I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Archive for August, 2010
Moonbats Want to Turn Poor People into Dung Beetles
Aug 31st
More proof that liberals are obsessed with their own poop and pee? Now they want to force poor people to collect their poop, roll it to a collection station, and exchange it for batteries to power their boom boxes. I swear I’m not making this up.
The idea is called “X-Runner” by Noa Lerner, an Israeli moonbat. She wrongly asserts that the lack of toilets is the cause of poverty. Its the communism and failed leftist governments that cause poverty which strips its citizenry of the ability to buy toilets and the inability of the government to create proper sanitation.
She wants to force the brown colored people of the world to wheel their shit downtown in order to sell it to a fictitious entity or corporation that will convert the shit to energy, presumably by the use of unicorn semen and that wonderful time turner device from the Harry Potter movie.
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Loading ...At What Point Do You Install the Stripper Pole?
Aug 31st
Face it, Dad. Your daughter is dumb. Do you spend extra time and money in tutoring on the outside hope that she will be able to keep from getting knocked up long enough to enter junior college? Or do you go the easy route and just install the 30 dollar stripper pole from the Billiards and Barstools store? This Dad took the easy route.
Face it girls. Your Dad is dumb. First he gets you a web camera after you innocently told him that its the new way to chat with friends. Sure you use it to camwhore yourself on Chat Roulette. And what’s with the stripper pole Dad bought? Couldn’t he at least use some anchor bolts instead of drywall screws to affix it to the ceiling?
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Obama Cabinet Member Thinks Its Time for Reeducation
Aug 30th
Kathleen Sebelius, the Health and Human Services Secretary for Obama is upset because the American People have deciphered the code of what Obamacare means- more taxes. She is so upset that she is determined to spend more tax dollars to launch a campaign of “reeducation” to clear up the misunderstanding people have that disagree with the policies. Where would she hold these “training sessions?” At a Day Spa? Nah, that would be too expensive. Maybe a nice campground. Yeah, that’s the ticket!
From ABCNews here:
With a number of polls showing a sustained level of opposition to the Democrats’ health care reform efforts more than five months after passage, Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius said the Obama administration has “a lot of reeducation to do” heading into the midterms.
“Unfortunately, there still is a great deal of confusion about what is in [the reform law] and what isn’t,” Sebelius told ABC News Radio in an interview Monday.
Sebelius said “misinformation given on a 24/7 basis” has led to the enduring opposition nearly six months after the lengthy debate ended in Congress. “So, we have a lot of reeducation to do,” Sebelius said.
The administration is particularly concerned about the views of senior citizens – who “have been a target of a lot of the misinformation,” according to the health secretary.
Cant we as citizens see how brilliant our leadership is? If we would only let them reshape our society! These elite rich white people know what’s best for the rest of us!
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Leftists Invent Urinal/Sink Combo
Aug 30th
I have said it before, and I will say it again. Eco-worshipping whackjobs are self-loathingcopromaniacs who are obsessed with their own bodily waste, buttholes and vaginas. I have documented previously how they want everyone to drink their own urine, and to restrict everyone to one piece of toilet paper, want to flush the toilet only once per week, and even reusing tampons. They even want to ban flushing toilets altogether. They even made a battery that requires you to pee into it to power it, getting urine all over your fingers. These freaks think that two-ply toilet paper is more damaging to the environment than driving Hummers. Instead of using MaxiPads, they insist you use these reusable eco-pads. Also, they want to buy your used dildos for ten bucks as part of a perverted recycling program. They even want you to wash your hands in the urinalto save water. The Japanese, the precious givers of the Kyoto Treaty on Global Warming are forcing passengers to empty their bladders before flying to use less fuel. They created a car that will run on, yes, your poop. Now they want you to flush your pee with water from your sink because they think water goes into another dimension when it goes down the drain.
From YankoDesign here by way of Moonbattery:
I’m not a man so I really don’t know how comfortable you guys are going to be with this thought…peeing and washing hands in the same urinal stand!
Liberals have been brainwashed to think that their very body fluids pollute the environment. The eco-religionist left has more guilt associated with it than any other religion.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...We Created the TSA to Protect Us From Terrorists on Planes. Who Can we Get to Protect Us From the TSA?
