I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Humor
It makes me laugh
Al Gore Divorcicle!
Jun 1st
Al Gore, the insane lunatic that walks the earth in a sandwich board sign declaring that the earth is coming to an end is about to be divorced by his wife after 40 long, boring, disappointing years. This means that she will get half of the Presidential Loser’s considerable wealth he’s managed to chisel from various global warming carbon offset scams he’s running, plus the cash from the retarded global warming movie he made, plus half his nobel prize winnings, plus half of his real estate holdings, plus half of current TV.
NOOOOO!!! Greedy Bitch!!!
I’m sure he will tell Tipper in the divorce proceedings to “Go ahead take all my wealth! It won’t do you any good when you are 40 feet below sea level due to melting glaciers! They’ll call you the sea hag! I won’t let you come aboard the Ark I’m building in Tennessee to save 2 of every critter! Bill Clinton always told me you were a bitch!”
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6)
Loading ...Look What’s On Chat Roulette
May 31st
Neither one of them had much to do this Memorial Day weekend.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Email and Bacon
May 30th
Two of my favorite things come in this car at the flip of a simple switch.
Thanks to Miss Cellania!
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Gary Coleman Gets Half-Off at Funeral Home
May 28th
I’ll keep this short. The half-pint star of Diff’rent Strokes died from intracranial bleeding today. Its apparently the same disease that he has been suffering from for quite some time. Hmm. Intracranial bleeding is just a “diff’rent stroke” after all, right?
The little dude at least gets a discount on his casket since its kid-sized as well as a discount for his funeral plot since he doesn’t need the full size. He may be able to share it with several other notable midgets, as they stack pretty well in tight spaces. There is even room left over for Verne Troyer.
I know you guys think I’m awful and may even be shouting, “Pat that’s a low blow!”
I know, life is too short. Gary Coleman knew this. But was never able to rise above his low expectations. He was 4’2″. Uh, make that 42.
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...I Finally Understand the Twilight Phenomena
May 28th
It took this video and some stick figures to ‘splain it to me.
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Welcome to the Internets. Here’s Your Tissues
May 28th
An 89 year old man needed to find a clue to help him solve his crossword puzzle. What is six letters for “Asian Wild Ass?” He used Yahoo to search for Asian wild Ass and was stunned at what he found.
From the Sun here:
A CROSSWORD fan aged 89 used an internet search to solve a clue about a donkey – and was bombarded with hard-core porn.
The great-grandad typed “asian ass” into Yahoo’s search engine in the hope of finding the answer to the newspaper poser.
But he was stunned when it threw up dozens of porn sites displaying photos of naked Asian girls. One offered “the hottest spicy asian ass you’ll ever see”.
Ex-engineer Jack said: “I was shaken. The images were horrendous. I didn’t know this sort of stuff existed.”
It was “onager” – sometimes known as “Wild Ass Asian” and found in deserts from the Mid East to Tibet.
He was doubly stunned to find that they aren’t actually sideways.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Meanwhile, On the Couch
May 27th
I have no idea what is going on with American Idol, but I reckon it must be over and this Mom’s entire trailer dwellin’ life is now ruined because of Ryan Seacrest and his bogus results.
Hilarious comment over at VideoGum says: “Yeah, mom is pretty emotional, but ever since dad developed that crippling shirt allergy, American Idol is pretty much all she has to live for.”
And just how did Danny McBride get on that couch?
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Sandra Bullock Picks Huge Winners
May 27th
Sandra Bullock is proven to make horrible decisions. Speed 2. Demolition Man. The Net. Adopting a Black Baby. And she married this gigantic lactating crapweasel.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Iron Baby Versus Bunnies
May 27th
This is pretty awesome. But I’m guessing a key ingredient in his repulsor rays is the load he carries in his iron diaper.
Thanks to GAS
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...I’m Getting the Shaved Bieber App
May 26th
Tired of seeing all of those internet mentions of Justin Bieber? I don’t even know who the little twat is, but my intertubes get all clogged with mentions of the kid. Now Firefox has a plugin that will black out all of the mentions, comments and photos of Justin Bieber. All I can say is it’s about time!
Justin Bieber Shaving from Greg Leuch on Vimeo.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Oh Dear. Emo Meets Furry Meets Twilight
May 25th
The stupid. It burns. Please please please let there be a rash of Wolf-pack suicides where these tarded teens choke on silver bullets, or maybe get run over while chasing cars.
Or maybe one of them can get heartworms. One thing’s for certain- I hope they all get spayed and neutered ASAP.
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(2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 6) Loading ...Outside of the City, Spider-man is Just a Guy With Sticky Fingers and Toes
May 25th
And he never carries spare change.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Sign of the Times
May 25th
Hackers in Florida bypassed an easily guessed password and changed a lane closure sign to say “No Latinos No Tacos.”
