I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Archive for November, 2009
New Fragrance Made from DNA of Dead PopStar
Nov 30th
Buy the “M” Cologne and you too can smell like an OD’ed kid-touching freak.
This fresh hell is courtesy of MyDNAFragrance here:
M is an exclusive one-of-a-kind fragrance that explodes into an indescribable fragrance, which seemly draws the attention of every person in the room. It is composed of the lightest, but most volatile essences. Much like the performer himself, this cologne is unique and like no other cologne in the world. We guarantee it.
M is engineered from the DNA genetic code of the King of Pop, Michael Jackson.
20 bucks per ounce, and each bottle comes with a free six-pack of Jesus Juice. Sham On!
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Loading ...Oh The Global Warming Irony!
Nov 30th
In the UK you will get fined 40 pounds if you let your car engine idle, to warm up the engine, to drive heat onto the windshield, to melt frost and snow off of it. You get fined, you see, because a running car causes global warming, so much in fact, that you should be experiencing more snow and frost to not let you drive. Morons.
From the DailyMail here:
Drivers who leave engines running to clear screens face fines under ‘idling offence’ rules
Motorists who leave their cars running on frosty mornings to warm up the engine and clear the windscreen could face being fined under anti-pollution rules this winter. Drivers are being told that leaving a car idling for more than a couple of minutes wastes fuel, and they could be served with on-the-spot fines of up to £40.
Many councils now enforce the ‘stationary idling offence’, which was quietly introduced by the Government in 2002.
It is particularly aimed at drivers of buses and taxis who sometimes leave engines running for half-an-hour or more while waiting for passengers, pumping out pollution unnecessarily.It says running engines while a vehicle is not moving is an ‘inefficient use of fuel’ and results in the release of gases that have a ‘negative effect on both climate change and public health’.
If the world was really getting hotter, why are we still getting frosted windows on cold-ass mornings?
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Global Warming Scientists Vow to Murder Billions if You Don’t Pay More Taxes
Nov 30th
The word “hysteria” is used to describe a screaming woman, that shrill cry that comes from severe trauma or fear. You usually need to bitch-slap a woman suffering from hysterics to make her stop. Watching someone bitch-slap someone suffering from “hysteria” is called “hysterical.”
All of this can be used to define the shrill screeching of the woman-like patsy Kevin Anderson at the Tyndall Centre for Climate Change. He says that in 50 years, only 500,000 people will survive climate change because he predicts a 4 degree Celcius rise in temperature by 2060. I think he plans to personally murder 7 Billion People on the planet over the next 50 years to prove it too.
From the Scottsman here- Behold the hysterics!
Professor Kevin Anderson, director of the Tyndall Centre for Climate Change, believes only around 10 per cent of the planet’s population – around half a billion people – will survive if global temperatures rise by 4C.
Anderson’s warning comes just eight days before global leaders meet in Copenhagen. Current Met Office projections reveal that the lack of action in the intervening 17 years – in which emissions of climate changing gases such as carbon dioxide have soared – has set the world on a path towards potential 4C rises as early as 2060, and 6C rises by the end of the century.
Anderson, who advises the government on climate change, said the consequences were “terrifying“.
“For humanity it’s a matter of life or death,” he said. “We will not make all human beings extinct as a few people with the right sort of resources may put themselves in the right parts of the world and survive.
“But I think it’s extremely unlikely that we wouldn’t have mass death at 4C. If you have got a population of nine billion by 2050 and you hit 4C, 5C or 6C, you might have half a billion people surviving.”
Those right resources? Handguns. The armed will survive. Never mind that leaked emails prove that scientists have been lying all along about the global warming data and the entire global warming movement is a hoax. Never mind that there is no proof whatsoever that the planet is warming, yet much proof that it is actively cooling. Anderson is predicting massive deaths and the only way to avert those deaths is to pay crippling taxes to government agencies.
