I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Dr. Jones
Do not talk about fight club. Oops.
Homepage: http://www.belch.com
Posts by Dr. Jones
Oprah Fired Rosie
Mar 17th
For five months, Oprah Winfree has been trying to make a go of having her own cable channel. For some reason, she hired the poisonous hostile liberal Rosie O’Donnell to gab for an hour or so a day. Ratings on Oprah’s dismal channel were even worse when Rosie was on the air so she had to go.
From Deadline here:
O’Donnell’s daytime talk show on OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network got the ax after five low-rated months on the air.
OWN went for broke with the launch of The Rosie Show, whose October premiere, along with that of Oprah’s Lifeclass, were broadcast on five Discovery networks. The struggling and money-losing OWN spent some $10 million to market the two shows, whose debut was touted as an unofficial OWN relaunch. That $10 million went where the previous $250 million+ in investment from Discovery went — down the drain. After an OK start with 500,000 viewers tuning in to the premiere, Rosie quickly lost more than half of that to average under 200,000 viewers for most of its run
Nothing makes me giggle more than liberals wasting millions of dollars on other liberals.
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Loading ...Spring Cleaning
Mar 17th
Spring Cleaning, a photo by BelchSpeak on Flickr.
Ten years worth of old paint cans, failed projects, a 200 lb CRT television, and old baby toys were ejected from the garage today. So the good news is that I have my garage back. I could even park the SSR in there if I wanted to.
Bad news is that now the neighbors think we are hoarders. If they complain I’ll throw one of our 80 cats at them.
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Reason 376 to HomeSchool: Special Ed Slut Won’t Have a Threesome With Your 13 YO & Friend
Mar 17th
Meet Holly Lopez. She teaches math to special needs kids and lives in a town called “Pflugerville.” She sent over 1000 txt messages to her 13 year old student and lover. At some point this slut decided it would be a good idea to have a threesome with her paramour and his bestie. Hilariously, someone bragged and the cops found out.
From the DailyMail here:
A special education teacher has been arrested after having sex with a 13-year-old student and his 14-year-old friend. Holly Lopez, 32, of Pflugerville is accused of contacting the two by text message before driving to the older boy’s home on February 11 for sex with both teens. Lopez also provided the two boys with condoms.
Lopez is listed as a special education teacher at Lexington Middle School in Lexington, about 50 miles east of Austin.
She had been helping the younger boy with math. Police found about 1,100 text messages exchanged between Lopez and one of the two boys before and after the February incident.She was arrested at her home on Thursday and charged with aggravated sexual assault and having an improper relationship with a student.
What kind of woman would let two children ride train on her? I wonder if the government provided those condoms to her for free like all Democrat women are now demanding?
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Reason 375 to HomeSchool: Fat Lesbo Teacher at Christian Private School Won’t Rape Your Daughter
Mar 17th
For some reason Kings Way Christian School hired a blimp-sized woman to be a phys-ed coach. Kyley Allworth, 29, looked more like she coached pie eating contents, but in her position, she overpowered a 17-year old female student and sexually assaulted her for a few weeks until the victim or someone else turned the fat lesbian child predator in to the cops.
From the DailyMail here:
A former Christian school coach, councilor, librarian and wife accused of sexual relations with an underage girl appeared in a Washington courthouse Wednesday to face federal charges.
Kyley Allworth, 29, entered the Vancouver courtroom wearing a blue suicide-prevention vest while facing charges of sexual contact with the student eight times while warning the girl to stay quiet.
According to investigators speaking with the victim, Allworth warned her, ‘I could get into trouble’ and ‘I could go to jail’ if their relations were revealed.
The sexual encounters first began on February 24 at both the school and the affiliated First Church of God
Allworth was arrested four days after their last reported encounter on March 13 following an anonymous report accusing their relationship.Allworth, the school’s assistant basketball coach for both the high school and sixth-grade teams, as well as an assistant librarian and lunch room and recess monitor, resigned from her job on March 9. Prior to her work at the King’s Way school, Allworth worked for a non-profit group called AWARE that discourages teens from 12 to 18-years of age from doing drugs, drinking, as well as having sex before marriage.
She is being charged with three counts of felony first-degree sexual misconduct with a minor.
If you watch the video, you can tell that, despite the school running background checks on all employees, the news team seems quite distressed that there are no requirements to run background checks on assistant librarians at public schools. Its laughable to think that some type of government intervention in private schools would somehow stop these latent sex predators from harming kids. Background checks haven’t stopped the thousands of rapes by teachers in public schools.