Aug 30th
As I’ve said before, I will say again. TSA employees are retards. They will stop a white boy named Patrick from taking screwdriver bits and 4 ounces of deodorant on a flight because “Lawdy! That’s some precision gubment training!” they give to the former welfare recipients who staff the XRAY machines. But Muslims named “Ahmed Mohamed Nasser al Soofi”, and “Hezem al Murisi?” Who carry gigantic wads of cash sewn into their clothing and a bundle of cellphones taped to a bottle of Pepto Bismol? Oh go right ahead, Sir and “As-Salam Alaikum” to you!
From ABCnews here:
The men were identified as Ahmed Mohamed Nasser al Soofi, of Detroit, MI, and Hezem al Murisi. A neighbor of al Soofi told ABC News he is from Yemen. The two were allowed to board the flight at O’Hare airport last night despite security concerns surrounding one of them.
The men were identified as Ahmed Mohamed Nasser al Soofi, of Detroit, MI, and Hezem al Murisi. A neighbor of al Soofi told ABC News he is from Yemen.
You didn’t seriously believe for a second that their names would be Steve and Jerry, did you?
Airport security screeners in Birmingham, Alabama first stopped al Soofi and referred him to additional screening because of what officials said was his “bulky clothing.”
In addition, officials said, al Soofi was found to be carrying $7,000 in cash and a check of his luggage found a cell phone taped to a Pepto-Bismol bottle, three cell phones taped together, several watches taped together, a box cutter and three large knives. Officials said there was no indication of explosives and he and his luggage were cleared for the flight from Birmingham to Chicago O’Hare.
Birmingham is a small town with small town folks working the screening. It has long been suspected that TSA practices are much weaker at small airports, as anyone who travels extensively would notice.
Once in Chicago, al Soofi checked his luggage on a flight to Washington’s Dulles airport for connections on flights to Dubai and then Yemen, even though he did not board the flight himself.
Instead al Soofi was joined by the second man, Al Murisi, and boarded the United flight from Chicago to Amsterdam.
When Customs and Border officials learned al Soofi was not on the flight from Dulles to Dubai, the plane was ordered to return to the gate so his luggage could be removed. Officials said additional screening found no evidence of explosives.
The two men were detained by Dutch authorities when the United flight landed in Amsterdam.
As Allapundit at HotAir put it, this was an obvious dry run meant to test how many red flags a Muslim could get away with while still being allowed to board an international flight. And it looks like the attempt was to see if you could send a remote control bomb away on one flight while you were heading overseas on another.
And I can tell you this- it wasn’t TSA that stopped him, but the US-VISIT database run by Customs who noticed the unusual travel pattern.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...More and More Elderly Using Facebook
Aug 30th
I heard on the news that the largest growth of new users of social networking apps like Twitter and Facebook is occuring with people over the age of 60. Remember how something that was cool stopped being cool when your Mom and Dad started doing it? Well what happens when your grandparents get involved?
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...11 PM Music: Robert Plant – “Angel Dance”
Aug 29th
Robert Plant may look like he’s getting really old, but his voice sounds amazingly spry in this excellent cover of Los Lobos.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...5 PM Music: Maxence Cyrin – “Where is My Mind? (Pixies Cover)
Aug 29th
A classical pianist plays the Pixies iconic song over scenes to an old silent movie starring “The mysterious Lady” (1928) with the great Greta Garbo.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Cartney Playing in the Firetruck Water
Aug 28th
The family went to downtown DC this morning to show our support for the Restoring Honor Rally. We ran late and ended up missing Sarah Palin’s speech. She was the only part I really wanted to see. I think she is the most powerful conservative political force in America today and wanted to hear what she had to say. Pity I missed her.
While it was still cool to see so many other Americans dedicated to conservatism gathering together to show real hope for a better future, I have to admit that there were very few parts of Glenn Beck’s speechifying that I thought was inspiring. And those parts were mostly attributed to Lincoln and our founding fathers. Beck used the platform to borderline proselytize to the crowd, and frankly, it was boring. Hey, he admonished everyone to speak the truth, and the truth was- it was pretty boring.
On the way back to the Metro stop in Foggy Bottom we passed a firetruck that was kind enough to provide cooling water for the crowd. We stripped the shirt and shoes off the boy and let him cool off a while.
