Spork Attack!
Meet Peter Albert. Pete’s a convicted child sex offender living off the land in urban Anchorage, Alaska. He can’t get a job and can’t find a home, so he does what any other creepy little dude would do- attack someone with a spork.
Maybe he was looking for a nice warm jail cell. He certainly found one with this stunt.
Plastic dinnerware is a threat to mankind.
From the AP here:
Anchorage police have arrested a suspect in an armed robbery. Now they’re trying to determine if the weapon involved was a spork — a hybrid of a spoon and fork found at fast-food restaurants.
Police said a suspect tried to grab a man’s watch on Monday night. The victim said the assailant swung a pocketknife at him but four parallel scratches on the victim’s side make police suspect the wound was administered with a spork.
Peter Albert, 52, was arrested a few blocks from the scene and charged with robbery. Police said Albert was intoxicated and carrying a small pocketknife as well as a backpack containing a fast food bag and sporks.
Albert is being held at the Anchorage jail with bail set at $5,000.
Thanks to Trench at CrimeNe.WS for the story!
That’s when you know you’re at the bottom of the criminal food chain. When you have to use a spork to commit robberies.
Yeah, and I LOLed when I read his current address:
Registration Address: CAMPING OUT
Extra Address Line: ALONG MULDOON RD
I think it should be the new euphemism for being a nutjob. “That Peter, man, he’s nuts. He’s really camping out along muldoon road.”
Either that or “He’s sporkin’ it man.”
You laugh, but just wait until some kid gets suspended when his mom sends him to school with a spork in his lunch box. The spork is now a “weapon”, for which we have ZERO TOLERANCE!