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Making Viral Videos Makes Jason Russell Jerk It in Public
Mar 17th
The Kony 2012 video went viral last week. I couldn’t get past the first five minutes due to all of the liberal feel good “empowerment” music and holier than thou attitudes. Kony was a leader in an African war? Well who isn’t nowadays? I immediately suspected that this was a liberal smear job- and that liberals were rooting for an African version of Che Guevara. I tweeted about it:
@trenchreynolds if only liberals made a slick viral video about the WM3 like the one they made about Kony?Or Mumia?
— Dr. Jones (@BelchSpeak) March 13, 2012
And it turns out that my suspicions might have been right. Jason Russell, the brains behind the Invisible Children viral video targeting Kony was so overcome by his sudden fame that he was rocking out with his cock out in San Diego.
From the DailyMail here:
The director of the ‘Kony 2012′ viral video has been arrested for allegedly being drunk and masturbating in public.
Jason Russell, co-founder of the charity Invisible Children, was hospitalised after being found behaving strangely on the streets of San Diego. He was arrested yesterday morning following reports that he was seen vandalising cars and running through traffic wearing just his underwear.
Mr Russell, 33, was calm and co-operative when apprehended by police, according to NBC San Diego, but seemed to be under the influence of alcohol. Although he was not charged with a crime, officials decided that he should be committed to hospital for medical treatment following the incident.
Africa is hell on earth, and we don’t benefit one bit by having white liberals trying to crowd-source a lynching of a black man.
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Aye Carumba! Pinto Beans Now With Real Latin Flavor
Mar 16th
An old Mexican dude was buried alive under several tons of pinto beans. They even had to get inmates from a nearby jail to help dig out the corpse.
From the DailyMail here:
A 56-year-old man was killed when he was buried under a 20-foot mound of pinto beans at a warehouse in eastern Colorado where he worked, police said.
Raymond Segura Jr. was working inside an 80-ft by 160-ft storage silo where beans are sent in bulk via conveyor belt. But it remains unclear how he ended up buried under the massive pile of legumes.
‘We moved several tons of beans to get to him,’ the local sheriff said in a telephone interview.
Dozens of rescue workers and even four inmates from the county jail spent an hour digging through a mound of the legumes to get to the trapped worker.
However, Mr Segura was dead when crews reached him.
What a way to go. Almost as bad as falling into a tortilla press. And this is not the first deadly pile of legumes we have mentioned on this site.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Adam Savage and Simple Ideas
Mar 16th
I really enjoy Adam Savage being passionate on stage when he gives presentations. This is a good one about how many scientific discoveries emerged from a simple notion and observations.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Taiwanese Wild Rover
Mar 16th
Not sure what the hell this is from the whacky Taiwanese animators, but I think it has something to do with drunken dwarves and St. Paddy’s day.
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Ravi Railroaded in Clemente Case
Mar 16th
Dharun Ravi has been found guilty by a jury for bias crimes against a Rutgers student who hate-crimed himself off a bridge.
From Reuters here:
A former Rutgers University student accused of using a webcam to spy on his gay roommate’s love life was convicted of invasion of privacy and anti-gay intimidation Friday in a case that exploded into the headlines when the victim threw himself to his death off a bridge.
Prosecutors said Ravi set up a webcam in his dorm room in September 2010 and captured roommate Tyler Clementi kissing another man, then tweeted about it and excitedly tried to catch Clementi in the act again two days later. A half-dozen students were believed to have seen the live video of the kissing.
Within days, Clementi realized he had been watched and leaped from the George Washington Bridge after posting one last status update on Facebook: “Jumping off the gw bridge, sorry.”
The jury found Ravi not guilty on some subparts of some of the charges, but guilty of all 15 counts as a whole.
So we have a conviction based on a thought crime. The jury had to answer five questions about the intimidation charges. One affirmative answer meant that Ravi was guilty. Somehow the jury only agreed on one of those five questions:
Did Clementi reasonably believe Ravi was trying to intimidate him because of his sexual orientation?”
Clemente is dead and could not testify, but the jury guessed at a dead man’s “thoughts” that will result in jailtime for Ravi. The defense paraded quite a few witnesses that said that Ravi was not bigoted against gays, yet the conviction rested solely on what a dead mentally ill man supposedly “felt” about what someone thought of him. Hope Ravi can appeal.
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Your Tax Dollars At Work: NSA Plays Ostrich with Wikileaks Keywords
Mar 16th
I have heard rumors that the entire NSA facility is an “open classified facility.” This means that you simply can’t get in without a clearance, unless its to one of their unclassified conference rooms. It also means that it is permissible to leave documents labeled as classified out on the desktop. But this story came out today revealing that the NSA has a global “spam filter” in that they block all inbound email that contains the word “wikileaks” in it.
