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	<title>BelchSpeak &#187; Humor</title>
	<atom:link href="http://www.belch.com/blog/category/humor/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" />
	<link>http://www.belch.com/blog</link>
	<description>I can&#039;t believe that came from your mouth!</description>
	<lastBuildDate>Fri, 17 May 2013 17:28:05 +0000</lastBuildDate>
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		<title>Dirty Hippies Really Hate Clown Sharks</title>
		<link>http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/05/17/dirty-hippies-really-hate-clown-sharks/</link>
		<comments>http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/05/17/dirty-hippies-really-hate-clown-sharks/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 17 May 2013 17:28:05 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Dr. Jones</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Bizarre]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Clowns]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Eco-Religion]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[hippies]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[shark]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.belch.com/blog/?p=14255</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Nothing harshes the buzz of a long-haired hippie like the appearance of the dreaded Clown Shark. Thanks to Dan for the tip!]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Nothing harshes the buzz of a long-haired hippie like the appearance of the dreaded Clown Shark.</p>
<p><iframe width="500" height="281" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/mBALsWwxPf0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></p>
<p>Thanks to Dan for the tip!
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Creepiest Spine Adjustments Ever</title>
		<link>http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/05/15/creepiest-spine-adjustments-ever/</link>
		<comments>http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/05/15/creepiest-spine-adjustments-ever/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 15 May 2013 21:39:35 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Dr. Jones</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Bizarre]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[chiropractor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[los angeles]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.belch.com/blog/?p=14244</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[And WTF is this guy doing with his fingers in this lady&#8217;s mouth??]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>And WTF is this guy doing with his fingers in this lady&#8217;s mouth??</p>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Cripples Make the Best Disney Tour Guides</title>
		<link>http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/05/14/cripples-make-the-best-disney-tour-guides/</link>
		<comments>http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/05/14/cripples-make-the-best-disney-tour-guides/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 14 May 2013 16:59:47 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Dr. Jones</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Disney]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[handicapped]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.belch.com/blog/?p=14233</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[If you think its awful that society makes handicapped people sort through glas bottles at the recycling center, then why not take a gimp with you to Disney? You get instant cuts to the front of the line. From the Post here: Some wealthy Manhattan moms have figured out a way to cut the long&#8230;]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>If you think its awful that society makes handicapped people sort through glas bottles at the recycling center, then why not take a gimp with you to Disney?  You get instant cuts to the front of the line.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.belch.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/disneywheelchair.jpg"><img src="http://www.belch.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/disneywheelchair-e1368550753633.jpg" alt="disneywheelchair" width="500" height="375" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-14234" /></a></p>
<p>From <a href="http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/manhattan/disney_world_srich_kid_outrage_zTBA0xrvZRkIVc1zItXGDP">the Post here</a>:</p>
<blockquote><p>Some wealthy Manhattan moms have figured out a way to cut the long lines at Disney World — by <strong>hiring disabled people to pose as family members</strong> so they and their kids can jump to the front, The Post has learned.</p>
<p>The “black-market Disney guides” run $130 an hour, or $1,040 for an eight-hour day.</p>
<p>“My daughter waited one minute to get on ‘It’s a Small World’ — the other kids had to wait 2 1/2 hours,” crowed one mom, who hired a disabled guide through Dream Tours Florida.</p>
<p>“You can’t go to Disney without a tour concierge,’’ she sniffed. “<strong>This is how the 1 percent does Disney</strong>.”</p>
<p>The woman said she hired a Dream Tours guide to escort her, her husband and their 1-year-old son and 5-year-old daughter through the park in a motorized scooter with a “handicapped” sign on it. <strong>The group was sent straight to an auxiliary entrance at the front of each attraction.</strong></p>
<p>Disney allows each guest who needs a wheelchair or motorized scooter to bring up to six guests to a “more convenient entrance.”</p></blockquote>
<p>A thousand bucks per day and a free trip to Disney?  If I was disabled, this would be a dream job.  But as a Pro Tip, if you have to wait 2.5 hours for the Small World ride, shoot yourself in the face.  You are doing Disney wrong.  There&#8217;s a thing called fast passes and magic hours.
