BelchSpeak » BabyBelch

Re-educating My Child About Earth Day

Dr. Jones — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 23:30:44 +0000

Walking my kindergartner home from school today I asked him if he learned about Earth Day. He said, “Yep! We are supposed to pick up trash today.”

I replied, “Oh no we don’t. We pay people to pick up trash. We don’t litter, but we don’t pick up trash either. Its not our job.”

“Yes it is! They told us that in school!” he insisted.

So I told him the story of the Earth Day founder Ira Einhorn. I made him repeat the name back to me. He did. I went on to explain to him how he was a very bad man who killed his girlfriend and stuffed her in a box and ran away from Police for thirty years.

He asked me, “Did he kill her with a sword?”

I had to think. I didn’t describe the horrible way Ira Einhorn, the Unicorn killer, kept his girlfriend’s corpse in a box, but told him “Yep, sure. Killed her with a sword. Do you think we should celebrate anything that this evil man told us to celebrate?”

“No Way!” he screamed with enthusiasm. And then he made up his own story about a bad person who stuffed someone in a box, proving to me that the story had sunk in. We don’t celebrate Earth Day or any other secular earth-worshipping event in our home. Teachers can try to indoctrinate my child, and I have to use truth and facts to set him straight.

13 Worst Predictions Made on Earth Day, 1970: freedomworks.org/node/42543 14. “Nobody’s dumb enough to fall for this nonsense, are they?”

— Jim Treacher (@jtLOL) April 22, 2013

Still The Greatest Show on Earth

Dr. Jones — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 13:10:39 +0000

Took the family to see Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey Circus last night and that is still one of the most thrilling shows you can see for your money. And it helps if you have really great seats too! Many of the show’s staple acts are still going strong- the trapeze artists, the lion and tiger tamers and the magnificent stunt horse riding. And elephants too, of course!

My favorite part was the amazing closing act with eight motorcycles in the Globe of Doom!

And the clowns weren’t too annoying either. In fact, one female chick was sorta hot and I really don’t know how to feel about that.

Trolls Are A Cautionary Tale About Homeless People

Dr. Jones — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 01:00:15 +0000

My kid is pretty astute. He has heard scary stories about vampires, zombies, monsters, fairies, and other creatures of folklore. But we have a Norwegian Forest Cat, a large cat that loves water and snow and if famous for hunting and destroying trolls, according to the breed’s legend. But when Cartney tries to use reason and insist that trolls don’t exist, I’m sure to correct him. Trolls do exist. They live under bridges, eat garbage, wear rags, stink, and will molest passersby for money or fun. Just like homeless people do.

Modern Day Trolls still live under bridges. Here a group of adventurers clean up after a troll invasion.

Most fairy tales are actually cautionary tales designed to teach children about the bad parts of life. For instance, Hansel and Gretel is designed to warn children to not take candy from strangers, and to not wander off in a dark wood by themselves. The Boy Who Cried Wolf is a precaution about telling the truth or else you can die when no one believes you. Cinderella makes little foster girls maintain hope that things eventually get better. The golden goose story warns against greed.

Likewise, many frightening fairy tale animals are the embodiment of the worst of mankind. The wolf in the big bad wolf stories can represent forces of nature or man’s greed. Giants, ogres and monsters typically represent the barbaric nature of uncivilized tribes and people. Elves represent innocence and cunning, and dwarves represent hard-working greedy miners. So what does the troll really signify? Of course trolls in the literal sense don’t exist, so what were the story tellers trying to convey? I’m convinced they knew about the outcast and homeless, and the troll represents them in the mythos.

Trolls are unloved. Misshapen. They live under bridges. They wear rags and steal food and items for their sustenance. They frighten children and peasants, make crazed demands from interlopers, and are often portrayed as crazy or cunning. And they represent a fall from civilized society.

I’m convinced that the Nordic cultures abhorred those who made themselves hermits or societal outcasts. Usually homeless get where they are because they have exhausted their supply of personal contacts and grace, are addicted to drugs or alcohol or are just plain crazy. And being homeless is certainly nothing new. I think the Nordic cultures were trying to warn children to not become trolls. Keep your friends and family close or you have to live under a bridge.

I might be wrong, but I’ll argue this over a beer anyday.

Great Spaceman Spiff Tribute Video

Dr. Jones — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 15:26:34 +0000

Found this on Vimeo with a tip from Rusty. I was a huge Calvin and Hobbes fan and the closer my own kid gets to age 6, the more he acts and resembles Calvin. Loud, messy hair, hyperactive imagination and he drives his mom and me crazy sometimes.

