Hey Java

I have an inner DJ that often wakes me up with an earworm from a song I’ve heard the previous day. This morning it was a song from Old Crow Medicine Show, “Rock me Mama.” But for some reason, in my head I kept hearing “fuck me java” so I tinkered with the lyrics.

Surfin the web like I always do
Then a browser iframe makes a call or two
Starin’ at the screen
Pray to God I see AV Quarantines

I restored my last image in seventeen hours
Made real sure to pick a diffrent default browser
But with so many zero days
Its just a matter of time

So fuck me java with the ask toolbar
fuck me java with an injected .jar
Hey java fuck me
fuck me java with your constant updates
fuck me java with your next zero day
Hey java fuck me

Runnin’ on Chrome with the latest build
A malvertising banner installs a downloader
That downloads a bot
And Checks into a c2

Now the network seems slower
And I see popup ads for porn
The McAfee AV engine just won’t turn on
My banking creds get stolen by some hairy Russian dude

So fuck me java with the ask toolbar
fuck me java with an injected .jar
Hey java fuck me
fuck me java with your constant updates
fuck me java with your next zero day
Hey java fuck me

Scouring the registry run settings for a startup file
Checking my temps and cache will take a while
I look at my backups
Might be quicker to wipe and restore

Now my iPhone needs an update
And there’s a new flash player
Acrobat reader wants to patch
From its latest sploits layer
Does Oracle team with Ask to push toolbars?

So fuck me java with the ask toolbar
fuck me java with an injected .jar
Hey java fuck me
fuck me java with your constant updates
fuck me java with your next zero day
Hey java fuck me