From: Hoffard

Subject: I'm too striken to write...!

Though I have never been able to achieve any prominent level of gastro-magnificence on my own, I grew up with two brothers who could belch with enough intensity to level small houses. When we got older and went our different ways, I never thought I would laugh as hard over belching as I did in those nostalgic days of abdominal distress.

Then I found your web site. I have just been to the Celebrity Belch page, and am STILL laughing so hard over the belch by Liv Tyler that I can barely function enough to compose this letter. I think I may have jarred something loose... You must make me and all your adoring fans a promise that you will continue to grace this troubled world with the wonders and maniacal laughter that the human digestive system provides!!!!!!!

Jeff

I have one request: my brothers used to belch and talk entire sentences, even the entire alphabet. It would leave me nearly convulsing. Why not encourage your contributors to send in their attempts at belch/talking.  You could put it in a separate category, and it would truly RULE.

Jeff, Thanks a bunch for the fan mail!   Its always nice to hear how I put someone on the floor laughing.  Actually, I think it would be a great idea to have more submissions from folks that speak burpese!

From: Frank Cromie

Subject: You made my day

I am a cancer patient,and I am so blotted from chemo,I tried even monaca stlye,and couldn<t even
match her,s.But you folks are great,You made me laugh for the first time in weeks.I really appericate your humor.Thanks.Frank

We here at Belch.Com are more than happy to provide any therapeutic humor we can to the suffering.  Best wishes on your speedy recovery!   Maybe Belch.Com should be the start page of every Oncology Ward's computer?

From: HHo9840698

Subject: thankyou for cheering me up

Thankyou for cheering me and my two friends up immensly, when we came across your burp page. In fact, we all cried laughing so much, we wet ourselves!!! We are now all saving up for a microphone, so we can submit our own, which are completely class.
Thankyou once again,
love from Helen, Alex and Gareth in England. xxx

Glad you loved the site, folks!   Hmmm... Maybe I should start selling microphones from this site?

From Joe Falicki

Subject: Hilarious story because of your site.

Hey burp man,

Here is a story to add to your archives. First let me introduce myself. I am Joe Falicki, a radio traffic anchor for a company called Metro Networks in Grand Rapids, MI. We service radio and television stations with traffic reports, news weather and sports.
We found your web site here at the office and couldn't stop laughing at the genuine sounds which are contained in the wav files. As you probably know, it takes a few seconds for the file to load up To give you an overview, my computer it is hooked up to "pots" which control the audio levels or VU over the air, in order to go on the air, these "pots" have to be up, which is was.
So putting this in perspective, I was listening to the wavs when a co-worker said you have to hear the "Low tones, but very satisfying" wav, so i clicked the wav file and waited for it to load while I went on the air doing a traffic report for the most conservative station in town. I was in the middle of the report, the pot was up, the wav finished loading and buried the needles in the red during the busiest travel time of day 5:15pm - rush hour. Not knowing how to recover, I was like a deer in headlights with a loss for words. So hysterical laughter by the DJ and me filled the airwaves.
I believe it was caught on tape, as soon as I hear it, I will get in on wav and send it over to you. Thanx for giving me the belly laugh of the year.

Sincerely,
Joe Falicki
Metro Networks - Grand Rapids

Too Hilarious! I guess you gave them blue-haired old ladies that listen to that station something to giggle about eh? I look forward to hearing that wav file!

From Javier

Subject: RE:

Congratulatios !! you have a wanderfull site. Do you know how can I to ontact whith belcher women. I like then
Regards,
Javier

Bars tend to be a valuable resource when cruising for belching women. If they have already had a few drinks, offer them a dollar if they will burp loudly for you. If you dont get slapped, she might perform for you. If she performs for you, your next line should be "Your place or mine?"

From Default User

Subject: how??

why do people burp? my girlfriend does it all the time... please explain to her why... thanks... her email is (censored)
i thank you again...
cK

(Response forwarded to alleged girlfriend): It seems that your boyfriend has no idea why people burp. I think it is rather obvious. Belching is caused by gas trapped in the digestive system prior to digestion. This gas must be expelled to prevent gastic discomfort or death.
My advice to you: Eat a bunch of garlic and burp all over your insensitive boyfriend's face!