I hope Anderson is the first of the 7 Billion to die, just so his hysterical, girlish screaming will stop.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Swiss Ban New Construction of Giant Islamic Dildos
Nov 30th
Good for the Swiss. They drew a line in the snow and said to the Islamic immigrants that no, you are not going to litter the countryside with gigantic dildo-shaped towers from which you will blast screeching ear-melting music five times per day.
From a Pissed-off Associated Press here:
Swiss voters overwhelmingly approved a constitutional ban on minarets on Sunday, barring construction of the iconic mosque towers in a surprise vote that put Switzerland at the forefront of a European backlash against a growing Muslim population.
Muslim groups in Switzerland and abroad condemned the vote as biased and anti-Islamic. Business groups said the decision hurt Switzerland’s international standing and could damage relations with Muslim nations and wealthy investors who bank, travel and shop there.
“The Swiss have failed to give a clear signal for diversity, freedom of religion and human rights,” said a pissed-off muslim biatch.
The referendum by the nationalist Swiss People’s Party labeled minarets as symbols of rising Muslim political power that could one day transform Switzerland into an Islamic nation. The initiative was approved 57.5 to 42.5 percent by some 2.67 million voters. Only four of the 26 cantons or states opposed the initiative, granting the double approval that makes it part of the Swiss constitution.
Muslims comprise about 6 percent of Switzerland’s 7.5 million people.
“The minaret is a sign of political power and demand, comparable with whole-body covering by the burqa, tolerance of forced marriage and genital mutilation of girls,” the sponsors said.
The people have spoken. Will the pan-european supreme court for human rights over-rule the Swiss population? Does anyone really want a giant screaming dildo in their town center?
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Tranny Sports Writer Becomes “An Hero”
Nov 29th
Mike Penner, a sports writer for the Los Angeles Times suffered a mental breakdown in 2007 and decided that after 50 years of life as a man, he really wanted to cut his dick off and wear frilly things. He changed his name to “Christine Daniels,” started hormone injections, and bought a new wardrobe. He later changed his mind about cutting off his genitalia and simply went back to work as a man, pretending he had never announced that he was a tranny. But he became an hero yesterday, and in the process, committed a hate crime by killing a dirty tranny. No motive yet, but I’m sure it either had something to do with his persistent baldness or his ass looked too fat in everything he wore.
From NYDailyNews here:
A Los Angeles sportswriter who stunned readers with the announcement that he was a transsexual – and then later abandoned his sex change plans - has committed suicide.
Los Angeles Times veteran Mike Penner, 52, was found dead at his home. In 2007, Penner made headlines around the world by announcing in a column for the paper that he planned to live life as a woman named Christine Daniels.
“Today I leave for a few weeks’ vacation, and when I return, I will come back in yet another incarnation. As Christine,” he wrote.
“I am a transsexual sportswriter. It has taken more than 40 years, a million tears and hundreds of hours of soul-wrenching therapy for me to work up the courage to type those words.”
He blogged about his transitioning experience for several months, then took a leave of absence.
Last year, he suddenly returned to the newsroom as a man and began using his old byline. Penner, who was taking female hormones but never had sex change surgery, didn’t publicly explain his decision.
Penner wrote about the tremendous level of support he received both professionally and in his personal life. But his real problem was likely deep depression and childhood sexual abuse, and what he really needed was psychotherapy, not a sex change. But because he lived in politically correct California, and because its taboo to suggest that some transvestites may need therapy, he was never given the true support he needed. Now he is “An Hero” to the gay community.
On the Shakesville Blog here, commenters are already blaming society for driving Penner to commit suicide. Which makes sense I guess because those bastards in Los Angeles are clearly homophobic, bigots, and intolerant because they are all so conservative there. Couldn’t possibly be because he had a mental illness. Nosiree.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Rednecks Slaughter Cows. Police and Paranormal Hunters Blame UFO’s
Nov 28th
I have mentioned before that with the electronic age, there should be more evidence of UFO’s if they exist. Every human in North America has a camera cell phone or an electronic recording device of some type, yet no one is capable of producing a shred of evidence that alien life has visited us. Yet when some calves die or are slaughtered by drunk rednecks, some people still want to point the blame at Aliens.
