I Told You Bastards There Are No UFO’s

(1 votes, average: 5 out of 6)

 Loading ...

That headline is for my 8th grade English class who laughed, yes laughed at me when I presented a research paper I spent two weeks on to show that there were no such things as UFO’s.

Before the Internet you had to do research the old-fashioned way- in libraries- using Index cards and the whole Dewey-Decimal system to find a book, magazine, and often, an empty slot where a book should be. But I looked at UFO books, and read science articles, and became convinced after reading a book on mathematics and probability that aliens just weren’t ever coming to our planet for a visit.

Given the huge odds, it was so unlikely that alien life would evolve on a planet, become sentient, develop advanced science, develop interstellar travel, crack the whole faster than light travel, and then come to see us, by the thousands, given the reported numbers of the day- according to the laws of probability, it just would never happen. And even if aliens did manage to violate the laws of physics and probability, why then would they only appear to hippies, pyramid worshipers, practitioners of eastern philosophy and meditation, or heavy drug users, hobos and bums?

Yeah, the other kids all laughed at me the bastards. They were each convinced that life from other worlds were intensely interested in us. So far, I’m still right and they are all still bastards because science has vindicated me. Today we have the Internet, billions of digital cameras, the Search for Extra Terrestrial Life and other similar projects, and no one can yet come up with any shred of evidence of life on another planet. Bupkis. You think the Maytag repairman has a lonely job? Try being the researcher listening for radio space waves at SETI.

So what happened to all those douchebags out there that were true believers in UFOlogy and visitors from other worlds? Those dolts that appeared on TV by the thousands saying they were abducted by aliens or had implants inserted under their skin? They are still out there, but they must be deeply ashamed for having voiced such stupid beliefs, especially when they knew they were lying. You hear me, Steven Spielberg?

Now the tables are turning. Now people that publicly say that they believe in or fear UFO’s are mocked in the media and by the citizens. Dennis Kucinich, running for President said he saw a UFO at Shirley MacLaine’s house. Everyone laughed at him. Some idiot democrat in Japan wants an official government statement on what Japan is doing about UFO’s. How was he treated?

From Reuters here:

“[UFO's] is an issue that the nation is interested in — it is a defense issue and a confirmation operation needs to take place,” Ryuji Yamane, a lawmaker from the main opposition Democratic Party who submitted the question to the cabinet, told Reuters.

The comment by chief cabinet secretary Nobutaka Machimura drew laughter from reporters at his regular briefing on government policy. “Personally, I definitely believe they exist,” he said, apparently tongue in cheek.

But the prime minister stuck to the official view.

“I have yet to confirm (that UFOs exist),” Prime Minister Yasuo Fukuda told reporters later in the day.

Yep, the people who believe in ET’s are loons. And mark my words: Twenty years from now all those people who were passionate about Global Warming being caused by man are going to be viewed with the same disdain. And I hope they feel the same inner shame that those of you who used to believe in UFO’s (you know who you are!) still feel whenever some kook claims he saw a flying saucer.

And that research paper? I got a C. Proves what teachers know.