I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Virginia
Smoking Pot Makes You Stupid. Ask Ben Gordon.
Jan 8th
A Virginia kid goes to a party at some friend’s home in New Jersey, which is located next to a police station. He smokes pot and thinks its funny to do it right next to the copshop. The look on his face when they nabbed him was hilarious according to the police report.

From APP.com here:
One man was charged with marijuana possession after the odor of burned marijuana wafted through a chain-link fence separating the rear of a home with the rear parking lot of the police station.
About 2:20 a.m. Saturday, Sgt. Ronald Heinzman had just finished a shift and was walking to his personal car in the lot when the odor of burned marijuana carried through the crisp air, he said.
He went back into the police station and asked patrol officers Christopher Gibson and Matthew Kline to come outside.
The officers approached the rear yard of the home where police believed a small group had been smoking marijuana. The group had gone inside the basement of the house and were gathered there under a double-door hatch.
While the officers were standing outside the hatched door, they could hear conversations. The group was talking and laughing about the irony of smoking pot while next to the police station.
The officers knocked on the door, and the person who answered was surprised to see three uniformed police officers standing there. The officers were invited inside by the person renting the apartment and had answered the door.
Several people were at what appeared to be a small party.
Police said they had smelled burned marijuana, but the partygoers said they had no knowledge of such activity. One man, Benjamin Gordon, 18, of Farmville, Va., tried to leave the room by going upstairs. He was stopped, questioned by the officers and subsequently was determined to be in possession of marijuana. The others said they did not participate in smoking the pot, police said.
Gordon was issued a summons for possession of less than 50 grams of marijuana.
It had otherwise been a quiet night on patrol, Heinzman said. “But it was priceless to see the look on the face of the person who opened the hatch door to the basement to find three uniformed police officers standing there.”
Here’s a free tip. Just because they knock, it doesn’t mean you have to let them in. And Ben’s Myspace page is here, although he lies about his age on it.
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Pat Robertson Is Prophet of Doom
Jan 3rd
Pat Robertson now forecasts the doom of mankind yearly on his 700 Club TV show in a New Year’s Holy Prognostication. Last year he predicted that a massive terrorist attack, involving nuclear weapons, would strike the United States. Who knew he was only seeing the next season of 24? Two years ago he said a tsunami would strike the US. This year? We get worldwide violence and recession, yippee!

From FoxNews here:
Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson predicted Wednesday that 2008 will be a year of violence worldwide and a recession in the United States, followed by a major stock-market crash by 2010.
Last year, Robertson predicted that a terrorist act, possibly involving a nuclear weapon, would result in mass killing in the United States. Noting that it hadn’t come to pass, Robertson said, “All I can think is that somehow the people of God prayed and God in his mercy spared us.”
The 700 club comes on TV at my house right after America’s Funniest Home Videos on ABCFamily. I know this because every time the show goes off the air, my wife plunges toward the TV remote control with a snarl so she won’t have to look at Pat Robertson.
But I have watched the 700 Club a few times. My favorite part of the show is when Pat Robertson prays and names specific illnesses his viewers have out there in TVLand, and he heals those illnesses. It is quite like ol’ Miss Sherri on Romper Room, with her magic mirror, saying, “Romper bomper stomper boo, tell me, tell me, tell me do, magic mirror tell me today, have all my diseases been cured today?”
Anyone old enough to remember watching Romper Room?
But you know, people believe this doom and gloom stuff. And they believe the VA Beach preacher can also leg press a ton. Silly right? Wrong.
Its no sillier than a goober from Tennessee who predicts doom and gloom in the form of floods, hurricanes, drought, famine and war based over global warming. Loads of people still believe Al Gore too.
Last year the terrorist nuke strike didn’t happen. And yesterday it snowed in Mexico City. And Daytona Beach, Florida. And record-setting snow in New Hampshire. And record snowfalls across the New England and the Canadian East.
So if you think Pat Robertson is nutso, like I do, then you must also believe the same thing about Al Gore. But if you believe Al Gore is right, then you ought to tune into the 700 club. Maybe ol’ Rev. Pat can cure what ails you.
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Great Christmas Gift
Dec 25th
This is an awesome wine chest that my wife’s family clubbed up together to buy for me. It’s a handmade wine chest that is as big as a Wurlitzer Juke Box. To go with it, my brother got me a six month membership in the Virginia Winery Wines of the Month Club, so great wineries from around the region will ship me bottles.

