I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Archive for October, 2011
Feds Want to Ban Licorice for Halloween
Oct 31st
I’m the only one in my family that enjoys the black jellybeans and will eat black licorice. Now the FDA is attempting to claim that it is somehow bad for you- courtesy of the Taiwanese Animators.
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Loading ...Roofing Accident
Oct 31st
This is an old joke, but Mark Price’s response was hilarious.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Happy Halloween! Night of the Little Dead
Oct 30th
Penn Jillette and Adam Savage star in a horror short directed by Teller. Its funny, quirky and of course, gory.
By the way, to me, all midgets pretty much look like that.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...A Blonde Girl Solves the Global Warming Problem
Oct 30th
Someone should punch her teachers in the face.
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(1 votes, average: 1.00 out of 6) Loading ...The Occupy Movement Spoofed to Sell Jeeps
Oct 30th
This is hilarious.
Doug Powers writes on his blog:
What started as a quest to end corporate greed, slow the onslaught of jack-booted capitalism, outlaw the audacity of wanting to keep the fruits of ones labor, and to convince Alec Baldwin to buy them all Che Guevara t-shirts and charge them to his Capital One card is instead being turned into a sales pitch to allow the greedy to make even more money. Worse yet, to make money selling things that are choking Mother Earth with their fumes.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Pre-Halloween Snowstorm
Oct 29th
Not even Halloween yet and we have snow. And its dumping down, too. Yet, somehow, on a daily basis, we are being told that the planet is warming up.
Remember when Americans would tar and feather lying politicians? Someone needs to do just that to Al Gore.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...The Happy Bat
Oct 28th
For over five months, Cartney has been requesting that he be a “Happy Bat” for Halloween. We looked high and low and there were no real bat costumes to be had.
So we improvised.
This is simply a black sweatsuit with a hoodie. The chest is covered with a furry patch, and the wings are from a “naughty nimph” costume with the glittery veins covered with a leather substitute.
The goggles are from a steampunk costume of mine from last year. The bat ears are clipped to the elastic of the goggle bands. And everyone says his costume rocks.
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Hitchcock’s Angry Birds
Oct 27th
Saw this over at Threadless, and it was pretty awesome. Didn’t get the tshirt, however.
I realized the other day when I picked up my kid from Pre-K that the most popular animated characters in the world in the eyes of a 4 year old is the Angry Birds. I had on an Angry Birds t-shirt and all of the kids in my kid’s class squealed when they saw it and had to tell me they loved the game on their Dad’s iPad and iPhones.
So I did what any responsible adult would do in a similar situation: I took credit for creating the game. Yep. Now all the kids in the school think Cartney is awesome because his Dad made Angry Birds. Little kids are so stupid.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Midnight Music: The Black Keys – “Lonely Boy”
Oct 26th
Just awesome music.
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Turn Your Kids’ Bizarre Drawings into Awesome Plushies
Oct 26th
My kid is beginning to show some promise as an artist. Maybe soon we can ship off one of his drawings to Child’s own Studio and get a plushie made from the concept art.
Check out their site here.
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Fatty Chas Bono Booted Off Dancing With the Stars’ Fat Sexually Confused Kids Show
Oct 26th
Fatty sexually confused Chastity Bono went on TV to complain that she was ‘bullied’ by judges on the Dancing show because of her freakish weight. One judge even described her dancing as “penguin like.”
Stuff a fat tranny in a tuxedo, and she will look like a dancing penguin.
From the DailyMail here:
Chaz Bono braved controversy to be the first transgender contestant on Dancing with the Stars, but he revealed in an interview today that it was jibes over his weight that troubled him the most.
But it wasn’t from ignorant, faceless haters that the 42-year-old faced these attacks, but rather from the show’s judges, whom Bono has blasted as ‘disrespectful.’
The only child of Cher, 65 , and the late Sonny Bono, told Good Morning America: ‘I was called a basketball, a penguin, an Ewok, and I just didn’t appreciate it.’
Chastity Bono still has entire buffets she must eat, so I’m sure she isn’t done with whoring herself out on reality TV yet. What’s next? Biggest loser? Celebrity rehab to treat addiction to cheeseburgers? Oh, I know, she’s going back to her old gig: Racing Mario down that ice slide.
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Hippie Smacking Time
Oct 25th
You know, I thought that people that claimed they had 99% of the population behind them would be more popular. Or have overwhelming numbers so they could shout whatever they wanted and get their way. Hilariously, the dolts of Occupy Wallstreet in Oakland were laboring under those delusions too until they got evicted from their flea-infested commie sit-in. Here are two awesome shots posted at SFGate:
Commie Mumia Supporter
Reeeeeaaally Can't Wait to Crack Some Hippie Skulls
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(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 6) Loading ...Tennis Anyone?
Oct 25th
I’m continually surprised at how fast my kid is growing. He is big anyways for a four-year-old but he now can drape himself on a tennis net.