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		<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Shocker:  Dalton Newhouse Fries Himself Shooting Down Electric Lines</title>
		<link>http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/05/13/shocker-dalton-newhouse-fries-himself-shooting-down-electric-lines/</link>
		<comments>http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/05/13/shocker-dalton-newhouse-fries-himself-shooting-down-electric-lines/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 14 May 2013 02:34:53 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Dr. Jones</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Crime]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fail]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Guns]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Stupid People]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[You're Fired!]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[electricity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[west virginia]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[worst way to die]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.belch.com/blog/?p=14229</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Meet Dalton Newhouse. He&#8217;s a West Virginia Trailer-dwelling gun nut and loves to shoot anything with feathers or fur. He is such a great shot that he can even shoot down high tension power lines. His idea to shoot down power lines to sell the copper worked out about as well as you could imagine&#8230;]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Meet Dalton Newhouse.  He&#8217;s a West Virginia Trailer-dwelling gun nut and loves to shoot anything with feathers or fur.  He is such a great shot that he can even shoot down high tension power lines.  His idea to shoot down power lines to sell the copper worked out about as well as you could imagine for this genius.  Dalton went to those happy hunting grounds in the sky when he picked up the power line and ate 50,000 volts.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.belch.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/daltonnewhouse.jpg"><img src="http://www.belch.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/daltonnewhouse.jpg" alt="daltonnewhouse" width="383" height="489" class="alignnone size-full wp-image-14230" /></a></p>
<p>From the <a href="http://www.saturdaygazettemail.com/News/policeblotter/201305080205">Charleston Gazette here</a>:</p>
<blockquote><p>22-year-old Dalton Newhouse of Oak Hill, and an accomplice, <strong>used a rifle to shoot down a high-tension power transmission line</strong>, police said. They planned to strip the line of its copper wiring and sell it.</p>
<p>When Newhouse picked up the wire, <strong>it killed him instantly</strong>, according to a news release. His accomplice was identified as Charles Raymond Norris, 22, of Oak Hill, who was arrested Wednesday.</p>
<p>Norris was charged with attempting to commit a felony, conspiracy to commit a felony and disruption of a public utility.</p>
<p>He was arraigned in Fayette County Magistrate Court, where he posted his own bail.</p>
<p>Appalachian Power spokesman Phil Moye said <strong>about 50 customers were without electricity for three hours</strong>. He called copper thefts a &#8220;tragedy&#8221; and urged would-be thieves to think twice.</p></blockquote>
<p>Its a real shame if this idiot left family behind but he really got what he deserved.  Man, this blog post just reminded me that I need to get batteries for my Blu-Ray remote.
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		<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>CNN Faking the News</title>
		<link>http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/05/09/cnn-faking-the-news/</link>
		<comments>http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/05/09/cnn-faking-the-news/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 09 May 2013 14:48:39 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Dr. Jones</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[fail]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Stupid People]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cnn]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fake news]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[nancy grace]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.belch.com/blog/?p=14201</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Ashleigh Banfield of CNN fakes a satellite hookup to Nancy Grace to discuss the Jody Arias case. But in reality, they are both in the same parking lot. You can see the same vehicles go by in the background. Do you think CNN actually sent the satellite uplink into space and back down just to&#8230;]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Ashleigh Banfield of CNN fakes a satellite hookup to Nancy Grace to discuss the Jody Arias case.  But in reality, they are both in the same parking lot.  You can see the same vehicles go by in the background.  Do you think CNN actually sent the satellite uplink into space and back down just to connect two separate news crews together while they were in the same location?</p>
<p><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.liveleak.com/ll_embed?f=ac2d715395dd" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></p>
<p>And libs love to call Fox News &#8220;Faux News.&#8221;  The ones that are faking it is CNN.
