I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Belch.Com
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Calling the Karma Police
Jan 11th
When people do spectacularly stupid things that result in their deaths I often point, laugh, and say “See? That’s what happens when you do stupid stuff.” Its a popular feature of this site. But for obvious reasons, family and friends of the deceased get highly agitated and irritated with me for having the gall to call their dead friend/brother/sister/uncle a moron. And I often get a hasty, angry and ironic comment from one of them saying “You better watch it buddy! Karma’s a bitch! Karma’s gonna get you!”
This got me to thinking. First of all, I don’t believe in Karma. Its a buddhist principle that basically says all of the bad stuff that ever happens in your life is the result of your own bad actions and the actions of yourself in a former incarnation. And bad stuff you do now carries over into your next incarnation.
Keep in mind that buddhists are poverty-stricken lazy people who subsist on rice and handouts. So naturally, lots of bad stuff happens to poor lazy people. Saying that such bad stuff is due to something that magically happened in another life is just their way of justifying sitting around all day on their lazy asses. I mean, look at Yoga. Its buddhist exercise, but its not exercise at all, just stretching and breathing, the epitome of lazy. If I sat on the couch all day I would have to stretch too.
Also all of the idiots who threaten to call the Karma Police on me forget that the whole reason they are talking to me is because one of their friends or loved ones did something really bad and earned “instant karma.” Take the Darrell Dunafon post. What did Darrell do to earn his karma by sizzling to death in electrical wires? Just how awful was he in his previous life? And the case of Erin Marcove, who smoked dope her entire life and poisoned her own grandchild with medical marijuana before killing herself? What did she do in a prior life to be such a scumbag in this one? And will she be a dung beetle in her next life for trying to poison her grandkid?
Calling the karma police in an argument is about as bad as telling someone they are not allowed to talk about someone because “you didn’t know him.”
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6)
Loading ...5 PM Music: Puddle of Mudd – “Spaceship”
Jan 7th
Awesome rock and roll by this band. Loud guitars, hot chicks, sexy lyrics, sci-fi effects- you name it, this one has it all.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Childhood Comes to Life
Jan 6th
My family were one of the last adopters of Cable Television on our block when I was growing up, but I do remember after getting it installed, racing home from grade school with my brothers to watch “Star Blazers.” Its a Japanese Anime, and one of the first cartoon serials I could recall, which depicted the struggle of soldiers who resurrect the old Japanese Battleship Yamato, convert it into a space vessel, and take it across the galaxy to planet Iscandar. It is there they hope to acquire a device called the “Cosmic DNA” which will restore planet Earth from the horrible radioactive polution caused by bombing by the Gamilon race. Now its a full motion movie.
I wonder how long it will take to get it dubbed in English and released in the USA? And here is the Yamato made from Legos! Thanks to Rusty for the video link!
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Cartney Playing With His Cars
Jan 5th
Mama went out tonight to pottery class so me and Cartney found something to do. I took a flexible piece of a tent he received for Christmas and used masking tape to fuse it to our Coffee Table. We sat and rolled his monster trucks and hotwheel cars down this ramp for a couple of hours.
We got most of it picked up before Mama got home so we didn’t get into too much trouble.
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Cartney Got His Tongue Stuck!
Jan 1st
My boy loves his DVD movies. He had just finished “Over the Hedge” when he came trotting up to me with a shiny DVD in his hand. I was busy doing adult things and didn’t immediately grasp that he wanted me to change the DVD until he stuck his tongue to the wall and yelled “Stuck!” The DVD? A Christmas Story starring little Peter Billingsly. Cartney was re-enacting his favorite scene of the movie where Flick got his tongue stuck to the ice-cold flagpole.
If you are not familiar with Christmas Story, here is the scene:
And of course, here is my kid’s re-enactment of that momentous scene!
That’s my boy. I’m so proud!
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Zombie Plushie
Dec 31st
I got some new cubicle toys for Christmas. I especially adore my bloodstained zombie plushie that has detachable head and limbs! You can get one of your own at Think Geek, or be like the dorks in this video and get your own Zombie Plushie Army!
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...BelchSpeak’s Best of 2009
Dec 31st
Its that time of year again where I hyperlink back to the best posts of the past year. If you are new to the blog, this should give you a great idea of the content here, or if you are a regular reader, you can relive a blast from the past.
Personal Highlights
Got a new job. Visited Petra. Best shot on Golden Tee. Scorpion Lollipops for Cartney! Visited the Alamo. Zombie Kittens. Awesome time at the beach. Cartney shook the Mars rover. Uh.. Shreveport. Black Hat at Vegas! Natural Bridge Weekend. The Loser Cruiser. The Ren Fair. GFIRST in Atlanta. Went to the River with friends. In and out of St. Louis several times. Paul. Downtown Disney. Virginia Safari Park. Ugh. Detroit. Several trips to Hampton Roads. Epic Snowstorm. The Ferris Wheel.
