I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Posts tagged death
Democrat Delegate Issues Death Threat to Romney
Sep 7th
I can’t believe this crazed loon is allowed to vote much less be a party delegate for the Democrat party. Watch as she issues a death threat to Romney.
The woman is identified as New York delegate Julia Rodriguez- telling The Blaze, “If I see him” — in reference to Romney — “I would like to kill him.”
(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6)
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The Last Gasp of the Potato Rock
May 17th
When we were growing up my Mom used to keep 20 lb sacks of potatoes in the garage for use in cooking. One of her favorite recipes (and my least favorite) was a Sunday Roast which required several peeled potatoes and a pot roast.
While digging out in the neighboring vacant lots, my brothers and I encountered a rounded river rock that looked surprisingly like an Idaho Potato. It had dirt caked in all the right places, felt similar to the touch and had the same mass of a typical potato, so we did what any other kid would do- we put that rock in Mom’s potato sack and just waited for Sunday Roast.
Sunday came ’round and Mom was surprised when all three of her boys watched her try to peel potatoes, each with a grin on their face. Out came the potato-rock and we watched as Mom sparked the peeler against the hard surface of the rock and we each burst out with howling laughter. “Very funny boys!” she scolded and tossed the rock into the trash.
We pulled that rock out of the trash and put that rock right back in the potato sack. This trick went on for years. Mom even tried to hurl the rock over the fence into a vacant lot, but we hunted that rock down and stuck it back in her potato sack again. If the rock got too clean looking, we would grind it into the dirt to simulate standard potato grit. The damn rock even looked like it had eyes. Mom even became accustomed to thumping each of her potatoes with a spoon to test for density, screeching at us each time she encountered that accursed potato-rock.
When Mom died yesterday morning at 2:30 AM, my other two brothers were sharing a bedside vigil. They watched as her breathing quickened, became more shallow, and gasped to a halt. This breathing pattern was a radical change from the rhythmic comatose gasps she had been taking for about 8 hours prior. They waited several minutes, coming to grips with her passing- holding her hands and telling her they loved her, and that it was okay to let go.
After ten minutes of prayer and silence, and my brothers still holding her hands, Mom suddenly gasped out a loud soprano moan- simply some built-up pressure still remaining within her lungs. My kid brother almost sharted himself at the sudden outburst. My older brother jumped too. And when their adrenaline subsided, my older brother turned to my younger brother and said, “That was for the potato rock!”
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Mortality Questions
Dec 10th
Cartney has recently realized that his life on this Earth is limited. As parents, Jess and I don’t know what influences led him to this natural conclusion- maybe it was all the talk about skeletons back at Halloween time, or maybe it was something he saw on TV. But in the past few days he has been pestering us to take him to go see “Where all the dead people live and turn to skeletons.” And, “I want to walk and touch the ‘skeleton garden.’”
As parents, Jess and I have tried to be somewhat honest about the subject of death with Cartney. I for one, remember when I was a little older than he was, staying up late at night worrying about death- whether or not it would hurt- and having been raised in a Baptist church, I thought the idea of seeing Jesus everyday in a church-type of setting forever and ever was the most dreary and boring notion ever, and hoped God wouldn’t strike me dead on the spot for thinking such thoughts!
We have told Cartney that after you are old, you die, get buried in the ground, and your body turns to a skeleton. He had an idea that was what happened, and we were only affirming his suspicions. Yet he was insisting that we take him to a ‘skeleton garden’ for some reason- I suppose so he could investigate and explore what such a place was like.
And yeah, it was weird- we ate 7-11 hotdogs, listened to the Muppet Movie soundtrack on the iPhone, and drove to the cemetery in Herndon, VA, the region’s oldest and largest “skeleton garden.” And as soon as I turned to enter the cemetery, Cartney shouted from the backseat, “Don’t go in there Dad! Its a scary place!”
But we were committed. Visiting the cemetery was likely the only thing that was going to get Cartney to shutup about dying and turning into a skeleton, so we told him it was a quiet, peaceful place, and we found a place to pull over and made the kid get out and touch the gravestones. We read him some of the names and pointed out that whole families were buried together. We even showed him the motorcycle headstone, as pictured. He found the grave of a 29 year old father that had recently passed. One of the departed’s children had stopped by and left a Toy Story Woody toy on the headstone- Cartney’s instinct was to pick it up, but he understood to leave it undisturbed when we explained what it was doing there.
