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Reason 342 to Homeschool: Teacher Won’t Suspend Your 7 YO for Chewing Poptart Into Shape of Gun

Mar 3rd

Posted by Dr. Jones in Belch.Com

1 comment

Zero tolerance, as written about here before is a liberal’s excuse to avoid using their brain to make any kind of logical distinction or judgement about a situation. Case in point is Josh Welch, a white child, suspended by a black teacher because he chewed his poptart into a shape that made the Democrat teacher think that he had a firearm. Democrats are too stupid to tell the difference between a chewed poptart and a firearm, so of course the boy had to be suspended. Because zero tolerance.

The stupidest people in society are in charge of educating our children. And they all vote Democrat.

Thanks to Michael Graham.


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baltimore, stupid. teachers, zero tolerance

SNL Skewers Obama as Exaggerating Liar

Mar 3rd

Posted by Dr. Jones in Humor

No comments

Seems like people are coming to the conclusion that Obama really doesn’t know anything about money or budgets.

And I love the teacher’s response the most.


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Obama, snl

Dog Eat Dog- Animal Examples of Cannibalism

Mar 2nd

Posted by Dr. Jones in Bizarre

No comments

Great post from the SciShow- I was astonished about the sharks that eat each other in their own mothers’ womb!


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animals, cannibal

Ghetto Hack: Ice Bucket Liners Used as Bathing Caps

Mar 2nd

Posted by Dr. Jones in fail

No comments

A large group of unsupervised black children swarmed the pool at the Hampton Embassy Suites. I originally took this video to demonstrate how incredibly loud this group of black girls could be, but afterwards, my wife pointed out that they were using plastic ice bucket liners- available in every room- as a bathing cap to keep their hair from getting wet. I went back to review the video and she’s right. Watch the girl on the right as she swims over and ultimately discards her failed hacking attempt to keep her hair dry.

I just created a renewable energy company that harvests the eternal source of the loudness of black girls. #investorsWanted

— Dr. Jones (@BelchSpeak) March 3, 2013


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black culture, pool
burgers

Rat Pack Burger Recipes

Mar 2nd

Posted by Dr. Jones in Humor

No comments

This looked pretty awesome, and have no idea if it is authentic- too good to check.

burgers


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dean martin, sinatra
pillars

Travelling Light? How About 200 Pounds of Caterpillars?

Mar 1st

Posted by Dr. Jones in Africa

No comments

An African man made it from his native country of Burkina Faso, through the airport in Istanbul and finally all the way to London’s Gatwick airport, carrying over 200 pounds of dried caterpillars in his freaking suitcase. He claimed the dead critters were his food, because that’s what those Africans eat in Burkina Faso- bugs.

pillars

From CapitalNews here:

British border officials have seized 94 kilogrammes (207 pounds) of dried caterpillars from a man who claimed they were “for personal consumption”, Britain’s interior ministry said Friday.

Officials at Gatwick Airport, south of London, found the bugs in the luggage of a 22-year-old man who flew in from Burkina Faso via Istanbul on February 23.

“When officers checked his luggage they discovered tens of thousands of dried caterpillars shrink-wrapped in cellophane, which had been packed into four hessian bags,” the interior ministry said.

“The man claimed that they were for personal consumption and that they were to be used as food.”

But the caterpillars breached British rules on importing products of animal origin and will be destroyed.

These aborted baby butterflies were probably something to be used in witchcraft.


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airports, london, travel

Its All About the Cookie

Mar 1st

Posted by Dr. Jones in Bizarre

No comments

This video is pretty cool and it went viral, but I somehow wish he had a way to recover all that tasty frosting.


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cookies
bmanning

Bradley Manning Confessed in Court- Game Over

Mar 1st

Posted by Dr. Jones in Crime

1 comment

Bradley Manning confessed at his court martial that he deliberately stole mounds of classified data and gave it to Wikileaks- not to hurt the nation, but to “spark” debate on national policy. Maybe he thinks that as a scrawny pissed off gay Army private, he has more insight into how and when documents should be declassified than the rest of the Department of Defense? Well, its game over for him now. All that will be left is a very long prison sentence.

bmanning

From the NYT here:

Pfc. Bradley Manning on Thursday confessed in open court to providing vast archives of military and diplomatic files to the antisecrecy group WikiLeaks, saying that he released the information to help enlighten the public about “what happens and why it happens” and to “spark a debate about foreign policy.”

