Belch.Com

I received this gem from a cranky Nurse in Middleton NY. She writes to show her outrage that I insulted her husband’s occupation by calling welders stupid. Since it is an email, you have to read it from the bottom up.

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Dear stupid wife of stupid welder,
Your neck of the woods? You mean like middletown, NY?

http://maps.google.com/maps?oi=map&q=Middletown,+NY

Thanks for the invitation. But here’s some great news. Thanks to the Internet, my comments have already been to your suburbian area. Your husband did indeed show some foresight by marrying a health professional. There are good odds that he may need one some day since his job is so hazardous. But he is still stupid for doing that dangerous job.

Congradulations on getting the nice house. I’m sure your friends in the trailer park will miss you.
I base my opinion of welders being stupid because I have first hand knowledge of it and I have observed welders being stupid in their natural habitat.

I am certain there are welders in your area on worker’s compensation. If you really must know who they are try contacting your workers compensation board. http://www.wcb.state.ny.us

I am very gainfully employed, thanks for asking.
Why didnt you post this on my website? No worries, I will do it for you.

Thanks for visiting Belch.Com!

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From: katxanrn [mailto:katxanrn@mchsi.com]
Sent: Saturday, February 25, 2006 8:53 PM
To: pat@belch.com
Subject: Stupid Welders
I would love for you to come up to our neck of the woods with your comments about welders. My husband is a welder and I am a Registered Nurse. We are NOT stupid people and I found it offensive that you related all welders to be stupid, poor white trash. We live in a very nice house as do most of his welding buddies. I don’t know what you are basing your opinion on but I know of no welders here who are getting workman’s comp for something as lame as you are. Suck it up buddy and get a job!!!
Wife of a welder and loving it.

So, what do the visitors to Belch.com think of my lovely, life-enriching site on the World Wide Web? Well, I have decided to post some of the responses I have been saving over the past few months here on this very page. Please note, the text is presented verbatim as it came to me. My responses in blue, may not necessarily be the original response I had sent to the correspondent, but is more of a commentary to be presented here. Oh, just read on, you will get the picture…

From: Chris Kaufman

Subject: Awsome

I just heard of your web page a day ago and I said to my self,”Just another crap like web page” so I went and I saw the Chewbacca impression and I laughed my head off and now I’m going to your page day after day after day after… Well you get the point. My mom hates me now that I’m chugging down pop and making nasty belches. I made a good impression Jerry McGuire and If I do it again I’ll send it to you!
Chris

Believe it or not, I am quite pleased that you do not think my page is a “crap” web page, since, after all, most of the stuff out there on the net really is crap. Glad I could make you a fan.

From: Hoffard

Subject: Please! No more!!!!!!!

I just got your virtual Belch Christmas Card. My typing skills are on
their highest alert, and rightly so – the tears of hilarity have left me
blind and still shaking. When I get done with this, I intend to go back
and listen to it about another 387 times. Just as soon as I get my
composure.
Thanks for writing – and for all the wet marks on my keyboard.

Jeff

Well Jeff, I find it amazing that you received a virtual belching Christmas card from my site, because this site does not offer such services… yet. But I will be more than happy to take the credit for the joy and laughter that it brought you!

From: Dolphie28

Subject: Hamster belching

Hello. I just wanted to tell you that my hamster belches! His name is ‘Taco
Belch’ and when he belches, his cheekpouches inflate! Me and my older sister create loud, obnoxios belch-midis. We delete all the pauses between belches. It sounds really cute! She can even say things like ‘I’m gonna puke’ when she belches!

Dolphie,
If you could possibly get a little microphone next to your hamster’s mouth when he belches, by all means, send it to me because I would love to break new grounds by having a rodent burp on my website!

From: Al Drake

Subject: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Pat-

Oh my jesus… I have never laughed so hard in my entire life…. I almost pissed my pants and watching my nephew rolling on the floor only added to the mayhem!!!!! by the way my sister still isn’t talking to me…LOL!!!! too funny keep it up I’ll be back often..HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Al Drake

Al,
I am very sorry that this page has caused a rift between you and your sister. But at least you were able to convert your young nephew to the happy pleasures that is belching!

From: Zwak

Subject: GREAT PAGE!!!!

Goooood God!!!

This is the greatest page I’ve ever seen! I’m serious when I say that.
I’m so shocked that I actually stumbled across a page of this premier-type
caliber. You’ve do a great job in expressing the true art of the belch. I
wish you good luck in the future of this page, and may God have mercy on
your soul.

Keep up the great work,

Disco Stu

Thanks for the praise, Disco Stu! Yes, God does have mercy on my soul for spreading all the cheer that this site brings. (Yeah, right!)