself inside the spacious food court. We happily watched as it bounced from scrap to scrap nibbling on crumbs. Cartney tried to catch it or something so it flew away. To its perch. And with utter revulsion, I realized its perch was atop a Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream stand, and it had shit all over the perch, the employees and the foodservice preparation area including its blenders. Here is the full size photo I snapped of this.
And closer up-
Latest secret ingredient to Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream? Bird droppings. Its okay. Its organic.
Filthy Hippie company touting their organic goodness while attempting to poison their customers isn’t cool. Seriously, the employees and customers are at risk of contracting Histoplasmosis.
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Lauren Scruggs Looks Derpy
Feb 25th
You know what happens when models don’t practice all those graceful poises? They get clumsy and have their faces and hands chopped up by propeller blades. Its a FACT. Case in point is Lauren Scruggs who is now up walking around sporting a new glass eye.
From the DailyMail here:
Miss Scruggs was nearly killed on December 3 when she walked into a plane propeller after taking a ride with a friend to see the Dallas Christmas lights from the sky.
She suffered a fractured skull, broken collarbone, brain injuries and lost her left hand. Two weeks after the tragic accident, doctors decided that they had to remove Lauren’s eye.
There is now a new FAA rule that blondes are only allowed to ride jets.
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Idiot Child Can’t Handle His Four Loko
Feb 21st
Pity poor Mikey Truluck- he sucks at drinking, puking and sitting upright in a car. Someone bought this 13 Year Old a Four Loko, and when he drank it, he apparently fell out of a moving car attempting to puke. Such is life in Baltimore. And yet, rather than blame his parent’s lack of supervision or the bad crowd the kid was hanging around with, the Press and this dead kid’s fat mom are blaming the manufacturer of the adult beverage.
From the DailyMail here:
Teenager dies after drinking Four Loko when he opened car door to throw up, fell out and was hit by oncoming traffic
A 13-year-old boy who died falling out of a moving car while throwing up after being fatally stuck by a passing vehicle was drinking controversial alcoholic beverage Four Loko.
Eighth-grader Michael Truluck, of Baltimore County, Maryland, got his hands on the drink that was banned in nearby Baltimore City for its potent mix of caffeine and alcohol.
Baltimore County Police told ABC News the car carrying Truluck was making a turn out of the Auto Zone parking onto a busy highway in Parkville on Saturday evening when the accident occurred.
The driver of the car that hit him stopped at the scene, the station reports.
Truluck was a student at Parkville Middle School in Baltimore County and uncle to his older sister’s 15-month-old son.
Mrs Keys said her son’s friend confirmed an adult in the neighbourhood had purchased the drink
Each 23.5oz can of the fruity drink contained 12 per cent alcohol – the equivalent to about four cans of beer – and 135 milligrams of caffeine, or two cups of coffee.
The Food and Drink Administration issued letters to four companies which produced caffeinated alcoholic drinks last November, saying they were ‘unsafe’.
Four Loko is an adult beverage that tastes like cat puke. Little kids shouldn’t be drinking it. Its not the beverage manufacturer’s fault that this kid was an idiot. And bad moms shouldn’t let their 8th grade kid go joyriding with the neighborhood riff raff.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Horrible Russian Teen Singer Trolled by Mom
Feb 19th
Ever been around a teenage girl? They can be annoying. I’m certain this Russian kid had this coming. Mom totally steals the show on this one.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Newsflash: Muslims Still Want to Kill Us All
Feb 17th
A Muslim man from Morocco who had been living in the Northern Virginia area for 13 years strapped on a suicide vest and headed to the US Capitol building in a martyrdom operation. Lucky for all of us he was stupid. He was arrested by the FBI in a sting operation.
From the WaPo here:
The FBI and the U.S. Capitol Police arrested a Moroccan man Friday in downtown Washington after a lengthy investigation into an alleged plot to carry out a suicide attack on the Capitol.
Amine el-Khalifi, 29, was picked up while carrying an inoperable gun and a fake suicide vest provided to him by undercover FBI agents posing as al-Qaeda associates. They said he entered the United States when he was 16 and was living as an illegal immigrant in Arlington, Va., having reportedly overstayed his visitor’s visa for years.
Khalifi was arrested in a parking garage on Constitution Avenue NW a few blocks from the Capitol following a year-long investigation. He was carrying with him a vest that he believed was packed with explosives but that actually contained harmless material.