I think it looks totally cool and rustic- like it belongs below decks on a sailing ship.
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Vick Begged the Judge for a Second Chance
Dec 14th
Check out the Smoking Gun for this letter.
I think the letter was pathetic and embarrassing. I would have had more respect if he had taken his punishment like a man. But writing the judge a note on notebook paper like he was passing loveletters to his junior high school sweetheart seems a little weak and unmanly to me.
He starts off by begging for pity because he didn’t know any better, having “growed up all black and everything” in Newport News. People fought dogs in Newport News, he claimed. Uh huh. I grew up there too. Dog fighting was not the popular sport on the block.
He also goes on to talk about all the good things he has done with his money like buying a church for his pastor, giving out turkeys on Thanksgiving and toys at Christmas and wants to work with PETA about animal cruelty. And how his three bastard children born out of wedlock are going to wonder where Pops is at this Christmas.
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Vick Calculates the Cost of “Keepin’ It Real”
Dec 12th
Acting like a thugged-out brutha’ from the hood, kickin’ it old style and “keepin’ it real” by dressing in gold chains and fighting pit bulls can be expensive if you are an NFL quarterback. How expensive? $142 Million and counting.

From the AJC here:
$71 million: Salary in the final seven seasons of his Falcons contract.
$50 million: Endorsement income lost over the next decade.
$19.97 million: Previously paid bonuses that an arbitrator has ruled the Falcons can recoup from Vick.
$928,073: Funds Vick put into an escrow account, as part of his plea agreement, to fund the care of about 54 pit bulls found on his property.
Total: $141,898,073
Note: Vick has been sued by three banks for alleged defaults on a total of $5.8 million in loans.
So what hurts more? 23 months in jail? Or losing over 142 Million Bucks? That is what I call punishment.
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Vick Sentenced to 23 Months
Dec 10th
As an update, Vick wore a black and white striped prison jumpsuit to court to be sentenced.

From the AP here:
Michael Vick was sentenced to 23 months in prison Monday for his role in a dogfighting conspiracy that involved gambling and killing pit bulls.
The suspended Atlanta Falcons quarterback could have been sentenced up to five years by District Judge Henry E. Hudson. Vick was dressed in a black-and-white striped prison suit and apologized to the court and his family.
Vick pleaded guilty in August, admitting he bankrolled the “Bad Newz Kennels” dogfighting operation and helped kill six to eight dogs.
He will probably be out earlier on good behavior, unless he stays true to form and is busted smoking dope in his jail cell. He still faces Virginia State charges too.
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Region-Crippling Snow
Dec 5th
We had a very light dusting of snow in the Northern Virginia area this morning. And it crippled the region for transportation. Yes, it was slippery and quite a few over-confident SUV owners found themselves into the rear bumpers of their fellow travellers. As a result, all of the major roadways were jammed for hours.

Luckily I was travelling against the flow of traffic this morning, and the snow’s effects were minimal.
And supposedly, leaders around the world are meeting to discuss Global Warming. This somehow involves flying private jets there.
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Region Mourns the Loss of #21
Nov 27th
Sean Taylor was so young. This is a senseless tragedy. The whole Northern Virginia region is somberly buzzing about the death of this very talented athlete.

Sean Taylor was only 24 years old.
From the AP here:
Washington Redskins safety Sean Taylor died early Tuesday, a day after the Pro Bowl player was shot at home by what police say was an intruder. He was 24.
Taylor died at Jackson Memorial Hospital, where he had been airlifted after the shooting early Monday.
Taylor, the fifth overall pick in the 2004 NFL draft following an All-American season at the University of Miami, was shot early Monday in the upper leg, damaging the key femoral artery and causing significant blood loss.
I don’t know if its likely that they will find his killer. NOVA’s collective heart goes out to the Taylor family at this time of their loss.
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Vick Gets a Million Dollar Kennel Bill
Nov 21st
Now that the disgraced quarterback Mike Vick is in jail cooling his heels for fighting dogs, the Feds are presenting him with his bill for boarding his Pit Bulls. Vick owes One Million Dollars!

