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Obama to Wipe Out Owls to Save Another Owl

Prior to the election Sarah Palin was widely mocked for wanting to control dangerous wolves by hunting them by helicopter. Those wolves were a danger to people and livestock and they are not endangered. But she was mocked as a black-hearted bitch anyways. Well now President Obama is going to exterminate the Barred Owl in the Pacific Northwest to protect the Spotted Owl who can’t seem to breed to save its own species.

barred-owl1

From Freedomworks here:

The federal government is upset that spotted owls are disappearing. So they’re going to kill 3,600 barred owls to even the score.

The Pacific Northwest has been dealing with the caprices of government for decades when it comes to the northern spotted owl. Twenty-three years ago, environmentalists noticed that the population of the birds was decreasing faster than they liked.

The owl-huggers successfully lobbied the federal government to list the bird as an endangered species and drastically reduced the logging they had blamed for the owl’s predicament. Problem solved!

Just kidding.

After two decades free of evil, rapacious loggers, not only are spotted owls not coming back, their population continues to shrink. But instead of thinking, “perhaps evolution is trying to tell us something,” meddling bureaucrats have found a new bogeyman. More accurately, a bogey-owl.

As spotted owls have struggled in the vast forests of Washington, Oregon and Northern California, barred owls are living large. This breed isn’t as picky with their food and is slightly larger and more aggressive, leading them to take over newly emptied habitats.

Seems like a textbook example of natural selection, but the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service has decided to step in and play Darwin. Since it’s too expensive and time-consuming to trap the barred owls, they have decided to kill them.

The agency expects the culling of 3,600 barred owls to solve the problem once and for all. “We’re going to look at all potential opportunities, but the most humane way to do it is to shoot them,” Biologist Robin Bown said, without a hint of sarcasm.

“It’s a difficult concept, to say I’m going to kill one species to try to save another species,” Bown added. “But it’s also something that, in some cases, we need to do.”

To save the spotted owl, the government killed the livelihood of thousands of American loggers. Now that the humans have suffered, the government is literally turning their guns on other owls.

The only way for this silliness to stop is to put the spotted owl down for good. Hey Chinese people! Now that you’ve hunted a Rhinoceros to extinction, did you know that Spotted Owl beak is a powerful aphrodisiac that puts Viagra to shame? Spotted owls grow on trees in Washington State! Go get some!

Dr. Jones

Do not talk about fight club. Oops.

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