Tasteless FOX Gameshows

The Fox network has recently put on two horrible television shows that attempted to masquerade as Game Shows. The first, “Who wants to marry a Multi-Millionaire?”, allowed for a few dozen hard-up women to compete in evening gowns and bathing suits for the chance to marry a goofy stand-up comedian, Rick Rockwell. This horrible show gave America the new 20-minute celebrity name of Darva Conger, who subsequently got an annulment on the basis that she was either insane when she went on the show, or afraid he might abuse her physically. She later went on to pose in Playboy for a large sum of money, proving once and for all that she was just a gold-digging skag.
The next tasteless show Fox aired was “Surprise Wedding,” where five girls tricked their boyfriends into coming to Las Vegas on the premise that they had received a top prize in a “makeover” contest. The men were led out onto the stage where they were given 5 minutes to decide whether or not to “put up or shut up.” In the end, none of the men had the guts to leave these bitches at the altar.
It was television at its worst. Based on the ratings these “train-wrecks” received, these tasteless shows were a big hit.
Coming in January, Fox will send four couples to a tropical island to allow those couples to be seduced by 26 gorgeous hookers and gigolos to see whether or not the contestants’ love can withstand the temptation. UGH.

Well, in keeping with this trend, Belch.Com is proud to present:

Tasteless FOX Game Shows We Would Loathe to See

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Divorce and Heartbreak

Hosted by Bruce Willis and Demi Moore

Bruce and Demi provide scathing and catty remarks toward not only each other, but also the contestants on Divorce and Heartbreak, where regular couples, experiencing divorce, compete with each other for the prizes of their own personal belongings that are up for grabs as the couple splits forever! The game consists of three preliminary rounds, and one final grand prize round.
The game opens up with a five-minute documentary that introduces each contestant, and includes the date of marriage, the length of marriage, the number of children, and edited footage of family movies. Re-enactments of alleged wrongdoings are shown, including cheating, abuse or gambling.
Round One is the “Irreconcilable Differences” round. In round one, each contestant bids groups of items valued at under 200 dollars each, up to a 5000 dollar maximum. These items include electronic equipment, the bottom tier of family furnishings, personal mementos and jewelry. Each contestant then recounts horrifying stories of mistreatment during the marriage, including such topics as cheating, drinking, compulsive gambling, constant nagging, or inability to hold down a job. The audience then gets to vote based on the testimony to determine who had suffered most from the marriage emotionally, and that person is awarded all prizes in that round.
Round Two is the “How well you know your former spouse” round. In this round, each contestant bids, one at a time, the larger value items priced at under 4000 dollars each. These items include washers/dryers, the best family furnishings, expensive jewelry, entertainment systems, etc. The hosts ask each contestant personal questions that the former spouse should know based upon their marriage. If the contestant loses his bid, the other contestant gets the prizes.
Round Three is the “Big Ticket Item” Round. In this round, all expensive items are put up as a bid. These items include the cars, boats, RV’s, personal watercraft, the house, and even alimony. The hosts ask each contestant why they deserve each item based upon their failure to keep a marriage together, and each contestant pleads their case. The audience then votes who should get each item, but the audience decision must have at least a 20% margin, or else the decision is made by a guest Family Circuit Court Judge.
Round Four determines who gets custody of the children. In the final round, each contestant can offer to return a portion or all of their winnings in a bid to trade for custody of the children. If no bargain is made, the contestants’ in-laws and friends make a plea to the audience to state their cases why each contestant should be awarded custody. The audience then decides, but the margin must be greater than 20% or the guest Family Circuit Court Judge makes the determination.
All decisions are final as signed by a contract by each contestant prior to the show.
Some excitement to watch for includes fistfights between rival in-laws and friends of the former couple, and the snappy jibes Demi and Bruce hurl at each other.

Celebrity Rehab

Hosted by Robert Downey, Jr.

Robert Downey, Jr. hosts this fast-paced, edgy trivia game which pits addicted celebrities against common junkie contestants for a chance to get rehabilitated at one of the leading clinics in the country. The game consists of three rounds with increasing point totals, and the winner at the end of round three received six months of drug rehabilitation.
The game opens with a 5 minute black and white, grainy footage of the trials and problems each contestant has faced while battling their addictions. Robert Downey, Jr. then introduces each contestant, and chats about possible film projects for the celebrity. He asks each how long they have been an addict and gets to hear stories about the craziest thing each of them did while stoned or high. During the competition, when a competitor gets a question wrong, Downey will often tease the contestant by asking, “What, have you been smoking?,” or “Are you on Crack?!”
Trivia categories will include movie or entertainment trivia, drug trivia, states and capitals, and potluck or general trivia.
Between each round, the contestants are offered the opportunity to redeem a portion of their score for various quantities of heroin, marijuana or crack cocaine.
Excitement ensues in season one with numerable celebrity walk-ons and testimonials from former addicts, along with a surprise arrest of the Host for failure to follow guidelines set out by his parole officer.

You Bet Your Pet

Hosted by Ed O’Neil (Al Bundy from Married with Children)

It’s the Hatfields versus the McCoys for the 21^st century! You Bet Your Pet allows two competing families to compete for cash and prizes by answering trivia questions and competing in staged competitions. But not only does the winning family walk away with all of their prizes, but the losing family must allow their beloved pet to be euthanized live on the air!
In Round One, one family member from each team face off against each other to see who can answer a trivia question in order to win a prize that is selected by a spin of the giant prize wheel. Prize value totals at the end of the round determine the winner of that round.
In Round two, the Prize wheel is replaced with the competition wheel. A type of competition is chosen by a spin of the wheel, and each family picks its own contestant for that game. Competitions range from Pie eating contests, to water balloon fights, to play acting to make a relative on the phone believe that a dear family member had died!
The combined winners of round one and two determine the winner of the game, and the big bonus prize. The losing family must then bring out the family pet on a leash and have it put to sleep by a lethal injection live before a studio audience.
Competition gets very fierce, especially when a pet’s life is at stake, and sometimes injuries to competitors can occur. And when the pet cat or dog begins to twitch for the last time, the looks on the faces of the children is truly unforgettable!

Who Wants to Date Your Stalker?

Hosted by O.J. Simpson

O.J. Simpson makes his return to television as the controversial host of Who Wants to Date Your Stalker? This show opens with videotaped expressions of love by folks infatuated with men, women, celebrities, or singers, along with statements of what they would do if they could have a date with the object of their affection. Video footage of the victims are provided by undercover detectives or by the stalkers themselves. The stalkers then perform various stunts, such as eating all of their own hair in a milkshake, severing small fingers or ears, or piercing body parts with hot pins. When the stunt is successfully completed, the stalkers get the opportunity to make their pleas for a date with their victims.
The victims in these cases are tricked into flying to the city of the studio under various pretenses, such as a job interview, contest prize, or audition for a film or TV show. The victims are then brought out onto stage before a live audience where their stalkers beg them for a date and show their victims the excruciating pain they would put themselves through to earn such a date.
If the victims say no, then O.J. attempts to persuade the victims to comply by luring them into the date with offers of cash, prizes, and even armed security guards if desired. The stalking victims can even request additional proofs of affection from the stalker by spinning the huge “prove-it” wheel that contain various and nefarious and often humiliating stunts that the stalker must perform upon request.
An exciting moment to look for is when O.J. tells one despondent loser stalker, “You know what you have to do now, right?” and then winks and slashes at his neck as if he were holding a knife. “Just joking folks, send your letters to FOX, ha, ha.”

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