FAQ: Not that I get tired of answering email, or bore easily answering the same questions over and over again, but it is just high time that I put this page online. Click on the topic below to get the answers you seek about belching and Belch.Com. If you know of something that should be listed here, please email me.
How do I make myself burp?
All my friends can burp, why cant I?
How do I record a burp?
What tips do you have for recording burps?
I am doing a school report on belching. Can you help me?
Do you really copyright the belches?
Why are they copyrighted?
What utility do you use to copyright them?
Do you post all submissions?
When do you post submissions?
How many submissions do you receive?
How many visitors actually submit?
What are my chances to get posted?
How many should I submit at once?
Are there size limitations?
Should I include name, hometown, how I came up with the burp?
Is belching considered an art form?
How did you come up with this page?
How long has it been online?
Where do you get the cool background graphics?
How many people administer the site?
Are those the real celebrities on the Celeb Pages?
Do you give out email addresses of submitters so I can contact them?
Will you give a submitter my email address?
My kids are driving me crazy with your website. What can I do?
Are you banned anywhere online?
I am starting up a belching website. Can you help me?
Do you accept advertising?
Do you really think welders are stupid?
Can I get an email address at Belch.Com?
How do I make myself burp?
This is the most asked question, and sadly, I do not have an answer. If guzzling soda pop or beer doesnt work for you, and nothing else will either, then I have no suggestions for you other than radical surgery to tighten you esophagus.
All my friends can
burp, why cant I?
Either you are the infamous Anti-Belcher prophesied about in the scriptures of St. Guzzle (recently discovered lost biblical chapters found buried beneath a latrine near the Jordan River), or you just havent figured out the knack. Belching is much like wiggling your ears. Everyone has the muscles to do so, but often dont know how to utilize them.
How do I record a burp?
First, you need to have a sound card in your computer with a microphone hooked up to it. Using the sound recorder applet that comes with Windows 95, you can choose a new recording. Burp into the microphone, but not too closely as you risk overmodulation which will make your burp sound like simple loud noise.
tips do you have for recording burps?
Try to record them in Mono sound unless you have some of the really good stereo sound software and two microphones. You can also set the sampling rate for the sound recording, which I prefer to be 11,025 Hz. Again, do not record too closely to the microphone, and keep it to a minimal length, yet long enough to keep my interest.
I am doing a school report
on belching. Can you help me?
Absolutely not! I dont write reports for anyone, and you ought to be ashamed of yourself for picking such an inane topic for a scholastic study. And if your teacher approved such a topic for you, she should have her license revoked.
Do you really
copyright the belches?
Yes I do. All submissions are considered gifts to me and this website and become my own personal property. As recorded media, I have obtained exclusive copyrights to my publications which make it illegal to reproduce for rebroadcast and commercial use. Of course, anyone can listen to them for free from my website but they are not allowed to steal them and pass them off as their own. If you have a problem with turning over your own material for ownership to this site, then by all means do not submit material.
Why are they
I spend hours upon hours per week to maintain this site and it really sucks to find my material posted on someone elses site without my permission or played on radio stations without credit given to this site.
utility do you use to copyright them?
Cool Edit is the application I use to place the copyright notices on the belches.
Do you post all
Nope. Maybe three in ten are lucky enough to be judged worthy of being given space on this site.
When do you post
As often as I get the time. When I sit down to review the submissions, all contributors are notified of the status of their material, whether it be acceptance or rejection.
submissions do you receive?
I receive at least two dozen submissions per week.
visitors actually submit?
Judging by my visitor statistics, perhaps as many as 1 in 50 sit down to submit a belch to the site.
What are my
chances to get posted?
If the submission is good, lacks background noise, static, and is unique enough to make me crack a smile, it gets posted.
How many should
I submit at once?
Please, one at a time is sufficient. If you have recorded several in one sitting, listen to them all carefully and send me the best.
Are there size
Yes. Recording belches at a high sampling rate make the file sizes huge, and I have to edit them down to size. In rare, exceptional circumstances, I may allow large files to be posted to the site.
Should I include
name, hometown, how I came up with the burp?
By all means. This gives a robust, world-wide flavor to the site when people know who and where the burps came from.
considered an art form?
Only if other bodily functions are considered art. Last time I checked, no bodily function was actually considered an art. Belching is rude, crude, funny, and I like to think of it in exactly those terms.
How did you
come up with this page?
My last name is Belcher. My brother registered the website of Belch.Com and the rest pretty much wrote itself.
How long has it been
The page has been viewable online since February of 1998.
do you get the cool background graphics?
I downloaded them online from a really cool place at http://www.cooltext.com
people administer the site?
Just myself. The actual server is maintained at my brothers corporate headquarters.
Are those the real
celebrities on the Celebrity Pages?
Go back and read the fine print on the main Celebrity Belch page. In short, all celebrity belches are impersonated. But damn, it really sounds like them, dont it?
Do you give
out email addresses of submitters so I can contact them?
Absolutely not. Privacy is highly respected at Belch.Com and email addresses are never given out to anyone.
you give a submitter my email address?
Not even if you paid me. I do not think that visitors to my site want to be contacted by other contributors, and besides, I think it is a violation of the privacy rights mentioned above. If you want to meet other belchers online, go to the Chat Page.
My kids are driving
me crazy with your website. What can I do?
Be thankful that they are inside of the house instead of running around with BB guns shooting out street lights or hanging around outside of the local drugstore like I used to do when I was a child before the invention of the WWW. At least they are using computer skills that might be helpful to them when they grow up. If they really begin to annoy you, password protect your CMOS on your computer so they cant even turn the thing on.
Are you banned
Well, the site is banned on a few "net-Nanny" types of software under the description of potty humor, but there is really no need. This is a family oriented website with a mild PG rating.
I am starting up a belching
website. Can you help me?
Right. Like I am really going to assist my competition?
Do you accept
Well, Sure! If you have a business and would like to take advantage of the 1000 visitors a day to this site, send me an email for advertising rates.
really think welders are stupid?
Yes I do. Remember, I used to be a welder too, but I was smart enough to leave the trade for something more sensible. But just because welders are stupid, it by no means make them bad people. Remember how stupid yet lovable Forrest Gump was?
Can I get
an email address at Belch.Com?
Well, Belch.Com is not an ISP. However, we will sell an alias on the site for 4.95 per year. This means you must already have a valid email address somewhere else, and when people send email to your Belch.Com address it will be forwarded to your normal email address.
All content and materials submitted to this site become the property of Belch.Com and are Copyrighted© 1998 by Belch.com. All Rights Reserved.
Click to go to Belch.com HomePage