From Javier Abellan

Subject: Mramsay belches

I just sow your fantastic web page.
I would like to learn the Mramsay stile.
Coul you give her my e-mail address. Thanks a lot. I will follow you.
Javier,
Javier Abellen

Javier, I'm glad you liked the page. Do you think mramsay even gives lessons? I don't make a habit of giving out anyone's email addresses on this page due to privacy issues. And although I am flattered that you think of me as a leader, I would be a bit uncomfortable with a large following. And even more uncomfortable with just one guy like you!

From m ramsay

Subject: none

This is Mramsay
I'm NOT A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
CHANGE YOUR PAGE TO WHERE THAT IS FIXED.      ;0)

mrams

I must admit, you sorta sound like a chick when you belch. I have changed the webpage to identify your specific gender. I apologize for the misunderstanding. But you know, your voice might deepen with age. Also, take up the habit of smoking and drinking bourbon. That might help too :-)

From m ramsay

Subject: my age

I'm 11.

Well, in that case, I would check with the parents before you try that smoking/bourbon thing.

From SheCat3170

Subject: The art of belching is finally appreciated...

Hey, Pat!
My name is Robyn and I have to say I'm a pretty talented belcher. I always take my art seriously and even get requests! My cousin's new hubby wanted to have a "welcome to the family belch" on Mother's Day and in the middle of dinner, in front of my mom, boyfriend, grandma, aunt, uncle and cousin, I gave him the warmest, most enthusiastic belch I could muster up. The neighbor kids in their backyard even came up to my mom's fence and said "Woahhhhhhh! That was Cooool! Who did that? Can you teach US how?????" My mom is already popular on her street thankls to that resonating burp I did.

Bravo! And to think, my neighbors drive me crazy with their loud karaoke machines! They definitely dont have your class though. And remember, belching is not an "art" as your subject line suggests. Its rude, crude, funny, and I like to think of it in exactly those terms.

From Christy

Subject: THIS SITE IS VERY FUNNY!!!!!

I even had to bookmark it. How did you guys ever get this funny idea. I bet that people e-mailed you with either possitive or negative statements,which doesn't surprise me at all. My name is christy. If you e-mail me it will go under my step-dads address. So e-mail me and tell me how you came around to this funny website.

Well, Christy, you see, my last name is Belcher. That's right, Belcher. So you can imagine that I got teased sometimes as a kid. Well, my brother registered the domain Belch.com with internic, the people that name websites and allow names to match particular servers on the internet. My brother had a server, had the name registered, and I kinda decided to make a page dedicated to belching. I figured, hey, if people made fun of me as a kid, why not get these same types of people to spend a few hours of their evenings burping into a microphone and sending it to me in email? Besides, its fun!

From Tony Rodriguez

Subject: burps

I love your burps. When are you guys going to give out more burp noises?????

Well, Tony, this site is quickly becoming the world wide web's primary source for human belch sounds. I post 'em as fast as I get 'em. Just keep checking back!

From RJulius

Subject: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE?!?!?

YOU GUYS MAKE ME LAUGH SO HARD, I ALMOST PUKED!! IT ALMOST TOOK ME AN HOUR FOR ME TO REGAIN MY COMPOSURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN I REGAIN MY SELF-CONTROL, I AM GOING TO LOOK YOU CATS UP AGAIN.
ALL THE BEST,
ROBERT 'RJ' JULIUS

Dont laugh too hard, I wouldn't want you to look like this.

From Christian Pippia

Subject: Celebrity Belches

What I would love to see is belches from celebrities. And imagine how many more hits you'd get when every teenybopper in the world logs in to hear Leonardo DiCaprio burp.

Sounds great to me. Let me know when you get a chance to corner Leo in a bar with your portable tape recorder.

