I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Bizarre
Vegan Moonbat Alicia Silverstone Feeds Her Kid Like a Baby Bird
Mar 27th
Dude. She pre-chews the food.
I have no better comment than the one that was left on her video at YouTube by “MisterDoodieHead:”
1) his mother pre-chews his? food then feeds it to him mouth-to-mouth.
2) no TV in the house (that’s just a guess, but I’m probably right)
3) that food she feeds him like a bird is strictly VEGAN.
4) can never attend the circus (mom simply won’t allow it)
5) forced to share your house with 73 rescued animals
#SAVEBEAR
Vegans sometimes kill their children because of their retarded dietary beliefs.
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Loading ...Herman Cain Be Trollin’
Mar 27th
This is a pretty bizarre campaign ad, and I think its shocking and hilarious. It has all of the Democrats and Peta twats bent right out of shape, which is also a plus.
But the ad has definitely generated some backlash. From NYDailyNews here:
Be very, very quiet. Herman Cain is hunting rabbits.
The former presidential candidate is raising eyebrows after releasing a bizarre, anti-stimulus ad in which a rabbit representing small businesses is shot and killed.
The 37-second spot — which was briefly pulled from the Internet — opens with a young girl placing the furry animal into a basket and says, “This is small business under the current tax code.”
The rabbit is then catapulted into the sky and shot by a man holding a rifle.
“Any questions?” the girl asks twice.
The ad was temporarily taken down from YouTube on Monday. The site explained the “video has been removed as violation of YouTube’s policy against spam, scams, and commercially deceptivte content. Sorry about that.”
It’s not the first spot in which Cain used a dying animal to symbolize the distressed economy. In February he used a goldfish to represent the economy with the same girl. She throws the goldfish onto the ground, where it was left to flop around. “This is our economy on stimulus,” she states.
Personally, I hope he clubs a baby seal next or punches a manatee right in its scrunchy face. He cracks me up.
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Healing the Monkey Wounds
Mar 23rd
Remember this story from 2009? Charla Nash had her freakin’ face and hands torn off by a rampaging Chimpanzee. Cops had to show up and kill the animal but Charla was left with debilitating and disfiguring injuries. She’s had a face transplant and she is slowing regaining a human appearance again.
Pictured before the attack, left, before the transplant, centre, and after, right
From the DailyMail here:
Despite losing her eyesight, lips, nose, and hands in a vicious attack by a rampaging chimpanzee in 2009, face transplant recipient Charla Nash says she feels at home in her new skin.
The brave 58-year-old woman, who nearly died in the horrific mauling, told the Hartford Courant exclusively that she feels no different than she did before the attack.‘I just feel like it’s my face,’ she said. ‘It’s just not working real good.’
Ms Nash, a single mother from Stamford, Connecticut, told the Courant that she’s regaining movements in her face and can express herself with various motions.
Sandra Herold, who owned the 200-lb chimp Travis, died of an aneurism in 2010. Ms Nash said that if she could say anything to her former boss and friend, she would say she is ‘sorry that all this happened. And, nothing we can change now.’
However, she added that Herold was ‘a trouble person’ that was more worried about her pet – who was shot and killed after the attack – than she was of her. In past interviews, Ms Nash revealed that having a new face allowed her simple human pleasures – she has regained her sense of smell and can eat again.
I can’t even imagine myself in Charla’s shoes. What a tragic, horrifying nightmare she and her family has had to endure! You know, I say I have a fear of clowns, but ain’t now way a clown can kick my ass. But I’m pretty sure I’m helpless against a rampaging Chimp who has the strength of five of me. My nightmare fuel? This:
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Darth Vader on a Unicycle
Mar 22nd
Because, that’s why.
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Making Viral Videos Makes Jason Russell Jerk It in Public
Mar 17th
The Kony 2012 video went viral last week. I couldn’t get past the first five minutes due to all of the liberal feel good “empowerment” music and holier than thou attitudes. Kony was a leader in an African war? Well who isn’t nowadays? I immediately suspected that this was a liberal smear job- and that liberals were rooting for an African version of Che Guevara. I tweeted about it:
@trenchreynolds if only liberals made a slick viral video about the WM3 like the one they made about Kony?Or Mumia?
— Dr. Jones (@BelchSpeak) March 13, 2012
And it turns out that my suspicions might have been right. Jason Russell, the brains behind the Invisible Children viral video targeting Kony was so overcome by his sudden fame that he was rocking out with his cock out in San Diego.
From the DailyMail here:
The director of the ‘Kony 2012′ viral video has been arrested for allegedly being drunk and masturbating in public.
Jason Russell, co-founder of the charity Invisible Children, was hospitalised after being found behaving strangely on the streets of San Diego. He was arrested yesterday morning following reports that he was seen vandalising cars and running through traffic wearing just his underwear.
