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Loading ...I have a nearly unlimited supply of carbon credits to offset my carbon footprint on this planet. I inherited them.
My family ancestors didn’t always drive cars, use electricity, and put carbon into the atmosphere. But they were wise people and knew that one day, their progeny would like to use all of the energy that they were denied. They didn’t know what this energy would one day be called, so they called it the “essential vim.” And each generation would endow the next with their built-up stocks of “essential vim” or EV for short.
That’s where I get most of my carbon offsets. I also salvage the rest of my offsets from dead famous people who are no longer able to sustain their carbon spewing lifestyles. My most famous collection of carbon offsets that I claimed after his death were those of Peter Jennings. He was a smoker and a world traveller. And he had a huge house that he is no longer using. So he had a pretty big carbon footprint. His credits will allow my family to barbecue steaks and chicken over authentic charcoal for the next fifty years.
Carbon Credit Salvage is really easy to do. You merely locate someone who has died (lets be fair and call that “going carbon neutral”) short of their anticipated life expectancy. You then take the difference of their life expectancy and their actual “Carbon Neutrality Moment” and you calculate how much carbon that person is saving the planet by being worm food. And you publically claim those credits as your own. Put it on the net; Google will track it for you.
For instance, you can’t really claim the remaining carbon credits of Larry Bud Melman, who became carbon neutral on March 21st. He had lived a full carbon spewing life.
However, claiming the credits of Anna Nicole Smith? Huge carbon footprint there. I call dibs! I have Anna Nicole Smith’s carbon credits. Now if you check Google in 24 hours, you can search for “I have Anna Nicole Smith’s carbon credits” and see that I and I alone have laid claim to them.
Start salvaging your credits today before its too late!
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5 people responded in this post
I want Gore’s carbon credits when moves on to that big soapbox in the sky.
Judging by Gore’s weight, the man is only a few impassioned speeches away from becoming carbon neutral himself.
But what you are implying is some type of carbon credit “neutrality” pool.
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