Now usually, this blocking of emails wouldn’t be much of a problem in Civilian agencies such as the FDA, USDA, DOI and others- facilities that aren’t cleared to view information pertaining to the classified State Department documents leaked by Bradley Manning to Julian Assange’s Wikileaks- those agencies would typically have to initiate a “classified spillage” drill to scrub information from the hard drives of affected systems that viewed such sensitive information, despite its wide availability online. In these Federal Civilian agencies cases, such precautions make a little bit of sense. But for the NSA? Despite the secret clearances of everyone employed there, they are still trying to “protect” their users from viewing what an adversary has released?
Anyways, its affected the ability of prosecutors to properly send Bradley Manning to his much deserved doom. From Politico here:
At a hearing last month, prosecutors in the case against Pfc. Bradley Manning noted that they didn’t receive the messages but could not explain why. Chief prosecutor Capt. Ashden Fein said at a hearing Thursday that the messages had been “blocked by a spam filter for security.”.
“Apparently, they were blocked because the word ‘WikiLeaks’ was somewhere in the e-mail,” Coombs said.
Fein said there is now a procedure in place to check the spam filter on a daily basis for errant e-mails. In addition, military Judge Col. Denise Lind said prosecutors had set up an alternate e-mail account that shouldn’t encounter the same problem.
So Eleven years after 9/11 we still have people trying to prevent our intelligence agencies from gathering intelligence. Pretty stupid.
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...TSA Lampooned on SouthPark
Mar 15th
Yep, this is the TSA I know and loathe and have to deal with on a semi-monthly basis when I travel for work. In this week’s SouthPark, Craig’s mom dies when falling in the toilet without checking to see if the seat was down. So the Toilet Safety Administration is born requiring seatbelts, strip searches and asshole inspection by huge fat black women with little to no education. Just like in real life!
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...PIN!! WTF Freaky Easter Tomb Bowl
Mar 14th
Jess was cackling on the couch and I had to look over her shoulder to see what the hell she found on Pinterest. The photo is not complete without the awesome whacky caption.
Source: Uploaded by user via Diane on Pinterest
Plant an Easter Garden! Using potting soil, a tiny buried flower pot for the tomb, shade grass seed, & crosses made from twigs. Sprinkle grass seed generously on top of dirt, keep moistened using a spray water bottle. Spritz it several times a day. Set it in a warm sunny location. Sprouts in 7-10 days so plan ahead. The tomb is EMPTY! He is Risen! He is Risen indeed
I built an Easter garden and the cat pooped in it.
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More LOLsuits Threatened
Mar 14th
As the trial of Byron Sonne looms large, his most ardent supporters, who have put their reputations on the line that he will be found innocent, must be biting their nails. Its not everyone who can count among their friends a man who, in a fit of anarchistic fury, convinced the cops that he was plotting to blow up the G20 in Toronto.
One of these supporters, James Arlen, a liberal frequent guest speaker at hacker conventions, despises me because of my criticism of Byron Sonne. You see, Sonne had his CISSP suspended for his actions leading up to the G20 in which he made threats against the police. Sonne was also busted cooking explosives in his house that was bought and paid for by his wealthy wife’s family. That would-be anarcho-terrorist is loved by Arlen. Arlen has donated cash to Sonne’s defense fund. But a CISSP in good standing like me who criticizes Sonne’s actions must be silenced.
He is threatening lawsuits and attempting to have my own CISSP certification suspended simply because of my speech.
I was debating the cost of getting a complaint notarized – no longer debating. I was debating the cost of a lawsuit – no longer debating.
— James Arlen (@myrcurial) March 9, 2012
@CanSec One group failing to police their own characterizes the entire group.
— James Arlen (@myrcurial) March 9, 2012
@CanSec dm me an email address and I’ll send you a copy of the complaint.
— James Arlen (@myrcurial) March 9, 2012
Arlen even attempted to contact a former employer to complain about my free speech in an effort to silence my criticism of Sonne:
Anyone at Netwitness available for a quick consultation on an issue?
— James Arlen (@myrcurial) March 9, 2012
Pretty cowardly.
And what is ironic is that Arlen was a vocal critic of SOPA, which would have had the effect of creating censorship on the Internet.
You see, as a typical liberal, Arlen is a big believer in free speech so long as it supports liberal group-think. Any opposition or deviation is quickly labeled as “hate speech.”
@BelchSpeak The shame is yours alone for your bullying behaviour and unsupportable bigotry and hate.