It was a chilly afternoon, and Cartney complained that the cemetery was “creeping him out.” So we went back to the car and meandered through the access roads on the way out. We paused for a moment next to a section of the hillside with small headstones with lambs on them- representing dozens of stillborn and infant deaths. One headstone was for a 6 year old girl, and it was inscribed with the words “Meemaw’s Little Angel.” It reminded Jess and I of how blessed we are to have a strong, healthy kid.
(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Rapper Heavy D Died of the Heavy P or Heavy C
Nov 8th
A rapper was struck down on the streets in LA in broad daylight? The Hell you say! But its true. Rapper Heavy D walked out of his house and collapsed and later died at the hospital. But unlike most rappers that die on the street, Heavy D wasn’t surrounded by the acrid smell of gun powder. Best guess is that he was either suffering of pneumonia or he ate one too many helpings of pork rinds and died of a cholesterol drive-by.
Okay, enough snark, he seemed like he was a pretty decent professional artist judging by this interview.
From the Times here:
“Upon arrival, officers discovered a male, 44 years old, conscious, communicative, but having difficulty breathing,” the Beverly Hills Police Department said in a statement. “There are no obvious signs of foul play, and at this time his death is believed to be medically related.”
Heavy D had recently seen a private physician for a cough that may have been pneumonia.
He probably died in the waiting room waiting for a bed if his experience matched that of my wife with her recent bout of pneumonia. And I don’t know what the hell D was shopping for if he had a case of pneumonia. All I know is that if I was a black celebrity, I’d get rid of the private doctors. They seem to be killing them at a pretty good clip nowadays. And D wasn’t the youngest rapper to die from non-drive-by related deaths this year. Remember Nate Dogg?
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Sean Bean Just Wants to LIVE!
Jul 14th
If Sean Bean is in a movie, its a safe bet he will die in a spectacle of blood and gore. Warning, this clip is pretty bloody, and a comedy of special effects magic.
Has Sean Bean ever survived a movie?
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...EcoReligionists Now Have a Way to Flush Themselves Down the Toilet When They Die
Jul 8th
For those leftists worried about how big their carbon footprint is, they can now choose a low carbon method of disposal for their remains after they die. Its the Resomator! They can stuff the corpses of their loved ones in a dishwasher sized box, boil them in lye and then simply flush their liquid remains down the shitter like the turd they were in life.
From the Heraldsun here by way of Moonbattery:
The body is placed in a silk bag, itself placed within a metal cage frame. This is then loaded into a Resomator. The machine is filled with a mixture of water and potassium hydroxide, and set to 180C. The end result is a small quantity of green-brown liquid containing amino acids, peptides, sugars and salts.
Soft, porous white bone remains are easily crushed, and can then be returned to the next of kin. The liquid can be recycled back to the ecosystem by being applied to a memorial garden or forest or simply put into the sewage system.
The website of the Resomation company is here. They say in their FAQ that:
For those who are concerned with our current environmental challenges, Resomation offers an alternative to cremation which gives benefits in terms of energy consumption and significant reductions in carbon dioxide emissions. The production of other harmful combustion emissions are avoided using the Resomation process.
I have often spoken about the meaning of eco religion and how it closely follows the standard tenets of Judeo-Christianity, but instead of God, they worship the earth and nature. They have their own definitions of sin, their own mythology surrounding an Eden and how we as eco-sinners are going to bring upon an armageddon apocalypse called “Global Warming.” And now in an effort to have their own forms of religious burials, they want to liquidate the remains because, even though standard burial is more environmentally friendly, they reject it because it is not unique to their religion they are forming. They want something new.
Why not just grind up people and eat it like soylent green?
(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Eel Be Alright
May 2nd
You know that prank where if one of your buddies passes out while drinking all of his friends draws mustaches and penises on his face with a Sharpie® marker? Well the Chinese have a version of this prank too. Instead of using a Sharpie®, they use an eel. And instead of the face, its the ass, as in shove the eel up it, take pictures and “raugh.”
From the Shanghaiist here:
A man has died after an eel that was inserted into his rectum gnawed away at his bowels, causing agonising injuries which were eventually fatal.
The 59-year-old man, a chef, was reportedly taken to a Sichuan hospital complaining of abdominal pain, dehydration and a great deal of anal bleeding. He was soon diagnosed as being in a severe state of shock.
Doctors were mystified as to the cause, and obtained permission from his family to undertake an exploratory laparotomy. Cutting open his innards, they discovered a 50cm long Asian swamp eel lodged in his rectum.
Though dead, the eel had apparently already wrought havoc on his innards, biting its way through his intestines prior to dying. Internal bleeding and infection rapidly set in. He lingered for 10 days in intensive care but eventually succumbed to the injuries and sepsis.