Dr. Evil approves.
From the Daily Press here:
The bill for caring for Michael Vick’s former fighting dogs is nearly $1 million, and the U.S. Attorney’s Office wants to make sure Vick has the money to pay for it.
The U.S. Attorney’s Office on Tuesday filed a restraining order asking the court to prevent Vick from paying other creditors if he doesn’t have the money to pay for the pit bull dogs’ care.
The court documents, filed in U.S. District Court in Richmond, outline the dire financial condition facing Vick, a Newport News native and former Atlanta Falcons quarterback. An arbitrator ruled the Falcons could recoup about $19.97 million in bonuses from Vick’s 10-year, $130 million contract signed in 2004. And three banks filed suit for amounts ranging from about $1 million to $2.5 million.
With the almost $1 million for the dogs’ care, Vick is on the hook for about $26 million.
So far, the bill is about $928,073, the court papers said. District Court Judge Henry Hudson was asked to order Vick to save nearly $1 million for the dogs’ care before creditors can clean out his pockets.
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Vick’s Seized Dogs Ready for Adoption
Nov 14th
The SPCA in Virginia Beach, VA have a dozen dogs ready for adoption. But these aren’t Pit Bulls. These are beagles and other animals rescued from the Bad News Kennels, and they were probably intended to be used as chew toys for the vicious fighting dogs.

From the Daily Press here, along with a video:
A dozen dogs seized from Michael Vick’s Surry County property will be available for adoption at the Virginia Beach SPCA.
The nine beagles, two Rottweilers and a 100-plus pound dog believed to be a Cane Corso were seized from the property, along with more than 50 pit bulls, during a dogfighting investigation that started in April at property owned by Vick, a Newport News native and NFL quarterback.
The 12 dogs under the SPCA’s care show no signs of breeding or training as fighters and have no scars indicative of dogfighting. They’re undergoing behavioral and medical evaluations and then will be ready for adoption.
Of the more than 50 pit bulls that were seized, some died, including one that was euthanized because it was too aggressive. Now, 48 remain. Their lives are in the hands of a court-appointed guardian.
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Spirit of Nantucket Struck Underwater Debris
Nov 13th
Just as I had predicted. I thought it may have been a log, but it was much bigger. What sounds to me as a huge bundle of railroad ties or possibly keel blocks from a nearby shipyard was floating beneath the surface of the water when it was struck by the small cruise liner.

From the Daily Press here:
A hunk of wood and steel. Seven feet tall, 13 feet wide, 40 feet long. Weighs 30, maybe 40 tons.
That’s what caused the hole in a cruise ship that was intentionally run aground in Virginia Beach Friday while passing through the Intracoastal Waterway.
It is “a bunch of 12x12s pinned together,” but no one has figured out yet how old it is or what it was originally used for.
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Death By Peanuts
Nov 8th
Southern Virginia is famous for a few things. Shipbuilding, military bases, and peanut farming. Calvin Branch worked at a peanut warehouse and was crushed to death when he was buried under a massive pile of peanuts. What a messed up way to go.

From the Daily Press here:
Investigators are looking into the death of a peanut factory worker discovered beneath a pile of peanuts.
Calvin W. Branch, 42, of Boykins, worked at the Severn Peanut Company. He was found buried Tuesday under a large pile of peanuts in the plant’s warehouse. Branch was pronounced dead at the scene.
Branch’s co-workers had reported him missing about noon Tuesday. Local fire department workers and sheriff’s investigators found him about two hours later in the warehouse, where peanuts are funneled in loose piles and later pumped out into trucks.
Investigators still did not know what killed Branch or how he ended up under the pile of peanuts but that there was no indication of foul play.

Police have already ruled out dapper dressed Legumes with tophats and monacles.
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Small Cruise Ship Grounded in Virginia Swamp
Nov 8th
The Spirit of Nantucket’s captain learned that his vessel was taking on water rapidly, so he did the smart thing for a ship’s captain. He ran it aground. The small cruise ship, which tours the intracoastal waterway for about 3 Grand per passenger, was likely trying to navigate some of the canals near the Great Dismal Swamp in Virginia Beach when they ran into trouble. The Coast Guard is assisting.