CALVIN AND HOBBES – SPACEMAN SPIFF from camilo fernandez on Vimeo.

Feds to Ban Bouncy Houses

Dr. Jones — Mon, 26 Nov 2012 19:38:07 +0000

Step one was to give everyone free Obamacare. Step two is to ban all the things that make childhood fun. Case in point is the outcry by liberals that bouncy-houses cause their precious snowflakes to bump their wittle noggins. So bouncy-houses will have to be deflated to save on Obamacare cash.

From the AP here:

They may be a big hit at kids’ birthday parties, but inflatable bounce houses can be dangerous, with the number of injuries soaring in recent years, a nationwide study found.

Kids often crowd into bounce houses, and jumping up and down can send other children flying into the air, too.

The numbers suggest 30 U.S. children a day are treated in emergency rooms for broken bones, sprains, cuts and concussions from bounce house accidents. Most involve children falling inside or out of the inflated playthings, and many children get hurt when they collide with other bouncing kids.

Bounce house injuries are similar to those linked with trampolines, and the American Academy of Pediatrics has recommended against using trampolines at home. Policymakers should consider whether bounce houses warrant similar precautions, the authors said.

Kids get hurt because parent’s don’t pay attention or the kids just don’t listen. I wonder if Sarah Palin’s death panels are going to refuse to treat the kids who get injured in a bouncy house? Or will the Feds simply impose a huge tax that makes these bouncy-houses cost prohibitive to afford and operate?

Kevin Clash AKA Elmo Puppeteered a 16 YO Boy’s Ass

Dr. Jones — Tue, 13 Nov 2012 02:03:39 +0000

Elmo has been part of my child’s life since he was old enough to watch TV. We have a half-dozen of Elmo videos and even bought the dolls. My kid’s first birthday party was an Elmo theme. I loved Kevin Clash’s Being Elmo documentary on NetFlix. I had zero notion that he was a closet male pedophile- sure he was quirky, like many artists are, but he fought through poverty in Baltimore to become the puppeteering mastermind he is today, and in charge of the Sesame Street empire as chief puppeteer. He is also married with a beautiful family.

But something happened in his childhood as he reached for fame that turned his life upside down- he was likely molested by a pedophile in the business in exchange for a bigger break. And while he overcame that and went on to a success and a normal family, he apparently nurtured something dark within himself and eventually molested a child of his own who was trying to break into the biz. Trauma has a way of resurfacing, often as dark fantasies, and Kevin Clash apparently, if the reports are to be believed, gave into it. A 16 year old kid trying to break into the business was molested by Clash. Now Clash is on a leave of absence from Sesame Street. I hope he is getting the counseling he needs to fix himself, but the damage must be excruciating to his family, and of course to his young victim.

From DailyMail here:

The man who voices the puppet of Elmo on Sesame Street has taken leave amid allegations he had a sexual relationship with a 16-year-old boy.

Kevin Clash, 52, has taken a leave of absence from the popular children’s show after the program’s lawyers were contacted by a 23-year-old man who claims he had a sexual relationship with the puppeteer seven years ago, when he was aged 16.

TMZ, who reported the allegations, said that Mr Clash had admitted he had a relationship with the man, but only after the accuser was an adult and said the accusations were both false and defamatory.

‘I had a relationship with [the accuser]. It was between two consenting adults and I am deeply saddened that he is trying to make it into something it was not,’ said Mr Clash who joined Sesame Street in the mid-80s. The website reported that after the accuser’s initial meeting with Sesame Street lawyers, he felt that that he was being silenced so he hired a lawyer.

He is now being represented by Andreozzi and Associates – the firm that worked with one of the victims in the Jerry Sandusky child rape case.

In August, the accuser’s lawyers wrote a letter to Sesame Street accusing the programme of trying to ‘discredit the victim in order to protect its employee and the image of one of its most valuable characters,’ The letter also claimed the show’s attitude ‘places a greater value on a puppet than the well being of a young man.’

But Sesame Workshop officials told TMZ they found the the allegation of underage sex was unsubstantiated after a thorough investigation. They claim rather than trying to hush up the accuser, they asked for evidence of his allegations, which was not received.

The website reported they had seen an email supposedly sent to the accuser by Mr Clash, acknowledging they had the affair when he was 16, but officials believe it is fake as they say the accuser never mentioned such an email existed.

Sesame Street disciplined Mr Clash for inappropriate use of company email after they found emails between him and the accuser, but they did not indicate an illegal sexual relationship, according to TMZ.