Mr Russell, 33, was calm and co-operative when apprehended by police, according to NBC San Diego, but seemed to be under the influence of alcohol. Although he was not charged with a crime, officials decided that he should be committed to hospital for medical treatment following the incident.
Africa is hell on earth, and we don’t benefit one bit by having white liberals trying to crowd-source a lynching of a black man.
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Aye Carumba! Pinto Beans Now With Real Latin Flavor
Mar 16th
An old Mexican dude was buried alive under several tons of pinto beans. They even had to get inmates from a nearby jail to help dig out the corpse.
From the DailyMail here:
A 56-year-old man was killed when he was buried under a 20-foot mound of pinto beans at a warehouse in eastern Colorado where he worked, police said.
Raymond Segura Jr. was working inside an 80-ft by 160-ft storage silo where beans are sent in bulk via conveyor belt. But it remains unclear how he ended up buried under the massive pile of legumes.
‘We moved several tons of beans to get to him,’ the local sheriff said in a telephone interview.
Dozens of rescue workers and even four inmates from the county jail spent an hour digging through a mound of the legumes to get to the trapped worker.
However, Mr Segura was dead when crews reached him.
What a way to go. Almost as bad as falling into a tortilla press. And this is not the first deadly pile of legumes we have mentioned on this site.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Taiwanese Wild Rover
Mar 16th
Not sure what the hell this is from the whacky Taiwanese animators, but I think it has something to do with drunken dwarves and St. Paddy’s day.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Bully Shortage Spawns Gasoline Drinkers and Doll Head Sniffers
Mar 12th
There is an appalling lack of bullys on the streets these days. This bully shortage is directly proportional to the rise in Emo Kids, poor dressers and sniveling crybabies on sandlots across the country. It is also leading to other intolerable weirdness like the chick in this video who quaffs gallons of gasoline per year and the fat girl who stiffs a decapitated doll’s head for comfort.
One or two well placed wedgies or swirlies can halt a lifetime of asshattery. Won’t you please help?
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Hero Spear-Tackles Hysteric Union Employee
Mar 9th
Im at Logan airport as I write this and am thankful that I don’t have to wait for a plane at the massive American Airlines hub at Dallas Fort-Worth. You can barely go cross-country on AA without having to stop at DFW, and when I read how an American Airlines flight attendant freaked out on the plane and was put down by a first class hero, I applauded.
From thescoopblog here:
A flight attendant aboard an American Airlines flight at Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport got on the intercom system and began ranting in a way that alarmed passengers and authorities.
The flight attendant “came on the PA system ranting about AA bankruptcy and then telling them the plane was going to crash,” said the sister of one woman on the plane.
“She was addressing the captain, telling him not to take off, that it would not be her responsibility when the plane crashes and that it was going to crash. Then she was tackled by first-class passengers, who threw her against the wall.”
Another passenger told as friend, according to an email from that friend, that “the flight attendant went crazy, screaming abut 9-11 and crashing. Six men held her down.”
If the airline goes bankrupt I guarantee you this crazed woman will still draw her pension from the union benefits.
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Why So Hairy?
Mar 9th
The joy of pending parenthood is wonderful and some couples simply want others to share in their joy. But if you are going to take off your shirt for a photo featuring an intimate kiss of the ginormous baby bump, you might want to consider getting your back shaved first.
This was discovered at an undisclosed location.
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Heading Out West But Don’t Know Why
Feb 26th
I’m Heading to a Security Conference in San Francisco and am really not looking forward to all the hippie foolishness that comes with that town- from the druggies to the bums to the Occupiers- they can make a beautiful town pretty ugly. And now this story- a fat bitch death-stomps a man’s car in San Francisco. No, its not Hillary Clinton. The photo was taken just before she caved in this man’s windscreen.
From the SFist here:
A woman described as “heavyset” and naked except for her shoes walked up on the hood of one man’s car, and stomped on his windshield. The man, John Knight, described the crazed woman as about 250 pounds, and he had a lot of explaining to do to his insurance company.
“They asked if the car was on the side of a street or in a parking lot,” says Knight. “I told them, ‘No, a naked woman just got on my hood and stomped on it.’ They didn’t really know what to make of it.”
Is Rosie O’Donnell off her meds?
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Oh Buzz!
Feb 19th
Pixar somehow made Buzz and Jessie an item. That’s ok.
But this is not okay given the above context.
And I guess this proves Rule 34. Instead of “To Infinity and Beyond!” what would this Buzz be saying?
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Charles Darwin Made a Pros vs Cons List About Marrying His 1st Cousin
Feb 13th
For a person that invented the theory of evolution, you’d think that marrying your first cousin would be a no-brainer. But in the end, the pros won out and he married his first cousin and had ten cross-eyed children together. The list is below along with a text translation.