Appearing before a military judge for more than an hour, Private Manning read a statement recounting how he joined the military, became an intelligence analyst in Iraq, decided that certain files should become known to the American public to prompt a wider debate about foreign policy, downloaded them from a secure computer network and then ultimately uploaded them to WikiLeaks.

“No one associated with WLO” — an abbreviation he used to refer to the WikiLeaks organization — “pressured me into sending any more information,” Private Manning said. “I take full responsibility.”

Before reading the statement, Private Manning pleaded guilty to 10 criminal counts in connection with the huge amount of material he leaked

Manning released such a vast trove of data there is no way he could know what was in it, and therefore could not possibly know what releases would be harmful to the United States. He did it with malice and hatred against his own country. He still faces espionage charges, and no amount of “good intentions” “activism” or desires to “spark debate” is going to save his swishy white ass. The most famous gay man in the history of the US military is going to never see the light of day again.


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bradley manning, espionage, wikileaks

Obama is Retarded Due to Too Many Jedi Mind Melds

Mar 1st

Posted by Dr. Jones in Humor

No comments

At a press conference, Obama declared that he couldn’t fix the sequester mess he initiated because he couldn’t “Jedi Mind Meld” with republicans or something. Twitter hilarity immediately ensued.

Hatred leads to anger, anger leads to sequester, sequester leads to mixed up scifi references #jedimindmeld

— Ben(@BenK84) March 1, 2013

“Boehner’s threats are meaningless. His light saber is set to ‘stun.’” #jedimindmeld

— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) March 1, 2013

Sci-fail: Genius Obama says he ‘can’t do a Jedi mind meld’ bit.ly/15Wm6GL

— TwitchyTeam (@TwitchyTeam) March 1, 2013

“Teleporter, TARDIS, whatevs.” #jedimindmeld

— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) March 1, 2013

President Obama explains the plot of the Star Wars trilogy: ow.ly/1SZf8y

— Mary Katharine Ham (@mkhammer) March 1, 2013

“Dammit Luke, I’m a doctor, not your father!” #ObamaSciFiQuotes

— Angela Nelson (@angelaisms) March 1, 2013

And wrong on every level RT @jbendery: Obama just said “Jedi mind meld.” Surely a presidential first

— Derek Hunter (@derekahunter) March 1, 2013

Use the Force, Spock.

— Cuffé (@CuffyMeh) March 1, 2013

Oh good. Now everyone will just talk about ‘Jedi mind meld’

— Andy Lancaster (@andylancaster) March 1, 2013

Obama: “As Spock always said…” **imitates Chewbacca growl**

— Frank J. Fleming (@IMAO_) March 1, 2013

But hey, he’s the hippest and smartest Pressie evah, right? Lulz.


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star trek, star wars

Croatian Teacher Faints While Teaching About Oxygen

Feb 27th

Posted by Dr. Jones in Eco-Religion

No comments

I’m sure this was supposed to be a stupid lesson about global warming. This pregnant teacher’s eyes roll back and down she goes.


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news blooper, teachers
coymathis

Parents of 6 YO Tranny Sue School Over Potty Privileges

Feb 27th

Posted by Dr. Jones in gay

No comments

Democrat attention whore parents in Colorado deliberately raised their baby boy to be completely confused over his own sexual identity. And now they are suing a Colorado school district because the school wont let the little boy use the girls bathroom.

coymathis

From The Denver Post here:

The parents of a transgender 6-year-old have filed a complaint with the Colorado Civil Rights Division because Eagleside Elementary School in Fountain banned the first-grader from using the girls’ restroom.

The child, Coy Mathis, was born male but identifies as female. He had attended the school since December 2011 before being pulled out by his parents.