From Fox News here:
A captain ran a small cruise ship with 66 people aboard aground in an isolated stretch of the Intracoastal Waterway early Thursday after it began taking on water. The captain wanted to keep the 207-foot ship from sinking.
Two 41-foot Coast Guard boats were transporting the ship’s passengers and crew to a ferry landing about 2 miles away from the rural area off Virginia Beach.
The cruise ship was lodged in mud about 9 feet below the water’s surface. The ship was only about 100 feet from shore, but the surrounding area is a wooded swamp.
The Coast Guard received a report about the ship at about 6 a.m. It wasn’t clear why the ship began taking on water. The boat, The Spirit of Nantucket, was on a 10-day cruise from Alexandria, Va., to Charleston, S.C.
I have made that same trip down the ICW before in my brother’s boat, a craft just over 50 feet. And it wasn’t the easiest trip. The canals are unevenly dredged and quite shallow at unexpected places. The waterway is full of debris such as submerged logs, especially after some of the stormy weather Virginia experienced in the past week. My guess is that the ship hit an underwater object like a submerged log that was jammed into the soft mud so it sticks up like a spear. Such items are famous for tearing hulls apart.
And besides that, who wants to go on a cruise down the ICW for 3 Thousand Bucks? Its a boring trip, and the only scenery is swampland as far as the eyes can see. Here is a Google map of my guess as to the vicinity where the ship grounded itself.
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Hampton High School is a Dropout Factory
Nov 5th
A study done by a research team for Johns Hopkins University said there were 22 schools in Virginia that were “dropout factories” which meant that less than 60 percent of students graduated after four years at the school. One of those schools is Hampton High School in my hometown.
It really didn’t come as much of a shock to me. I always thought HHS was the rowdiest and most thugged-out school in the city. But the city of Hampton is taking the criticism pretty harshly. And they should. Because they only have four high schools, and one of them has been nationally labeled as a failure. If they were being graded, that means they get a 75% success rate. Which is a D, or it was when I went through school.

Hampton High School Students are on the Fail Train.
The Daily Press, the hometown paper, is making excuses for the city too. It is helping the students come up with excuses why the statistics are skewed or wrong. They want kids that decide they want to get a GED to count. Or people who drop out to pursue a technical degree (like on the job training?) to count. But they doesn’t count according to the simple study, and the city, the students and the paper are all huffy about it.
From the Daily Press here:
The story said 22 of the more than 1,670 bottom-rung schools were in Virginia.
Hampton High School is home of the Crabbers — and, according to the story, a dropout factory.
Robert Balfanz, lead researcher for the study by the Baltimore-based university, coined the label to describe schools where less than 60 percent of ninth-graders graduate four years later.
Balfanz conducted the study for The Associated Press, using ninth-grade enrollment data and 12th-grade graduation numbers collected by the U.S. Department of Education. He divided the number of graduates by the number of ninth-graders to calculate the rate.
According to the report, Hampton High’s average graduation rate was 55 percent for the three years he studied. Forty-five ninth-graders disappeared, earning the school the nickname “dropout factory.”
Of the 1,371 new ninth-graders who began school at Hampton High in 2000, 2001 and 2002, 277 dropped out, about 20 percent of the three combined freshman classes. The three classes had a combined graduation rate of 60.6 percent, counting only new incoming ninth-graders who completed school four years later.
Drewry, Hines and Roca know students who have withdrawn from school to pursue a general education development, or GED certificate. They spoke of students who left high school but continued to pursue technical or career training.
But they said their school is not a place where 5 out of 10 students “disappear.”
The story is so laughable because it has a ridiculous headline: “Students say Hampton High is door to success.” Right, tell yourselves whatever you have to. Maybe self-delusion will help those dropout rates climb back above the 60% mark. The story is also laughable because the paper only photographed non-black students. Hampton High School is predominantly black.
But the dropout rates wouldn’t have anything to do with race, would it? Blacks, or even whites, who drop out go on to earn “wonderful things” like a GED or technical training so they can dig ditches. Or be a telemarketer. Hampton is the telemarketing capital of the US, you know.
Schoolboard elections are tomorrow in Hampton. But it won’t matter who wins- Hampton City schools will continue to receive a D when it comes to success.
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October Wedding
Oct 19th
Blogging is light because I am in Northern Maryland to be my friend’s best man at his wedding. The weather is not all that great, and the fall colors are just beginning to turn. It very much reminds me of my own wedding two years ago, which had similar weather and the same fall colors.