Because, you know, after an alien race has perfected science to the point that they attain intestellar space travel, spend fortunes and lives to develop faster than light travel, what they really need most when crossing the galaxy are cow guts from Colorado. From Breitbart here:
A creepy string of calf mutilations in southern Colorado has a rancher and sheriff’s officials mystified.
Four calves were found dead in a pasture just north of the New Mexico state line in recent weeks. The dead calves had their skins peeled back and organs cleared from the rib cage. One calf had its tongue removed.
But rancher Manuel Sanchez has found no signs of human attackers, such as footprints or ATV tracks. And there are no signs of an animal attack by a coyote or mountain lion. Usually predators leave pools of blood or drag marks from carrying away the livestock.
Investigators doubt a person butchered the calves because there is no blood at the scene. “I’ve butchered a cow before and I know what kind of a mess it leaves,” Sgt. James Chavez said.
Some in the area believe the mutilations are the work of aliens. An area UFO chaser, Chuck Zukowski of Colorado Springs, has been to the Costilla County pasture to investigate.
Sanchez said he has sold off his 32 remaining calves out of fear more would be mutilated. He hasn’t decided how he’ll manage the remaining 40 animals in his herd.
Zukowski seems to be pitching a UFO reality TV series. He has the most to win from slaughtering cattle. And he’s local. That or the guy who bought the remaining 32 calves from a frightened rancher. But it is not aliens.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...BelchSpeak is Now on Facebook
Nov 28th
Many of this site’s readers have Facebook accounts, and in an effort to drive content towards them, I will be cross-posting some of my best content to the BelchSpeak Page on Facebook. If you have a Facebook account, please stop by the Page and become a fan, and tell your friends to become fans too! To make it easy, just click the button below or to the right in the sidebar.
As a fan, you can also feel free to contribute content, so write something on the Page Wall, post a video, share an idea and have fun!
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...How Are Your Coping Skills?
Nov 28th
In 2003 Le Van’s wife died. But her problems were only starting. Le Van, thinking those tunnels his countrymen dug fighting the Americans during the Vietnam war were good for other things too, tunneled into the buried coffin of his dead wife for hugs. When his kids found out about him acting like a naked mole rat, they told him to stop, for God’s sake, just stop. So he dug up the corpse, molded clay skin over the festering goo and has been sleeping with it in his bed for the past 5 years.
From the Scotsman here:
A Vietnamese man dug up his wife’s corpse and slept beside it for five years because he wanted to hug her in bed.
The 55-year-old man from a small town in the central province of Quang Nam opened up his wife’s grave in 2004, moulded clay around the remains to give the figure of a woman, put clothes on her and then placed her in his bed.
The man, Le Van, said that after his wife died in 2003 he slept ontop of her grave, but about 20 months later he worried about rain, wind and cold, so he decided to dig a tunnel into the grave “to sleep with her”.
His children found out, though, and prevented him from going to the grave. So one night in November 2004 he dug up his wife’s remains and took them home.
Nice coping skills. You know, they sell body pillows at Walmart for about 25 bucks.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Hidden Dead Golfer
Nov 27th
Got to play some Golden Tee 2010 last night after being stuffed with holiday goodies. On the China Great Wall course I tried to use a driver to slice over the wall. The ricochet off the wall sent me 50 yards away behind some bushes. It was there that I discovered the fate of Chinese golfer dissidents.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...1 AM Music: Orba Squara – “The Trouble With Flying”
Nov 27th
Great music here and an awesome stop motion video of photography of the band’s bus going from NYC cross country to the wilds of Oregon. Check it out.
