After a very long election season and one of the highest voter turnouts among the forests, parks, and neighborhoods around the country, the squirrels have picked a new leader. It is the half-black, half-white Squako Gomma, who ran on a platform of redistributing nuts from enterprising squirrels who hoard them to lowlife lazy squirrels who don’t have any nuts stored for the winter.

The victory came despite the best efforts of his opponents to paint him as the illegitimate offspring of a Skunk and a Squirrel or a “squnk” as the worst of the smears went.

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