Biggest Idiots of 2009
Those Nigerians promised him money! Chimp owners! Rodney King gets a free house! Raccoon rapists. Principals who rape their students. Googley-Eyed blind guys who won’t wear dark glasses! In Islam, bitchslapping is okay! Cynthia McKinney. Zero Tolerance policies. Larpers! ACORN. Hoarders. James Ray and his followers.
Worst Way to Die
Swimmer’s Ear. Devoured by crocodile on the way to school. Stuffed in a box by the inventor of Earth Day. Stranded on islands by the Chinese. Being put down like a sick cat by your doctor. Being cuddled by Miriam Sakewitz. Autoerotic asphyxiation. Gunned down at church. Eaten by a pack of wild dogs. Da Bears! James Ray’s Sweat Lodge. Jumping from a cell tower into high voltage lines.
Eco-Worshipping Kooks of the Year
Pee on your fingers to charge your iPod. Woman faces off with bear. This guy says 2ply asswipe is worse than driving hummers because trees don’t grow back. The real problem is burping worms. Eeeew. Reusable tampons. Drinking old bath water. Recycling dildos. The wind-up vibrator. Copenhagen was a massive failure.
Best Cyber Stories
100 Million Credit Cards is the largest cyber crime evah! The FAA lost lots of identities. Hottest t-shirt on the net has 3 wolves on it. Think the IRS shreds your private information? Think again. Lori Drew walks. Biggest cyber threats are thumbdrives and rogue AV. Virginia Prescription DB hacked. World’s dumbest hacker fakes suicide and aspergers; avoids extradition for a year. 3FN shut down by FTC. Hackers take down Global Warming.
Obama Mania!
This woman getting her car repossessed thinks Obama will come to the rescue. Julio praises Obama because he’s Jesus. Obama just wanted to say hello to the island of Manhattan. Obama Jesus as fine art. The Turkish media goes blackface out of respect for Obama. Obama brokers the peace with a beer conference. Obama sunday school songs. WTF Peace Prize! Olympic committee is a bunch of racists! The rise of the Slacker.
Just the Coolest of 2009
This kid really loves hors. A record breaking accident! A 7-11 robbed by a Klingon Warrior. Awesome Frank Abignale speech. Why haven’t you read World War Z? Ever get a tapeworm? This is what that’s like. Oprah flushed her last egg. Total Eclipse of the Heart Remix! Cherubs really gotta pee. Mady Breaks up Mom and Dad’s Marriage. The duster huffer on A&E intervention. Head in the sand at CSI.
Wow, what a memorable year! Tons of travel for me, Obama turning out to be a huge dud on the hope and change and lots of idiots offing themselves. 2009, you have been one rascally year and you will be missed!
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Is This Where You Get Da Grillz Yo?
Dec 30th
Thug teeth, originally uploaded by BelchSpeak.
Now I know where this guy with his American Eagle gear and his thuglife tattoo gets his retainer tightened.
Cuz the streetz be hard! Thanks to Mary for the hilarious photo!
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Where I Was on Y2K
Dec 30th
I was working at a small startup called RipTech and we were moving from a professional services offering to a completely new idea of Managed Security, where we would house all of the firewall and IDS logs from businesses and aggregate the logs and report back to them on probable security incidents. We called the service “eSentry”
As part of this new effort, we created a Security Operations Center, which was really a large room with some servers situated over a furniture store in Alexandria, Virginia. We were growing pretty quickly and had a 24/7 presence, and usually we stuck a single junior guy in the room for the overnight. We didn’t get a whole lot of alerts and typically the overnight was spent watching movies or surfing the web while trying to fight sleep. But it was the holidays and I drew the short straw and had to stay in the SOC while the world was supposedly plunging into chaos due to Y2K clock issues.
The night passed with no glitches or problems despite all of the media hype, planes kept flying and no one had to have a riot in the grocery store to get food.
F-Secure looks back on the Y2K hype and credits the efforts of programmers for heading off the major glitches and reminds everyone that some of the dumber workarounds are going to cause problems in a day or so.
Some Y2K fixes in 1999 were real quick-hacks. For example a logic like this could have been applied: IF YEAR < 10 THEN YEAR = YEAR + 2000 ELSE YEAR = YEAR + 1900. Hacks like that would create problems now, in 2009 and 2010.
Where were YOU on Y2K?
