I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Posts tagged indians
Indians Still Trying to Rip Off the White Man
Jun 5th
Have you seen these laughably outrageous commercials on late night TV for quick cash loans from a “Native American” bank? They offer $5000 for 117% interest over 84 months. You pay back $40,000 for a $5000 loan.
And just in case you aren’t sure the bitch is ripping you off like a true Injun would, she is wearing a turquoise necklace and has a rattail in her hair.
Talk about your trail of tears, you’ll be crying all the way to the bankruptcy lawyer’s office.
Who knew Indians had any equity to lend against? I got out of repaying my loan by sending in some old blankets left over from an 1870′s outbreak of some kind. Suddenly they all quit calling.
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Faux-Cohantas Elizabeth Warren Wrote an Injun Cookbook
May 17th
If any conservative pretended to be an Indian, used those claims to get a job, preferential treatment, or make a profit by writing a racist cookbook called “Pow Wow Chow” that person would have to retire from politics in shame. Not so with Democrat Elizabeth Warren. She is not hounded out of politics by Democrats for claiming falsely to be 1/32nd Cherokee, who, by the way, never had “pow wows.”
Just in case the fine folks at All Things Cherokee have no sense of humor, my Pow Wow Chow review. twitpic.com/9m0aft
— Cuffé (@CuffyMeh) May 17, 2012
From the Boston Herald here:
Elizabeth Warren was touting her claim of Cherokee heritage as early as 1984, according to a cookbook titled “Pow Wow Chow” edited by her cousin that includes Warren’s recipes for a savory crab omelet and spicy barbecued beans.
The cookbook, edited by Warren’s cousin Candy Rowsey, is a compilation of “special recipes passed down through the Five Tribes families,” according to the introduction in a copy obtained by the Herald.
Warren, who has been under fire for claiming Indian lineage despite a lack of documentation, is identified as “Elizabeth Warren, Cherokee” under each of five recipes she contributes in the cookbook, published in 1984 by the Five Civilized Tribes Museum located in Muskogee. Warren is not listed as an official member of the Cherokee tribe and she has been unable thus far to document her claim of any Native American heritage.
She offered a recipe on herbed tomatoes, touting them as a “great accompaniment to a plain meat and potatoes meal!” She also included a crab with tomato mayonnaise dressing dish and a Mexican oatmeal soup that included oats, onions, tomatoes and chicken broth.
“The soup sounds weird, but everyone who tries it, loves it!” Warren wrote.
Those recipes sound craptastic! Not only is she a fake injun, she is a fake cook too.
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I Love Guys on Buffalos Who Give Indians What Fer
Sep 29th
Adam Savage from MythBusters tweeted this awesome video.
I would watch this as a TV show over any other reality series. Get right on that, CBS.
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Indians Speak With Forked Tongues: Evicting Blacks from the Tribe
Sep 15th
The Cherokee nation is going to evict all black folk from their official registries because they aren’t Indians. But this is a violation of a treaty with the United States because slaves owned by Indians after the Civil War were taken to live on Cherokee lands.
From Reuters here:
The nation’s second-largest Indian tribe said on Tuesday that it would not be dictated to by the U.S. government over its move to banish 2,800 African Americans from its citizenship rolls.
The dispute stems from the fact that some wealthy Cherokee owned black slaves who worked on their plantations in the South. By the 1830s, most of the tribe was forced to relocate to present-day Oklahoma, and many took their slaves with them. The so-called Freedmen are descendants of those slaves.
After the Civil War, in which the Cherokee fought for the South, a treaty was signed in 1866 guaranteeing tribal citizenship for the freed slaves. The U.S. government said that the 1866 treaty between the Cherokee tribe and the U.S. government guaranteed that the slaves were tribal citizens, whether or not they had a Cherokee blood relation.
The African Americans lost their citizenship last month when the Cherokee Supreme Court voted to support the right of tribal members to change the tribe’s constitution on citizenship matters. The change meant that Cherokee Freedmen who could not prove they have a Cherokee blood relation were no longer citizens, making them ineligible to vote in tribal elections or receive benefits.