The likely cause was eventually established – he had apparently been drinking with friends, and had passed out. His friends had decided it would be amusing to insert a live eel into his anus whilst he was comatose.
Classic case of eel-ass.
(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...The Q-Tip Conspiracy, or How a French Canadian Met the Reaper
Feb 6th
I don’t use Q-tips. I always thought that made me weird. As it turns out, maybe it saved my life. That is if I was stupid enough to jam cotton swabs into my ear canals up to the hilt.
From CBCNews here:
The Quebec coroner’s office says cotton swab manufacturers should warn consumers about putting their product in their ears after a man died from related complications.
In a report released Tuesday, Quebec coroner Dr. Jacques Ramsay said using a cotton swab even once to clean inside ears can lead to fatal consequences.
Ramsay investigated the death of Montreal resident Daniel St-Pierre, who died in March 2007, two days after he accidentally pierced his eardrum with a cotton swab.
St-Pierre, 43, died of meningitis-induced intracranial complications caused by a bacterial ear infection that he developed after accidentally piercing his eardrum with a cotton swab while trying to treat a painful earache.
The best way to clean inside one’s ear is with the little finger, he said.
Oh, I thought it was the Car Key or the Paper Clip.
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 6) Loading ...Scattering Ashes At Disney
Nov 16th
This doesn’t surprise me at all. My wife’s all time favorite ride at Disney is the Haunted Mansion, and I don’t think she would mind having her ashes scattered there- except for the ick factor for the other patrons.
From Local 6 here, via Drudge:
Disneyland workers were recently forced to close the “Pirates of the Caribbean” attraction after a ride security camera caught a woman apparently dumping human remains, in what may be a growing trend.
Workers at the Anaheim theme park spotted the woman sprinkling an unidentified substance into the water on the “Pirates” ride.
Some Disney watchers said park-goers tell them that people smuggling in the cremated remains of their loved ones and then sprinkling ashes on rides has been going on for a while.
They said it started at the Haunted Mansion, but now the “Pirates of the Caribbean” ride is growing in popularity.
If you hated a family member and were entrusted with their ashes, it would be downright evil to dump them on “Its a Small World.” That would be its own circle of hell.
And if you get in a car for one of the rides at Disney and its a little dusty, you know why.
(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Kanye West’s Mother, Donda West Died * * Update! Died From Sucking the Fat Out
Nov 12th
She was only 58, and the article doesn’t say how she died.
From CNN here:
Donda West, mother of Kanye West and former chairwoman of Chicago State University’s English department, has died, a spokesman for the rapper said. She was 58.
“The family respectfully asks for privacy during this time of grief,” the spokesman said.
A cause of death has not been released.
I don’t know what killed her. Maybe she was crushed by Kanye’s massive pornography collection while she was vacuuming his house. Or maybe she was caught in a drive-by from a rival rap star’s mom.
Maybe if Kanye dresses up like Jesus again he can try to raise her from the dead.
Update! It appears the cause of death may have been related to complications from a surgical procedure. Cosmetic surgery?
Update 2! Yep, I was right. It was cosmetic surgery. It seems that Kanye gets his vanity from his now-deceased Mom. It does not say what type of plastic surgery Donda was getting, but judging from the picture you can guess that it was liposuction. Or a face lift. She seems a bit old to get boob implants.
Update 3!! It was a tummy tuck and breast reduction surgery. From the AP here:
A plastic surgeon who claimed to have operated on Kanye West’s mother before she died said he did nothing wrong, and that her death could have been caused by other medical problems.
Dr. Jan Adams said he performed a tummy tuck and breast reduction on Donda West, but that she might have died from a heart attack, pulmonary embolism, or massive vomiting.
Adams said West consulted with him over a period of four months, often changing her mind about the surgery.
West died after she stopped breathing at her home. She was taken to the hospital by paramedics.
“We tried to resuscitate her, but were unsuccessful,” Ettinger said. West did not have surgery at the hospital, said Ettinger.
A plastic surgeon, Dr. Andre Aboolian of Beverly Hills, said Monday that West had approached him months ago about having cosmetic surgery. He said he never performed the procedure, telling her he was worried about a pre-existing condition she had.
I keep hearing about what a brilliant and intelligent woman Donda was. I have my doubts now. She was told that the surgery she wanted was risky because of her health, but it was so important to her to look like one of the “hos” from her son’s videos that she went through with it anyways. And she didn’t have the surgery performed at a hospital where she would be surrounded by medical professionals. She died during recovery at home, likely of a heart attack or an infection. That was not a smart choice.
(2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 6) Loading ...