Emails can be substantiated pretty well, and the victim was under no obligation to share that evidence with Sesame Street lawyers. Clash took a voluntary leave of absence. I suspect he is getting some much-needed sex addiction counseling, but that is little comfort to his family, nor to his victim. Child entertainment is rife with child abuse, and entertainment in general is rife with pedophilia as Corey Feldman can attest to. With so many of my heroes recently dashed- Petraeus, Romney, Armstrong- it is my sincere wish that these charges weren’t true, but I think I know better.

Speaking of Romney, when the election turned out to be about Big Bird, couldn’t these allegations have surfaced then to shut up the leftist clowns clamoring about shutting down PBS? And now that the biggest show on PBS has turned out to be allowing child abuse to perpetuate, isn’t it time we pull funding for Children’s Television Workshop, Sesame Street and PBS in general?

Addendum to an already long post: There’s tons of Elmo money to be mined in a divorce. If the allegations are true, I hope to never see Elmo giggle again.

UPDATE!! According to TNZ, a 6-figure sum was paid to the victim in exchange for him to recant the allegations that he had underage sex with Clash. He now says it was a consenting adult relationship.

t’s unclear why the accuser suddenly changed his story … but sources close to the situation tell TMZ … the accuser’s attorney had been meeting with Clash’s attorney as recent as an hour ago, discussing a financial settlement and 6-figures were on the table.

Vampire Incognito

Dr. Jones — Thu, 01 Nov 2012 18:12:29 +0000

Vampire Incognito, a photo by BelchSpeak on Flickr.

Cartney had a blast trick-or-treating at his friend’s block party last night. It was a sight to behold as almost two-dozen kids trooped as a gang around the neighborhood swarming surprised residents at their doors.

New Firepit!

Dr. Jones — Tue, 17 Jul 2012 05:10:59 +0000

New Firepit!, a photo by BelchSpeak on Flickr.

You are looking at over 100 bucks worth of paver stones stacked neatly to accomodate an older firepit pan I had lying around. The stones fit neatly on the 3-foot by 3-foot square on my new patio.

My five year old son actually was a big contributor to helping me and my buddy Dan get the thing constructed. He had put together enough legos that he just felt that he knew where the stones were supposed to go.

We didn’t use any mortar to hold the stones together- they are just stacked atop one another, but should that prove to be an issue, the Home Depot is right up the street if we need paver glue or a mortar of some type.

Now I need an excuse to have an outdoor fire…..

Flava Flav Provided Running Commentary for Fireworks at Celebrate Fairfax

Dr. Jones — Sat, 09 Jun 2012 03:02:49 +0000

Tonight was so freaking surreal, and its because Surreal Life Star Flava Flav and his Hip Hop All Stars were performing at Celebrate Fairfax. I hate Hip Hop. Hated it when I was a kid, and hated it even more tonight when the volume of the bass speakers were rattling my retinas earlier this evening. But we had to stick around to see the fireworks. After riding carnival rides, eating carnival food, and listening to crappy Hip Hop music, we had to deliver fireworks to a cranky child who was up past his bedtime. The fireworks were 15 minutes later than scheduled, but I coulda sworn that the microphone of Flava Flav would have been squelched while families and their kids tried to watch fireworks. Not so, my friends. Not so.

This nigga Flava Flav narrating the fireworks. I cannot stop laughing!

— It’s Brittney,bitch. (@MissQueenB__DMV) June 9, 2012

Just kicking it with Flava Flav twitter.com/Kshollen/statu…

— KendricShollenberger (@Kshollen) June 9, 2012

Flava Flav just dropped the S bomb when he saw a heart shaped bomb burst. YEAAAAH. BOOOYYY!

— Dr. Jones (@BelchSpeak) June 9, 2012

Flava Flav best fireworks announcer ever

— CJ Neagle (@DeuceMango) June 9, 2012

Glad I can hear Flava Flav from my backyard #FairfaxFair

— Michael Cosgrove (@GobbleGobbleMC) June 9, 2012

Flava Flav is the emcee tonight at Celebrate Fairfax.Can’t believe anyone still hires him.

— Dr. Jones (@BelchSpeak) June 9, 2012

If you have never had your fireworks show ruined by Flava Flav on the Microphone talking about how awesome each bomb burst is and shouting “yeah Boyeee, that’s some Shit!” at the screaming meamies, then count yourself lucky.

Assembly of Avengers

Dr. Jones — Sun, 20 May 2012 18:07:01 +0000

My older brother put this together yesterday as the boys were playing after a long week.