This is about elections and benefits, and the blacks are on the losing end of this. I don’t really have an opinion on this- just noting it for the lulz. I’m just shocked that there are still Indians out there. Thanks to the NCAA and whining ninnies who think that anyone wearing feathers and a leather jacket may offend Indians, the next generation of Americans will likely not envision Indians as a brave, hearty race of people. They will only be seen for what they are today- a sad race of poor casino owners, who evict blacks from their land. Sound harsh? Then you must not have been to the Native American Museum in Washington DC.
UPDATE: Rush Limbaughs suggests that it would be hilarious if Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton marched on the Cherokee. I agree.
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Earth Day Once Likened to a Rain Dance
Apr 22nd
Newsweek wrote about the original Earth Day in 1970 and compared it to a national rain dance. That of course, is preposterous, since only Indians did rain dances, and even then, the most famous Indian, “Iron Eyes” Cody, who starred in a commercial about litter, was a fake Indian. Indians don’t exist anymore. They rode the last unicorn down the golden brick road a long time ago.
Below is a screenshot from the original Newsweek article found here.
The fake Indian crying about someone wasting McDonalds fast food is below.
And by the way, anyone else notice that Earth Day has replaced Good Friday this year? Of course liberals think this is a good thing and may decide to move it to Good Friday every year.
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Pics of Hartford in the Snow
Mar 23rd
Another snowshower greeted me this evening as I came back to the hotel. I wanted to get up to the Capitol building and snap some shots because the snow is supposed to get deep overnight- and I don’t want to trudge through the snow tomorrow and I won’t be here Friday afternoon. So here are the shots.
The first shot is on downtown from the Capitol’s Hillside. My hotel is out of frame on the left.
The next shot is of the American mythical beings known as “Indians.” The Capitol is in the background.
After that is a close up of an Indian with a peace pipe and waving goodbye to his ancient traditions.
Next is the Gold-Domed capitol building, adorned with white settlers who tamed this land.
Finally is a statue of Israel Putnam, who commanded the Revolutionary forces at the Battle of Bunker Hill
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Who’s Up For Avatar 2?
Oct 29th
I still havent seen Jim Cameron’s last enviro-nitwit Dances With Wolves from Sapce epic drama about smurfs, but I bet the second one will be even better! A bunch of people were pitching story ideas that continue on with the Navi equals Indians theme, and one of the ideas is that the Americans infect the Navi with bedbugs from blankets from a Motel 6. Another fantastic pitch idea, and one of my favorites, is that the Americans finally get all of the unobtanium they need by simply trading the savage Navi for it with Fire Water. The Navi get drunk and the Americans get to win!
Later on in the movie all of the Navi have to go on welfare, but in the end they get the rights to build the galaxy’s shittiest casinos. Eventually, however, sympathetic white people feel so bad for what happened to the Navi that they ban the use of their names and images from all of their sports teams and in a generation or two it will be just like they never existed.
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New Avatar Movie Looks Familiar
Dec 15th
I already think the new Avatar movie is nothing more than “Dances with Wolves” but in outer space. Now I think its “Dances with Wolves” on Yes Album Covers. To see the video, click the view more of this article.
More >
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Yes, You Are Going to Die in 2012
Oct 12th
So if you won’t be needing that Xbox and widescreen TV, just hand it over. According to this AP piece, simple-minded people are running around thinking that the Mayans somehow predicted the end of the world, because, you know, a barbaric clan of human-sacrificing stone-age people somehow just know this kind of stuff.

From the AP here:
Next month Hollywood’s “2012″ opens in cinemas, featuring earthquakes, meteor showers and a tsunami dumping an aircraft carrier on the White House. At Cornell University, Ann Martin, who runs the “Curious? Ask an Astronomer” Web site, says people are scared.
“It’s too bad that we’re getting e-mails from fourth-graders who are saying that they’re too young to die,” Martin said. “We had a mother of two young children who was afraid she wouldn’t live to see them grow up.”
Chile Pixtun, a Guatemalan, says the doomsday theories spring from Western, not Mayan ideas.
A significant time period for the Mayas does end on the date, and enthusiasts have found a series of astronomical alignments they say coincide in 2012, including one that happens roughly only once every 25,800 years.
But most archaeologists, astronomers and Maya say the only thing likely to hit Earth is a meteor shower of New Age philosophy, pop astronomy, Internet doomsday rumors and TV specials such as one on the History Channel which mixes “predictions” from Nostradamus and the Mayas and asks: “Is 2012 the year the cosmic clock finally winds down to zero days, zero hope?”
