BelchSpeak » Rogue Kitty http://www.belch.com/blog I can't believe that came from your mouth! Tue, 21 May 2013 03:10:43 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.5.1 Roommate From Hell Can’t Snuggle Cats http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/02/01/roommate-from-hell-cant-snuggle-cats/ http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/02/01/roommate-from-hell-cant-snuggle-cats/#comments Fri, 01 Feb 2013 23:18:14 +0000 Dr. Jones http://www.belch.com/blog/?p=13590 This is why roommates suck.




]]> http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/02/01/roommate-from-hell-cant-snuggle-cats/feed/ 0 Bitch Has 99 Problems and 67 Frozen Ones Too http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/01/27/bitch-has-99-problems-and-67-frozen-ones-too/ http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/01/27/bitch-has-99-problems-and-67-frozen-ones-too/#comments Sun, 27 Jan 2013 21:50:29 +0000 Dr. Jones http://www.belch.com/blog/?p=13539 Irene Vandyke is a hoarder. She had 99 living cats taken from her piss-and-scat-filled dwelling and when the cops investigated further, they found 67 Kitty Popsicles in her freezer.

From the TimesUnion here:

The Schoharie County woman who kept 67 dead cats in clear plastic bags in her freezer and had another 99 felines living in crates stacked floor-to-ceiling in unsanitary conditions repeatedly refused to give up any of the animals to shelter workers and rebuffed referrals to mental health professionals.

Authorities who had visited her house on Route 146 in its wretchedly befouled state — it was condemned and deemed unfit for human occupancy — said that she seemed to fit the profile of a hoarder. Possible charges are being weighed against Irene Vandyke, 50, an office worker at a local Walmart store.

On Wednesday, as the dead cats were being removed and the living felines were being taken to the shelter for medical treatment, deputies wore respiratory gear against the choking stench.

Ah, the choking stench of crazy cat ladies. Seems there should be a way to weaponize that aroma. They already have mace and pepper spray. Why not spray annoying criminals with the stench of a hundred cats?


]]> http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/01/27/bitch-has-99-problems-and-67-frozen-ones-too/feed/ 0 Fat Ass Cat Died Fat http://www.belch.com/blog/2012/08/09/fat-ass-cat-died-fat/ http://www.belch.com/blog/2012/08/09/fat-ass-cat-died-fat/#comments Thu, 09 Aug 2012 16:34:28 +0000 Dr. Jones http://www.belch.com/blog/?p=12370 Spongebob the fat cat died this past week because he was too fat to be operated on. Its not everyday that a cat gets famous for being a fatass, but this one was, at least in New York.

From the DailyMail here:

At 33lbs, he was a real heavyweight of the cat world.
But just two months after being adopted by a new family, Spongebob, the ginger tom who horrified and charmed New York, has died.
The cat gained unlikely celebrity status earlier this summer when he arrived at New York City rescue centre.
Although veterinaries said his death was not caused by his weight the nine-year-old moggie’s obesity made an operation life threatening and his new owners Courtney and Matt Farrell were forced to let him go last week.

A 33 pound cat should have to eat its food while walking a treadmill.


]]> http://www.belch.com/blog/2012/08/09/fat-ass-cat-died-fat/feed/ 0 Milking Cats http://www.belch.com/blog/2012/07/24/milking-cats/ http://www.belch.com/blog/2012/07/24/milking-cats/#comments Tue, 24 Jul 2012 20:05:38 +0000 Dr. Jones http://www.belch.com/blog/?p=12300 This is very helpful information. But bad news for all of those out-of-work cat nipple milkers of Ohio Union 47.

Via DuckDuckGrayDuck.


]]> http://www.belch.com/blog/2012/07/24/milking-cats/feed/ 1 Gonna Kill This Cat http://www.belch.com/blog/2012/07/02/gonna-kill-this-cat/ http://www.belch.com/blog/2012/07/02/gonna-kill-this-cat/#comments Mon, 02 Jul 2012 14:34:45 +0000 Dr. Jones http://www.belch.com/blog/?p=12140 I have two cats. One I adore and one that gets zero love from me. Mostly because it is stupid and pukey. I tweeted this earlier:

So I was wondering if anyone else was feeling a murderous rage toward their cat on Twitter. I found this:


]]> http://www.belch.com/blog/2012/07/02/gonna-kill-this-cat/feed/ 1 Dead Kitty Chopper to Catch Flying Mice http://www.belch.com/blog/2012/06/04/dead-kitty-chopper-to-catch-flying-mice/ http://www.belch.com/blog/2012/06/04/dead-kitty-chopper-to-catch-flying-mice/#comments Mon, 04 Jun 2012 13:56:21 +0000 Dr. Jones http://www.belch.com/blog/?p=11925 One of the more inventive uses for a dead cat is to convert it into a flying machine like Dutch artist Bart Jansen. The cat, named Orville Wright, has a fitting afterlife suitable for his namesake.

