I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Dr. Jones
Do not talk about fight club. Oops.
Homepage: http://www.belch.com
Posts by Dr. Jones
New Democrat Ticket for 2012?
Jan 5th
I got this from an email forward and I LOLed. It does highlight Democrat values so well, AmIRight?
Thanks to Jimmy!
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Mother of the Year Gets 7YO Daughter Liposuction
Jan 4th
A despicable British woman, Sarah Burge, addicted to plastic surgery, got a voucher for her seven-year-old daughter to get liposuction. Yeesh.
From the Dailymail here:
A seven-year-old who received a voucher for a boob job on her last birthday has received yet another inappropriate gift from her surgery-obsessed mother: A £7,000 voucher for liposuction. Little Poppy Burge received the gift in her Christmas stocking after her mother, a 51-year-old plastic surgery addict known as The Human Barbie, decided it would ‘come in handy’.
‘I put the voucher in her stocking – there’s nothing wrong with that,’ she said. ‘She asks for surgery all the time. She wants to look good and lipo is one of those procedures that will always come in handy. I see these vouchers as investing in her future – like saving money for her education.’
Miss Burge, who has spent more than £500,000 on her own surgical enhancements is determined to transform her daughter into a glamour model.
This self absorbed freakish woman is going to ruin this child. But then again, Poppy Burge is a solid 4 and needs all the help she can get.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Chastity Bono Saving for Her Addodicktome
Jan 4th
Chastity Bono’s transformation to gigantic sweaty Italian Dude is not yet complete. Not until she can get her vagina sewn shut and get an implanted penis. And she is shopping around for the right price for her addodicktome according to the Post here:
“Dancing with the Stars” favorite Chaz Bono is saving his pennies to purchase a penis.
The only child of Sonny and Cher — who has already had gender-reassignment surgery — plans on adding the equipment as soon as his budget allows it.Bono, born Chastity, is already receiving testosterone injections and had his breasts surgically removed after his 40th birthday.
“There’s different ways to do the surgery, from real basic to more and more options,” he said. “It’s like a car. The doctor I want to use is in Belgrade. It’s going to be a little cheaper there. Probably $25,000, maybe $45,000, I really don’t know.”
And ladies, Chaz wants to date YOU! Candlelight, white wine, and a fat, sweaty, italian, sexually confused hulk at your bedside furiously pumping an inflation bulb for his brand new wiener and looking at you like a plate of bacon. Sexy, right?
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LA Arsonist Was Son of Hollywood Whore UPDATE: Mom Extradition Over Failure to Pay for Boob Job
Jan 3rd
Harry Burkhart, the LA arsonist in jail under suspicion for having set 53 fires in the Hollywood area in retaliation for his Mom getting deported, was a deeply emotionally disturbed man because his Mom was a professional prostitute. That insight is revealed via this ABC video:
Note on this Hollywood whore’s website, she notes that she simply won’t bang men younger than her son.
So maybe Burkhart wasn’t torching cars in a pot-hazed act of support of Occupy Wall Street after all. With a whore for a Mom, running town to town like a gypsy, there is a lot to be angry about. But his home was still steeped in leftist values of far-eastern religious philosophy, overt sexuality, drugs, and addiction.
UPDATE! It is not a deportation. Its an extradition to Germany because the arsonist’s Mom, Dorothee Burkhart, ran out on a bill for breast augmentation surgery performed on her in Frankfurt.
From WTOP here:
The mother of a German man accused of setting numerous fires in Los Angles has been charged in Germany with 19 counts of fraud. Court documents unsealed Tuesday say Dorothee Burkhart was charged in Frankfurt in case in which she is accused of not paying for a 2004 breast-augmentation surgery.
Dorothee Burkhart made a brief appearance in federal court, seeming perplexed and repeatedly asked a magistrate judge where her son was.
She wondered aloud if he was dead or had disappeared, and at one point she stated that he is mentally ill.
Wow, all this over a boob job.
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Steven Tyler Needs a Next Door Neighbor Who Has a Daughter and a Favor
Jan 3rd
So he can get the little girl’s training bra.