— James Arlen (@myrcurial) March 9, 2012
Not that Arlen could point to a single thing I’ve said that is bigoted or hateful. Oh, yeah, I called him fat, which he is. He continues to threaten a libel lolsuit, but all I have to do is point to his ginormous gut as exhibit A.
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(2 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...John Edwards Too Sick to Go to Court- Not Too Sick to Spawn
Mar 14th
Former father of the year and Democrat poster boy and former Presidential Candidate John Edwards hasn’t been to court yet on his fraud and conspiracy charges because he had a note from Mommy’s doctor that said his heart was too fragile to endure justice. But apparently its not too fragile to allow him to pop Viagra and plant his demon seed into Rielle Hunter again. After all, Quinn needs a baby brother or sister on that side of the two Americas.
From the Dailymail here:
Disgraced former presidential candidate John Edwards has reportedly decided to have another child with the woman who destroyed his marriage. Rielle Hunter is reportedly hoping to become pregnant before Edwards’ trial in April, after which he could be sentenced to up to 30 years in jail.
Edwards, who has four children from his 33-year marriage to his late wife Elizabeth, already has a daughter with Hunter, four-year-old Quinn.
The couple has now decided to have another baby as 48-year-old Hunter’s ‘biological clock is ticking loudly‘, the National Enquirer reported.
‘She’s made having another baby a top priority,’ a source told the tabloid.The pressure is also on because of Edwards’ impending federal trial; he has been accused of using campaign funds to cover the affair. In 2007, it emerged that Edwards was cheating on his wife Elizabeth, who had been diagnosed with breast cancer three years earlier.
I’m pretty sure that cheating with a married man while his wife’s tits are rotting off with cancer makes you a slut, but I don’t want to be viewed as engaging in “warfare against women”.
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Global Warming Makes You Fat
Mar 13th
Junk Science is piling atop of junk science. A bunch of Danes are now suggesting that the reason why people get fat as they get older over the past few decades is because of the increase in Carbon Dioxide. But lets not forget that the CO2 levels were wildly exaggerated in order to support the false myth that the oceans were going to boil over and flood the world.
Whole Lotta CO2 in this here cake!
From ScienceNordic here:
Danish researchers have announced a theory that may not only explain why people all over the world are getting fatter and fatter, but also warn of the serious consequences for life on Earth of continued pollution of the atmosphere by CO2 emissions.
In itself, the theory is quite simple: CO2 contributes to making us fat.
The theory arose several years ago, when Lars-Georg Hersoug studied the development of obesity among people who had been followed over a number of years, Hersoug was surprised to see that both fat and thin people taking part in the studies over a 22-year period had put on weight – and the increase was proportionately the same.
Orexins – which are neuropeptide hormones – in the brain stimulate wakefulness and energy expenditure. These hormones may be affected by CO2, and this can cause us to go to bed later, affecting our metabolism so it is easier for us to put on weight. But orexins are also involved in the stimulation of food intake.
This is nuttier than CO2 causing glaciers to melt and killing polar bears. Now we have a new voodoo brain chemical affected by CO2 in the air? Bullshit. People put on weight as they age and become less active. The science is only hard when you have to make stuff up to support a whacky theory.
So why would they want to invent a new stupid theory involving CO2? If liberals can’t get us to switch to clean energy and give up driving and electricity, maybe they can control us by forcing us all onto a special diet.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Reason 797 to HomeSchool: Convicted Rapist Teacher Won’t Come Back for More
Mar 13th
Remember this horrible excuse for a human being? This is Lisa Lovoie. Right out of the chute from community college classes for a teacher’s degree, this whoreish hag stuffed a 15 year old child up her vagina. She was convicted in Massachusetts for raping her victim, but the retarded judge gave her no prison time. Judge said she wouldn’t reoffend and gave her 5 years probation. Her probation officer did a sneak inspection of her home and found her victim, now 18, hiding in the closet.
From the DailyMail here:
Lisa Lavoie, 26, a former teacher convicted of having sex with a 15-year-old student in 2009 has been re-arrested – after her teen victim was found hiding in her closet.
Lavoie had been spared jail after the judge in her trial said he did not believe she was a sexual predator. She was given a sentence of five years’ probation in January 2011, after pleading guilty to statutory rape.
Lavoie’s probation included several conditions including that she have no contact with the victim or his family.
Lavoie is a drunken sex predator who needs to stay behind bars until her ovaries shrivel.