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Don’t Get Between a Boy and His Tanks
Dec 28th
On the way home today from my parents’ house we stopped at the Virginia War Museum in Newport News, Virginia. Cartney once again proves to be all boy by proving how cool he thinks it is to be close up to these awesome war machines.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Cousin Admiration
Dec 27th
Had a great time at my brother’s house today where I essentially snacked all day. Cartney had gone missing for about an hour and when I went to find him he was firmly planted in a chair watching his cousin play video games. The grins come from watching his cousin wreck his virtual motorcycle with what should be epic life threatening injuries to the virtual cyclist. “He WRECKED!” Cartney would shout while he laughed and pointed.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Dog Gone
Dec 26th
The backyard of my Mom’s neighbors. They had a nice dog until it fell into the pool and drowned. They buried it next to it’s dog house. You can see the gravestone and the fresh bouquet of flowers. Not pictured: coupons for swimming lessons for Fido.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Merry Christmas!
Dec 25th
Hearth, originally uploaded by BelchSpeak.
Merry Christmas to all from BelchSpeak! We are stuffed over here on roast, Yorkshire pudding, gravy and potatoes, and I think we drank our fill of eggnog. Tomorrow’s the big day for the boy and he’s excited about Santa. Tomorrow’s forecast is for some freezing rain, which will look lovely atop all this snow still lying around.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Finished Wrapping Presents and Trying to Stay Out of the Doghouse
Dec 24th
10 Worst Christmas Gifts for Her this year will land you in the Doghouse:
- Nosehair Trimmer
- Thigh Master
- Anything with a USB connector
- Hunting Vest
- Push-up Bra
- Plumbing fixtures like a padded toilet seat
- Automotive Services
- The Bump-It
- Anything Ferret-related
- The Snuggie®
If you havent seen the Original Doghouse clip, go here.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...11 PM Music: Treadmill Trackstar – “I Belong to You”
Dec 23rd
Sometimes being a blogger has its perks. Like when musicians ship you CDs to listen to and the music turns out to be surprisingly fantastic. Heidi Carey is what is very rare in the Rock biz- she’s a cellist, and an exceptionally good one. She dropped me an email asking me to listen to her CD, titled “I Belong to Me” and write a review. The review will follow below. While you read it listen to “I Belong to You” by pressing play on the applet.
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The album is meant to be listened as a whole. A couple of songs stand well on their own such as the embedded one here, and it will likely be the biggest hit from this album. Other great songs is “Bus Went By” and “Euphoric” but there aren’t too many uptempo songs. Yet, taken as a whole, this album paints a mood and tells a story.
Maybe I’m partial to the sound because I also used to play the cello, but the sound of this instrument blends perfectly with Angelo Gianni’s outstanding vocals, creating a haunting harmony that weaves throughout the album.
The band describes itself as “an eclectic alt-noir-pop band that features a cellist and sounds like a concoction that is equal parts Wilco and Smashing Pumpkins, topped off with a dollop of Big Star.” But I think they sound like a mellow, sober, Oasis mixed with a little Jet, but with better musical ability.
The sound is awesome and the vocals are big. Download it from iTunes and check out their homepage here.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Awesome Gifts
Dec 21st
I got these from Dan and Mary, who really knows how to feed my man-crush on Dr. Drew Pinsky. Already started reading CRACKED, and am having to contend with Jess who picked it up and is trying to read it too, and kept exclaiming how awesome it is. To read what actually goes through Drew’s mind when he encounters some of these broken, addicted people is fascinating, and a real page turner.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...SSR is Under Here Somewhere
Dec 20th
Good day to be digging out from under two feet of snow! I see a yellow side view mirror so this is probably my car under there.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Awesome Big Bang Theory Photo Shoot
Dec 20th
The cast of the Big Bang theory recreated some of the best moments of 2009, posing for a photo spread by amazing photographers Williams and Hirakawa.
Below is part of their New Moon recreation with Jim Parsons and Caley Cuoco.
And here is a youtube video of the photo shoot. I especially love Kaley in a screaming pose with a Kate haircut.
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(2 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Cartney’s Snowglobe
Dec 19th
Cartney loves snow globes. When we go to big stores that have lots of these lined up, he will poke each button to get as many of them going as he can, creating a cacophony of Christmas music and swirling plastic snow. His Great Grandmother bought this cute plastic one for him and he loves to play with it and listen to the music.
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...White Christmas! Thanks Al Gore
Dec 19th
Not even winter yet and this is the second major snowfall of the season. I don’t remember having a real white Christmas before and according to all those tree hugging liberals I’m not supposed to be having one now because the planet is heating up and polar bears are supposed to be dying.
It looks like I’m going to be snowed in til Tuesday.
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