The old fella should greet you inside of the sliding glass doors with a shopping cart, a cheery smile and this card.

Look, I like Wal-Mart and think they bring a lot of value to their communities.  But there is something about that place that brings out the worst in people- especially ME.  I don’t know why, but I always misbehave in a Wal-Mart, and its one of the reasons my wife won’t take me there anymore.

I’m the guy that leaves frozen food a-thawin in the same aisle as the turtlewax.

I’m the guy who takes the football out of the package and tells some random kid to “go long!”

Not only do I buy beer and diapers, but I also stock up on huge bundles of toilet paper and cheetos.

At christmas, when they put out hundreds of clapping monkeys, singing santas, dancing reindeer and elves that boogie at the touch of a button?  I compulsively have to set them all off until a store clerk goes OMG STOP!

And that dirty diaper that is lying in the parking lot, or worse yet, setting opened atop the overflowing trash covering the garbage can near the entrance? That’s my baby’s, baby!  Thanks again to Trench.

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