We also got the best hotdogs in the Nation’s Capital, from a hotdog truck outside of George Washington University. Everyone we met was super nice, polite and kind, and it made for a pretty good way to waste a Saturday morning.
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There Are No Ghosts, and if There Were, They Wouldn’t Ride Trains
Aug 27th
A dumbass in North Carolina took a bunch of buddies onto a train trestle around 3 AM in order to see a “ghost train.” A train had crashed on the spot back at the end of the 1800′s and Christopher Kaiser hoped to see the ghost of the train. Oh, he saw a train all right.
From WISTV here;
A man who was with about a dozen people who were looking for a legendary “ghost train” in Iredell County was hit by a locomotive and killed early Friday morning. The incident happened on a train trestle at 2:45 a.m. by an eastbound train consisting of three locomotives and no freight cars.
Christopher Kaiser, 29, died at the scene and two more people were injured. Kaiser’s body was found below the trestle down a steep incline.
The sheriff said the incident coincided with the anniversary of a train wreck that occurred at the same location in 1891.
The train operators tried to stop the locomotives and warn the people on the trestle. Most of the people on the trestle started running east and away from the train. All of the victims were able to clear the trestle except for the fatal victim who was struck by a locomotive.
Chris Kaiser was as bad at running as he was at finding ghosts. I’ll bet he was fat, so its lucky he has so many friends that can help hoist that coffin when it comes time to be pallbearers.
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You Can’t Patch This Hole
Aug 27th
Drunk admin opens fire onto his company’s server and then blames it on mystery assailant.
From the SLTrib here:
A Salt Lake City mortgage company employee got drunk, opened fired on his firm’s computer server with a .45-caliber automatic, and then told police someone had stolen his gun and caused the damage.
Joshua Lee Campbell, 23, called police late on Aug. 12, claiming a man had stolen his gun and fired into the $100,000 computer server owned by RANLife Home Loans, located at 268 W. 400 South.
However, Campbell had been drinking that night at the Twilight Concert in Pioneer Park with a co-worker and had returned to his office afterward and shot the server.
Campbell told police he had been “mugged, assaulted with his own firearm and drugged” by a mystery assailant.
Everyone has one of those days I guess, but shooting a server? Everyone knows you don’t shoot it, you take it to a secluded field and deal with it like normal people:
Office Space Printer from Shang Xiao on Vimeo.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...The Boob Apron is a Bad Idea
Aug 27th
Patton Oswalt tweeted this link to a hilarious parody of a product seen on TV. Bad language warning, so headphones if you are at the office.
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Would Time Travelers Exist?
Aug 26th
If it were possible to travel through time, then there must be time travelers among us. And they would therefore appear during times of monumental and historical events. For instance, if you wanted to set out to capture a time traveler, wouldn’t you set a trap for one in or around the World Trade Center on 9/11? Or maybe during the initiation phase of the Hadron Collider?
From CNET here:
A would-be saboteur arrested today at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland made the bizarre claim that he was from the future. Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world.
The LHC successfully collided particles at record force earlier this week, a milestone Mr Cole was attempting to disrupt by stopping supplies of Mountain Dew to the experiment’s vending machines.
Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin. “Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I’m here to stop it ever happening.”
Mr Cole was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled, but not that bothered.
Scary. I also have a theory that crop circles are caused by time travelers because those areas are long-time documented as being devoid of concrete buildings that would be very bad to re-emerge into during a time jump.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...10 PM Music: Trevor Shand Featuring Dr Drew- “Our Favorite Show Glee”
Aug 26th
This is for all you “Gleeks” out there. This video is completely full of inside jokes and references to a TV show that I can’t watch due to the fact I possess standard testerone levels. My wife had to explain to me that Dr. Drew could be mistaken for Ryan Murphy.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Midnight Music: Grace Potter and the Nocturnals – “White Rabbit”
Aug 25th
Potter’s version of the Jefferson Airplane song was featured on the Alice in Wonderland soundtrack. I love the acoustic version of this.
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If You Can’t Stalk Your Ex Girlfriend with a GPS, Don’t Worry. Get a Gov’t Job and Then Do It Without a Warrant
Aug 25th
Second time this week I’m writing about the wacky Ninth Circuit court. Now they have ruled that when it comes to privacy, you have no reasonable expectation to any of it if you park your car in your driveway and you shouldn’t expect that the government can’t track your every move. In a shocking ruling, the court says that government agents should feel free to plant GPS tracking devices on your car in your driveway and follow your every move without ever worrying about having to get a warrant.