From Onirambs

Subject: howdy burp man

Hi there and thanx 4 the strange site. It certainly made me laugh! Keep up the site so more people can see how silly this is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHA
me.

Thanks for the input. I think Belch.Com will be around for a long time so I hope everyone can see just how silly this site is.

From Neil Hewitt

Subject: Burp!

I can burp non stop for 15 seconds!!!

And we are all so proud of you.

From Parameswaran Venkatraman, in India

Subject: believe it or not!

Hi Pat!
You have made my day!!! I have been on the web for about a year and a half now. And till date i never thought of trying www.belch.com!!!! Stupid me! ;-) For a person who has been at this unique 'skill' (?!) for about last 10 years,...shame on me!!!! ;-) Well,...well...better late than never! ;-) I guess, i just will have to forgive myself! ;-)
I was going through your 'e-mails' section. And guess what...I have some bad news for Mr.Neil Hewitt (the guy who said that he could belch for 15 seconds non-stop)!! Which on the other hand, would be good news for other people in our 'belching-community', i guess!
I CAN BELCH ABOUT 110 + TIMES IN ONE MINUTE (NON-STOP).
I actually haven't pushed myself to my 'best limits' (as you can realise,...i am not too modest about my 'accomplishments'),...so i guess i could do even better than that! As far as i know, the present record for maximum number of burps in one minute is 91. I am not sure if this is relevant only to India (that's where i am). The guy who made my 'record' possible and the guy who has set this record is Mr.Bharath Bhushan Sharma. NOTE : this information is NOT confirmed. I read about this record in one of our country's leading news magazines. So,...there is a small chance that i could be wrong!
Does anybody have any information on any existing records with respect to belching??? I am really eager to know about them. In fact, one of my 'dreams' is to hold the world record for 'maximum number of belchs' in one minute! ;-) Of course, i would also be glad to have details of other categories concerned with belching. I am also interested in submitting an audio file with my 110 + burps(belchs) recording. If you could send me a mail briefing me on all the 'formalities'! what format...,etc... thanks a ton....
once again,...congrats on starting such a brilliant site...
as my colleague (who's one of those people who thinks i am out of my mind) says, "looks like i have found my home on the web"!!! ;-)

Wow! I would love to hear that! And just think, not only does India enjoy nuclear testing, but they also report great feats of belching in its national magazines! What a country! Why don't we see these things in Newsweek here in America?

From Frederick Notling

Hi there.. I just wanted to thank u from turning a real bummer of a day into a real treat.. I love your page to death, man!! Keep it up!!
Best regards..
Fredrik Notling, Stockholm, Sweden..

Freddy's a big fan...

From Scowny

Subject: Cyber Burp

Love the page! I have an idea for you ...... cyber burps..... sending friends a good burp via e-mail! Maybe you could create a selection of burps for all occasions..burp happy birthday so I can e-mail it to my brother. If you go ahead and set this up I love to be the first to get a virtual belch!
Chikbabe
*I almost drowned surfing the net*

Anyone may feel free to download and paste my burps into any email. Name the subject line cyberburp and address it to a loved one. Click send. Instant cyber-burp!

From Jon Selby

Subject: Burp Tennis

Hi Pat,
I have just been browsing through your web site (belch.com). As my internet access is through the university computers I cant listen to the sample tracks. However I do have a computer at home with a sound card etc. How do I go about down loading the sound tracks onto a floppy disk? Have you tried playing burp tennis? The rules are simple. Two people take it in turns to burp and the person who out-burps the other wins a point. Try doubles, playing for service etc. Living in a student house with six other lads gives me a great opportunity to perfect my techniques.
Regards Jon Selby

Service Anyone? How about burp hockey, burp baseball and burp trivial pursuit? And best of all, burp twister! Right hand burp, left foot belch...

Not all visitors to the site can be considered fans...