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Arm-Flapping Asspie Finally Getting Extradition
Nov 27th
For the past several months, UFO nutjob Fary McKinnon has been fighting extradition to the United States. At first, he claimed that his crimes, which were hacking into NASA and many other DOD systems was only an attempt to find UFO information, and he shouldn’t be extradited because he feared he would be tried as a terrorist and sent to GITMO.
Later he self-diagnosed himself as having Aspergers syndrome in an attempt to reclassify his crimes as being an offshoot of a retarded arm-flapping session, and if he was extradited, he would do what every asspie dreams about, which is commits suicide. And it almost worked. The British Government temporarily suspended McKinnon’s extradition but finally realized that Gary would be treated as well as any other degenerate hacker.
From the AFP here:
A Briton who hacked into US military and NASA computers faces extradition to the United States after the British government rejected last-ditch requests to block the move.
Home Secretary Alan Johnson concluded that sending Gary McKinnon to the United States would not breach his human rights, and said he has no general discretionary powers to stop the extradition.
McKinnon, who purportedely suffers from a form of autism, could spend life in prison if convicted by a US court of gaining access to 97 computers in 2001 and 2002 in the aftermath of the September 11, 2001 attacks.
His family and lawyers have warned throughout the long-running case that McKinnon, who has Asperger’s Syndrome, could commit suicide or suffer psychosis if the extradition went ahead.
McKinnon’s mother, Janis Sharp, slammed the decision as “devastating” and “barbaric,” adding that her son was terrified of extradition.
Had this dipshit came over and faced trial sooner, he would probably already be a free man. But his own turmoil has been drawn out by lawyers who have used him to create a defense that aspergers is a legal excuse for doing whatever a criminal wants to do.
I don’t think that Aspergers is a real disease anyways. If it is, then lets identify the genetic markers that will make it easy for women to abort these drains on society and be over this emergent disease in a generation or two.
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(3 votes, average: 4.33 out of 6) Loading ...Cousins
Nov 26th
Post Thanksgiving horsey rides. Tristan and Cartney are riding on Nathan’s back. The boys were shirtless when I walked in and I have no idea why.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...3 PM Music: Neil Young – “Fresh Prince”
Nov 25th
Actually, this is Jimmy Fallon impersonating Neil, and its pretty scary how dead on he is. Enjoy.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...New Mater CarsToon: UFM – Unidentified Flying Mater
Nov 25th
There is an awesome new Pixar Mater CarsToon where Mater relates the tall tale of how he encountered a flying saucer. There are so many references to classic UFO movies in this animated short, such as recreated scenes of Richard Dreyfus from Close Encounters at the railroad crossing, and how the flying saucer gets held in Hangar 18 and when Mater and the saucer are tractor tipping, check out the gear-shaped crop circles that are made. Embedding is disabled, so click the image to enjoy.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Child Rapist Granted Bail
Nov 25th
Roman Polanski managed to convince the court that he could give them 4.5 million dollars in exchange for letting sit at his Swiss chalet in the Alps under electronic monitoring. But the Swiss government said, “Not until we appeal.” So Polanski is out on bail but still in jail.
From the BBC here:
A Swiss court has accepted film-maker Roman Polanski’s plea to be freed on $4.5 m bail from a Swiss jail where he is being held for a US child sex case.
The court said Polanski could stay at his chalet in the Swiss Alps. He would be monitored by an electronic tag.
Polanski, 76, has been wanted in the US since fleeing the country in 1978 after pleading guilty to having unlawful sex a year earlier with a 13-year-old girl. On Wednesday, the Swiss Federal Criminal Court accepted Polanski’s bail plea and his offer to surrender his passport.
Polanski – who holds dual French and Polish citizenship – would stay in the prison pending a possible appeal against the ruling.
The Swiss justice ministry has 10 days to appeal against the court’s decision.
Thanks to HotAir here who wonders if Polanski may get freed because the US has stopped pursuing extradition? Is it possible that the Obama administration has bowed to Hollywood pressure and will no longer demand extradition?
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(1 votes, average: 1.00 out of 6) Loading ...When Nerds Fall in Love
Nov 25th
NERDS!
