I’m Lovin’ It! McDonald’s Now Has Product Placement in the News

Three stupid girls somehow managed to get themselves abducted in Cleveland and ended up playing World of Warcraft for ten years- or something. Anyways, when they managed to escape, they were discovered by the nation’s most inattentive neighbor, who after ten years of ignoring screams from the basement, saw a hand waving while he was “Having his MacDonald’s.”

From WTOP here:

Three women who went missing separately about a decade ago were found Monday in a home just south of downtown and likely had been tied up during years of captivity, said police, who arrested three brothers. One of the women said she had been abducted and told a 911 dispatcher in a frantic call, “I’m free now.”

Crowds gathered Monday night on the street near the home where the city’s police chief said he thought Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus and Michelle Knight had been held since they went missing when they were in their teens or early 20s.

The women appeared to be in good health and were taken to a hospital to be evaluated and to reunite with relatives. Police said a 6-year-old also was found in the home, but the child’s identity or relationship to anyone in the home wasn’t revealed.

Neighbors said they heard someone kicking at a door, yelling for help and trying desperately to get outside the house.

A neighbor, Charles Ramsey, told WEWS-TV he saw Berry, whom he didn’t recognize, at a door that would open only enough to fit a hand through.

“I heard screaming,” he said. “I’m eating my McDonald’s. I come outside. I see this girl going nuts trying to get out of a house.”

On a recorded 911 call Monday, Berry declared, “I’m Amanda Berry. I’ve been on the news for the last 10 years.”

She said she had been taken by someone and begged for police officers to arrive at the home on Cleveland’s west side before he returned.

Cleveland is an awful town. It’s drab, crime riddled, and the neighbors allow people to keep kidnap victims as pets. If it wasn’t for an Egg McMuffin, these three women would still be locked up. Do you think the News Producers could have asked this brave hero to take off his backwards ballcap prior to the interview?

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