From Terry Kerkhoff

subject: Constructive critism

The content at this site is reall cool. We had Misses Maz(our librarian) laughing. A couple of things. Frames can be nice if only used properly. You should take the scroll bars off of the tiltle frame. I don't see how MIE can be better than Netscape. Sure Explorer is a good browser, but a serious poweruser should consider using Netscape. That "get it free" thing is old. For some time now you could get a copy of Netscape Communicator for free. Just go to Netscapes website and download it. Your favour for Microsoft also scares me. They don't make good software. I hope, do to the imaginative content of your site, you use a Mac. Win 3.1, 95, NT and 98 are sorry, sorry excuses for GUI(Graphical User Interface) operating systems. Get a Mac, it is the best decision you could make.

Nutscrape Conflagulator sucks and Macs might be nice, but I like to be able to get software and parts anywhere I want with an IBM compatible. And thanks for the definition of a GUI interface, I thought it always described a keyboard that had Kool-Aid spilled onto it.

E-mail from my Welding Page

From: KeKaKOCH

Subject: welding site

I have welded for 20 years. However, I am a Steamfitter and weld mostly on pipe. I don't concider welding boring. You apparently are not a very good welder, if a welder at all. Try doing X-ray pipe work, if your good enough.
Your other information is good. Welding is hazordous to your health, but I concider it an art. Not everyone can do quality welding.

20 years doing this shit AND you enjoy it? Why did you waste your life? Thank you for proving my theory about the limited intelligence of welders. And besides, if welding was an art, why don't you see it anywhere in museums?  Furthermore, my welding quality was just fine.  But one day I developed a few extra brain cells or something and decided to get a REAL JOB!! But hey, thanks for visiting my page!

From Dale Palmer

Subject: Pat buddy, you gotta help me

This is a welding question, you are my only hope. I just received a entry level MIG welder for my birthday. My girlfriend saved up her pennies to get it for me, so the sentimental value is WAY high. So, I get this box, and try to do some aluminum fab. The majority of my "cool" work will be done in aluminum (I race motorcycles, and on a race bike, lightweight aluminum is used everywhere. The problem I am having is that the welds seem to be brittle. I have done my share of breaking them apart, and the weld almost shatters! Is is too hot? Should I pre-heat?

I say, go for that pre-heating, Dale! And good luck on Race Day!

From Dale Palmer

Subject: OOPS

Keyboard fell, and I accidently hit enter. Anyhow, I would love to get the problem sorted out, even if it's a pain, just to get it to work. I hate to see her disappointed. Want a welding story? I was wearing full leather, and doing some verticle work on a Cat, with a stick welder. As I would burn a stick, I would drop it, grab one out of the pocket on my back, and keep going. Soon enough, it was getting hot under all that leather, but I didn't have much longer to go. As I continued, I saw a little flash, but though it was from the sun glaring off the inside of my mask. Then the smell started... cotton Burning. My neck was gettin really hot now, and a flame lept up into the mask. I flipped off the mask, and there was no fire. For half an instant I was relieved, and then it started to burn. Underneath my leathers, my shirt was flaming away! I quickly patted myself out, and investigated. Seems that one of the red hot sticks had landed directly in front of me, and it's molten tip was pointed right at me, when I leaned up against it. It burnt it's way through my leathers, and just touched the flannel shirt I was wearing. The flannel smouldered and then caught on fire. I was wearing both a T-shirt and a thermal top on, underneath. Because of this, I never was burned by the flame, until it came up to my neck. Ouch.

Been there done that. But don't feel bad, we are also in the company of Michael Jackson and Richard Pryor, who are almost as combustible as the average welder.

From Robin Belonga

Subject: arcflash

Hi,   My husband is an ironworker and has been flashed by the dumb neigbor with no shield.  He woke up in the middle of the night complaining and I do mean COMPLAINING his eyes hurt.  Luckily, we have neosporin eye salve on hand because this isn't the first time this has happened.  I was wondering, since you sound like one of the "smart welders" where can I get more info on arcflash to find out what, if any, the long term effects could be?  Thanks for any help.  And you and all the steelworkers/ironworkers etc....of the world, are to be commended on your lifetime of HARD work.
Robin

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