I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Posts tagged sex
DailyMail Publishes Dino Porn
Jul 14th
Rule 34 of the Internet states that if it exists, there is porn of it, no exceptions. And apparently the DailyMail decided it needed to rectify the lack of dinosaur porn by publishing several photos of extinct creatures doing the boom-chokka-wow-wow.
You can see the story about dinosex over at the DailyMail here.
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Loading ...Of Course the Preacher’s Wife Won’t Swallow
Oct 15th
Cause that would be a sin? A nasty question on the Family Feud.
And who knew the Family Feud was still on the air? What happened to Richard Dawson? But at least Montel Williams is looking healthy again, huh?
(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Finally a Condom for No One’s Pleasure
Jul 27th
Trojan introduced a new line of condoms that are guaranteed to satisfy no one and to prevent intimacy.
From the Onion here:
Contraceptive manufacturer Trojan unveiled its new line of “No One’s Pleasure” condoms Wednesday, the first prophylactic specifically designed to intensify sexual dissatisfaction among bitter and resentful couples.
“We’ve always offered consumers a choice when it comes to protection, and we wanted to give emotionally distant partners an option that suits their lack of intimacy,” said Jim Daniels, vice president of marketing at Trojan. “That’s why we’ve developed the only condoms clinically proven to exploit performance anxiety, heighten discomfort levels, and prolong the petty arguments that allow couples to bicker needlessly all night long.”
According to a Trojan press release, No One’s Pleasure condoms feature a quarter-inch-thick layer of non-lubricated latex with a unique abrasive texture that creates a variety of stinging sensations “for both him and her.”
Trojan confirmed that No One’s Pleasure condoms will be available in “Frigid Touch,” “Extremely Oversensitive,” and “Ultra-Chafe: Super Dry,” and will cost $20 for a three-pack, a price researchers found perfect for instigating squabbles over who has to pay.
At least if you go for only 30 seconds she’ll finally thank you.
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 6) Loading ...Tom Cruise Claims That Sex With Him is Like “Flying”
Sep 17th
He claimed this on Jay Leno’s new show. I have flown a lot over the past year. In fact, I landed at an airport yesterday and will be back on a plane tomorrow morning. So I know something about flying. There is an intrusive security check, a long walk to the gate, lots of pushing and shoving on the jetbridge, uncomfortable seats, bad food, and uncontrollable gas. So yeah, maybe sex with him would be just like flying.
And I can’t resist this SouthPark clip:
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Hey, Your Crotch is Rotting
Oct 22nd
I can’t imagine why the internet has never provided this service before! You can email former hookups and let them know that you gave them/they gave you a sexually transmitted disease. And look, you can choose from a half dozen really cute and pithy e-cards like this one below:
From NBC4 here:
People who are diagnosed with a sexually transmitted disease — whether it’s AIDS, syphilis, herpes or something else — are usually encouraged to tell all their sex partners, so those people can get tested and help prevent the spread of disease.
A site called inSpot wants to make it easier for the 15 million people who have a new case each year to talk to people about it. It lest people inform their sex partners from the last six months with an e-card that includes medical information and links that can help the recipient decide what to do next.
Note the fine print on the e-card image? It suggests that this card would be great for notifying “tricks.” So those of you who go whoring, be sure to leave your email address with the hooker so she can email you with your probable diagnosis. This post filed under “EEeeeewww.”
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Reason 710 to HomeSchool: Substitute With Adam’s Apple Won’t Rape Your Child
Mar 24th
Meet Lisa Marinelli. No, this isn’t the old lady who sings Cabaret, this is a substitute teacher from New Port Richey, Florida who was arrested for having sex with a minor student.
She was busted by the victim’s dad who saw his son climb out of her skankmobile and pull up his britches.
From Tampabays10 here:
40-year-old Lisa Marinelli, a substitute teacher at Mitchell High School in New Port Richey, had a relationship with an underage male student.
The boy’s father shared his concerns with deputies after seeing his son pulling up his pants as he was getting out of Marinelli’s car.
The Pasco County Sheriff’s Office confirms they have evidence of hundreds of text messages and phone calls between the two.
In one text message, the boy wrote, “How about a quickie tomorrow afternoon?”
Investigators say, in reply, Marinelli invites the boy to her home, “…real men only need 20 minutes.”
I guess when aging whores finish dancing on the pole they become substitute teachers.
(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Reason 227 to Homeschool
Nov 30th
The fat teacher won’t take your 14 Year-Old son to “Inspiration Point.”
Meet Jennifer Tarkenton. She is a Junior High School teacher at Greenwood Lakes Middle School in Lake Mary, Florida. When she’s not teaching or raising her child, she is buying condoms for her male students and taking them to park on dark deserted streets to have sex with them.
From Local6.Com here with video:
A Seminole County middle school teacher was arrested Friday after deputies said they discovered her inside a vehicle shortly after she had sex with a 14-year-old boy.
Jennifer Tarkenton, 34, of Lake Mary, was arrested on three counts of lewd or lascivious battery on a child 12 or older by a person over the age of 18.
Tarkenton is a teacher at Greenwood Lakes Middle School in Lake Mary. The boy is a student at the school.
Deputies responded to reports of a suspicious vehicle at about 10 p.m. Thursday in the area of 800 Banana Lake Road in Lake Mary. Deputies said a woman, later identified as Tarkenton, and a 14-year-old boy were inside the vehicle.
The boy told deputies that he and Tarkenton had sex inside the vehicle after she picked him up at his house, drove to a nearby pharmacy and purchased condoms.
Boy, this teacher knows how to party. Here she is out with her sister, nearly pulling the stripper pole out of its supports with her girth.
Her MySpace page is here. Oddly enough, she hasn’t made it private right away, but continues to log into it. At the top of the page is a stupid quote by Bob Marley saying that anyone who tries to judge someone should make sure their hands are clean first.
Riiiight. Bob smoked a lot of dope, but I don’t remember him banging little kids in his car late at night.
No word on whether or not the school has fired Tarkenton or taken her child into protective custody since its wrong to have a child that close to a child sex offender.
(6 votes, average: 5.00 out of 6) Loading ...