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Cleveland&#8217;s Hero Charles Ramsey Gets Songified</title>
		<link>http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/05/08/clevelands-hero-charles-ramsey-gets-songified/</link>
		<comments>http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/05/08/clevelands-hero-charles-ramsey-gets-songified/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 08 May 2013 16:21:06 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Dr. Jones</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Bizarre]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Crime]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Music]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[cleveland]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[kidnapping]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.belch.com/blog/?p=14193</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[This Dead Giveaway video is hilarious.]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>This Dead Giveaway video is hilarious.</p>
<p><iframe width="500" height="281" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/nZcRU0Op5P4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Leftists Spew Hate When a Vegan Eats Meat</title>
		<link>http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/05/07/leftists-spew-hate-when-a-vegan-eats-meat/</link>
		<comments>http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/05/07/leftists-spew-hate-when-a-vegan-eats-meat/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 07 May 2013 19:55:01 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Dr. Jones</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Bizarre]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Eco-Religion]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[bullys]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[vegan]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.belch.com/blog/?p=14184</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Morgan Spurlock&#8217;s wife had had enough with the vegan diet. Can&#8217;t a girl eat a cheeseburger? Some chicken? An egg? And when she announced that people are responsible for their own diets, militant vegans dumped hate all over her. And it sure was lulzy.]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Morgan Spurlock&#8217;s wife had had enough with the vegan diet. Can&#8217;t a girl eat a cheeseburger?  Some chicken?  An egg?  And when she announced that people are responsible for their own diets, militant vegans dumped hate all over her.  And it sure was lulzy.</p>
<p><iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/tAy_4pEgZwU" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>A Bad Day Fishing Is Still Better Than a Good Day Working</title>
		<link>http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/05/06/a-bad-day-fishing-is-still-better-than-a-good-day-working/</link>
		<comments>http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/05/06/a-bad-day-fishing-is-still-better-than-a-good-day-working/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 07 May 2013 01:37:20 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Dr. Jones</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Distractions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[fishing]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.belch.com/blog/?p=14182</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I really do wish I had more opportunities to fish. But then again this guy might want more opportunities to work. Ya gotta admire his grace under pressure and his inability to swear.]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I really do wish I had more opportunities to fish.  But then again this guy might want more opportunities to work.  Ya gotta admire his grace under pressure and his inability to swear.</p>
<p><iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/kqLbQp4xZVs" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>A Cinco de Mayo Look at May Day</title>
		<link>http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/05/05/a-cinco-de-mayo-look-at-may-day/</link>
		<comments>http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/05/05/a-cinco-de-mayo-look-at-may-day/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 05 May 2013 16:06:25 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Dr. Jones</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Obama]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[communism]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[occupy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[seattle]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.belch.com/blog/?p=14177</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Those Occupy leftists and looters are still running around. They took to the streets on Communism&#8217;s biggest day- May 1st, to harass, create mayhem and destruction. Leftists are rarely peaceful or tolerant in their orchestrated chantings and riots. Greg Gutfeld points this out:]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Those Occupy leftists and looters are still running around.  They took to the streets on Communism&#8217;s biggest day-  May 1st, to harass, create mayhem and destruction.  Leftists are rarely peaceful or tolerant in their orchestrated chantings and riots.  Greg Gutfeld points this out:</p>
<p><iframe width="500" height="281" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ZsxetdyNz7I" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
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		<item>
		<title>Christie Squashes a Spider; PETA Has the Sads</title>
		<link>http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/05/05/christie-squashes-a-spider-peta-has-the-sads/</link>
		<comments>http://www.belch.com/blog/2013/05/05/christie-squashes-a-spider-peta-has-the-sads/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 05 May 2013 15:20:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Dr. Jones</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Eco-Religion]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Politics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Stupid People]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[chris christie]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[peta]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[spider]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.belch.com/blog/?p=14170</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Governor Chris Christie had a gaggle of schoolkids in his office when they spotted a spider on his desk. Gov. Christie leaped into action and now PETA is butthurt for the critter. From TPM here: In a statement provided to TPM, Ingrid Newkirk, president of People For The Ethical Treatment of Animals, described Christie&#8217;s killing&#8230;]]></description>
				<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Governor Chris Christie had a gaggle of schoolkids in his office when they spotted a spider on his desk.  Gov. Christie leaped into action and now PETA is butthurt for the critter.</p>
<p><iframe width="500" height="281" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/bwjke6iRD14" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></p>
<p>From <a href="http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/entry/peta-responds-to-chris-christies-spider-killing-video">TPM here</a>:</p>
<blockquote><p>In a statement provided to TPM, Ingrid Newkirk, president of People For The Ethical Treatment of Animals, described Christie&#8217;s killing of the spider as a thoughtless act.</p>
<p>&#8220;He probably did it without thinking. Some people put the spider outside, but spiders are often scary to people, and that can prevent them from pondering their worth,&#8221; Newkirk said. </p></blockquote>
<p>Its hilarious that PETA should condemn squashing a spider.  After all, they <a href="http://www.belch.com/blog/2007/02/02/adria-hinkle-animal-killing-update/">regularly kill animals and even illegally dump them</a> in grocery store dumpsters.  Newkirk will condemn a Republican governor but is silent on the abuses of her own employees.
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