My wife and I are celebrating this evening with the bride and groom and their friends and family. There is a gathering in the hotel pub with family, friends, and loved ones, celebrating the pending union of the happy couple. Unfortunately, having a big healthy four-month old here with us, we have to take turns down in the hotel pub. She is down there now and I find myself alone in the hotel room (plus a sleeping baby), fondly remembering our own beautiful wedding. I thought I’d share this photo of the floral arrangement we had at our wedding at the scenic Hillsborough Winery in Virginia. On this same weekend, two years ago.
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Vick Sacked for a 20 Million Dollar Loss
Oct 10th
Boy, fighting dogs can sure be exciting, especially if your whole bank account is on the line. Now Vick has to repay a $20 Million bonus to the Atlanta Falcons. Maybe the Falcons can use that money to buy a quarterback that doesn’t suck or isn’t a lowlife criminal.

From the AP here:
The Atlanta Falcons are entitled to recover nearly $20 million in bonus money paid to disgraced quarterback Michael Vick, an arbitrator ruled Tuesday.
The Falcons argued that Vick, who pleaded guilty to federal charges for his role in a long-running dogfighting operation, knew he was in violation of the contract when he signed a $130 million deal in December 2004.
The team said he used proceeds from the contract to fund his illicit activities and sought the repayment of $19,970,000 in bonuses he was paid over the last three years.
Any money the Falcons recover from Vick would be credited to its future salary cap, a huge step in recovering from the loss of the team’s franchise player. Atlanta (1-4) is off to a dismal start with Joey Harrington at quarterback.
And the 49 remaining dogs that Vick didn’t get around to killing? They are going to be put up for adoption or used for police or military purposes. All except one which is so mean it has to be put down.
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Yet Another Satisfied Comcast Customer
Oct 9th
I often write about crime on this blog, but in this case, I think the criminal was completely justified in her offense: She took a hammer and smashed up a Comcast Service Desk in Manassas because they suck so bad.
“What the hell, I’m 75,” said Bristow resident Mona Shaw about heading into the Comcast office in Manassas with a hammer and using it on a telephone and computer keyboard, after trying for days to have her phone service connected.
From InsideNova here:
Mona Shaw had heard and seen enough from Comcast, her local cable television provider.
After repeated attempts to change her phone service from Verizon to Comcast’s Triple Play during a week in August, the 75-year-old Bristow resident with a heart condition took out her frustrations at the Manassas payment center on Center Street.
Shaw was arrested for disorderly conduct after she took a hammer to several items in the office - all the while saying, “Have I got your attention now?”
While Shaw’s actions Aug. 20 were extreme, the inability of the cable company to finish the job they started at her house is a story told many times over by Manassas customers.
Wow, what a Comcastic response! There are no satisfied customers of Comcast. Only victims. They should sign up for FIOS from Verizon!
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Virginia Politician Goatse’s Her Opponent
Oct 1st
Jeannemarie Devolites Davis is a Republican running for re-election to the Virginia State Senate. She has the distinction of being the only female Republican in the Senate and she has a lot of great ideas, especially when it comes to widening I-66 inside the Beltway.

But Jeannemarie is also the only woman to ever publicly “Goatse” her opponent. This is a photo of the brochure that was mailed to my home. I was apalled when I saw the familiar fists and the wedding band, opening the gaping… Oh! Its a political ad! I really don’t know if Jeannemarie has just pwn3d Petersen or insulted me.

This is the Goatse Ad. Instead the red hole of death its a political statement. Yay.
Many of you know what Goatse is. Its Internet lore. If you don’t know what it is, do a Google search, but be warned! Its not safe for work, and heed the following safety image:

If you want to spare your retinas the shock and awe that is viewing Goatse, you can click this link and see someone else’s reaction to it. The 8 phases of Goatse.
I am willing to bet that Jeannemarie’s ad agency knew what it was too. So I sent her a letter to her campaign website here:
The ad flyers going around saying that Petersen “stretches the truth” depicting two hands grasping the edges of a board?
You know that the ad is a version of “goatse” don’t you? Did you pick this ad yourself or did your ad agency? The goatse is symbolic of the worst of the worst and is very disgusting, especially from a Republican.
I will be blogging this at belch.com/blog
You should google goatse and see what I mean and use more caution on who you hire to do your ads.
Don’t you just love an election year?
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Vick Hangs Out With Towelie; Gets High
Sep 26th
In a hilarious new twist of the Mike Vick career and life implosion, it seems the dawg-fightin’ thug wanna-be former quarterback just sits around the house smokin’ dope. Maybe he’s just enjoying the ganja while he can before he goes to prison. But it certainly shows that he is quite the dumbass.