Thanks to Mary for this link.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...10 PM Music: The Muppets, Featuring Rowlf, Animal, and Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem Band – “Bohemian Rhapsody”
Nov 24th
This video is so full of WIN. It features some of the earliest Muppet characters, some new ones and some jamming musicians. Outstanding!
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Smokers Beware: You Void Your Mac’s Warranty
Nov 24th
Want to see something gayer than Adam Lambert’s boy on boy kiss during the American Music Awards? Just walk into any Apple Store and check out the smugness of the so-called “geniuses” that staff the place with their tight pants and their Kate Gosselin multi-colored hairdos. Worse, if you go there with a broken Mac, and they smell cigarette smoke on your clothes, they will tell you that your warranty is void because second-hand smoke is a health hazard and nicotine is on OSHA’s list of harmful materials in a workplace. That’s freakin’ GAY.
From CNET here:
Two Mac users’ AppleCare warranties appear to have been voided due to the presence of cigarette smoke in their homes.
One, named Derek, recounts the tale of his overheating black MacBook. He took it into the Apple store in Jordan Creek, West Des Moines.
He told The Consumerist: “Today, April, 28, 2008, the Apple store called and informed me that due to the computer having been used in a house where there was smoking, that has voided the warranty and they refuse to work on the machine, due to ‘health risks of secondhand smoke.’”
He continued: “Nowhere in your AppleCare terms of service can I find anything mentioning being used in a smoking environment as voiding the warranty.”
Then along came Ruth, who took her son’s iMac to an authorized repair center. After five days, they apparently told her they couldn’t work on it because it was contaminated with cigarette smoke and was therefore a bio-hazard.
When Ruth appealed to Jobs’ office, she said she was told by someone named Dena that nicotine was on OSHA’s list of hazardous substances.
Computer duster is also on the list of OSHA’s list of hazardous substances, but they work with that.
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Michelle Obama Chimp Photo Prompts Google to Sponsor Adwords
Nov 24th
Remember all those photos of Bush looking like a chimpanzee? I think they called the internet meme “Chimpy McBushHitler.” Even when there was a google bomb to equate the google search of “miserable failure” with a result of George Bush’s bio at the WhiteHouse website, Google did nothing but waft their palms and say, “Hey, results are based on algorithms, blah, blah nothing we can do.”
Now there is this photo below and the tune has now changed. This photo is hosted on Google’s Blogspot, and its raking in a fortune in adversiting for both Google and the blog’s author.
From HuffPo here:
Google has purchased online ads in an effort to explain to users why an offensive image of Michelle Obama is appearing, and is ranked so highly, in its Google Image search results.
The Google ad, titled “Offensive Search Results,” appears directly over the pictures of the First Lady that show up when users perform a Google Image search for “Michelle Obama.” (see the screenshot below).
Google had originally taken down the image because they said it was driving hits to malware downloads. The hosting blog is here, and just look at the hate in the comments.
Is there a double standard in criticism? For the record, wanna see a shocking photo of Michelle? Click the more button.
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Zoo Selling Sparkly Reindeer Poop for Christmas
Nov 24th
Why a zoo would sell Rudy Poo is beyond me.
Thanks to Dan Riehl for this google item:
Sparkly reindeer-dung necklaces are going on sale at an Illinois zoo that hopes to attract the same holiday shoppers who swept up its dung Christmas ornaments last year.
The $15 pendant necklaces contain dried, sterilized reindeer droppings — sprayed with glitter — on a beaded chain. They’ll be available at the zoo’s gift shop, or by mail for $20.
The ornaments are back, and 450 have already sold this season. About 1,500 are still available for $7.50, or $10 by mail.
Miller Park Zoological Society spokeswoman Susie Ohley admits it’s a bit silly but estimates the zoo could make $16,500. The zoo lost $200,000 under city budget cuts this year.
As Dan points out, isn’t Obama from Illinois too?
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(2 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...