Thanks to TMZ. Gadzooks! I think he and Barney Frank can now commence man-tit rasslin’!
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America-hating Leftist Harry Burkhart Arrested for LA Arson Spree
Jan 3rd
There has been some speculation over the past couple of days that the arsonist behind the spree of fires in Hollywood was likely a displaced Occupy Wall Streeter, but no one was sure. Even after police made an arrest of a person of interest, but didn’t release the name, the speculation ranged from OWSer to Jihadist. Now the cops have released the name: Harry Burkhart, probable German citizen, and he was driving a minivan with British Columbia license plates, and was mad because his Mom got deported.
From the LAist here:
authorities revealed the suspect is 24-year-old male named Harry Burkhart. Authorities confirm that the man detained last night, a 24-year-old white male, was questioned and ultimately charged in conjunction with the recent string of 53 arson fires.
The suspect was taken into custody at around 3 a.m. today in Hollywood; he matched the description of the “person of interest” seen in video released by the LAPD Sunday. He was in a vehicle with British Columbia plates, but is speculated to be a German national, upset about his mother’s deportation.
And from LAWeekly here, he said he “Hated America” when he was arrested.
The man who terrorized L.A. for three nights with a series of 53 arson fires turned out to be a 24-year-old from Germany identified as Harry Burkhart, at least according to authorities.
“I hate America” were the words he reportedly uttered after he was pulled out of his car during a traffic stop at Sunset Boulevard near Fairfax Avenue shortly after 3 this morning following another outbreak of fires in nearby West Hollywood.
You know, there have been loads of Canadians who came to LA and Oakland and San Francisco to join in the merry frolicking of the Occupy Wall Street protests, and he was perhaps targeting the property of the 1Percenters. Still too early to say for sure, but I think we can scratch off jihadist at this point. But you can rest assured that if there is a link to OWS, he will be disavowed by their movement. Or they will find some words uttered by Sarah Palin referencing “fire” and try to blame her for the arsonist’s motives.
Oh, and one more guarantee: This kid was a pot smoker.
UPDATE! I did a search for Harry Burkhart and marijuana and I found this open letter to the President begging to decriminalize pot. Same guy?
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Someone Got Legos For Christmas?
Jan 2nd
This is a pretty amazing machine built out of legos, and it even employs electronic sorters to separate the types of little balls. But I agree with the commenters on YouTube that say the only thing this guy has really engineered is a way to be forever alone.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Ditch Witch Tells OWS That She’s a Tax Cheat
Jan 2nd
This is just more proof that the Occupy Movement are just the Anti-Iraq war retreads. Cindy Sheehan is a member of OWS, and she gleefully told a crowd that she is a tax cheat. Doesn’t that make her someone who isn’t paying their fair share?
Lets report Cindy Sheehan to the IRS for nonpayment and fraud. That form is located here. Additional helpful instructions on turning in the Ditch Witch to the IRS is here.
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If You Are a Retarded Hacker, Sting is Here to Help
Jan 2nd
In the United Kingdom, you can avoid all prosecution and extradition for hacking charges if you pretend to be retarded. This strategy can also make you rich, especially if washed-up singer-songwriter Sting hears about it. Gary McKinnon, who has managed to avoid extradition and prosecution for hacking into US military computers for over 10 years now, recently revealed that Sting offered to pay damages to the US if the case against Gary were dropped.
From the Express here:
TRUDIE STYLER and her singer husband Sting have offered to pay US authorities £400,000 to help Scottish computer hacker Gary McKinnon avoid prison in America, the Sunday Express has learned. Mr McKinnon, 45, is accused of having crippled the Pentagon when he broke into 97 US military systems 10 years ago as he supposedly looked for evidence of UFOs.
The Asperger’s Syndrome sufferer and his supporters have been fighting extradition ever since, although the emergence of the monetary offer from the celebrity couple can be revealed for the first time today.
McKinnon supporters love to point out that he is self-diagnosed with Aspergers, a fake disease that is used as an excuse for acting like an asshat. They have managed to keep McKinnon from facing justice, and it has really turned into a war of attrition. The UK government won’t turn McKinnon over, and people are beginning to forget about his crimes. You can see more posts about McKinnon here.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Occupy Wall Street Featured on Fox News
Jan 1st
Hilarious video summarizes the movement thus far.