When I heard a terrorist plot was stopped, at first I thought it was Occupy Wallstreet scum. But a Muslim male would of course make more sense.
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1-800 Flowers Ruined Valentines Day for Thousands
Feb 16th
I used 1-800 Flowers just once. They delivered the bouquet and vase I ordered via DHL, and the vase was broken and the flowers were crappy. I figured that’s just what they always do, and the money I wasted on it served as a lesson to pick out fresh flowers from a local florist. But on Valentines Day, thousands more people learned my same lesson, and they took to twitter to complain.
From the WaPo here:
Love hath no fury like a flower customer scorned. For any heartbroken man or woman out in the world who feels they are having a rough Valentine’s Day, take a moment to pause and think about the plight of Rachel, Stephanie and Tene.
Who, might you ask, are Rachel, Stephanie and Tene? They are the names signed to dozens of tweets that went out Feb. 14 from the besieged Twitter feed @1800Flowers. The social media team behind the account is tasked with responding over and over and over again to angry customers wondering where their delayed Valentine’s Day orders were.
And there are some hilarious twitpics associated with the 1800flowers account too:
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American Psychiatric Association: No Such Thing As Aspergers
Feb 10th
Freaky, soulless, self-absorbed asshats, yes. Aspies, no. The APA is doing away with a clinical diagnosis of Aspergers since no one can figure out what the hell it is or if it actually exists. There will just be autism on a graduated scale.
In this famous action sequence, a selfish child that has no soul conceives of an idea that he is afflicted with a special disease that will excuse all of his horrible selfish behavior.
From the DailyBeast here:
Asperger’s, Overdiagnosed, Ill Defined, May Not Be a Syndrome Much Longer
Psychiatrists working on the latest edition of their profession’s diagnostic manual are thought to be tightening the definition of autism and dispensing with Asperger’s completely.
It’s a reasonable question to ask in the midst of the furor over the American Psychiatric Association’s proposed changes to the way autism spectrum disorders are diagnosed. According to the plan, the APA’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the profession’s standard diagnostic reference for mental disorders will not contain Asperger’s syndrome at all. Instead, all diagnoses of autism—of which Asperger’s is currently considered a subset—will be collapsed together onto one spectrum, and rated in gradations from mild to severe.
For all its clinical and cultural resonance, Asperger’s syndrome is still only a recent addition to the American diagnostic vocabulary. In the 18 years since it arrived, no one has been able to agree on what it is.
So Gary McKinnon, famed Aspergers sufferer who is using his self-diagnosis to prevent being extradited to the United States to face criminal charges, is now considered by the APA to be merely “daft” rather than having a real disease. Eat it, AssPies.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Crisis Management Under the Big Top
Feb 7th
I saw the motorcycle accident below on Fox News and it looked pretty bad. I found the whole video on YouTube and found quite a few surprises. First of all, the rider is going to be okay. Broke several bones, but he will survive. But check out the ringmaster who takes control of a bad situation, keeps the crowds calm and pulls the decision to close the circus.
Oh, and the redneck who shouts “He’s fuckin’ dead!” with all those kids around? Total asshat.
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Ah, the Toe Market
Feb 6th
All these little piggies that go to market? That market is WalMart. And they ride around in the Scamp carts and block the normal shoppers. They fill up their basket with Sam’s Brand Pork and Beans.
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Not-So-Happy Meal
Feb 5th
A North Carolina Mom learned the hard way what happens when you try to perform a denial of service attack on a McDonald’s Drive Thru by parking your car at the window and refusing to move. You get TASED and your kid goes to foster care.
From the DailyMail here:
Police used a Stun Gun on a woman who had been blocking a McDonald’s drive-thru for more than 20 minutes. Evangeline Lucca, 37, had cut the line and refused to leave before she was served.
Employees, meanwhile, refused to attend to Lucca because she cut the queue.
Lucca bypassed the order screen and the line at the fast food restaurant, instead pulling directly up to the pick-up window Friday afternoon. They told her she had to go around and wait like everybody else did and place her order that way, they weren’t set up at the that window to taker her order.
The woman still refused to move, and police were called after that. Employees told the paper that Lucca often tried to jump the line, but that they finally got sick of it.
When the deputies arrived, they said she was ‘defiant’ to them and was threatening them. Deputies then performed a ‘drive stun’ on her, meaning the device was applied directly to her skin, rather than firing the Taser cartridge.
Her three-year-old daughter was with her and was taken into protective custody.