Mayas in the drought-stricken Yucatan peninsula have bigger worries than 2012, like wishing it would rain.
But some say the Maya knew another secret: the Earth’s axis wobbles, slightly changing the alignment of the stars every year. Once every 25,800 years, the sun lines up with the center of our Milky Way galaxy on a winter solstice, the sun’s lowest point in the horizon.
That will happen on Dec. 21, 2012, when the sun appears to rise in the same spot where the bright center of galaxy sets.
As the Internet gained popularity in the 1990s, so did word of the “fateful” date, and some began worrying about 2012 disasters the Mayas never dreamed of.
Another History Channel program titled “Decoding the Past: Doomsday 2012: End of Days” says a galactic alignment or magnetic disturbances could somehow trigger a “pole shift.”
“The entire mantle of the earth would shift in a matter of days, perhaps hours, changing the position of the north and south poles, causing worldwide disaster,” a narrator proclaims. “Earthquakes would rock every continent, massive tsunamis would inundate coastal cities. It would be the ultimate planetary catastrophe.”
The idea apparently originates with a 19th century Frenchman, Charles Etienne Brasseur de Bourbourg, a priest-turned-archaeologist who got it from his study of ancient Mayan and Aztec texts.
Scientists say that, at best, the poles might change location by one degree over a million years, with no sign that it would start in 2012.
In ’87 there was a whole lotta hoopla about the planets aligning with Jupiter and supposedly it was going to cause massive earthquakes and the end of the world. Then someone discovered that all of the computers couldn’t roll over to the year 2000. People swore that all of the nukes would go off at once and plunge us all back into the stone age like the Mayans would still be in if not for the white man. We survived that and we will survive 2012.
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Obama Kills Off the Last Indian
Aug 20th
President Obama takes yet another step in doing the hard work that prior white Presidents just wouldn’t do. At a White House Press Conference, Obama snapped the neck of Medicine Man Joe, the last Big Chief of the Crow tribe.

As the elderly Native American laid dead at his feet, President Obama read this statement from the teleprompter:
“Now that all of the Indians are extinct, America can finally begin to heal the wounds of Imperialism by removing the names of Indian Tribes and Indian-Related mascots from America’s sports teams. This is an important step toward restoring our standing in the eyes of the International Community.”
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Bill Gates and Mike Bloomberg Spend Half Billion to Nag World About Smoking
Jul 27th
Yay. After spending good money on computer operating systems, Bill Gates is taking his share of the profit from my purchase to finance “Operation Global Nag” to pester the hell out of Joe SixPacks around the World about their smoking habits. Really Bill and Mike? Nothing better to do that export Ydoyouthink BS commercials to Asia? Gonna stage some “die-ins” at the Philip Morris headquarters in Bangladesh?

From the Times here:
Bill Gates and Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg announced on Wednesday that they would spend $500 million to stop people around the world from smoking.
The $500 million would be spent on a multipronged campaign — nicknamed Mpower — It will urge governments to sharply raise tobacco taxes, prohibit smoking in public places, outlaw advertising to children and cigarette giveaways, start antismoking advertising campaigns and offer people nicotine patches or other help quitting. Health officials, consumer advocates, journalists, tax officers and others from third world countries will be brought to the United States for workshops on topics like lobbying, public service advertising, catching cigarette smugglers and running telephone help lines for smokers wanting to quit.
Half a billion could put in a nice sewer system in an African country. Oh well. Also according to the article is a questionable statistic from the World Health Organization that estimates a billion people will be dying in the next century from cigarettes. Good news for those Global Warming Believers!
On the other hand, it just heaps more guilt on the remaining American Indians who brought this scourge of smoking to the world. That’s right, I said it! The redskins killed billions of people with their “let’s smokem peacepipe; make friendly with whiteman” routine. I’ll keep that in mind next time one of them asks me to buy them a bottle of firewater, which they no doubt must drink in order to quell the guilty echoes of millions of dead smokers they hear in their heads. I might tell him no. I might tell him, “Listen to those echoes, Falling Squirrel. Those echoes say ‘Why did you and your kind kill me with the choking smoke of your forefathers, Falling Squirrel?’”
Hey, if the black man can blame me for 500 years of black oppression, I can certainly blame the red man for killing billions from tobacco.
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