As part of his release conditions of his bond, he was supposed to submit to random drug testing. Failed.

At least Towelie didn’t kill dogs.
From CBS here:
Stricter release conditions were imposed on Michael Vick on Wednesday after he tested positive for marijuana use on Sept. 13. Judge Henry E. Hudson restricted Vick to his home every day from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m..
Vick will be required to wear an electronic monitoring device to ensure his compliance with the order,and Vick must continue to participate in substance abuse and mental health counseling.
Vick has been ordered to pay for the costs of any treatment required as a result of his counseling. The cost of the home restriction program, including the electronic monitoring device, will also be paid by Vick, court documents said.
Vick was placed under pretrial release supervision in July. The restrictions included refraining from use or unlawful possession of narcotic drugs or other controlled substances.
In January, Vick was cleared by police of any wrongdoing after his water bottle was seized by security at Miami International Airport. Police said it smelled of marijuana and had a hidden compartment that contained a “small amount of dark particulate.”
Vick is awaiting sentencing on Dec. 10 after he pleaded guilty in August to federal dogfighting charges. Vick faces up to five years in prison for those charges. Tuesday, a Surry County grand jury indicted Vick on state dogfighting charges. If convicted, he could face up to 10 years in prison in addition to whatever federal prison time he may receive.
I remember the water bottle fiasco. Only a nimrod would bring pot on an airplane.
Many thanks to MyLifeofCrime for the update on this Mike Vick debacle.
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Did Vick or Bad News Kennels Murder Informant?
Sep 24th
A dog fighter in North Carolina was found murdered in his home in April, right about the times that all of the allegations began to fly that Michael Vick was involved in dog fighting, and at the same time that Vick began to destroy his dogs to bury evidence of his involvement in the crimes. But the murder has baffled investigators. The victim, Roy Melton, likely knew his murderer, and his large sums of money and cocaine he had in his house was undisturbed. Did someone kill him to shut him up?
Now linked to a murder?
From the Daily Press here:
Federal investigators are looking into connections between trained fighting dogs bred by a man found shot to death in rural North Carolina and the dogfighting operation headed by suspended NFL quarterback Michael Vick.
The sheriff investigating the North Carolina killing said he plans to pursue links between the dogfighting groups to see if they can answer any questions in the unsolved homicide.
Roy Thomas Melton, a 38-year-old resident of Catawba County, north of Charlotte, was found in his home on April 17, dead from multiple gunshot wounds.
In the many boxes of dogfighting records Melton kept, the sheriff said, investigators found listings of the winning and losing dogs, with vicious-sounding names like Nitro. Some of the names overlapped with those listed in the July indictment against Vick and three other men, he said.
The July indictment, filed in U.S. District Court in Richmond, mentions at least two North Carolina dogs — Maniac and Trouble — that fought pit bulls owned or sponsored by Bad News Kennels.
Vick, Purnell Peace, Quanis Phillips and Tony Taylor pleaded guilty to running the dogfighting ring out of Vick’s Surry County home.
The indictment also mentions confidential “cooperating witnesses” from North Carolina who tipped off federal investigators.
Catawba County Sheriff David Huffman said federal investigators haven’t told him yet whether Melton was one of their informants.
The killing, discovered April 17 by a friend of Melton’s, has puzzled sheriff’s detectives.
There was no sign of forced entry into Melton’s home, and the pit-bull breeder was known for his strict security measures.
In addition to more than 30 pit bulls found at his home, deputies found large amounts of cocaine and large sums of money, the sheriff said.
“That’s unusual, to have a homicide like that with no robbery,” he said. “What’s the motive?”
In April, Vick and his cohorts viciously murdered at least 8 dogs in their Surry compound, using bizarre methods such as drowning and electrocution. Was this destruction of their dogs done to destroy evidence because they knew law enforcement was coming? And more importantly, who murdered Roy Melton to keep him quiet?
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