I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Humor
It makes me laugh
Disaster is Imminent
Feb 18th

Disaster is Imminent, a photo by BelchSpeak on Flickr.
A Lazy Saturday Night. The boy and I are building towers of terror for unsuspecting Lego employees while I rebuild a laptop I had lying around with Ubuntu.
My son is telling me about the casualties of his tower of terror. Seems that the bodies get dragged to the cemetery by an ambulance where they turn into skeletons and then dirt.
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Shep Flips His Lid Over AT&T Throttling
Feb 17th
This dude makes bank at Fox and he is losing his mind over his AT&T data plan and its overages and bandwidth throttling. He declares its like getting free crack for a year and then having to pay?
I get overages on occasion, but its 10 bucks per gig. Not too bad. My biggest complaints with AT&T is their saturated networks in large urban areas and airports.
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Don’t Turn Your Back on the Monkey
Feb 17th
Ever wonder how a monkey prepares to attack? Evidently it involves three giant swings followed by a simian missile. If it wasn’t for the glass, this could have broken bones.
I love how it scares the baby so badly. And now the baby will forever fear monkeys, which, like fearing clowns, may one day save your life.
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1-800 Flowers Ruined Valentines Day for Thousands
Feb 16th
I used 1-800 Flowers just once. They delivered the bouquet and vase I ordered via DHL, and the vase was broken and the flowers were crappy. I figured that’s just what they always do, and the money I wasted on it served as a lesson to pick out fresh flowers from a local florist. But on Valentines Day, thousands more people learned my same lesson, and they took to twitter to complain.
From the WaPo here:
Love hath no fury like a flower customer scorned. For any heartbroken man or woman out in the world who feels they are having a rough Valentine’s Day, take a moment to pause and think about the plight of Rachel, Stephanie and Tene.
Who, might you ask, are Rachel, Stephanie and Tene? They are the names signed to dozens of tweets that went out Feb. 14 from the besieged Twitter feed @1800Flowers. The social media team behind the account is tasked with responding over and over and over again to angry customers wondering where their delayed Valentine’s Day orders were.
And there are some hilarious twitpics associated with the 1800flowers account too:
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Charles Darwin Made a Pros vs Cons List About Marrying His 1st Cousin
Feb 13th
For a person that invented the theory of evolution, you’d think that marrying your first cousin would be a no-brainer. But in the end, the pros won out and he married his first cousin and had ten cross-eyed children together. The list is below along with a text translation.
Thanks to EncyclopediaDramatica. A commenter there said:
I like how “She’s my first cousin” didn’t make it to the list.
and
finding bitches in the 1800′s was probably hard work.
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Black History Month: Grammy Award Given to Misogynist
Feb 12th
Chris Brown the R&B superstar, mostly famous for beating up Rihanna, was given a grammy because, well if he didn’t get it the award would have gone to R Kelley who pees on underage girls. Check out some of these great tweets by Team Breezy, advocating the abuse of women. Many thanks to Twitter’s @fart for assembling this disturbing tweetlist.
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SNL Pokes Fun at Verizon 4G LTE
Feb 12th
This is pretty funny from Hulu.
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Glitterbomb Muhammad and the Kaaba
Feb 11th
You know who really hated gays and wouldn’t let them get married? Muhammad. And since glitterbombing is an acceptable form of protest, all gay rights activists should march on Mecca and try to glitterbomb the Kaaba. Nothing will show solidarity like a thousand leftists tossing glitter at the height of the haaj.
So why do Muslims hate the gays so much? Well Muhammad (who married and had sex with a 6 year old girl), thought all gays deserved to be killed because what they did was just an abomination to the moon god.
According to the Hadith:
al-Tirmidhi, Sunan 1:152 – [Muhammad said] “Whoever is found conducting himself in the manner of the people of Lot, kill the doer and the receiver.”