Thanks to EncyclopediaDramatica. A commenter there said:
I like how “She’s my first cousin” didn’t make it to the list.
and
finding bitches in the 1800′s was probably hard work.
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Ah, the Toe Market
Feb 6th
All these little piggies that go to market? That market is WalMart. And they ride around in the Scamp carts and block the normal shoppers. They fill up their basket with Sam’s Brand Pork and Beans.
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You Need Mineral Rights to Sell Ice?
Feb 2nd
Back before there were refrigerators, ice sellers would carve off portions of glaciers, river ice or whatever they could get their hands on to keep things cold. Now that we have refrigerators, it seems that this old practice is now illegal- at least in Chile. One enterprising go-getter was carving off ice from a glacier to sell as exotic ice cubes for drinks, and somehow ended up in jail for “theft.”
From the Guardian here:
Police hold man on suspicion of stealing five tonnes of ice from a glacier in Patagonia to sell as designer ice cubes for cocktails in bars and restaurants.
Police intercepted a refrigerated truck with an estimated £3,900 worth of illicit ice allegedly bound for whiskies, rums and cocktails in the capital Santiago.
The ingredients of ice are water, cold, and time. How the hell can you get arrested for stealing that? Its free and is lying on the ground. Nature will make plenty more! Is Chile really trying to claim that hundreds of millions of dollars of ice are creeping slowly across the ground? If ice is that valuable, they should just start mining it and selling it.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Indian Boys Need to Behave
Feb 1st
Indian Boys Need to Behave, a photo by BelchSpeak on Flickr.
I saw this really bizarre calendar in a nearby store. I especially enjoy the instructions to round up all the lost little boys and turn them over to the Gestapo.
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Storage Wars Turn Grim: Granny Bones Up for Auction
Jan 30th
Someone just couldn’t stand to get rid of Granny after her death so they stuck her coffin in a storage locker. Her rotted bones weren’t found until some jackass ran up the bids and stuck an unsuspecting buyer with something grim.
Dave Hester Declares: "Yuuuup!!"
From WTSP here by way of DuckDuckGrayDuck:
Law enforcement in Clearwater found Bunch’s skeletal remains on Thursday inside a coffin nestled in a storage unit. Turns out the body may have been packed in there for 16 years, since shortly after Bunch died in 1994.
Before the discovery of the body, everything in the unit was going to be auctioned off because Fancher’s mother, who owned it, couldn’t afford to pay for it. The family also couldn’t afford to transport the grandmother to her final resting place in Alabama.
“[After she died], she was in a covered trailer parked by the side of the house for two or three weeks,” Fancher says.
In 2010, law enforcement in Pinellas County deemed the home where Fancher lives uninhabitable. Nearly a dozen cats were seized.
So what we have here are three TV shows mashed together: Bones, Storage Wars and Hoarders. Am I leaving a TV show out?
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Nightmare Fuel: Spider Population Explosion
Jan 22nd
This is why you don’t always just smoosh a spider.
Thanks to DuckDuckGrayDuck.
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Nightmare Fuel: Beavis and Butthead in Real Life
Jan 20th
A makeup artist created lifelike busts of what Beavis and Butthead would look like if they were real people, and all I can say is these guys would have trouble getting anyone to pump their gas much less a table at a restaurant.
You can see the rest here, including the very frightening closeup of Beavis.
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Bizarre Changes in My Hometown
Jan 8th
I moved away from Hampton Roads years ago and only visit occasionally to see family. Parts of Hampton are still quite charming, and even an improvement over what I left behind when I moved away- The new Peninsula Town Center, for instance, is a wonderful replacement for the decrepit Coliseum Mall, and revitalized downtown Hampton and the Queen Street strip is a welcome new addition, and the Saturday Night street parties in the summer are a big incentive to get me to come home to visit. Yet for every improvement, there are also bizarre declinations as well. Take the case of the old Ryan’s Grill and Buffet on Todd’s Lane.
Now this former restaurant has closed. Out of business. But they are still cooking stuff in this building, because now its called the Berceuse Funeral & Cremation center. A “berceuse” is a type of music in 6/8 time similar to a lullaby, and while I suppose that is a fine name for someone taking an eternal dirtnap, it is still shocking to see a corner lot former restaurant that is now a crematorium. And this is a residential neighborhood too; a bit on the low-income urban side (black), but a residential neighborhood nonetheless.
I have seen many funeral homes, and they come in all shapes and sizes. I’ve seen converted Victorian mansions as a funeral home, solemn brickfront buildings, and even a converted schoolhouse- but I have yet to see a funeral home that uses a cruddy buffet-style restaurant until now. And being Hampton, it is both saddening and unsurprising.
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