Coy Mathis wears girls’ clothing, and students and staff used female pronouns when referring to her. But Fountain-Fort Carson administrators decided over winter break that the child should use the boys’ restroom, the staff’s restroom or the one in the school nurse’s office.

That decision took into account “not only Coy, but other students in the building, their parents and the future impact a boy, with male genitals, using a girls’ bathroom would have as Coy grew older,” Kelly wrote in a Dec. 28 letter to Silverman.

Kathryn Mathis, the Mom said, “This automatically singles her out and stigmatizes her,” she said. “It sets her up for future harassing and bullying, and creates an unsafe environment. The school has a wonderful opportunity to teach students that differences are OK, and we should embrace their differences, instead of teaching them to discriminate against someone who is a little different.”

Any risk of bullying or an unsafe learning environment is strictly due to these attention-whoring parents’ deliberate twisting of gender identity in their child’s mind.

A little google searching turned up this interview of Kathryn Mathis from three years ago when her “little girl” was still a little boy. Turns out the kid is autistic, and one of three triplets, the sister is brain-damaged from an accident when the child was four-months old. I know its not an easy life to raise 5 children with at least half of them requiring special needs, but refusing to get counselling for the gender-confused boy and suing the school system instead seems pretty despicable.

And there is plenty of hate pouring onto Kathryn Mathis’ facebook page too:

trannyhate


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pee, school, tranny

XBOX Tomb Raider is Stupid

Feb 26th

Posted by Dr. Jones in Humor

1 comment

I’m not a gamer. I can’t spend hours playing any shooter games, but I do sometimes enjoy watching the gameplay of others. I know, weird, right? Anyways, Conan O’Brien reviews the updated TombRaider game, and it is still as stupid as it ever was, if not more so now. But I laughed hard, so enjoy.


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conan, video games

Lil’ Poopy’s Dad Investigated for Abuse and Neglect

Feb 25th

Posted by Dr. Jones in fail

No comments

The Dad of a nine-year-old raised him to be a misogynistic drug-glorifying rapper and hoped a recent YouTube video would propel him to fame and fortune. Now he is facing accusations of abuse and neglect by Massachusetts welfare agencies.

From DailyMail here:

A Massachusetts man is facing child abuse and neglect charges as a result of his nine-year-old son’s appearance in sexually suggestive videos where he’s rapping about designer clothes, money and ‘hoes.‘

Luis Rivera says his son, Luie Rivera Jr., whose rap name is ‘Lil’ Poopy’ has not done anything wrong and is merely acting in the videos, where he is featured slapping women’s behinds, riding in a Ferrari, throwing wads of cash in the air and dancing with girls twice his age.

He raps about machine guns, ‘groupies,’ Louis Vuitton and Gucci swag, and calls himself a ‘cocaine cowboy‘ as he kisses fistfuls of cash.

Police in Brockton, Massachusetts – where the boy lives – have filed a reported with the state child welfare officials alleging abuse and neglect against Rivera. ‘It’s a bit much for a 9-year-old. It warrants the attention of the Department of Children and Families,” police Lt. David Dickinson told the The Enterprise newspaper.

I’m guessing Brockton MA is the epicenter of thug life? Or just the epicenter of really crappy dads?


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child abuse, rap
joseperales

325 Pound Hispanic Has a Frilly Side

Feb 25th

Posted by Dr. Jones in Bizarre

No comments

A big hairy Mexican tranny broke into an Iowa lingerie store, tried on frilly things, sampled the dildos, and pleasured himself on the manager’s desk.

joseperales

From TSG here:

An Iowa man who broke into a lingerie store spent two hours inside trying on garments and experimenting with sex toys

Jose Angel Perales, 24, was arrested Friday on burglary and theft charges in connection with the February 17 break-in at Dr. John’s Lingerie Store in Davenport. Perales was released from custody after posting $5000 bond.

Perales entered the lingerie store through an unlocked door around 4:10 AM. A police review of store surveillance video revealed that Perales--5’ 11” and 325 pounds–“walked around the store and shopped.”

Then, in what will surely repulse Dr. John’s staffers, Perales walked into the manager’s office, removed his clothes, opened some of the merchandise, and “began to please himself anally on the manager’s desk and futon/couch.”