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Metal Storm for Your Network
Mar 13th
I’ve been working for a while on a new gig, and I still get to use NetWitness on client networks, so that’s awesome- but I generated a new philosophical discussion over my refusal to encrypt email updates to the client.
My team mates on the project suggested to me that, “Best practices dictate that any communications to the customer takes place over secured channels.”
“Why?” I countered. “My communications to my home server is encrypted. My home server sends out email via TLS. If the customer somehow downloads the email unencrypted, then I’ll just list that as a finding for the final report.”
“But what if the adversary is somehow reading the email?” they asked. For years, incident response teams in unfamiliar territory on a network have to make a presumption that the adversaries on the network might be listening and intercepting communications.
I replied, “I don’t think the adversary is interested in what we have to say, and besides, I don’t care if he knows we are on the network and are shutting him out.”
The team mates seemed shocked. “Look,” I continued, “I’m tired of keeping the red carpet out for these A-holes. They aren’t welcome on this network. You think they might be peeking at application data? I have the biggest packet sniffer ever on this network. I have the advantage from now on. He might see one thing we do, but we see everything he does. Let him know we are here; have the bigger guns. I hope he’s scared and will delete everything and never come back. The game has changed. We are in charge now.”
And I saw some shrugs and nods and could tell they were considering my words. Back in the day when an incident responder had to crawl from system to system with a limited set of disk-based forensics tools, that forensics examiner was always playing defense, attempting to reconstruct network movement based on snippets of data files or incomplete logs. Now with a network-wide sniffer like NetWitness, a forensics investigator can quickly locate adversaries and work to alter control systems to block the intruders. Its only defense for the first moments, and then the power shifts away from the adversary and back to where it belongs- the owner of the network.
One person mentioned it was like creating an “area denial weapon” for a network and then he showed me the Metal Storm video. Thats the kind of power you feel you have when you are matching NetWitness against intruders on a network.
No more welcome mats.
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Job Opening At PayPal
Mar 13th
Ugh, this is sad. An executive at PayPal, battling mental illness, apparently threw himself in front of a commuter train in Silicon Valley widowing his wife and leaving three small children at home.
From the DailyMail here:
PayPal vice-president killed by commuter train had been suffering from depression
The PayPal executive struck and killed by a California train last week suffered from depression and bipolar II disorder his family said.
Eric Salvatierra, 39, vice president of customer advocacy and operational excellence, was standing on the tracks of a Caltrain commuter train Friday morning when hit.
The family of Mr Salvatierra, who leaves behind a wife, Meredith Ackley, and three daughters, aged three, eight and 10, released a statement saying he was diagnosed with the mental illness last summer.
‘In the past eight months, Eric and Meredith worked tirelessly with mental health professionals to get him through his illness,’ the statement obtained by Mercury News read. ‘In the end, he lost his fight with this debilitating disease.’
I often forget that mental illness is often a terminal illness. Any suicide is tragic and even worse when such a young family is involved. But I suppose now one poor train driver is going to be drinking away the horrifying image of flattening a Silicon Valley fat cat with his locomotive.
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So Where is That Gay Gene?
Mar 12th
I follow Brendle What on Twitter. He has a way to mine the twitterstream for shocking nuggets, and his latest series of retweets were pretty shocking. Seems that the hashtag #ToMyUnbornChild was trending and this is what @brendlewhat collected:
I have been saying for a long time that I don’t believe that homosexuality is a genetic thing- it is a choice. Mankind are rational beings and we can choose to control our sexual impulses. It is what sets us apart from the animals. To argue that gays have the absolute inability to choose anything other than their own sexual preference is to reduce gays to the level of the animal, and to me that is bigoted and wrong. I have no problem with gays making their choices- just don’t try to pretend that those choices somehow entitle gays to special treatment.
But whoa- if it is a genetic thing, abortion will bring about an end to this genetic offshoot, if these tweets predict anything.
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Ugly Women Vow to Withhold Sex; World Thankful
Mar 12th
A group of unattractive women called “Liberal Ladies Who Lunch” is threatening to go on a sex strike or something over free contraceptives. More than half of this group looks like they are already going through the change, and the others look completely unbangable, so its doubtful they have much sex at the moment anyways.
From the Blaze here via Twitchy:
The group describes their motivations on the event’s Facebook page, saying, “In truth, if we lose our hard won rights to medical care, birth control and pregnancy choice, it won’t only affect women. Men will have to go back to the days when they waited for or paid for sex. This issue impacts all of us. This strike is designed to make that point. Ask your man to speak up for your rights, because when we lose our reproductive choices, so do they.”
Is it misogynistic to call this group a bunch of weather-beaten old cows? Moo.
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