Yearbook signing time!
Well, its that time of the year
again! All over the country, millions of school kids will be
carrying their class yearbooks around with them to get other kids
to write memorable snippets of wisdom in it for all posterity.
Some students will attempt to be witty, charming, romantic, or
even nostalgic about the times they had spent together in the
school year, and others will even express feelings of hope about
what may lie ahead in life for them. Most will abuse the words
"cool" "dude" "awesome" and
"nice" by using them over and over again.
And every person's
yearbook will hold such fond memories later in life as that
person looks at it and recalls the events and friends that had
shaped so much of their childhood and adult life. The yearbook
becomes a thing of valued treasure to each and every individual
that owns one.
HA!!! I say screw all
that! The yearbook-signing event presents one of the most unique
opportunities in life to exact revenge on as many people as you
can in such a short time! Deprive everyone you can of the fond
memories of a happy High School life by defacing their yearbooks!
Who would want revenge at
such a time? Why anyone would! If you are a nerd (yes, you know
who you are out there!), a person that just doesn't get the
opportunity in the social settings of High School to fit in; if
you are a jilted teen lover; if you resent the jerk captain of
the football team, hate the prom queen; if you are in the
woodwinds section of the band and hate the brass section; if you
just have a downright mean streak in you, then you have come to
the right place!
I know some of you out
there are jumping up and down in their seats wondering just how
you could use this opportunity to exact a little bit of revenge.
Well here it is!
is a list of mean things to write or do to someone elses
yearbook. The intent is to ruin forever the nostalgia they feel
when looking at a high school yearbook, and to indelibly imprint
upon their brains how it was YOU that deprived them of this. What
better way to be remembered?
But first, you must
assemble your vengeance kit. The yearbook signing vengeance kit
- Glue (super glue
- A Black permanent SharpeeŽ
- An x-acto knife or
box cutter, (See warning below)
- A standard ink pen,
pencil, eraser, and yellow crayon
- A magnifying glass.
Uses for tools:
Glue can be a very useful
vengeance tool during yearbook signing. Among its uses:
- You could sign your
name with glue. Give it back to the person and tell him
not to close it until it dries. Claim you didn't have a
all of the pages together, assuming you have ample time
to do so. Or just for spite, glue the first few cover
pages (the place where most people sign the book) and the
last few pages to the front or back cover. This works
best when the person has already spent considerable time
getting it signed.
- Locate the person's
picture that is getting it signed (henceforth called
"signee") and put a dab of glue right over
his/her face. Close it, and sign as normal. When the
person opens it, it will either rip their face off or rip
a piece of paper off the previous page and cover their
face. Do the same for everyone you hate in the yearbook,
teachers included! And be sure to dab over the person's
girlfriend/boyfriend while you are at it.
- Superglue your pen to
the book and claim a bizarre signing mishap.
- Open the book all the
way and glue the covers to each other so the yearbook is
permanently open. Rig it so it always opens to your own
page with your picture circled prominently!
SharpeeŽ indelible permanent ink pens are useful too. Remember,
bold dark color stands out! Some uses:
- Scribble out the
signatures of "competitors" or other persons
that have signed before you.
- Go through the
yearbook and blacken out the pictures of enemies or the
dearest friends of the signee.
- Scribble out the
picture of the signee!
- Best of all, the ink
bleeds through the pages. So write large!
- Write a big black x
across back cover and place your initials at the bottom.
An X-acto knife is a
modeling tool or edging tool with a razor edge. A box cutter will
do too. Its uses: (See Belch.Com's warning below)
- Cut out your picture.
If you still have the glue, paste it over signees
- Cut out signees
picture or his girlfriend's picture.
- Cut deep too, going
through as many layers as you can.
- Cut Xs across
the cover pages.
- Surgically remove the
entire Junior class!
A common ink pen can also
be used for yearbook vengeance. Uses:
- Find one that leaks
really bad. Write sloppily, leaving blots of ink all over
the page. Smear it well, leaving streaks all over
- Pretend it is losing ink.
Scribble heavily as if you are trying to get it to work,
then scribble lightly as if it is running out of ink.
Make your signature fade to nothingness.
- Draw moustaches on
signees picture. And on his girlfriend's picture
- Write defamatory
remarks about competitors signatures. Be explicit,
using bullet points, arrows and vulgarities.
- Write left handed. Be
as sloppy as possible and dont leave room for any
A Pencil. What good is a
pencil you might ask?
- Well, it might be
good as a weapon when fending off attacking signees.
- Sign witticisms in
pencil so it wont be permanent. Or as a good excuse to
abuse your eraser.
An Eraser. (Rubber to you
- Erase other
peoples signatures, especially the pencil ones.
- Rub holes in paper to
remove that ink. Be sure to leave the eraser rubbings in
the creases of the page.
A yellow crayon is a good annoyance
form of yearbook vengeance.
- When written on white
background, it causes bad eyestrain.
- Highlight your
remarks you have made with your Sharpee.
- Highlight your
defamatory remarks about your competitors.
A magnifying glass may be
the ultimate in yearbook vengeance. Admittedly, you need time
alone with the book outside in the sunlight.
- If you can get it
outside, nothing says I enjoyed going to school with you
more than by wood carving your initials onto the back
cover with a sunlight beam.
- Burn through
signees picture or competitors remarks.
- See if you can drill
a hole straight through the yearbook, cover to cover!
Sometimes its simply what
you say instead of how you say it. Your goal is to make it too
embarrassing for the person to show the yearbook to anyone else.
makes me giggle, it makes me laugh
That you would want my autograph!
But that's okay, I think its fine,
here (your signature),
That'll be $9.99
- Put a huge booger
right in the middle of the cover page. Circle it. Draw
arrows around it to draw maximum attention to it.Make
notations telling the person that his brain fell out.
- Use innuendo. Write
"Loved you in gym class this year." Sign it
from the wrestling coach. Or scribble, "I swear I
will keep my promise about not telling your girlfriend
how much you have cheated on her."
- Use vile and creative
slogans like "Kill Whitey," "KKK
forever," "Kill the Whales," or "As
long as you have a tongue, I wont need toilet
- Write a rambling
manifesto detailing the importance of oral hygeine. Take
up a whole page.
- Write 50 math
problems and tell him he has 30 minutes to solve them and
to show his work.
- Sign all your
signatures with the name of Elvis, Johnny Paycheck, or
the name of the school custodian.
- Address all
signatures to Ricky, Richard, Dick, Dicky, or some
If you are able to perform
these bits of vengeance, you will indeed be the person the
signees remember most, which is what a yearbook is all about,
right? And remember, friends come and go, but enemies last
And finally, don't make
any plans to attend your High School reunions. They WILL remember
legal warning and disclaimer:
The editors of
Belch.Com do not condone school violence or the
transportation of knives, weapons, firearms, explosives,
X-acto knives or box cutters to school. But we DO condone
lots of other crude stuff like fake fire drills, college
hazing, belching, barfing, and the use of the information
superhighway to "bring a belch to every desktop."
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