I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Posts tagged santa
What Does Zombie Santa Want for Xmas?
Dec 26th
Brains, of course!
Not enough of the undead jolly elf? Buzzfeed has 19 more.
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Loading ...Check Out Prep and Landing
Dec 19th
This is a Disney Animated Christmas Special directed by Pixar’s John Lasseter, featuring special operative elves that prep Santa’s Landing Zones for present delivery. There is a scene at the end featuring a snow globe, and when it comes on Cartney runs to grab and turn on his own snow globe. There are too many cute metaphors, codenames, and other movie and military references to list, so just check it out at Hulu below:
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Santas Used to Be a Lot Skinnier
Nov 23rd
Does anyone know when it became fashionable to make Santa a lardass? Here is a great photo I found on Shorpy showing a Santa on Broadway in 1902. You can see the full size here.
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...My Wish for Santa
Dec 21st
Dear Santa,
Its been a long year, but I’ve tried to be good. I even took a job at my current company of PlxxxCo because a pal of mine was heading up the security team and he needed loads of help to turn that company’s security around. We busted our butts, and made huge strides in getting things running like they should. But the culture at PlxxxCo was one in which employees were more interested in making excuses for bad practices than making efforts to do the right thing.
In the end my pal ran off with another company- a younger and prettier one- and left me there with a boss with more technical experience than managerial experience. And I have no confidence things will get better. So how ’bout it Santa? Can I have a new job for Christmas?
And since I’m asking, can you toss a lump of coal in the stockings of Rosie and her “Diversity” group at PlxxxCo for sending this email to staff?
“Today, we are pleased to announce the formation of two new action networks at PlxxxCo, the LGBTA (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender & Allies) network and the African American network. These networking groups foster a culture of inclusion for minority employees by providing an opportunity to connect based on shared culture and/or characteristics.”
Culture of inclusion? I see. So inclusion means excluding straight white people. If I tried to form the White Professional Action Network at PlxxxCo, they would fire me.
Also, please toss a couple of lumps of coal into the stocking of the security architects who took more than nine months to install a few simple monitoring devices on the network. Really guys, nine months? These are the same guys who inspired me to install the sysadmin excuse applet you see on the right sidebar, and I wrote about it here.
Santa, you liked the cookies I left for you last year, right? I’ll double the servings this year, provided you let me start a new job after the first of the year. So whaddya say? Please?
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Dear Santa: Please Make My Relative Stop Molesting Me
Dec 19th
A little girl wrote a letter to Santa as part of a class assignment. Along with wishing for the usual things like dollbabies, a pony, and a new video game, the little girl pleaded with Santa to please make her creepy relative stop molesting her and her sister. As a result, a computer class teacher from Texas is now in jail.
From the AP here:
Police in south Texas say a 9-year-old girl’s letter to Santa may have finally stopped a nightmare of sexual abuse for her and her 10-year-old sister.
For four years, Andres Enrique Cantu sexually abused the girls in their bedrooms while they slept or did their homework. Cantu is a computer lab aide at an alternative high school.
The 9-year-old’s plea to Santa, written as a school assignment, launched the investigation and led to the first charge of continuous sexual abuse last week. On Tuesday, Cantu was accused of abusing the girl’s older sister, who was also mentioned in the letter.
According to the affidavit, the letter was described as “a wish list to Santa” asking that the girl’s relative stop touching her and her sister.
Cantu had worked in the neighboring McAllen Independent School District for 11 years, most recently in the computer lab at Lamar Academy. He was arrested at the school Friday.
Continuous sexual abuse is a first-degree felony that carries a mandatory sentence of at least 25 years and up to 99 years in prison.
Ho ho DIAF. I have a feeling that Cantu is about to experience some of his own “continuous sexual abuse” behind bars. And yet again, another teacher caught sticking it to kids.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...2nd Annual “Santa is a Scary Jolly Elf”
Dec 14th
We tried to get Cartney to sit on Santa’s lap the other day to get a picture taken. I had told the camera lady who was, for some reason, not dressed like a little elf, that even if our toddler freaked out to get a photo because to me, I think its hilarious when kids have meltdowns on Santa’s lap. Cartney wasn’t frightened, but mostly annoyed- and he squirmed and wiggled and we couldn’t get a good shot. Oh well, maybe next year. But here are some great shots of Christmas Terror, thanks to the Chicago Tribune here and the Sun Sentinel here.
OMGWTF Im outta here!
Aaaieee! Its a Trap!
Okay, everyone RUN!
I don’t WANT to ride in a one horse sleigh!
Momma still has flashbacks to that Christmas season of ’78
Watch it, old elf! You better keep your ho ho hands off of me!
Screaming on Santa’s lap is an OLD tradition.
Equal opportunity terrorizing.
Scaring children makes this Santa laugh until his belly shakes like a bowl of jelly.
On three, everyone scream. One… Two… Three!
I WANT YOU!! to be scared.
Nothing projects fear like a really bad Santa wig and fake eyebrows.
If you want to see more of these, check these out from last year.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Another Christmas Earworm
Dec 19th
This one is We Are Santa’s Elves from one of those Rankin Bass specials, but I can’t remember which. Totally catchy and once you hum it to yourself for about six hours, it will bring about the onset of insanity.
Enjoy!
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