And the Occupiers rang in the New Year by attacking cops and attempting to recapture Zuccotti Park. From the NYPost here:
Some 800 Occupy Wall Street protesters began the new year by trying to retake Zuccotti Park last night, starting a massive clash with police in which one officer was stabbed in the hand with a pair of scissors.
A suspect was arrested in the 11:30 p.m. incident. Hundreds in the crowd of occupiers then surrounded the ambulance as it tried to leave with the wounded officer.
Shortly before midnight OWS protesters took to Twitter to proclaim their assault on Zuccotti — from which they were booted by cops in November.
“Barricades being torn down at liberty [Zuccotti] park,” they wrote. “Happy new years!!”
They later tweeted: “Big crowd at liberty square. We have taken back the park.”
Some 100 cops initially responded to the scene, including mounted police to maintain crowd control.
At one point, some of the protestors surrounded the circle of cops, before reinforcements were called in.
The Occutards thought that they could take over someone else’s property in the city while the cops were largely working the crowds at Times Square. The mobs will just continue to be violent.
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WalMart Employees Smarter than You Think
Jan 1st
A dude created or printed a fake Million Dollar bill and tried to spend it at WalMart. Now he’s in jail trying to pay his bail.
From JournalNow here:
A Lexington man tried to use a fake $1 million bill to pay for his purchases at a Walmart.
Michael Anthony Fuller, 53, walked into the Walmart on Lowes Boulevard in Lexington on Nov. 17. He shopped for a while, picking up a vacuum cleaner, a microwave oven and other merchandise, totaling $476.
When he got to the register, Fuller gave the cashier the phony bill, saying that it was real. Store staff called police.
Fuller was later charged with attempting to obtain property by false pretense and uttering a forged instrument, both felonies.
Fuller was being held Friday night in the Davidson County Jail with bond set at $17,500.
The stupidity; it’s staggering.
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BelchSpeak’s Best of 2011
Dec 31st
Another year winds to a close, and its time for the best of 2011. First up are statistics from visitors to the site and the top posts that draw visits.
Top stories of 2011
Best of the best:
Best weekend! Why we eat turkey.
Mobs and Protests:
2011 is the Year of the Mob, both Online and off. Egypt takes itself offline. Mob Mentality. London aflame. OccupyWallStreet.
Travel:
I went to Chatanooga. And Pensacola. Hotlanta. Hartford. London. Disney World. Australian Wine Region. Fitzroy Falls National Park in Australia. The Pacific Coast and Wine Region. Palo Alto. Midland, Michigan. Key West and South Florida. Tennessee, ya’ll. Wichita. Jamestown Settlement. And more London. New York and New Jersey. Earthquake in San Francisco.
Justice Files:
Kristen Petersen, Byron Sonne’s ex-wife has charges dropped. Byron Sonne catches new charges. The Duke Lacrosse bitch kills someone. Bin Laden gunned down. James Ray convicted of manslaughter. Rodney King can’t stay sober. Casey Anthony walks free. Byron Sonne trial gets underway. Ray gets a 2-year sentence.
I get threats:
Internet LOLsuit over an Oktoberfest pic. And don’t forget some clown tried to sue me too. Some RIAA/MPAA lawyers in India threaten me with a LOlsuit.
Worst Way to Die:
Hit by a train. Tiger food. Chopped up for magic potions. Getting drunk at the W and plummeting to your death. Alcohol Poisoning and being Amy Winehouse. Falling into a hotdog grinder! Being a cat owned by a stoner hippie. Murdered by a fat vampire. Death by Cantaloupe! iCancer.
Moonbats on Parade:
Jared Lee Loughner gunned down a Congresswoman. John Edwards gets engaged after wife’s burial. Earth Day Hippies in Santa Cruz. Porn Star and her baby. ATTACKWatch!
Really Stupid People:
Congressman Lee and his Craigslist photo shoot. Charlie Sheen. Schwarzenegger Screwed his maid. Anthony Weiner quits after twitter photos to girls. Crazy art attacker!
