BelchSpeak’s Best of 2008

As we await to pop the champagne corks and bid a relieved farewell to a turbulent 2008, I thought I would help readers to remember some of the best posts or find them for the first time.

Personal Highlights
Family occupied most of my time this year, and comprises most of my best memories of the past year.  First there was the run-in I had with a neighbor because her dog ran over my car.  Cartney did a Gene Simmons impersonation, and my wife Jess smacked me with Twizzlers candy, which hurts REAL BAD!  Jess made some shocking remarks to a waiter, and I went to Carolina for Fragile X.  And check out my Lil Monster.

Website Recognition
I received a prestigious Poppy Award for being a prolific blogger, and my website was almost choked off the net when I posted this story which got picked up by Glenn Beck of CNN, Hot Air and Michelle Malkin, and even Greta Van Sustren of Fox News.

Biggest Idiots of 2008
Some hippies can be really dumb, like this one who wants you to pay her to enslave you for a day.  And this one who hitchhiked across the middle east to bring “Peace to Israel” but was found murdered.  And this idiot deserved what he got.  This idiot was downloading kidz pr0n from Limewire.  And of course, there’s Andy Dick.

Worst Way to Die in 2008
Get stoned and go pet the tigers.  Or get optical poptitude.  Exsanguination between meaty bear paws.  Balloons, a lawnchair and the priesthood.  Ask a toothy crocodile for a blessing.  Try to give a snake a tylenol.

Biggest Hypocrites of 2008
People that say one thing and then do the other are often highlighted on this blog.  This includes black people demanding people work like slaves, and a gay marriage activist that raped a little boy.  Al Gore’s mansion is burning up more energy than ever and a group of school teachers skipped school to try to make kids gay.

Eco-Worshipping Kooks of 2008
Lunatics that think trees and animals are more of a god than Jesus are sources of scorn around here.  For instance, one mom claimed she switched to cloth diapers to save the environment.  A gross anarchist uses a cup to catch her period blood because cotton pads are somehow bad for the city dump.  And watch these hippies mourn the loss of a bush.

Perverts of the Year
Teachers aren’t supposed to molest the children they are paid to teach.  But teachers rank 1, 2 and 3 on this year’s list.  First up is a teacher that raped a retarded kid.  Next, a teacher out on bail for raping a kid, goes to the victim’s house and rapes him again.  And this teacher stuffed her vaj with every little boy she could catch.

Religious Stupidity of 2008
In 2007, Muslims took all of the top honors in this category.  This year its Wiccans and Witches, Blessed Be!  First up is a Wiccan who killed his stepdaughters in ritual sacrifice.  In Africa, they still hang witches.  A child bride files for divorce.  Albinos are hunted by Witchdoctors in Africa.  This wacky wiccan hacked off his own leg, and this fat wiccan cast a stalking spell.

2008’s Most Deserved Firings
New York Governor Spitzer was banging whores.  Wafaa Bilal and his terror art were booted from RPI.  A stupid schoolteacher said some really stupid things on her Myspace and listed which school she worked at.  Air Force General Michael Wynn was focusing all his attention on cyber warfare and forgot to lock the cabinet where they store the nukes.  And Aircraft Carrier’s Captain and XO were keelhauled.  Symantec’s John Thompson was shown the door.

Chinese Travesties of 2008
China hosted the Olympics this past year and they just couldn’t get their act together.  One Chinese zoo has all of the animals there on the menu.  This poor Chinaman is the victim of socialized medicine.  Poisoned dumplings from China leaves a bad taste in Japan’s mouth.  Puppy paws anyone?  The chinese dairy farmers are killing babies, and boy does their donkey meat taste funny!

Global Warming Hoax Stories of 2008
Global Warming is a fraud and I link to stories that prove it.  For instance, if Global Warming was real, would it snow in Baghdad?  The winter of 2008 reversed 100 years of warming.  And Global Warming supposedly killed the Loch Ness Monster and will give you kidney stones.  If you want to solve Global Warming, kill more whales.

2008 Best Cyber Stories
Pakistan took down YouTube.  Want to know what hackers buy and sell on the Internet?  Hannaford Grocery hacked.   Spearphishing using court documents, and this is how secrecy is supposed to work.

Scariest Trends of 2008
Eco-terrorists burn down homes.  Women pimping babies here and here.  People are worshipping Obama, including kids.

2008 Father of the Year
John Edwards.  He wins twice.

2008 Mothers of the Year
There are so many to choose from, but lets start with the Katrina survivor who went to Nigeria to get married, and abandoned her kids for a week.  Or maybe Lori Drew.  Or how about this mom who nuked her newborn?  I think many would also vote for Casey Anthony.

The Coolest Stuff of 2008
The spider-man tattoo.  The dog and the duck.  The website is down! And finally, are McDonald’s commercials racist?

That’s it for this year.  Thanks to all my regular readers!  Stay tuned this year for lots more of the same!