Stupid woman waited 34 years to have a daughter, she can wait 5 minutes to buy her child a freakin’ Happy Meal. Now she can wait for visitation rights. Actually, I’ve often been tempted to find out what would happen if you blocked a fast food drive-thru lane. Nice to know now that I shouldn’t try that.
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DHS Monitoring Twitter; Ejects Chavs From US
Jan 30th
Alternate title of this post: When Idiots Converge. Leigh Bryan, a 24 YO doofus from Ireland, and probable chav, tweeted that he was going to “destroy america” and “dig up” Marilyn Monroe’s corpse. Upon landing in LAX, he was intercepted by customs and searched and then told that he was not allowed entry onto US soil. It seems he was watchlisted by DHS idiots who don’t understand that pasty white guys from the UK use terms like “destroy” to mean “get wasted.”
From the Mail here:
Two British tourists were barred from entering America after joking on Twitter that they were going to ‘destroy America’ and ‘dig up Marilyn Monroe’. Leigh Van Bryan, 26, was handcuffed and kept under armed guard in a cell with Mexican drug dealers for 12 hours after landing in Los Angeles with pal Emily Bunting. The Department of Homeland Security flagged him as a potential threat when he posted an excited tweet to his pals about his forthcoming trip to Hollywood which read: ‘Free this week, for quick gossip/prep before I go and destroy America‘.
After making their way through passport control at Los Angeles International Airport (LAX) last Monday afternoon the pair were detained by armed guards. Despite telling officials the term ‘destroy’ was British slang for ‘party’, they were held on suspicion of planning to ‘commit crimes’ and had their passports confiscated.
Federal agents even searched his suitcase looking for spades and shovels, claiming Emily was planning to act as Leigh’s ‘look out’ while he raided Marilyn’s tomb. Bar manager Leigh, from Coventry, and Emily, 24, from Birmingham, were then quizzed for five hours at LAX before they were handcuffed and put into a van with illegal immigrants and locked up overnight.
‘When we arrived at the prison I was shoved in a cell on my own but after an hour two huge Mexican men covered in tattoos came in and started asking me who I was. ‘They told me they’d been arrested for taking cocaine over the border. When the food arrived on the tray they took it all and just left me with a carton of apple juice.‘
They spent 12 hours in separate holding cells before being driven back to the airport where they were put on a plane home via Paris.
Aww, poor baby only got apple juice.
Yes, its kinda absurd that DHS thinks that they are catching terrorists by reading tweets. Its refreshing to see them fail at this as badly as their airport screening prevents terror too. As long as DHS continues to pretend that white males plant bombs, they will fail at their task.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...X Games Crash: Colton Moore Bites It
Jan 26th
I saw this while I was out tonight at (shocker!) a pub with friends. I’m gonna watch the reruns later on ESPN 3D.
Reminds me of Jake Brown biting it on the skateboard.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Symantec to Customers: Only a Fool Would Use PCAnywhere Now
Jan 26th
Symantec released a whitepaper that quickly glosses over that they were pwn3d back in 2006 and lost the source code to their flagship products. Now they are recommending that the software be turned off unless you really, really can’t do without it, but if you get h4x0red don’t blame them.
The whitepaper says:
Upon investigation of the claims made by Anonymous regarding source code disclosure, Symantec believes that the disclosure was the result of a theft of source code that occurred in 2006. We believe that source code for the 2006-era versions of the following products was exposed: Norton Antivirus Corporate Edition; Norton Internet Security; Norton SystemWorks (Norton Utilities and Norton GoBack); and pcAnywhere.
With this incident pcAnywhere customers have increased risk. Malicious users with access to the source code have an
increased ability to identify vulnerabilities and build new exploits. Additionally, customers that are not following general security best practices are susceptible to man-in-the-middle attacks which can reveal authentication and session information. General security best practices include endpoint, network, remote access, and physical security, as well as configuring pcAnywhere in a way that minimizes potential risks.At this time, Symantec recommends disabling the product until Symantec releases a final set of software updates that resolve currently known vulnerability risks. For customers that require pcAnywhere for business critical purposes, it is recommended that customers understand the current risks, ensure pcAnywhere 12.5 is installed, apply all relevant patches as they are released, and follow the general security best practices discussed herein.
I don’t know how much marketshare PCAnywhere maintains nowadays- most Windows desktops and servers ship with a free remote desktop client, and most customers I encounter today use either citrix or desktop sharing services like WebEx. But this whole episode is still an embarrassment to big yellow.
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