The full story is at the Daily Mail here along with a crummy video that really doesn’t show Orville doing much more than getting off the ground.

I have a cat here that I’d love to convert into a flying machine for Father’s Day. Yeah, I’m lookin’ at you Rogue!


]]> http://www.belch.com/blog/2012/06/04/dead-kitty-chopper-to-catch-flying-mice/feed/ 0 Allergic to Cat People http://www.belch.com/blog/2011/06/09/allergic-to-cat-people/ http://www.belch.com/blog/2011/06/09/allergic-to-cat-people/#comments Thu, 09 Jun 2011 18:56:08 +0000 Dr. Jones http://www.belch.com/blog/?p=9017 I’m thinking that maybe, online dating is not going to work out for this lady. She should just bypass the whole dating scene altogether and just buy some sweaters, maybe a shopping cart, get some Harlequin Romance novels, a box of Chardonnay, several cubic meters of kitty litter, and settle right into an early spinsterhood.


]]> http://www.belch.com/blog/2011/06/09/allergic-to-cat-people/feed/ 2 Cats Love the iPad Too http://www.belch.com/blog/2011/05/22/cats-love-the-ipad-too/ http://www.belch.com/blog/2011/05/22/cats-love-the-ipad-too/#comments Mon, 23 May 2011 03:21:24 +0000 Dr. Jones http://www.belch.com/blog/?p=8881 There is a Friskies HTML5 game that the cats just love. They paw at the kibbles or the goldfish for long moments.


]]> http://www.belch.com/blog/2011/05/22/cats-love-the-ipad-too/feed/ 0 Don’t Bring a Knife to a Cat Fight http://www.belch.com/blog/2011/05/09/dont-bring-a-knife-to-a-cat-fight/ http://www.belch.com/blog/2011/05/09/dont-bring-a-knife-to-a-cat-fight/#comments Tue, 10 May 2011 01:52:14 +0000 Dr. Jones http://www.belch.com/blog/?p=8797 How pathetic are modern men when they can’t even defeat a housecat in a fair fight? And worse, while losing the fight, the man pulls a knife and the kitty still wins.

From YourHouston here:

A Cleveland man was attacked by a housecat Friday afternoon and the man’s injuries are so severe that he had to be taken by air ambulance to Memorial Hermann Hospital in Houston.

At some point during the attack, the man and the cat reportedly were injured by a knife the man was holding.

I have a tiny cat that lives in my home that is pure evil with razor sharp claws. I show it no affection in return for her not slicing my calves open from knee to ankle. But if I ever was forced into a showdown, I’m pretty sure I could dominate that pussy.


]]> http://www.belch.com/blog/2011/05/09/dont-bring-a-knife-to-a-cat-fight/feed/ 0 Basement Window Pit of Doom http://www.belch.com/blog/2011/02/21/basement-window-pit-of-doom/ http://www.belch.com/blog/2011/02/21/basement-window-pit-of-doom/#comments Mon, 21 Feb 2011 07:26:56 +0000 Dr. Jones http://www.belch.com/blog/2011/02/21/basement-window-pit-of-doom/

Basement Window Pit of Doom, originally uploaded by BelchSpeak.

I lost the good cat last week. I have a good cat and a bad cat. One gets petted. The other one barfs on my carpet and is denied any affection at all from me. If I had lost the bad cat I wouldn’t bother looking out of my basement window under my deck for the little furry bitch, but I really like the good cat, so I found myself on a stepstool with my head out the underdeck window in the window well calling for my cat at 2 AM.

I saw a femur bone and was surprised, but was sorta spooked when I saw this small skull sitting atop the rocks in the galvanized steel window well under my deck. The window well is about 3 feet deep and I have seen raccoons climb in and back out of it. Anyone know what kind of critter would have a skull like this? Its about six inches or more in length.

Oh, and the good cat came back. She’s just fine. And the bad cat still hasn’t run away yet, dammit. Which reminds me I should buy stock in the makers of Resolve carpet cleaner.


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