This is what happens when the government refuses to enforce its own laws. People get riled up, agitated, and have to take matters into their own hands. Their own, at times, hilarious hands.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Pretty Much Sums it Up
May 24th
From Failblog:
Hey teachers, stop touching. You don’t shape futures. You have an easy job with summers off and a fabulous pension. Stop pretending otherwise. Thank you.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Saudis Hold Emo Roundup
May 23rd
One of the nice things about dressing all your stupid girls in all black cloaks- no one can see their scars from their cutting.
From Breitbart here:
Saudi Arabia’s religious police have arrested 10 “emo” women for allegedly causing a disturbance in a coffee shop, Al-Yaum newspaper reported on Saturday.
The coffee shop owner in the eastern city of Dammam called the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice to complain after the young women, dressed and made up in the “emo” fashion, apparently began disturbing other clients.
The religious police then called their parents to come and collect the women, and to sign pledges that the girls would not repeat their ostensibly offensive un-Islamic behaviour and dress.
I am going to guess that the nature of the “disturbance” was being annoying and all mopey.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Man Crush on Chris Christie
May 22nd
The Democrat-led legislature of New jersey dared the new Governor to veto a law that raised taxes and punished the financial engines of the state- millionaires- and Chris Christie didn’t blink but swiftly signed no on those bills.
| 'Millionaires tax' bills pass both houses, but are vetoed by Gov. Christie |
From HotAir here:
It took about two minutes from the time Senate President Steve Sweeney certified the passage of the millionaires tax package for Gov. Chris Christie to veto the bills at his desk…
“What took you so long ?” asked Christie spokesman Michael Drewniak.
Christie sat at a wooden desk emblazoned with the seal of the state of New Jersey and swiftly signed vetoes.
“We’ll be back, governor,” said Sweeney.
“Alright, we’ll see,” said Christie.The tax was a small hike on people who make in excess of $1 million annually. Initially the Democrats wanted the income threshold to be $400,000, but when Christie promised to veto that, they raised the threshold and dared him to block a tax on the really rich. Christie’s response:
“Let me be real clear on it,” he said. “They can call it whatever they want to call it. They can package it however they want to package it. They can send it to me with a bow on it. They can send it to me in a nice box, gift-wrapped. They can throw it over the transom and leave it there and hope nobody smells it. No matter how they send it to me, it is going back. It is going back with a veto on it. We are not raising taxes in the state of New Jersey this year.”
I would really love to have a Chris Christie in charge of our national budget too. No more taxes, and lets start killing off stupid programs.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...2 AM Music: The black Keys – “Tighten Up”
May 22nd
Okay, I know I just posted this song a little while ago, but this is a new video and it is much more funny than the original. There is inappropriate content so parental suggested guidance is advised, but I really don’t care about how you raise your kids. Go ahead and expose them to this awesome video, I care not!
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Happy Birthday PacMan!
May 21st
Once upon a time, long before I used to scour pubs and restaurants for Golden Tee Golf, I used to ride my ten-speed with my friends looking for 7-Elevens or other similar convenience stores like the Little Sue store pictured below and we would spend our allowances and newspaper route money on PacMan, Ms. Pacman, and Crystal Castles.
I didn’t even know it was PacMan’s 30th birthday until I had to do a Google search and saw the playable Google banner. Now I can’t remember what I was going to search for. So if you haven’t played a free game of Google PacMan, you should.
Were there any coin-op games you remember playing that you would make a special trip for?
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Obama Wants High School Kids to Show Their Papers
May 19th
Doug Powers guest blogged at Michelle Malkin’s site and cracked me up when he said that although Obama has criticized the Arizona law that may demand documents from illegal aliens, Obama has no problem demanding documents from legal US citizens. He wants a background check against every high school kid that might shake his hand during an upcoming commencement ceremony.
From MichelleMalkin here:
The White House appears to be laying the groundwork for President Barack Obama to shake the hand of each senior at Kalamazoo Central High School’s commencement ceremony next month.
Seniors are being asked to provide their birthdates, Social Security numbers and citizen status to the Secret Service so background checks could be performed. Such a check is required for anyone who gets within an arm’s length of the president, students were told at their senior breakfast Friday.
I’ll give $10 toward the college fund of the first graduate who, when asked for his or her citizen status, replies “Him first” and sends the whole school into emergency Birther lockdown.
I don’t have a problem with background checks- I have to go through one every time I want to visit a Federal building or military base. And that’s the whole point of how stupid it is to criticize Arizona’s law. Anytime you get pulled over by the cops, even if he is going to probably let you go, he always asks for ID to run a check on outstanding warrants. God forbid if we actually catch bad guys that way- it makes Democrats cry.
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Reminder: Tomorrow is Everyone Draw Muhammad Day
May 19th
On the 20th, remember to publish your fantastic drawing of the Prophet Muhammad (penis be up him). Here is my own drawing I just whipped up on a sticky note from my hotel room.
I call it “Don’t squeeze the Muhammad.”
Send me yours!
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...