The burglar “then walked out of the office naked showing the large tattoo on his back. The tattoo read “PERALES” in Old English lettering.” The distinctive ink helped cops eventually identify Perales.

During his time inside the store, “Perales proceeded to try on female lingerie and experiment with sex toys for approximately two hours.”

Life of crime like this will certainly land Perales in the penitentiary where he will be the loneliest swishy punk in the slammer.


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iowa, robbery, tranny

Science Behind Genetically Modified Organisms

Feb 24th

Posted by Dr. Jones in Eco-Religion

No comments

If you are a liberal, your head will explode if you find out that the soybeans you are eating is a scientifically created species that was engineered to defeat pests. The explosion is caused by a deep lack of understanding anything scientific and the deep-seated fear that the government might not be completely in control of what the liberal is eating. Here’s the science behind it:


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food, gmo, liberals
fuckjava

Hey Java

Feb 24th

Posted by Dr. Jones in Belch.Com

1 comment

I have an inner DJ that often wakes me up with an earworm from a song I’ve heard the previous day. This morning it was a song from Old Crow Medicine Show, “Rock me Mama.” But for some reason, in my head I kept hearing “fuck me java” so I tinkered with the lyrics.

fuckjava

Surfin the web like I always do
Then a browser iframe makes a call or two
Starin’ at the screen
Pray to God I see AV Quarantines

I restored my last image in seventeen hours
Made real sure to pick a diffrent default browser
But with so many zero days
Its just a matter of time

So fuck me java with the ask toolbar
fuck me java with an injected .jar
Hey java fuck me
fuck me java with your constant updates
fuck me java with your next zero day
Hey java fuck me

Runnin’ on Chrome with the latest build
A malvertising banner installs a downloader
That downloads a bot
And Checks into a c2

Now the network seems slower
And I see popup ads for porn
The McAfee AV engine just won’t turn on
My banking creds get stolen by some hairy Russian dude

So fuck me java with the ask toolbar
fuck me java with an injected .jar
Hey java fuck me
fuck me java with your constant updates
fuck me java with your next zero day
Hey java fuck me

Scouring the registry run settings for a startup file
Checking my temps and cache will take a while
I look at my backups
Might be quicker to wipe and restore

Now my iPhone needs an update
And there’s a new flash player
Acrobat reader wants to patch
From its latest sploits layer
Does Oracle team with Ask to push toolbars?

So fuck me java with the ask toolbar
fuck me java with an injected .jar
Hey java fuck me
fuck me java with your constant updates
fuck me java with your next zero day
Hey java fuck me


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chrome, exploit, java
stoning

War on Women: Muslims Publish Stoning Guide

Feb 23rd

Posted by Dr. Jones in RoP

No comments

For Muslims that are still unsure how to treat women barbarically, there is now this handy illustrated handout to instruct children of Allah how to bury an adulteress and pelt her head with rocks.

stoning

For extra hilarity, Muslims bring in a doctor to check for a pulse, and if the bitch is still breathing, the masked mulsims come back to finish the job. This answers my question as to whether Muslim doctors take the Hippocratic Oath.

Thanks to SooperMexican


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islam, misogyny, stoning

Friday Hilarity Can Be Defined by This Cobra Handler Reaction Video

Feb 22nd

Posted by Dr. Jones in Bizarre

1 comment

Not safe for work warning due to language. But this snake handler simply does not GAF.


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cobra, funny, nigeria, snakes

Limp-Wristed Bookworms Love the New Kindle

Feb 22nd

Posted by Dr. Jones in Cyber

No comments

Kindle is marketing their tiny tablets to the gays.

Want to read a novel at the beach? Bring a book. It also looks like they are in Mexico, and I’d be darn careful flashing tech around there.


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amazon, books, kindle

9 PM Music: Matt Costa “Good Times (Are Coming to an End)”

Feb 21st

Posted by Dr. Jones in Music

No comments

I’ve got a weakness for bands with trumpets. And this is a great song too. Enjoy.


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matt costa
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