I can't believe that came from your mouth!
Archive for March, 2010
Obama Switches From Kools to Newport Lights
Mar 1st
Under the advice of doctors, Barack Obama has quit smoking Kool cigarettes, his favorite since the age of 14, to a lower tar cigarette, Newport Lights. After his first carton, he reportedly can “taste the sensation.”
From the AP here:
President Barack Obama hasn’t kicked the smoking habit, takes anti-inflammatory medication to relieve chronic tendinitis in his left knee and should eat better to lower his cholesterol.
The White House physician, Navy Capt. Jeffrey Kuhlman, said Obama should stick with “smoking cessation efforts,” the use of nicotine gum, and come back in August 2011 after he turns 50.
Obama cholesterol levels have crept up to borderline high and he should alter his diet accordingly.
The president is the picture of health, eats modest portions and exercises regularly. He is an avid basketball player and golfer. The slightly elevated cholesterol levels, tendinitis in his left knee and occasional smoking were the only negatives noted.
Obama said at a June news conference that he still had an occasional cigarette. It was his first public acknowledgment that he hadn’t kicked the habit. He chews nicotine gum to avoid regular smoking, and his doctor said that should continue.
His poor children have to suffer in a home breathing in all that second-hand smoke. The shame!
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Loading ...Man Murder-Suicides His Family Because of Global Warming
Mar 1st
A crazed liberal who believes in the Global Warming Unicorns took a gun and shot his two-year-old son point blank in the back killing him. He then shoved the hot pistol barrel against his 7-month daughter’s chest and shot her too. He then murdered his wife and then turned his gun on himself. His suicide note hilariously indicated that he did this because his government in Argetina wasn’t doing enough to fight Global Warming.
The girl suffered alone for three days with a gaping chest wound before she was found miraculously alive. From NYDalyNews here:
A seven-month-old girl miraculously survived alone for three days after one of her parents shot her in the chest – apparently as part of a bizarre murder-suicide pact blamed on global warming.
The baby was discovered with a bullet casing in her chest and covered with blood by police in the Argentinean city of Goya, near the bodies of her parents and 2-year-old brother.
Police broke into the home after neighbors complained of a stench coming from the house. The boy was found with a gunshot wound in his back, while his parents died from gunshot wounds to the chest.
The parents, 56-year-old Francisco Lotero and 23-year-old Miriam Coletti, are believed to have been spurred by their fears about global climate change. A letter was found on a table expressing the couple’s anger at the government for not responding to the environmental crisis.
Doctors said the baby’s condition has been improving every day.
Well, I got dibs on the unused carbon credits of the child and is Mom. Uspent carbon credits are going to be an extremely valuable commodity once Congress passes cap and trade legislation. And if you die early and don’t leave them to someone in your estate, those credits can be salvaged.
I made a fortune in carbon credit salvaging operations off of dead Hatians alone last month.
(No Ratings Yet. Rate It!) Loading ...There Won’t Be Hollywood Telethons and Concerts for Chile
Mar 1st
An earthquake even more powerful than the one that hit Haiti struck in Chile. As the death toll continues to climb and damage estimates soaring into figures that will dwarf the value of the entire Haitian island, will Hollywood band together to put on a telethon like they did for Haiti? Will Sting sing for the homeless Chileans?
No, they won’t. I think it might be because the sight of masses of homeless white people doesn’t tug at the heartstrings of our liberal elites like masses of homeless black Haitians do.
Will the Chileans be able to make a comeback from this devastating disaster? How can they rebuild without the millions raised by U2′s music and a ribbon on the lapels of our brightest stars at the Oscars next week? Oh, they will survive. And those Haitians with all of the millions in donations? They will somehow end up with a slightly larger shack than the one they had before their earthquake. If they are lucky.
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