He then asked me if I liked talking bulldozers and steam rollers like in the Bob the Builder show. I had to explain to him that steam rollers simply don’t talk.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Herman Cain Sings the Beatles
Oct 24th
This is so awesome on so many levels. First, Cain pokes fun at a liberal anthem- John Lennon’s Imagine. And he sings about pizza, something he loves and something that made him a lot of money due to his outstanding leadership. And he can really sing. If you’ve ever been to a corporate back-patting party, this is by far, not the lamest thing to see at a corporate event, especially for 1991.
Skip to 3:00 in the video to see the beginning of the song.
The worst song you could sing to your fellow employees and stockholders? Symantec still has that record.
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(1 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Madonna’s Brother is a Troll Under a Bridge
Oct 24th
When Madonna is not spending her wealth on purchasing strap-on dildos so she can cornhole famous directors, or spending cash to keep that leather bag she calls a vagina pliable, she is spending her cash on anything other than helping her homeless older brother who currently dwells beneath a Michigan overpass.
From NBC here:
Madonna’s older brother is homeless and living under a bridge in Michigan, where he collects bottles and cans as he braces for the coming winter.
Anthony Ciccone, 55, said he’s been homeless for a year and a half since losing a job at his father’s vineyard and winery in Suttons Bay. He’s grown weary of people expressing amusement that someone with such a wealthy sister would sleep under the Union St. bridge.
“My family turned their back on me, basically, when I was having a hard time,” Ciccone told the Michigan Messenger. “You think I haven’t answered this kind of question a bazillion times — why my sister is a multibazillionarie, and I’m homeless on the street?”
I don’t blame Madonna for not helping out her brother, and besides, if you feed a homeless person, they just won’t learn any better. But she should at least finance his trip to either Miami or San Francisco where the homeless are abundant, yet warm.
And it is a little-known-fact that you become one step closer to the grand-poobah wizard of Kaballah by having a homeless brother who eats his meals out of a Starbucks trashcan.
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Pumpkin Experimentation
Oct 23rd
The Pumpkin Centipede is the least happy jack-o-lantern I’ve seen in years.
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(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...Unholy Offspring
Oct 21st
If a VW Hippie Buss mated with a Jeep, this would be its unholy offroad offspring. Definitely the coolest car I’ve seen on this West Coast trip.
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The Biggest News From Yesterday: Herpes Monkey Eaten by Tiger!
Oct 21st
Sure some tinhorn dictator was blown away in an epic insurrection, but did you hear about the animal hoarder who let all of his wild bears, lions, tigers and monkeys loose before shooting himself in the face? One of those animals- a monkey, had a raging case of herpes, but its okay- the tiger ate that STD monkey before it could rape the population of Dayton, Ohio.
This is how you get Monkey Herpes Y'all!
From the Brisbane times here:
At last count a team of Ohio cops led by Sheriff Matt Lutz had bagged 49 animals, including two wolves, six black bears, two grizzly bears, 18 Bengal tigers, three mountain lions, nine lions, eight lionesses and one baboon.
A monkey, thought to be suffering from herpes is unaccounted for, but may have been eaten by a lion.
The animals were released on Tuesday from a private zoo in suburban Zanesville by their owner who then killed himself. Three leopards, a grizzly bear and two monkeys were taken alive.
That monkey was easy to catch and eat because it was humping a sheep at the time.
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Hertz Fires Lazy Muslims
Oct 21st
In Seattle, the job of driving the dirty rental cars to the carwash and then back to the lot is a union job- who knew? Anyways, the company insisted that if you took a retarded prayer rug with you to pray 3 times a day, you had to clock out first. The muslims said, “no way, we’re union! STFU!” and Hertz said, “lulz, you are fired.”
From the Seattletimes here:
Hertz has sent termination letters to 25 drivers at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport after they refused to agree to clock out for daily breaks, during which they normally pray.
The workers — all Somali Muslims who drive the company’s rental cars to and from the airport for cleaning and refueling — were among 34 Hertz employees suspended Sept. 30 for failing to clock out before breaks.
The rental-car company at the time said some of the workers were taking longer than the 10 minutes allowed.
Officials with Teamsters Local 117, which represents the workers, said the two sides had tried to negotiate an agreement that would have allowed the workers to return to their pre-suspension status, under which they wouldn’t have to clock out to pray.
But they were unable to agree.
That a union has to be involved to tell a company how to manage their minimum wage workers is a farce. Unions are killing this country. The Somali muslims shouldn’t have been fired for prayer rituals- should have been fired for bringing the cars back smellier than they found them.
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(2 votes, average: 6.00 out of 6) Loading ...Chipping with a 3-Wood in Nepal
Oct 21st
Haven’t had much success with Golden Tee lately. Mostly, the machines I find are either wonky or I simply can’t get a good score. Here is the highlight of last night’s session where I managed to do a 3-Wood chip shot from the shale rough.
Also, you can see a yeti strolling past up on the hillside.
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