From Time here:
Government agents can sneak onto your property in the middle of the night, put a GPS device on the bottom of your car and keep track of everywhere you go. This doesn’t violate your Fourth Amendment rights, because you do not have any reasonable expectation of privacy in your own driveway — and no reasonable expectation that the government isn’t tracking your movements.
That is the bizarre — and scary — rule that now applies in California and eight other Western states. The U.S. Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit, which covers this vast jurisdiction, recently decided the government can monitor you in this way virtually anytime it wants — with no need for a search warrant.
If government agents can track people with secretly planted GPS devices virtually anytime they want, without having to go to a court for a warrant, we are one step closer to a classic police state — with technology taking on the role of the KGB or the East German Stasi.
The cops argue that they should be allowed to use technology in place of actually tailing people under surveillance. But what they don’t get is that suspects under physical surveillance actually have a chance to lose their pursuers. Won’t happen with a GPS. And mind you, guys go to jail for doing the exact same thing by implanting GPSes on the cars of stalker victims. What is the difference here? The stalker should have no expectation of privacy? Isn’t the technology easier to use than getting off the couch and manually stalking your victim? If private citizens are barred from high tech stalking, the government should be too.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Finally! They Found a Way to Deep Fry Beer!
Aug 25th
They put it in a pretzel pouch and deep fry it. When its finished, you bite into it and the beer acts like a pretzel dip.
From Friedbeer.net here:
As a result of three years of research and development, we are now excited to present Fried Beer™ to the world! Everyone will have a chance to try Fried Beer™ at the 2010 State Fair of Texas which opens September 26, 2010.
By using our patent pending process, we are able to place beer inside a salty pretzel like dough, and deep fry it. When you take a bite, beer pours out of the inside pocket of dough. You have to be over the age of 21 to purchase Fried Beer™.
Three years to make such a fantastic product! I bet it would taste great with a fried pickle and deep fried oreo!
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Fat Abusive Cop Fired for Pushing Children
Aug 25th
He is in the unemployment business and we are calling him “Dude.”
This cop had no business pushing around kids. I’m glad that Baltimore finally decided to fire him, despite it taking three years to do so.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Just Not a Cat Person
Aug 24th
This lady throws away perfectly good pussy.
The cat’s okay, but the woman is now the subject of an angry facebook group and is now supposedly under police protection.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Its Now Okay to Send Death Threats to Corporations
Aug 24th
You can now send death threats in the mail to groups, organizations and corporations, so long as it isn’t addressed to a specific person. Thank you, Ninth Circuit.
From Wired here:
An Arizona man who plotted a massacre outside the 2008 Super Bowl had his conviction overturned Monday by a federal appeals court because his snailmailed death threats went to no specific targets.
The case concerned Kurt William Havelock, who drove to the Super Bowl in Glendale, Arizona, with a newly purchased assault rifle and dozens of rounds of ammunition with the intent to kill. “It will be swift and bloody,” he wrote media outlets in packages mailed a half hour before he got cold feet and abandoned his plan. “I will sacrifice your children upon the altar of your excess.”
Federal authorities charged him with six counts of mailing threatening letters. The defendant was convicted on all charges and sentenced to a year in prison.
During the trial and on appeal, the 40-year-old, who was disgruntled that he was denied a liquor permit to open a bar, argued that he committed no crime at all. The 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals agreed in a 2-1 decision.
Under the threatening-letters statute, “the ‘person’ to whom the mail is addressed must be an individual person, not an institution or corporation,” wrote Judge William Canby, who was joined by Judge Betty Fletcher. Havelock’s communications were mailed to media outlets, not named individuals, the majority noted.
The law, the San Francisco-based appeals court wrote, “does indeed require that the mailed item containing the threat is addressed to an individual person, as reflected in the address on the mailed item. Because Havelock’s communications were not so addressed to individual persons, we reverse his convictions.”
These morons love to interpret a law to grant broad rights, such as a right to privacy where none was ever written into the constitution. But refuse to interpret a law meant to protect people from having to respond to a threat such as intended violence.
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