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Macaulay Culkin Suffering From Michael Jackson Ass Polyps
Feb 11th
The news is all aflutter this week over the photo of Macaulay Culkin wasting away.
No surprise to me since Michael Jackson used to ride Home Alone boy’s ass like a Luck Dragon.

All kidding aside, it is highly likely that Culkin was abused by people in Hollywood. It is no secret that the Coreys were passed around like collectible action figures in the 80′s and Culkin was probably passed around too. Sex abuse leads to severe drug use, alcoholism and sex addiction.
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Beating This Meme to Death: Shit IT Security Nerds Say
Feb 10th
I work in IT security and it is a daily chore not to whomp nerd ass with a spare laptop battery. Their pitiful foam larping swords and their nerf guns are no match for three IBM Lenovo batteries ducttaped to the end of an axe handle. This video is a pretty good demonstration why that impulse is so tempting.
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Don’t Piss Off Your Gun-Toting Dad Who Works in IT
Feb 9th
A Dad, Tommy Jordan, becomes very disappointed with his daughter after finding a hurtful post on her Facebook wall. Stick with this video to the end. Epic parenting.
Tommy Jordan’s Facebook page is here.
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The Real Halftime in America Commercial
Feb 7th
Thanks to our pal Remy.
People are out of work and they’re hurting.
And they’re wondering where all their money went.
Well, $12.5 billion of it went to Chrysler. In the form of a bailout.
But it’s okay, because Chrysler is all-American.
Though technically 58.5% of Chrysler is owned by an Italian corporation.
And Chrysler manufactures many of it’s vehicles in Canada. And Mexico.
But I guess that doesn’t make for a great commercial.
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TSA Needs Your Help!
Feb 7th
No education required!
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Capitalism is Way Better for the Environment Than Progressivism
Feb 5th
How have progressives changed the world? What have they contributed to the betterment of society? Just think about Greenpeace. They’ve been around for a couple dozen years now or longer. Have they been successful or contributed anything lasting to society? As near as I can tell, they are a bunch of hippies that suck money out of well-meaning do-gooders, but they have never actually made or produced anything. It takes Capitalists to save trees.
Thanks to Derek Hunter.
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Not-So-Happy Meal
Feb 5th
A North Carolina Mom learned the hard way what happens when you try to perform a denial of service attack on a McDonald’s Drive Thru by parking your car at the window and refusing to move. You get TASED and your kid goes to foster care.
From the DailyMail here:
Police used a Stun Gun on a woman who had been blocking a McDonald’s drive-thru for more than 20 minutes. Evangeline Lucca, 37, had cut the line and refused to leave before she was served.
Employees, meanwhile, refused to attend to Lucca because she cut the queue.
Lucca bypassed the order screen and the line at the fast food restaurant, instead pulling directly up to the pick-up window Friday afternoon. They told her she had to go around and wait like everybody else did and place her order that way, they weren’t set up at the that window to taker her order.
The woman still refused to move, and police were called after that. Employees told the paper that Lucca often tried to jump the line, but that they finally got sick of it.
When the deputies arrived, they said she was ‘defiant’ to them and was threatening them. Deputies then performed a ‘drive stun’ on her, meaning the device was applied directly to her skin, rather than firing the Taser cartridge.
Her three-year-old daughter was with her and was taken into protective custody.
Stupid woman waited 34 years to have a daughter, she can wait 5 minutes to buy her child a freakin’ Happy Meal. Now she can wait for visitation rights. Actually, I’ve often been tempted to find out what would happen if you blocked a fast food drive-thru lane. Nice to know now that I shouldn’t try that.
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Two News Anchor Women Dreaming About Sausage
Feb 3rd
Nice, firm, sausage. Sausage you can really wrap your mouth around. Tasty, savory sausage.
She just loves to be the judge at a sausage festival.
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Creepy Zombie Bedsheets
Feb 3rd
This looks like a great bedcover for those that need my guest room as a crash pad.
It was from etsy here, but already sold out.
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