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Got the TShirt
Dec 31st
I haven’t had the chance to read Abe Lincoln the Vampire Slayer, but I’m meaning to now that they are making the movie. But I just got the shirt from TeeFury.
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Ice at the Gaylord
Dec 30th
The family took a few hours to remember why the National Harbor is always a disappointment by plunking down a hundred bucks to go see some ice carved by Chicoms and setup in a frigid tent outside the Gaylord hotel.
The line was long, the attraction was poorly managed and ultimately really not worth the price of admission.
Next we tried to have lunch at a Mexican restaurant which also winded up being a letdown. At least we got to enjoy some time with our friends.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Steve Jobs is Riding the Turbo Blooper on Rainbow Road
Dec 29th
The video below has been around for a while, but I only just became aware of it, its strangeness and its wonderful new euphemism for death: Riding the Rainbow Road.
Thus, Steve Jobs is riding the rainbow road, as is Kim Jong Il and Patrice O’Neal. Thanks to [GAS]!
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Important Question About New Year’s Eve
Dec 29th
Okay, this is admittedly a girly song, but who can resist the cutest couple ever from 500 Days of Summer singing a duet about New Year’s Eve?
To answer this question- I’ll be drinking some wine, enjoying finger foods and laughter with guests, and cringing every time they trot out that quivering paralyzed lump Dick Clark onto TV.
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Needles
Dec 29th
We DeChristmasfied the house today and we were left with this huge pile of needles from one Epic-sized Xmas tree.
I remarked to Jess that this is one silly tradition, and she told me that we have the Pagans to thank for this.
We spent a fair amount of time running the vacuum and now the whole house is infused with the aroma of fresh pine, so I guess we have Oreck to thank for that nice fresh smell.
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Chemtrails Really Can Be Dissolved With Vinegar
Dec 27th
You really have to weep for the idiocy that infests this country when you realize these people have the right to vote.
Watch this moronic mom make her son videotape her hunting contrails from overhead jets while she sprays vinegar into her back yard. She thinks the government is spraying chemicals in addition to jet exhaust to make people derpy, and she knows this is a fact because she is a chemistry and physics genius.
The planes fly at 6 miles of altitude, and with just a few degrees at an angle toward the horizon makes the aircraft, and their corresponding contrails of frozen vapor, about ten miles away. Pythagorean’s theorem puts the commercial aircraft about 12 miles away. Yet somehow, spraying vinegar at your dandelions makes the contrails dissipate. Can anyone please tell me how the science behind this works?
What do they do about spraying chemtrails at night when they are invisible? Or now that the youtube videos are out there blowing the lid off this conspiracy, won’t the government just make chemtrails that are impervious to vinegar?
At least she’s not as whacky as the Obama voter that blamed rainbows in her sprinkler on Bush.
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Sinead O’Connor Still Making Good Decisions
Dec 27th
The 45 year old failed lesbian singer Sinead O’Connor announced on her website that her marriage to a man has ended after 18 days, but in actuality, it ended 3 hours after the nuptials. Sinead apparently took her new groom on a wild ride to find some marijuana.
From her website here:
Within 3 hours of the ceremony being over the marriage was kyboshed by the behaviour of certain people in my husband’s life. And also by a bit of a wild ride i took us on looking for a bit of a smoke of weed for me wedding night as I don’t drink. My husband was enormously wounded and very badly effected by that experience and also by the attitude of those close to him toward our marriage. It became apparent to me that if he were to stay with me he would be losing too much to bear. And that being with me was not going to serve him positively , career wise or any other wise. I saw his life leave him because of how people close to him reacted. And I can’t take anyone’s life. And a woman wants to be a joy to her husband. So.. U love someone? Set them free.
Most people grow up and start making wiser decisions, but its clear that Sinead O’Connor is going to make a lifetime out of bad choices. Nothing compares to her failures.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Denis Leary’s Awesome Islamic Charlie Brown Xmas
Dec 27th
Its not such a bad little bomb Farley Ach-Muhammad-Al-Farouk Al-Rasheed.
And Charlie Brown likes to celebrate Ashura too!
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